Why does my daughter confide in you about school and boy stuff and not me?
Why did my son tell you what was happening with his girlfriend and when I asked he said "nothing"?
Why does so and so ask you about "your" H.S. years? We went to the same school!
Why are you so calm and nice when I ask you things about sex and my mom freaks out?
Why did my daughter ask you questions about makeup and hair and doesn't even want to go shopping with me?
Why do you know so much about blank blank blank?
Why did Erica's friend text you about such and such instead of just asking their own parent?
These are just a few of the numerous questions friends, family, kids and other adults have asked me in the last nineteen years of my parenting journey. Seems I have heard and hear a lot of Why's.
My first response is because I too was a kid once, my second response is because I am still young at heart and my third response is because I can be trusted. I give respect and I earn it, so it is easy to share things with someone like that.
The so called older crowd seems to have a hard time understanding what I mean by those comments but the younger ones not at all.
This is what I mean when I say the reason parents fail at communication is because they either want to be the "best friend" or the "warden". They don't know how to find a happy medium.
I never say to someone else's child what I would not have wanted someone to say to mine. As adults sometimes we may feel "well it is not my place" or "it is not my child". I say those two comments may be right but it doesn't mean that in a knowledgeable and appropriate manner you can't give guidance in the right direction.
If you aren't communicating correctly with your child you better hope someone else is because everyone needs guidance, everyone needs someone they trust to talk to and that can provide support.
I remember those days in school when I had a crush on an older guy. I remember buying my first bra. I remember the emotions I felt with my first heartbreak. I remember not wanting to go places with my parents. I remember not being too happy with my mother's clothes selection. I remember the sadness when you think people are talking about you. I remember the lines the guys told me to try to get me to have sex. I remember what my friends were doing to get the girls to have sex etc etc...I REMEMBER.
So should you, so should all parents. Never forget you are male or female first, woman and man THEN mother and father.
I always say that our kids have us on a different wavelength. It is almost like we are using AM radio to talk them and they are trying to tune in FM to listen to us.
ReplyDeletePatrick hello again. That is a funny comparison, coming from a background where my mother was neither AM or FM I would say that kids more than not really want to be close and open with their parents. It is the parents who as I have always stated forget who they started out as and get wrapped in labels and what they are "suppose" to mean. I am blessed and honored to carry the label "Mother" but I will always be a "Girl". Hope to see you here again soon :)
DeleteGreat parenting tips. Sometimes as parents we forget that we were there once, and we lord our "knowledge" over our kids. A little compassion goes a long way!
ReplyDeleteLana thanks for visit and comment :). It is so important we don't forget our own youth :)
Delete