Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Do I really have a Choice?

My parents want me to go into Accounting. My dad says it's a secure field, I will always be able to find a job and it offers great security.

My mom thinks I will be a great Teacher, I have lots of patience, I love children and teaching offers great benefits.

My cousin went to Fordham so my family thinks it will be great for me to go there too.

My dad doesn't really like the car I chose so I am just going to get the one he thinks is best.

This guy in my music class asked me out but my sister thinks his "look" is not right for me, I'm just going to say no thanks or sorry I am busy.

Does this sound familiar to some? Was this your experience? Have you seen this happen to someone else or are you doing this to a loved one yourself?

Freedom of choice, at what age does it start? Should it start or do you feel it only begins when you leave your parents home?

I am not very keen on rules. Other than for safety purposes and even that to me is iffy, I for the most part weigh my idea of pros and cons and go from there.
I have always been this way, my mom would set rules and I would follow as best I could but if I felt they weren't fair I would work my way around them.

I don't come from the greatest example of family unity but I have been around enough people to know that even family unity can be a pain. To feel you have to run things by people to get their approval. To have a predestined school, job or career just because someone in your family already set that route. To say you are doing or you behave in a certain way because that is what "we" (meaning family) have always done or that is what we expect, doesn't sound very healthy to me.

Sometimes parents and family as a whole forget what their roles are in raising healthy, well rounded human beings. It is not to set a course for another to follow, but it is to provide all the tools needed to make the best choice for them.

How can I force my views and my ways on another? Who's to say that I know what is really best for you?
Guidance is extremely important in maintaining our children safe and healthy but a time must come in which you allow them to begin to guide themselves.

When my daughter began the choosing a H.S. process my only concerns were easy commute so she would not invest to much time back and forth, environment so that she would have fun, learn and be safe and variety, so that she would benefit from all those next four years had to offer.
Not once did her father and I comment or think, so and so went there, oh this path can make her a lot of money or she is going here because we said so and that is that.

She throughout the years had made mention of wanting to become an Architect so we encouraged that. She tested for and got into a specialized H.S. in NYC that would build those skills. A year in she changed her mind and all we said was ok find something else you like and you will be fine. It wasn't until her senior year, while in class that one of her teachers suggested she displayed great potential in marketing. She looked into it further discussed it with me and when she was beginning her college journey that was road she took. She is now a freshman in Baruch and she got there all on her own. All I did, all her father did was listen, suggest and support.

Encouraging free will is not a bad thing. Encouraging our kids to follow the beat of their own drum is healthy. We want our children to of course listen and to make the best choices possible but we want them to make their own choices. We want them to flourish in their own path not one we picked for them. As always communication is key.

2 comments:

  1. Great post Mari. I parents who try to force things upon their kids, but the kids usually desire the opposite! Correct guidance is the key!

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  2. Great post. I believe if my children find something themselves it is more meaningful to them.

    My daughter got into college on her own also. I took her on a bunch of college tours but after all of the information she researched and such, she picked Cal-State Monterey Bay on her own. I am happy that she did most of it alone.

    ReplyDelete

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