Sunday, July 13, 2014

Role Play

Usually I have a method and process to my writing. Topics I want to discuss, things that have been bought to my attention, drafts I have saved and revisit etc...

I have mentioned in the past as some bloggers do, how in writing we struggle with just how much of certain personal matters to share.
We want to be as open as possible so that we can be relatable but we also want to keep certain lines that we don't cross.
I try to maintain a balance. I am very mindful of family photos and details. I want you to know what I look like but I want the focus on my content, not appearance.
I love and am proud of my daughter and like to share all sorts of photos as well but now that she is older I am careful to respect her space and privacy because this is her mom's blog not her life.

So...all that being said I am going to share something that is currently happening in my life that can very well relate to you my followers, to a random reader or to anyone else in our lives.

Role Play.

We are all born to serve a purpose. Some of us know early on, some of us later, some of us start in one role and end in another.

I am the eldest daughter out of three my mother has. I am 12 years older than the middle child and 16 years older than the baby. We are all in different stages in our lives now needless to say.
We are all very different, we have all chosen different paths in our lives and as a unit we are a combustible bunch.
It wasn't always that way but as life's journey happens it has turned into such.
The younger two are closer yet not an easy mix but in their own dysfunctional way they make it work.
Me, I have learned to accept what it is and keep my respectful distance.

I haven't spoken to my mother or my sisters very much in over a year, remember I said we are a combustible combination. And throughout the past 10 years communication has been on and off often.

This past Thursday I got a call at my office from the youngest, It was a a call that said our mother is in the hospital, she is not doing well, hasn't for a while now and I just thought as the eldest you should know.
The "call" I have been expecting because I am aware my mother has been ill for a while but even when you expect something when it happens it is never really ok.

My mother has Emphysema. It is a disease that over time destroys your lungs and breathing becomes very difficult. There is no cure.
She will transition at some point from this. Maybe sooner maybe later, but it will happen.
She landed in the hospital because the coughing was so severe she passed out while in the shower.
Had my little sister not been home she would have passed alone, at home.

My mother has been aware of this condition for some time now but her ignorant approach as many take who are of the older generation was and is, well if I am sick and dying I am not going to stop doing what I do now.
I will die, doing what I love.

Really? So what about the rest of us? What about those watching you as you die? What about the burden and struggle we may experience as we watch you wither away?

Role Play.

As the eldest I am automatically looked at for guidance, oh what will she do, what will she say, how will she handle this or that. In most cases that may be true and in the past that may have been the case.
It is not so now, and hasn't for a very long time.
The role of decision maker as far as my mother's care has fallen on the lap of the baby.
The youngest of us three. The one who has had to deal with my mother and all that it entails the most.

When she called me on Thursday it was in part to get my opinion on how to handle certain actions moving forward. To some degree asking permission to take certain actions or say certain things.
What I was faced to do and what was the right thing to do though she is the youngest, was to say I am here, I am the eldest but I believe it is your right to make the decisions and I will step back and be supportive every step of the way.
Whatever you feel is best, that is what we will do and collectively we can speak to our mother discuss her wishes and make it so.

That is what we did, this is where we are at.

My mother is now the child. The roles we all play have changed.

We are aware of her wishes, all necessary documents have been signed, all conversations have been had.
Now we all just watch as things play out. Role Play.

Worse case, she has another attack can't breath on her own and the oxygen masks they provide are not enough to keep her alive. She will not be intubated and she will transition.
Better case, she continues to breathe on her own, continues to eat better so she has more strength and energy, she doesn't fight us on the nicotine patch use, she goes home with an oxygen tank because she will need that moving forward, and she learns to cooperate with her daughters to make the remainder of her time as comfortable as possible.

Role Play.

There is a time to take the lead and a time to take a back seat.

As parents we must teach and guide our children to know when to take which. As children of someone ourselves, we must know when to take which.

Lessons in everything, mindful that life is precious. Grateful to be aware of it all.

What life lesson will you be teaching your child today?

Not going to be a pusher of "don't smoke", but will leave you with the question...
Are your possible quality of life outcomes worth that puff?

Emphysema
Nicodermcq

4 comments:

  1. It can really be a struggle wanting to share our lives with our readers but still keep some things personal. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Just know that you're not the only one in a situation like this.

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    1. Samantha, thanks for visit and comment appreciate it :)

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  2. Just stopped to see what you were up to and after reading this could not just ove on to the next post without saying hi. Hi Mari!!! This really is a great post and I love the angle you took with it. Blessings to you and your family!

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    1. Nikki thank you for visit and comment appreciate it :)
      I will keep my blog fam posted on the family front for sure and try to maintain a light side :) xo hope to see you here again soon!

      Delete

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