The Importance of Honesty in any Relationship

Hey loves sorry my visit is a bit late today but had long day and just sat down to gather my thoughts. The circus is over it's been a week, reality is settling in but I keep thinking about deflection. I keep thinking what is the Importance of Honesty in any relationship?

Questions get asked we get lots and lots of words tons of accusations but no clear answers. Most of the time I find myself feeling like I've just gotten off a hamster wheel, "what was the question again?  I forgot oh yeah but what was the answer?"
Intelligence would dictate that we are being taken for fools but ego keeps us stuck and like puppets we continue to just go along.

Same goes for most relationships where things are clear from the start but we chose to see otherwise.

If we handled our relationships the same way we handle let's say, the details of buying a new car or planning our life long dream vacation we would be experts at cutting out what is not necessary. We would pay more attention to the details, we would be more in tuned with our hearts desire. But instead our eyes get clouded by the package. The wrapping is nice, the box is huge clearly what's inside must be awesome! Everything is shiny it's what everyone is scrambling for and you have it. Why would anyone see a problem?

Ok then so let's start paying attention to the details. How many deep conversations have you had? What has been revealed since your first hello? Did anything turn you off immediately, did you have a follow up question when it happened? Do the conversations flow or are there constant stop signs? Are you tense or are you loving? Do you feel empathy, are you really listening? When you walked away what did you remember?

So many questions I know. We, especially women have been told for so long "don't ask so many questions" but why not? I'm not talking about conducting an interview but to some degree we are. How will I know what I like or don't like? How will I make decisions I can live with if I don't ask the questions and not just questions but the right questions because yes there are right and wrong questions. Cutting out what is not necessary.

-I don't need to know exactly what it is you do right off the bat, I need to know how long you have been doing it. That establishes reliability and commitment. If you can't be still in a job how can you be still in a relationship?
-What is your fondest memory? If it entails going to the club then you already know two things. Maturity and Value. The lack of maturity will become an issue long term and giving value to people and meaningful moments in life hasn't been given enough thought to.
-What was the best thing your mother ever said to you? Response will let you know if any mommy issues. Same applies if you switch to dad.
-What does your best day look like? Establishes if person is superficial or down to earth.
-Last book read? Willingness to continue to learn and grow
-What's your x year plan? It could be from 1-3. It allows you to gauge if this person is a semi planner or just fly by the seat of their pants. If they can be both then awesome. If too rigid one way or the other CAUTION.

These are some good conversation suggestions that could easily cut out what is not necessary. Time is valuable. No one wants to be around that person who just talks and has no substance.

illustration by pinterest.com

I have been told that it is never appropriate to mention the x or x's on the first date but I say depending on the subject matter why not? I don't mean a whole history lesson but a brief comment can totally let you know what baggage might be still lingering around.
Just a thought...what do you think?

So how honest should you be in any Relationship from the start? What questions would you or do you ask of a potential mate? Even a potential friend? Do you oppose certain questions or open to all depending on how it is presented? Share your thoughts.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Why does?

Why does my son listen to you when you tell him to stop doing something and I have to repeat myself five times?

Why does my daughter confide in you about school and boy stuff and not me?

Why did my son tell you what was happening with his girlfriend and when I asked he said "nothing"?

Why does so and so ask you about "your" H.S. years? We went to the same school!

Why are you so calm and nice when I ask you things about sex and my mom freaks out?

Why did my daughter ask you questions about makeup and hair and doesn't even want to go shopping with me?

Why do you know so much about blank blank blank?

Why did Erica's friend text you about such and such instead of just asking their own parent?

These are just a few of the numerous questions friends, family, kids and other adults have asked me in the last nineteen years of my parenting journey. Seems I have heard and hear a lot of Why's.

My first response is because I too was a kid once, my second response is because I am still young at heart and my third response is because I can be trusted. I give respect and I earn it, so it is easy to share things with someone like that.

The so called older crowd seems to have a hard time understanding what I mean by those comments but the younger ones not at all.

This is what I mean when I say the reason parents fail at communication is because they either want to be the "best friend" or the "warden". They don't know how to find a happy medium.

I never say to someone else's child what I would not have wanted someone to say to mine. As adults sometimes we may feel "well it is not my place" or "it is not my child". I say those two comments may be right but it doesn't mean that in a knowledgeable and appropriate manner you can't give guidance in the right direction.

If you aren't communicating correctly with your child you better hope someone else is because everyone needs guidance, everyone needs someone they trust to talk to and that can provide support.

I remember those days in school when I had a crush on an older guy. I remember buying my first bra. I remember the emotions I felt with my first heartbreak. I remember not wanting to go places with my parents. I remember not being too happy with my mother's clothes selection. I remember the sadness when you think people are talking about you. I remember the lines the guys told me to try to get me to have sex. I remember what my friends were doing to get the girls to have sex etc etc...I REMEMBER.

So should you, so should all parents. Never forget you are male or female first, woman and man THEN mother and father.