Mom, Am I Ugly?

Hello lovelies, I have a question, how many times today did you look at yourself in the mirror? What did you see? Did it make you happy or sad?

illustration by thedailyquotes.com

I recently glimpsed at an article that stated Kourtney Kardashian was upset at her mother's use of the word fat in front of her daughter. It may not be a big deal to some but if we are mindful of our words then we would see how children mimic us and how negative words can make a huge impact. We can easily dismiss this but we can all look back at a moment when someone said something about our hair, our clothes, our legs, our nose that made us question ourselves if even for a millisecond.

Years ago I ran into an article on Cafe Mom about a four year old who had broken her arm and perhaps someone made a comment and she told her mother that she was ugly because of it. The mom wanted to know how she could convince her daughter she was pretty or beautiful. At such a young age what is a parent to do?

I am not sure how 4 yr. olds form the idea of what is ugly or pretty or fat or skinny. My experience is that some of those views come from examples they have grown up seeing, hearing or living in their own short lives. I believe that at such a young age they connect things from what they observe around them. Even the other day I read a post from a mom whose son called her fat and commented on her belly. I think feeling comfortable in our skin is a lot more than a lesson; it is an environment, a lifestyle, a belief.

illustration by quotesgram.com

When our children are born it is part of our responsibility to show love, kindness and praise.
To show value in what they do, not just in their appearance.We must always be aware we are the first source of ALL information and emotions our little ones see and feel, therefore we should be mindful of the words we use and the value we put on objects such as a dress, a pair of shoes, a hair ribbon, a hat, a doll and so forth that can label things as pretty or ugly, fat or skinny.

Being more aware of the words we use can not only help our children but also help us as well to better engage with others and our society. Sometimes the smallest change or rephrase can make a big difference.
For example:
- Those shoes are too ugly – Those shoes are not the right style for your outfit
- That dress is to tight, makes you look fat  -  Oh sweetie, look at that you growing so fast you outgrew the dress
- Boys don’t wear that – I think that color may not suit you best
- Your too old to wear that style - Maybe we can find you a different style, this one isn't as flattering to your shape.

illustration by searchquotes.com

There are endless examples, hope you get the idea. Moms let’s be kinder to ourselves when we look in the mirror and Dads let’s take it a little easy out there on the playing fields. Our children are always watching us and listening.

What types of tools can we use to raise happy, confident and Label free, children? What are some ways you have had to deal with this issue in your home? Let's start a discussion here.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Raising Honest children

Seems every where we turn now someone is being caught in a lie. Maybe you want to call it half truth or just disclosing what was necessary at the time? Choosing to omit in order to keep the peace? I can go on with all the reasons but in the end it certainly wasn't the truth.
As parents how do we address these issues? How do we start a conversation or address a question bought to us by our child(ren)? For instance, recent events such as Melania Trump taking snippets from Michelle Obama's 2008 speech. It's not an if or maybe it is clear. How do we talk about honesty and lies?

When I first started my blog I wrote on this subject, I am re-posting it again with few updates:

Have you experienced a time when you found out your child has lied to you? Have you noticed a pattern of fibs your son has been telling? Does your daughter try to cover her tracks by lying?

illustration by pinterest.com

What are we to do when we are faced with the possibility that our children are liars, that they do it often and like to do it because it keeps them out of so called trouble or worse yet allows them to manipulate others? Do we yell, punish, scream, resort to use of physical means to stop this behavior? Do we sit, talk and maybe get outside sources to help us?

My perspective is let's try talking first. Yelling and screaming only distracts from the real issues and makes the child loose interest and focus. They will not grasp the information you are trying to get across. The message gets lost in the delivery. Our goal is raising honest children.

-sit him or her down, explain in language suitable for their age what the problem is.
-explain what lying is, maybe they really have no real idea.
-give examples don't just say because it is wrong or I don't like it. An example can be lying about where they were.Let them know it's not that you are tracking them or you don't trust them but instead make it clear it's for safety if something were to happen you want to be able to trace their steps.You want to be able to have peace of mind they are in safe places.

illustration by wisieforkids.com

If your child lies to manipulate one person over the other, share that trust is very valuable. That they will want you to trust them so they can do the things they enjoy like visit with friends, stay out later, start to date, join school teams etc...And when they lie, those privileges must be taken away.

If they are younger you should find cartoons or books that can assist with teaching them what lies are. When they see a character they love explain or behave in ways we are trying to teach it makes things a little clearer. 

You may also try to say things like, what if mommy told you we were going to the park but instead we went  grocery shopping. You wouldn't like that, it is a lie and it would make you feel sad.

Language is important. The goal is to get better results and remove poor habits. And let's not forget to acknowledge when the truth has been told. We encourage by acknowledgment and we encourage even when we don't like what we hear the goal again is the truth. What are your thoughts? Have you dealt with these issues already? What tips or tricks can you share with us?

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Embracing our "Strong Willed" children

Back to school wow can't accept that Summer is officially over. With a new school year just starting I wanted to touch on something that may come up for some of you.
Ever hear a word and to your ears it feels like a dentist's drill or the eerie chalk board noise that made you cringe? Perhaps if you're like me there are several words. Today I want to chat about the words Strong Willed.

I've been coming across lately more and more posts referring to this trait. How to correct it, how to avoid it, how not to encourage it, how plain ole terrible a child with this trait is or can become. Being a personal blogger who touches on my life's journey as a mom and focuses on Empowering Motivating and Inspiring others I dislike these words together because from their definition just about every one of us, my child and myself included have been or are to some degree...Strong Willed.

For years women especially have had to deal with so many labels. Labels that society and men especially have directed at us in moments when they have felt threatened by dare I say us possibly being their equal. So it pains me to see posts by moms who feel they need help in changing their child.

This is my perspective, your child doesn't need to be changed he or she needs to be disciplined, needs set boundaries, needs to learn how to communicate better and needs to learn respect. As a good parent what we all need to do is find a balance that doesn't diminish our child(rens) independence and curiosity and eagerness for exploration. That is what children do. They test the waters, they question, they want to fend for themselves. We the parents set the limits on the length of that cord.

illustration by mactoons.com

If it were up to my daughter she would have never attended "regular" school. I say regular because now more than ever parents have great options on how to best educate their children. We have home schooling and even un-schooling just to give you some examples. I remember all the chatter about home schooling mostly negative but that is what usually happens when people are not educated about something or even willing to do some research. What works for one doesn't work for all I wish people would get that already.

My daughter has always had strong opinions about classroom education. Even as a child she felt she could learn best by engaging in daily life. It never failed to have her teachers make mention of how she always questioned the "norm" and how she was always the only student in class who didn't just "go along". Well hello thank the heavens above that she has her own thoughts and opinions. Thank the heavens above she is not a follower and thank the heavens above that I am so not ripping into you for disrespecting my daughter...I would be thinking to myself. Instead I just would smile and say "yes we taught her to respect others but never be afraid to speak her peace and for that we are very proud of her". That would shut them down quickly.

My lil mama was and still is a wonderful student, she enjoys learning but she doesn't want to be feed one sided views she wants to explore the whole picture and for that some may say she is Strong Willed I say she is wise and has a healthy approach to life. I wouldn't want to kill the curiosity in her. I wouldn't want to dim her light. Life already does a great job of that on its own. As her mom I continue 21years later to emphasize the importance of respecting others but also to require others to respect her.

illustration by pinterest

If you are a parent of a child who embraces life without a sense of limits be proud and cultivate that spirit. Provide the tools that will help them safely navigate through life. If you have a child who exhibits these same traits but doesn't grasp a sense of balance than perhaps set some ground rules. Teach that certain behaviors have consequences and that we can still be free thinkers without being hurtful or disrespectful to others.

Cheers to being Strong Willed!!!

What are your thoughts? Share your experience and/or tips.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Yes! it's finally Bedtime

Hey dolls, Happy Sunday. Wrapping up August with a revisit to an old post I thought was relevant since school has arrived once again. Summer can be disruptive to a bedtime flow because of the later Sunset and all the fun activities. Getting back into the swing of things can cause stress and anxiety.

 Bedtime for kids can either be fun or full of drama.

You had a long day at work or you have spent your day home with the kid’s one task after another and when 7:30 rolls around all you want to do is say goodnight and have some alone time. But your little one has a different idea. He or she wants you to sit with them. Wants you to sing one more song or read just one more story please please please mommy you hear.

I remember those days very well the following is the routine I used that worked pretty well give or take a few tweaks here and there:

-set a specific bedtime, No excuses no fuss. My daughter and I would begin to get her bed ready about 20 minutes to half hour before bed.
-I'd get book or song together for the night. This would also be the winding down time no more TV, no more food, drinks etc..
-We would prep ourselves for down time. If she chose a song or a story I'd lay next to her and proceed with our quality bedtime wrap up.
-when we were done, we would say good night and share few hugs and kisses, I would dim the lights and put the radio on to a lite station with calming music and that would be that.

illustration by positive-discipline.ca

Now on the nights it didn't go as smoothly due to a cold or bad dream or potty break I would go back in reinforce with a few more kisses and leave quickly again. You cannot engage in long chatter or indulge in their whimpering because if you do, the night will never wrap up.

What is your bedtime routine? What tricks do you use to get your night to end smoothly?

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Co-Sleeping, Yes or No?

Hey everyone, I am revisiting this post I did some time ago because I heard a disturbing story on the radio last week that touched on kids sleeping with their parent(s), specifically what age is too old for them to climb into bed with you.

I originally posted this back in 2013!
I ran into this article today and it peaked my interest with a topic I've thought about for a while.This article in the Stir about Co-Sleeping (click for the link) speaks on parents, especially mothers, sleeping with their babies. Ms. Velez gives us a breakdown of the pros of this arrangement. In reading this article, I was brought back to the following;

I was having a casual conversation the other day with some mommies and one of them bought up that her spouse was mad at her because their three year old climbed into bed a few nights before and she let her stay and that its been happening every night ever since.

illustration by get-your-baby-to-sleep.com

I listened carefully then asked her how helpful did she believe she was really being to her little girl’s bed time issues and to her connection with her spouse. She looked at me in surprise. I proceeded to suggest and explain that I see no good ever in children sleeping in their parent’s bed. Regardless of the issue, especially, at the age of three. If the child feels scared or is ill I suggest you go into their space and soothe them by expressing how things will be fine and so on. Your bedroom is your private space with your mate. It should never become a “family” room. There is a difference between let’s gather and watch a movie and let me sleep with my parents. Parents should set boundaries; it will benefit them in the long run.

illustration by pinterest

This is me today!

The story I heard a few days ago on the radio referenced to an eleven year old boy who's parents had recently divorced and apparently he was having issues sleeping. He would go into his mother's room and climb into bed with her and she was totally cool with it. Many listeners said absolutely no way, a few said perhaps she was missing her x and the son was filling the empty space and a few said it was ok until they both got use to their new lives. My perspective is, he is eleven. If he is feeling sad, lonely, anxious etc...have him come into your room that is ok but make it like a sleep over and put down some blankets etc so he can sleep on the floor or sleeping bag. 

Sure some of us watch television or talk and hang out with our older kids in our beds but to sleep with them after a certain age I think is way too much. I would even go as far as giving them my bed and I'll sleep on the blankets and/or sleeping bag if sense of security is what you need. 

What do you think? Is Co-Sleeping something you would do in your home? What is an appropriate age for your child(ren) to still sleep with you? Does your response change whether you are single or married? Please share your thoughts.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Lessons learned from the movie Inside Out

We seem to think that if we fix the outside things will get better.
We change our hair styles, our clothes, the cars we drive, the places we live, our place of employment.
We date a variety of people, socialize in different circles, join different activities all trying to escape something that pained us.

All along the pain never goes away entirely because it is In us.

I watched the movie Inside Out several months back and I loved it. I want everyone to see it. Young and Old. I truly believe that it holds the potential to save a lot of people a lot of agony and wasted time.

illustration by ranker.com

As I watched the movie I found myself recalling times in my youth when I had moved and felt the same way. I think I've moved over 13 times thus far and I am sure I have at least 2 more in me before my journey is over. For me it wasn't so much the moving part, that was always exciting it was the making new friends and leaving old friends behind. It was the "new" kid label I always hated. 

illustration by disneysisters.com

Joy-the more we practice seeing the good in things the less we will suffer. The longer we whine and pity ourselves the harder it will be to pick ourselves up. There is always a solution. Life is beautiful, just look outside your door or give your child a hug! As I've gotten older the smallest things bring me Joy and I love it.

illustration by disneysisters.com

Sadness-no one likes to be sad or experience sadness but it helps teach us to have gratitude for the good times and have balance in our lives. Allowing yourself to work through your sadness gives you clarity and energy to refocus. One thing I realized as I watched her was that I have always been ok with sadness its Anger that has worn me out.

illustration by disneysisters.com

Anger-it will eat away at any hope you cling to. It will allow doubt and confusion to set in and take the place of letting go. I have learned that we must not fight Anger but instead question it and break it down. We must be still with it and say "ok I know you are here but you won't be for long". We must learn to say Good Bye quickly. Learning to take deep breaths helps, trust me!

illustration by disneysisters.com

Fear-this little bugger! Yes you help keep us safe by setting our caution sensors on full blast but you also hold us back from possibly becoming more of our awesome selves. I have a love / hate relationship with you. You have saved my butt on many occasions but you also continue to hold my wings too tight...time to let them go. I now know that you are not rational so I have to take the reigns and be pro-active. I have to make lists and visualize. You are another visitor we can't let hang around too long.

illustration by disneysisters.com

Disgust-I happen to actually like this one! I don't like messes of any kind both literally and figuratively. I run away quickly from chaos so feeling disgusted by a thing or a person has come in very helpful in my life. I think Disgust to some may come across as a sense of Better than but if you feel that its on You, I don't control your emotions. Disgust keeps us on our toes and helps us question our choices. Its a checks and balance system that can help us avoid people and things that kill our Spirit. Do you keep smelly garbage in your bedroom? I sure hope not and why is that? I would hope its because you have pride in yourself and in your space and only want to be surrounded by Greatness!

So these are my thoughts on this sweet Disney movie. Great conversation starter with our kids. Helpful tool on discussing our feelings especially at a time when so many of our kids are going through so many changes. Communication is the key!!!

What do you think? Do you have a balanced grip on your emotions? Have you taught your child(ren) that its ok to feel all types of emotions but its how we handle ourselves through them that really counts? Share what emotion you struggle with the most? The least and which is your favorite?

Always stress free xo

Mari

I too want to scream at Your kid sometimes

Hey dolls! Everyone enjoying their Summer? I am! I have been deleting all things Back to School that I see in my inbox sorry if you were one of those I am just not ready for another school year yet. Life moves fast as it is without us speeding it up more than necessary and yes my baby is grown and I don't really need to worry about back to school but guess what...I do, it's called tuition bill coming soon. That's why I am not rushing it I would love for it just to be about pencils and notebooks but its bigger than that so in the meantime I will totally continue to just enjoy my warm weather and push away school stuff for a little bit longer thank you lol.

So let's see so many things going on in the news that I want to chat about I had to make a list to keep me focused. Open discussions and dialogue are my favorite things but sometimes emotions, even mine can get in the way of growth and learning.

Today I want to chat about our Maine neighbors and the "Diner drama". So many things have been said and written I see both sides and they both have merit. This is my take...
No one has the right to just yell at another person's child BUT when what is going on with Your child invades My space then the rules change.

illustration by kirsa-journey.blogspot.com

From the Diner Owner's side:
-she offered options
-has right to provide quality service for ALL customers
-has right to take matters into her own hands in her establishment for the greater good
-has right to an opinion and to comment
-does not have the right to yell at a customer...period
-doesn't have to deal with crying kids for lengthy amount of time

From the Parent's side:
-have the right to take their child anywhere they wish
-have the right to respectful and courteous service
-have the right to raise their child as they wish
-should have taken child outside earlier
-should be more mindful of their child's needs

To summarize my thoughts from the information I have gathered...

As a mother I would never wait around for over 30 minutes to be served anywhere especially with a small child and then another 40 minutes for service? That is insane and irresponsible, especially for food if your child is hungry or if you (parent) didn't even bring things to keep your child busy. They are not like us they get fussy and impatient, heck I am an adult and can't sit around too long waiting for my food when I am hungry.

The mom claimed the diner was noisy? Hello! it's a Diner, people gather around table talking and laughing having fun while eating their food. It is not a restaurant setting where the volume tends to be less animated. If your child can't deal with large crowds and noise it is your responsibility as the parent to know where you can take your child so they feel comfortable. No one knows my child better than me and if my choices cause an issue and my poor judgment brings about discomfort to other's then I am totally to blame and I should own up to my part of the responsibility.

illustration by canstockphoto.com

As a mother whenever my daughter would start to show signs of uncomfortableness and I saw a crying session coming I would wet a napkin with warm water pass it round her face excuse myself and take her outside. Why would I want to cause a scene? Why should anyone have to deal with my crying child? I don't want to deal with any one's crying child and I shouldn't have too. I would definitely give you a look or possibly even walk over and see what we can do.

That the Diner owner was out of line with the yelling is a given. That was disrespectful in general I don't care about the age. People being upset about the fact it was a child is sort of silly in general as if kids get a free pass. Discipline your kids period and someone else won't feel the need to do it for you. Handle your biz and no one else will have to step into your space. Everyone doesn't have a filter that is why you are responsible for your child in public places at all times. That the language she used may not be how we would have handled matters? ok I get that, poor judgement period.

In over 20 years of parenting I too have found myself on both sides of that diner drama. Not necessarily exactly like that but in parks with bully kids or kids just running crazy period. Parents on the phone or reading while their kid grabbed my kid's toys, parent bringing kid to a birthday party doing them and not paying attention to their child's behavior. Going into a grocery store and having to deal with running kids in the aisles. So many stories so many ways to handle a situation. I have definitely raised my voice to another person's child and I wouldn't have an issue if vice verse as long as you are mindful of your words and don't touch my child. No one sets out wanting to discipline another person's children but if you aren't around to do it or if you neglect to do it properly in someone else's space again...it is bound to happen.

illustration by 123rf.com

I think the lesson we should all take away the bigger picture per say is we as parents must make better choices when taking our kids out to eat in public places. We must be better prepared to tend to their needs and we must take proper actions to keep all party's involved as comfortable as possible.
They are our responsibility, it is up to us to take care of them properly. No business is responsible to make your child comfortable. Good service safe environment yes period.

To the diner owner...I am not mad at you but I do think perhaps in the future you may want to be more mindful of your words. Your language is not one that resolves matters but instead instigates more negativity. I think your energy would be best served invested in matter that opens communication, understanding, respect and resolution end of the day if it was another person with a different personality I am sure things would have ended very differently. I know for me they would have.

What do you think? Is it solely the responsibility of a parent to control their child in public places? As a business owner am I responsible for keeping your child calm and cooperative during their stay? Would you say something to someone else's child? Does it depend on circumstances or just never?
Please share your thoughts.

Always stress free xo.

abcnews.go.com

theblaze.com

huffingtonpost.com

Revisiting what is Parenting?

My loves hope all is well on your end. My plate has been a bit full these past few weeks with family matters but slowly things are falling back in line and I am grateful. Soon it will be Mommywood's 2nd Anniversary and though it is not very old this Blog journey has taught me a lot in itself. When I decided to blog about all things parenting, one of the first posts I wrote asked the question, What is Parenting?
I knew my views and I knew why I had made the choices I had made but I wondered if others were as clear as I was when I decided to enter this journey.

My daughter turned 20 in April and I prior to that big day I had been investing some time and thoughts in these years and the choices I had made and the reasons behind them. I was happy to see before me the results. Yes we had some tweaks along the way, some things we just threw out the window and stuff we had to learn about together but as a whole I am grateful my tools worked out so well.

It actually went by so quickly that she is the one who reminds me of certain periods in our lives. Like how stubborn I was when plans we made had to be changed or how I didn't allow any Play Doh outside of her room. How she would ask for one theme during school supply shopping but I would get an extra one just for her to have an option. How we use to have mani pedi nights while we watched Blue's Clues or the time another parent asked but at the same time was sort of judging when she commented on her being a "handful" simply because she was very athletic and energetic. She was the type of mom with the Ballerina daughter, which is cool but my kid wasn't that. I set her on the "right" path of course "nicely" lol. So many memories.

As I've been sitting with my grandma and just watching her childlike innocence come back again after so many years, realizing that without me, my attention and her home attendants she would be lost I wanted to revisit this question...

So I am re posting this again in hopes of getting some enlightening feedback.

illustration by sandrachamikassis.com

What is Parenting?
Does anyone ever ask this question?

Do people really want to know the answer?

Eighteen years ago I came to this conclusion…

• Parenting doesn't begin with the belly
• Parenting begins with you and your feelings about self-awareness and what you have to offer
• Parenting is attitude
• Parenting’s first emotion is Desire. Desire to be a mom, wanting to share your life, love and experiences
• Parenting is excitement, you will bring someone into this world who may look like you, who will make you laugh and cry at times yet it will all be worth it
• Parenting is being a Jack of all trades. Wearing many hats at one time and being able to handle the fact you won’t be able to control everything. Your rewards will consist of smiles, hugs, kisses, I love yous and a productive human being in society. Someone who you will be proud of and know they will make the world a better place because they are in it.

illustration by bbc.co.uk

Are we as a society doing certain things to prepare ourselves to become good parents?


So those were my thoughts then, pretty accurate still 20 years in.
I always say that this part of my life's journey has been awesome. I made it so by not going with the norm, by not following but instead leading my own family to the best choices for us.
I have a well rounded beautiful young lady as my daughter to show for it, so I think the road we choose was good.

I feel the tools I used with my lil mama have also helped me deal with my grandmother and her Alzheimer's. Finding a balance and doing things that work best for our situation.

Share your thoughts, What do you think is Parenting? Where do you think it starts and ends? Does it ever really end? Did your thoughts change after you had your own baby? Let's talk!

Always stress free xo.

Kids and Meditation

More and more lately I have witnessed and felt for myself all the benefits I am reaping from my Meditation practice. Several years in I am still learning, still adjusting, still testing a variety of forms and techniques. Because it is a "practice" you are always learning and one size does not fit all.

With everything in life there are pros and cons but I have found that the pros I witness daily out weigh the cons. Just taking the time to slow myself down and take a few extra breaths when I am dealing with an uneasy matter has helped me diffuse numerous situations over the past few years.

This got me thinking about my own daughter and kids in general. Wouldn't it be great to have them practice some of these principles as well? Turns out that in certain places they are! I started my own little research and found some great stuff. I have never been a fan of "Time Out" I think it only stops the action for the moment it doesn't teach a lesson or bring forth a permanent solution. Not to mention I have to stop what I am doing to monitor you and make sure you are sitting still...No thanks.

illustration by lionsroar.com

So why not try starting today investing a few minutes in silence with our kids? Maybe before bedtime, before dinner? How about when they are in playtime and a tantrum ensues? Why not practice deep breathing while on a walk, in the park or on a car ride?

illustration by pinterest.com

I find my own lil mama in breathing practices often. While she's doing homework on her computer or just before she makes a phone call. While she is working on a painting in her room or just as she is about to answer one of my many silly questions (thanks sunshine :) xo), it is something that I have seen first hand bring a great positive change to her life.

illustration by makesnaturalsense.com

Just start with taking a deep breath. A real deep breath. I know it sounds strange but many of us don't even appreciate taking a deep breath. This will open your mind to perhaps trying other practices. I have included a few links that may help you and your little ones and not so little ones as well. What do you, would this be something you could give a try? Do you already practice some form of Meditation? Do you feel kids just are too young to try it out?

mindful.org

chopra.com

huffingtonpost

mindbodygreen.com

Always stress free xo.

Nine months to Heaven, Happy 20th Birth Day to my Sunshine!

When I stop and look at my daughter it still amazes me 20 years later that I carried her in my stomach. That she developed in my body and came out of my "lady parts" lol.

We often have joked throughout the years where we reenact her being in my belly. We joke and I share about her nine months of development. She loves to hear about herself. The months before she got here what her dad and I were doing during those nine months and the things that took place shortly after she got here. I always tell her it was one of the best times in my life and I loved every second. I know many women who have a very rough ride of it and I know every one's story is not the same but I do feel that who ever has been on that journey can agree it is like nothing else ever before.

My Nine months to Heaven I call it because I was just beside myself.

I'm a planner so as I have shared my daughter was planned. By this I don't mean a meticulous calendar regimen, I just mean I set a goal of age I wanted to be a mom and stayed the course. When time drew closer honey and I sat down for chat and set plans in motion.

My 1st three months I didn't share much of the news. I had a little morning sickness but nothing my grabbing a good breakfast didn't fix. I felt a little bloating but nothing else. You would have never guessed I was expecting. We made tiny adjustments when it came to intimacy just to insure the baby would be unharmed.

I started a journal/ book to document this journey and one I would hopefully give to my child years later. I set out a house budget, baby budget and emergency fund to keep the stress levels low. I rubbed and talked to my baby daily and shower time was our relaxing time. I played music for the baby both through headphones and just regular radio and I read out loud when I looked through my magazines or read my books.

My 2nd set of three months, we shared news with close friends and family. Belly was slightly bigger but no drastic changes in my clothes etc...I usually would loosen the top button or wear a top to cover the open top of my pants. Mentally and physically I felt great, I still did my own groceries and cleaning. I still walked a lot and did mild exercises. I still ate all I wanted but of course in moderation. No such thing as oh I'm eating for 2 excuse for me. I even use to go out dancing. I started to purchase baby needs and stock up on daily items. I prepared a list of must haves etc..to keep track of our purchases. 

I worked my regular hours, no adjustments were required in my daily routines. Intimacy was still part of our lives, it was nice and fun to try different things since there was a bit of a belly in the way. I could start to see and feel changes in my Boobies, I started to ask for assistance in my shaving needs which always caused a lot of giggles and jokes I actually think my honey enjoyed this part a lot and the baby began to move! Now that was something, I was very excited indeed. To see my skin pocking out was creepy but awesome. I would rub the spot and talk to the baby and ask to please do it again and it would, oh I could swear the baby heard me.

My 3rd set of three months and end stage of the game was really fun and full of lots of new moments. My routines still were pretty much the same. I began to wrap things up at work and prep our house. Picked out the crib and rearranged our room. Washed and folded all the items we bought for the baby. Had more frequent doctor visits and blood drawn. That was not cool, I hate needles. Sex was a challenge by now but no fun was lost trying. You would be surprised the things you can come up with if you keep things lite and fun. This is suppose to be a happy time in your life not a burden. These months had my honey painting my toe nails for obvious reasons and by now I needed a little extra hand carrying things around more often.

It wasn't until mid April 1995 when my belly really expanded. I stopped trying to handle the grocery shopping on my own at this point and had my honey help with all house chores etc...I had my office Baby Shower on April 14th 1995 on April 15th I went shopping and had dinner with my girlfriend Cynthia in Brooklyn. We walked slowly back home from Graham to Bedford Ave where she lived. Had lots of laughs throughout the day. Dinner was great she made my favorites, I sat on her couch and her cat Pookie laid on my belly. We planned on getting some last minute things the following week.

I left her house in a cab shortly after 10:30pm. By 11:30pm I was in the shower, got out was drying off when I felt a stream of warm water down my leg. I continued to dry and it continue to come down. I called my girlfriend J she said "your water broke, the baby's coming". I laughed and hung up to call my doctor and he said "your water broke, are you in any pain?" I said no he said "well you may start to feel some cramps soon so get dressed and be ready to go." I hung up called my honey who was visiting his mom a few blocks away and told him what was going on. He didn't believe me because we weren't due till early May and 1st babies aren't suppose to come early. Yeah right.

I made a few more calls assuring everyone we still had plenty of time don't bother to come over. Yeah right again. Within 25 minutes of J getting to our house that slow stream of warm water became a full dam. The more I wiped the more that came down, we called a cab and left. We didn't even wait for my honey I told him to just meet us there. I felt so bad during the cab ride because I was wetting this poor mans whole back seat. The cramps got a little sharper and more frequent. When we got to the hospital, my girlfriend J handled all the talking I was wheeled into room and prepped. I was asked if I wanted "drugs" I said a firm yes and laughed because J had had 3 with no drugs. Hey better her than me.

Shortly there after with Honey and J by my side we welcomed Erica Dymonique into the world, April 16th, 1995 Happy Easter Sunday!!! As she cried and took in her first breaths outside of my belly I counted fingers and toes and did a full body scan. They cleaned her up and laid her on my chest. My little angel. She hasn't left my side since.

On this her 20th Birthday I want to say I love you I am blessed to have you and for you to have chosen me as your mother. 

Happy Birth Day, you are my piece of Heaven.

Always stress free xo.

Time to get rid of that Pacifier

I know I know, we all have our reasons for dragging certain routines on. Sometimes we just want the discomfort to stop and we will deal with the consequences later.
As a mom when you are in a rush to grab those dinner items from the store aisle and the little one starts to fuse, that pacifier comes in very handy.
When you are driving and need to focus reaching back and handing over that "binky" seems like the right thing to do.

But for how long is that quick fix the best option and solution? Between the mom that puts it in her mouth for a quick clean and passes it to her child (yes I have seen that) and the four year old in the Toys R Us aisle running around with the pacifier in his mouth (I have seen this too), when is it time to give it up? I was in Walgreens the other night and saw a little boy running around that had to be at least three with a pacifier in his mouth which he dropped and quickly grabbed and popped back in his mouth!

It reminded me of a past post and I remembered my daughter and her pacifier days this is how we handled the transition...

I recall the night of my daughter’s 1st Birthday. We got rid of the pacifier and baby bottle all in one shot. Was it easy? No. Was transition smooth? No. Did she cry and need comfort? Yes. Was it doable? Yes.
As soon as your child is able to grasp objects firmly, he or she is able to move away from comfort zone.

Here is how.

• Start with introduction to a Sippy cup as you reduce the bottle use.

• Use a Sippy cup for certain liquids first only if you feel comfortable that way.

• Reduce the time your child uses the pacifier during the day.

• Switch out pacifier for let’s say a blanket or stuffed toy.

Comfort zones are nice. They help us feel secure and safe. Comfort shouldn't come at the expense of long term issues such as possible tooth decay. The night my daughter “lost” her pacifier and the bottle was “to heavy” for her to hold (these were the words I used to explain to her the changes), she was introduced to a new stuffed bunny named Chrissy.

All these years later, Chrissy is still around and the teeth are fantastic. The start may be a challenge but the end will bring loads of rewards. Think of the money you will save on stuff like braces!

How did you break away from the pacifier? Did you use something else in its place?
What were some of your tricks? Are you in the mist of this transition yourself? Share your experience.

Always stress free xo.

Helping with Homework and reducing Stress

Ever sit at home and watch your kids from afar? Do you ever just sit and observe what they are doing or how they are handling certain tasks?
I do, I love it it's like my own special television show. Especially when it comes to watching my daughter doing her homework.

Apparently college and homework is very different than elementary, middle school and even high school homework. By this I mean how often it is done and how it is being done.
I don't recall ever allowing my daughter to watch television as she did her homework or to have the radio on but today she has all those things and more going at the same time, go figure.

I ask her often, how can you concentrate and she replies it helps her focus better. Really?! How is that even possible. One second she is deep in thought typing away on her laptop, the next she is roaring in laughter texting on her phone. One minute she is highlighting notes or putting sticky notes on pages and the next minute she is scrolling through Tumblr.
I just love this show!

When I am working I find I need total silence. When I read, when I write, when I open my emails...total silence. My daughter on the other had reads while the music is playing omg!

In my last episode (watching my daughter do home work lol), I was recalling the years my friends sat down and helped their kids with home work and how stressed they would be. I also recalled I barely helped at all and thank heavens for that!
I was blessed with a kid who didn't have to be pushed much and we had after school programs.

But for those who find it tough and for those parents who find themselves almost pulling their hair out especially in the early school years, not so much during high school, I remembered some tools I shared in the past. Something that perhaps can ease those words "I need help with homework".

I call it delegating.
- Find an after school program that helps kids with school work.
- Enroll them in tutoring classes
- Have another child, a friend or another family member chip in, even if for a small fee or fare exchange.
-Use the computer and other means of gathering information to help your child.

All these tools can aide in this matter and relieve the stress of coming home to those words. It gives everyone the time they need to complete their tasks. No one has to feel rushed or like they are not doing well enough, especially us moms who want to do everything.
With these tools, we can come home, settle down, be helpful, prepare dinner and at the end of the day feel accomplished.

What tools do you use for homework blues? How did you deal with the "I need help" issues?

Always stress free xo.

There are no Two winners in a Competition

I sometimes get into trouble when I talk about children and their participation in any type of competition. Sports or otherwise we should always remember they are children.
That being said when you do decide to have yours engage in these activities I feel as a parent it is your duty to then teach all that comes along with it.

This is a post I wrote some time back in regards to competition. Spring is around the corner and some of us are getting ready for those team sports and I thought it would be interesting to revisit my thoughts then and now. Tell me what you think.

illustration by livinginchescopa.com

Re post:

Why is it that some parents want to teach their children that everyone is a winner?
That second place is great? That the whole team should get a trophy?
Does life give you a trophy for mediocre participation?
Does your boss give you a raise for working hard half of the year?

There is a difference between teaching your children to give their best, but in the end there can only be one winner. Teaching your children how to give their best starts with preparation and knowing what their strengths are. So encourage them to participate in activities they like not what you like. This is about them not you.

There are rules to competition. They exist for a reason. They are so everyone can come prepared to showcase their talents, their hard work and skills. The best will standout and of course win. If they don’t put in the work, have the skills or make the effort all wrapped in one, they lose. Please teach your children how to lose gracefully and how to win gracefully and how to be ok with both outcomes in the end.

What are some of the ways we can start to build better competition skills?
What are your thoughts? Mine are there can only be one winner, one Gold Medal, one First Place so I must teach my child this as well. I thought this then I think it now.
My daughter has won many Firsts but she has also lost and I have always been proud of how she has handled both all because of preparation.

Always stress free xo

Should parents set Rules early on or play it by ear?

We all struggle with this part in our parenting skills? Rules. How many to set, what to set and if to set? Do we play it by ear or do we have some set in place so that things are always clear?

When do we start and when do they finish? Do we follow our parents or do we go at it on our own?

Now that my daughter is almost twenty I am very glad we always had some sort of rules. It really has paid off ten fold!!! While visiting with a friend of a friend a few weeks ago I quietly observed her kids and household and this old post came to mind.

This is a post I shared over a year ago...

illustration by casandracampbell.com

Rules?

• Should be tested, broken and amended accordingly.
•  Nothing should be followed blindly or set in stone.

Parents, let’s make things easier on ourselves. Learn to amend the rules when needed and learn to change the rules as your children grow older.
These were some of my house rules:

• homework is always first, then playtime.
• must have breakfast every morning
• bedtime was 8 pm, after 6th grade it increased by an hour.
• sleepovers were only allowed if I knew the parent and had visited their home at some point, even if to drop off for a play date. this was amended as my daughter became a teen.
• no last minute request to stay over at friends house or to go visit a friends house, period. always required ample time to gather all information.
• no friends in the room with door closed. This rule was amended after 6th grade.

Do you really think same rules apply across the board at all ages and for all things?

Learn to be flexible, allow your children the right to question your rules and express their feelings on them. Learn that nothing is set in stone and each child is different.

Are there rules with no exceptions? What are some of your rules?

Today my daughter still lives at home while being a full time college student and holding down a job. The rules have been adjusted through out the years but we still have rules non the less.
It is still my house, our home and it must be respected.

• I must know location of where she will be
• I must have at least one other number to call in case of emergency
• she must use a cab if coming home past midnight
• phone must charged at all times
• advance notice if guests coming over, same for sleep overs
• no getting in car with someone who has been drinking
• you are not a minor so I can't save your butt if you get into certain types of trouble
• must save a portion of her salary
• must contribute to at least one house bill
• your room is in my house, keep it neat, clean and yes I respect your privacy but I still have the right if I feel necessary to go in and take a look (I never have felt the need, till this day).

These are some of our current rules. What are some of your rules for your at home college kids?
Share your thoughts.

Always stress free xo.

Ah yes, it's finally Bedtime...revisited

I am touching on bedtime again because no one can or should mess with my sleep just joking (but not really).

We always hear about studies showing the importance of a good nights rest and sleep.
How we prepare for that is and can be a challenge for parents, especially of little ones.
As bedtime approaches for some it can become a time of torture or a time for relaxation.

I pretty much stick to a routine and now that my daughter is older she has her own routine. One thing that hasn't changed is our saying goodnight to one another and investing a few minutes tucking one another in depending on who is the last to shut the lights off.
Tucking in can vary with age but it can be a great closing day moment for all.

illustration provided by themeasuredmom.com

Let's revisit my old post:

You had a long day at work or you have spent your day home with the kid’s one task after another and when 7:30 rolls around all you want to do is say goodnight and have some alone time. But your little one has a different idea. He or she wants you to sit with them. Wants you to sing one more song or read just one more story please please please mommy you hear.

This is how I navigated that ship.

I started by setting a specific bedtime. No excuses no fuss. My daughter and I would begin to get her bed ready about 20 minutes to half hour before bed. Get book or song together for the night. This would also be the winding down time no more TV, no more food, drinks etc... Once this was all set, I would tuck her in, settle myself for a song or a story, lay next to her and proceed with our quality bedtime wrap up. Once I was done, we would say good night and share few hugs and kisses, I would dim the lights and put the radio on to a lite station with calming music and that would be that.

This routine has lasted well over fifteen years. Give or take few tweaks and amendments with age of course.
Now on the nights it didn't go as smoothly due to a cold or bad dream or potty break I would go back in reinforce with a few more kisses and leave quickly again. You cannot engage in long chatter or indulge in their whimpering because if you do, the night will never wrap up.

What is your bedtime routine? Any other tricks to share? How do you put a close to your day?

Always stress free xo.

Tame my Curly Hair please!

This is a subject I know tons about and got through with little to no stress, why? Well because I learned from my mother's mistakes.

Managing my daughters soft, full, thick and curly hair.

Hair is always such a stressful thing to work with.

I was looking through some old pictures and decided to share a list of all the tools I used to get my mornings off right, stress free and fun when I did my daughter's hair.
No tears, no struggles, no fears.

-goody Hair accessories
-Johnson and Johnson baby hair products (no more tears line
-the right hair type brush!!!
-Milta de Perales hair products.
-Aciete Romero (Rosemary Oil)
-variety of hair ties
-Queen Helene hair gel products (pinks the best for stronger longer hold)

Today my daughter ops to style her hair in its natural state of curliness so her best friend is the blow dryer w/ diffuser and Queen Helene hard to hold pink gel . She applies treatment on her hair at least once a month be it Cholesterol or Avocado and she only uses hair ties that are rubber all around no metal pieces because they cause tearing of hair.

Sometimes I miss those days of doing her hair but I sure am glad that she has continued to use products that are stress free, damage free and fun.
There are many great products out there for curly hair and you don't need to break the bank. Try Queen Helene's line or Carol's Daughter or go online for more options.

Curly hair is a challenge but its not something that should cause stress.Yes it requires a little extra time but all worth while things do.

So go, grab the right tools and get to work. You will see that it will change your attitude and save you loads of time for sure.

What tools do you or have you used to Tame Curly hair?

Always stress free xo

Making room for Changes

Sugar & Spice & Everything nice.
This is the tag connected to girls from an old nursery rhyme.

I found it funny that this came to mind as I sat in my daughter's room over the weekend as she cleaned out her closet and toy chest.

A little back story my daughter is now 19 years old and a Sophomore in Baruch College in NYC.
She is not a baby anymore for sure but she is my baby.

So I sat there as we chatted, laughed and listened to music. She had commented earlier in the week that her room was too cluttered with stuff she had outgrown and needed to make some changes.
As I watched her take stuff out her toy chest and make piles and go into her closet and add to the piles I thought "Wow, some of this stuff is not sugar & spice or at least not by some definitions."

I realized that all these things and access to these things are the ingredients that have added to the young woman who is, my daughter.

It is a shame that we continue to allow society to dictate the categories we fall under.
What roles women are "suppose" to play and what men are "suppose" to do.
I have touched on this in the past with posts like boys-go-through-this-too and what-it-means-to-be and I always make mention of allowing kids to be kids and not boxing them in.

As I continued to watch and with every piece she was letting go of I was going down memory lane I embraced the continuing change in our lives. All the little things that had a part in building this person.
My little girl was letting go of:
-lego sets
-dolls
-video games and consoles
-handheld electronic games
-Yu-Gi-Oh cards
-Razor scooter
-board games
-graphic T-Shirts
-Mattel toy cars
-bag of plastic bracelets
-RV mini race cars
-Sony psp and accessories
just to list a few.

illustration by dayofthegirlssummit.com

In those piles I didn't see many "girl" toys but I did see many happy memories. Many good times, lots of laughs, lots of lessons learned, lots of great family moments, lots of love.
I saw innocence, childhood, freedom.
So for my daughter, for our family and for me that indeed was Sugar & Spice & Everything nice.
We were raising a happy, well balanced, open minded human being. Not a wife or cook or librarian or teacher or waitress but a human being. Now, if she so chooses any of these roles for herself in the future than we will continue to be as supportive as we always have been. But she has choices.

What have your kids out grown and were they gender specific or just good ole let's have some fun toys?

Always stress free xo.

Some things in Hindsight aren't so Cute

Let me begin by expressing that I do respect the idea, the emotion and the right to engage in the following act, but that as a very private person and as a mom it is not one that I see necessary or that I would myself do.

Sharing pictures of my child or my children sitting in the potty.

illustration by randonwire.com

I have come across several of such pictures in the last few weeks and I had much to say each and every time.

There is nothing wrong with documenting this big step in our children's lives. There is much to be proud of in this journey. It is a big step indeed, but I don't need and the world doesn't need to see your child or mine with their undies down to their ankles sitting in front of the television or in the kitchen or any where else for that matter.

How would you like to be sitting on the toilet and someone take a picture of you?
How would you like to have your name googled and Potty pictures come up?

Potty training is private. Let me just say that the potty in the Living room or Kitchen is gross and I can't wrap my head around that!
Who wants to go to the bathroom in the middle of everything and everyone?
If I knew someone personally that was doing this I would think twice about going to their home and forget about eating there.
I don't care how clean you are or what you have going on in your life.
Potty training should take place in the BATHROOM.

Seriously, how much time and effort does it take to walk to the bathroom in your home?
If you don't have the time or energy to invest in Potty training then wait till you do.
There will be accidents, there will be bad days, there will be good days but they should all take place with the goal being your child using the BATHROOM.
Not the Living room, not the a Kitchen not any other room but the BATHROOM.

If your Potty training more than one child at a time, set it up accordingly and give yourself some extra time to give each one attention? Will they really be pooping or peering at the exact same time, minute, second? I don't think so.

If you want to share pictures, share them next to potty or holding up big kid undies or even in their undies but NOT on the Potty. Save those for yourself and your family if you must.
Yes they may be smiling for the camera, they may be excited and just as happy as you are TODAY but tomorrow and a few years down the line they may not.
They don't know any better they are following your lead but you do. You are the grown up.

I am embarrassed for them and they aren't even my kids but I know for sure I would never embarrass my daughter in that way nor have I ever till this day 19 years later. I still ask her permission out of respect when I share a picture or anything related to her on my blog. This is my journey, she didn't sign up for her privacy to be disrespected.
Toddlers are entitled to their privacy as well.

Next time you are ready to snap that picture stop and think...

Would I want a picture of me like that to be seen?
Will my son/daughter be proud to see themselves in this picture x years from now?

Something to think about? What do you have to say? So what snap the picture and share or hold up wait a minute?

Always stress free xo

Back to School Conversations

Another school year is upon us.

Some of us will be letting go of our babies for the very first time, some of us will be advancing to another grade in our journeys and some of us will be crossing major milestones.
Whichever step it is we are in, they are life changers for all involved, they are character builders and a time for our parenting skills to be tested.

As I sit and talk with my own daughter and as I interact with the other babies in my life I started to think about what sort of conversations should we as parents be having in general but especially around this time of year.
I say I have many babies because not only do I have one biological daughter but many of her own friends and my own friends kids treat and see me as a second mommy.

My tool for building this trust as I always share is communication. I am a talker and I do know how to listen as if I was at their level. I still haven't forgotten I was younger once too.

So...what should we be saying this lovely start of a new school year?

These are the conversation topics I came up with:

~Mommy and Daddy are very proud of you. You are growing up and we are excited to support you in this new adventure. We will always be here for you and you are enough just the way you are.
~Not everyone will be your friend but that is ok because you should always surround yourself with people who will be nice, kind and helpful.
~Mommy (or Daddy) won't forget to pick you up, I will be right outside that door when the bell rings.
~Never be afraid to stand up for what is right, if you are uncomfortable about something speak up. Even teachers should be questioned. We are here to protect you and stand up for you always.
~No one has the right to touch you...EVER.
~Being part of the "crowd" is not your goal. Your goal is to be a leader in your own right. You are worthy of that respect.
~Being a leader does not mean be a bully. It means to learn to work with others while being true to yourself.
~Please and Thank You can go a long way.
~It's ok to cry if you get hurt or are upset about something in school. But it is very important to learn to explain and express yourself with words. Mommy and or your teacher can't understand you if you are screaming.
~Remember to ask to go to the Potty. You wouldn't want to have an accident in school but if you do we will get through it. Have change of clothes in the little ones bag...Always.
~Remember that you are a reflection of me, of us and our home so I expect you to behave accordingly.
~Don't be afraid to try new things. A new sport, a new club, talk to a new student etc...Test yourself and see what you are made of.
~This is what I expect from you this school year...be clear on your expectations and be fair. Set the rules and watch them put things into play. If they fail punish accordingly but with love and always open communication.
~A new school can be scary yes and making new friends can be too but this is a great time for you to expand your wings and add new people to your circle.
~Be clear on your definitions of Boyfriend and Girlfriend. Trust it is not the same as our kids.
~Tweak your curfew times with age as well as chores and your conversation topics should be expanding as well.
~I am here to support you I am not here to do things for you. Stay on top of your homework and other social activities.
~If you can't find balance between school and social then your social will have to be put on hold.
~Cellphones, cars, sleepovers and so forth are privileges. They can and will be taken away if rules are not followed.
~Let's be clear on our rules. They will not be changed on the spot. So if I said no makeup until your 16 I mean and meant it. Don't ask me again.
~High School and College prep are your responsibilities, plan out what it will require and you will be assisted accordingly. Set a budget for school tours, exam fees etc...
~I am your parent. I don't care what so and so parents do in their home. Don't ever compare us or disrespect us.

I can go on and on but these can surely start you talking. Lastly but not at all less important or valid is...
~Have fun!!! Don't sweat the small stuff you are only this young once. Have an awesome school year!!!

What are some of your school year conversation topics? Do you have any specific ones or do you wing it as things come along?

Always stress free xo

Blogiversary!!! What is Parenting? A revisit to my 1st post.

Today is my Blogiversary

I can't believe how fast this year has gone and all that I have learned.
I continue to be amazed at all I run into in the Blogging world.
As I have stated before there is such a variety of tools and information out here for parents that you just have to catch that one that adds to your lifestyle and go with it.
The more tools, the more options for better results.

There is always more ways than 1 to do things.

As I reflected on this past year I wanted to go back and revisit my 1st post. I wanted to see if what I wrote then still rings true to me today. 
If my views had changed or if I had anything to add, remove and reflect on.
This is what I wrote in my 1st post:

What is Parenting?

Does anyone ever ask this question?

Do people really want to know the answer?

Eighteen years ago I came to this conclusion…

• Parenting doesn’t begin with the belly
• Parenting begins with you and your feelings about self-awareness and what you have to offer
• Parenting is attitude
• Parenting’s first emotion is Desire. Desire to be a mom, wanting to share your life, love and experiences
• Parenting is excitement, you will bring someone into this world who may look like you, who will make you laugh and cry at times yet it will all be worth it
• Parenting is being a Jack of all trades. Wearing many hats at one time and being able to handle the fact you won’t be able to control everything. Your rewards will consist of smiles, hugs, kisses, I love yous and a productive human being in society. Someone who you will be proud of and know they will make the world a better place because they are in it.

Are we as a society doing certain things to prepare ourselves to become good parents?

So, do I still agree with this post? How have I changed in this past year?

My answer is Yes I still agree whole heartily and the only change I've gone through is being even more grateful at the communication skills I have incorporated in my parenting journey.

I don't just want to be a good parent, I don't just want to do better than my parent's did, I want to have evolved! 
To just be good or do better means little tweaks here and there but to evolve means to genuinely revisit your own life as a whole and embrace that parenting is ever changing and that yes some old stuff does work but our children today are dealing with very different issues than we ever have or had before.

My daughter and I were at a dinner last night. A mini gathering to celebrate the achievements of my nephew. How well he did this year in school, how proud we are at how far he has come in his swimming and how happy we all are to continue to see what a great young man he is turning out to be. You see this is the son of my amazing friend Cynthia, who transitioned a few years back from issues with Cancer. 
This is my adopted family as I call them.

So during the gathering of course there is a lot of chatter, laughs, smiles and food but there is also sadness, tears and a sense of someone missing. We acknowledge it and move on.

Last night I took notice of the communication skills being displayed by the parents in the room and the "children".
I noticed the older parents conducted themselves as dictators and the younger ones "me lol" took a more balanced approach. 
There were no in between parents last night. 

My nephew is almost 17 years old and is being raised by his grandmother, who means well but...
She is not raising him as his mother would have approved and she is still behaving very old school.
Though we, her eldest daughter and myself talk to her often about how she needs to "evolve" she refuses to listen and try a different approach.
She treats him like a baby, literally and then is upset when he doesn't take initiative.
She speaks to him as if he was 5 and then says things like "you need to grow up".
Hummm, well can we say mixed messages?

Communication. We all must continue to make efforts on a daily to communicate properly.
To express to our children our expectations clearly and to find balance as they grow to cut the strings and allow them to find their own way.
To respect our children as individuals even at the age of 3, everyone deserves respect. To speak with love and kindness always, to earn on both parts the right to be listened too and trusted.

So now that my 1st year has arrived, I want to thank all those near and dear to me, all my new found blog friends and all those who have shown me support and given any attention to this dream I had and am currently sharing which is writing about my journey as a parent, as a mom and all the amazing rewards it has given me. 

Best lesson? Hands down again, Communication! 19 years later my daughter still sits with me and shares her day. I never have to pull teeth, hover or spy. It's an easy flow of conversation, mutual respect and love.
I want to thank my own mother for inspiring me to take a different rode to parenting.

Now let's continue to learn, share and grow together!!! Hope you stay on this ride with me much love
Always stress free xoxo