Thursday, September 26, 2013

The symbolism in Numbers

I struggle with how much to share on my blog, simply because to some degree I still want my privacy but I also want to be relate able and connected with my audience. I want a certain amount of distance, especially with respect to what I share about my daughter as far as pictures, stories and so forth  but I also want the closeness to be just enough where you can say oh ok she is just like me, looks like me, did this or that as I would do.
I figured the best way to share and perhaps shed light on why I have parented as I have for the past 18 years, why it has worked for Me, why I don't stress out on just about anything and why I am so relaxed on what society considers the "norm", is to share a little about me and my own upbringing.

So here goes...
I titled this post 925 because September 25th was my 42nd Birth day.
I am a writer of an all things related to parenting blog, yet I myself have no parent ties. Yes both my parents are alive and as well as can be but we don't speak or see one another. We go years without speaking. I have siblings and we also don't speak.
My only family tie is my grandmother. She turned 90 this year.
I come from a family of carrying grudges till the end. Of no communication or respect. No expression of love or understanding. Hence I am the BLACK sheep, because I am all things opposite of that.
For many years I struggled with questions of why? For many years I extended myself to the point of losing respect for myself and my own beliefs. For many years I made up excuses as to why they were so.
Now I realize this is my side of the story and there are always THREE. Yours, the other person and the truth but I can only share with you my experience.

My healing process began with my oldest and dearest friend Cynthia becoming ill and dying about five years ago six this coming January.
The reason I began to heal was I realized how precious life is, how it can be gone in an instant and all the stuff we get wrapped up in will no longer matter once we are gone or that other person is gone.
Then about two years ago I had relationship that ended because though I thought I was done healing I apparently was still carrying some old baggage that was hindering our building. So the death of my friend and that ending was my eye opener.
I cut all ties with anything or anyone that didn't respect or love me as I deserved and had earned. I started at zero.

I am a better listener and communicator than I have ever been. I am more respectful of words and time than ever in my past. Now as far as a communicator I have always had awesome connection with my daughter but today it is even stronger because I no longer carry the burdens of others.
I have been able to love, care for, provide, respect, encourage, support, communicate, be humble, live and laugh all because of what my parents DIDN'T give me. But I know that their roll in life was to bring me here to be my daughter’s MOTHER.

I didn't speak to anyone in my family for my Birth day but I had an amazing Birth day. Full of love, laughter, peace and tranquility. Nothing is missing in my life. I truly have what matters.

So why share all this? Why write the longest post I ever plan to write? What is the purpose or lesson?
Well I shared this because all my posts all my writing all I do is to promote love, respect and communication with our children. Always. Every day, Every time and Everywhere.
From the moment we decide to become parents, from the moment our bellies are growing I promote Love, Respect and Communication.
Don't wait till it is too late to speak with your children. Don't become dictators. Don't become friends. Just build a wonderful connection that will only grow and flourish and you will reap the rewards as they grow.
I am not bitter, depressed, resentful, angry, or feel hate towards my family. They did the best they could with what they were willing to know how to do. I am grateful they made me who I am today...A strong productive Woman and Erica's Mother.

I know I have been on the right path for 18 years, I know the bumps on the road were worth it and made me stronger and I know this because of how my daughter has turned out and because of words like these I hear every day..

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6 comments:

  1. Hey my friend, we are so alike I keep seeing. A black sheep that's what I have been known as also. I think when you able to talk about who you are and be ok, then your ok to talk about it. There's nothing to fear unless you create that fear, and creating the fear is being ashamed or feel guilty of who you are. That saying blood is thicker than water smh, I so don't agree with it. Sometimes your own family can be your own worse enemy. I feel you on so many levels, family, keeping distances, changes and relationships but you know whats the best part of all of it, it made us stronger and wiser and no one can take that away. Happy belated birthday.

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    1. Sweet Camii, thank you as always great to hear from you. Yes stronger is right!! Working on the totally fearless, getting there lol :)

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  2. Mari, I LOVE this post! I know that it can't be easy to feel like the black sheep and go without those vital family ties, but I can totally appreciate that you've freed your life from anyone who is not for you and who doesn't have your best interest at heart. Love, respect, communication... all vital characteristics of a healthy relationship. Kudos to you for doing what's best for you and your daughter. I too struggle with how much to share on my blog because though I share in a public forum, there are still some things that I'd like to remain private. Anywhoo, Happy Belated Birthday, my husband's birthday is on that day as well.

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    1. 925 ROCKS!!! Very popular day :). Thank you for visiting and commenting. Hope your hubby had a great day too!

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  3. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY FELLOW VIRGO!!!

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    1. I will totally take the b'day wishes but LIBRA is in the house lol :)

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