Wednesday, August 12, 2015

I may Loose you but I'm ok with that Too

Hello my lovelies I can't tell you enough how grateful I am for even just one of you reading my posts. Putting yourself out there on any level is difficult enough but social media is brutal. Sometimes respect, self control, self monitoring and courtesy all go out the window. I've been fortunate enough to have stayed on the more upside of things. Yes I speak my mind, I share my truths but I'm not about stepping on others toes to get my point across and I think my writing and my shares have shown you that.

I think I have chosen ways to express myself in which just about anyone can at least respect and if it's bothersome just shrug it off and move on but I have a feeling that just a tiny bit that may change.

illustration by fbwallpics.com

You see, I want to write. Huh?! What does she mean by that you may be thinking, she already writes. Yes your right and yes I do but I want to write more deeply dig my heels in and sometimes be raw. I don't want to stop writing about the subjects I already touch but what I do want to do is expand on those topics more. Sometimes I find myself holding back because I start to think "oh I can't say that or I shouldn't touch that" but why not? If I'm about starting a conversation, living stress free, clarity, respect and self love why not talk about things all things that may come to mind?

I've been a talker all my life, I've been a writer all my life too I just never gave myself permission to say that until recently. A writer uses their words for many purposes, it's the one tool that is solely ours. Comes from deep inside of us with a passion like your first real deep lingering kiss. The one that just made your head spin. Or the passion a parent feels for their child, those moments you soak up their very presence and hugging them tight allows you to feel like one. I want to write and touch that part of you.

illustration by pamhogeweide.com


Some days when I have a running thought in my head I pick up a pen and I write. My writing workshop taught me it's called writing a Stream of Consciousness. I thought about my mother the other night and this is what came out...

If I knew...
If I knew that talking with you again would bring a new conversation, I would reach out.
If I knew that offering my help would be accepted and new changes would come about, I would offer.
If I knew that opening up to you being a part of my life would not bring me misery, I'd open that door.
If I knew that dialing your number to check on you would make me smile or bring you joy, I'd call you.
If I knew that letting you know I still care and pray for you and wish we could be closer, I would say something right now.
If I knew that my efforts would be rewarded with a kind word or some gesture of appreciation, I would try again.
If I knew...

So that's just a small taste of what you may now find here. My relationship with my daughter is evolving, it's more of a mutual exchange of lessons than just me doing the teaching. This part of my journey has me really breaking down my own road with my mom and how we got to where we are today which is no connection. The lesson in that is that without communication and a willingness to grow, without respect and forgiveness, without taking responsibility for your choices in life you can push people away. You may carry unnecessary hurt and bitterness but if you decide to open up and grow together extend a hand and lean on one another you can find endless possibilities.

illustration by gallery4share.com

I'm looking forward to great chats that lead to peeling away layers of emptiness. Raw conversations about children now teaching their parents. Touching on topics that sometimes only through being a parent can we have a wider perspective. I'm hoping you continue to join me, I'm hoping you jump in and share your own story with me. I'm hoping something I say starts you thinking and questioning old ways and or thoughts. The reality is...I may Loose you but I'm ok with that Too.

Always stress free xo.

8 comments:

  1. This is my first time visiting your blog, but I like the honesty and sincerity in this post. I understand what it can be like to hold back about things. That's probably partly why, for now, my blog is the way it is. Nonetheless, sometimes also opening up more is the best thing we can do for ourselves. And, I like that about blogging. The building of community and presence with others can only be achieved when we're also present and available :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow LB thank you! I hope you visit again and I appreciate you stopping by. I try to offer a variety of treats so I hope you find something and latch on lol again thanks for visit and comments. Welcome!

      Delete
  2. Go for it. You always have such interesting topics and discussion. I enjoy every one of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jovina, thank you. Trust when I say I appreciate every visit you make every comment you leave. Grateful to have you as a reader and blog friend :)xo

      Delete
  3. Good for you Mari! Can't wait to read more of your musings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Nikki for always stopping by xo:)

      Delete
  4. What I do choose to share on my blog, Mommy In Color, I am always careful but honest when choosing my words. There is so much I want to share with my readers but i don't because it may hurt or anger people I love. Maybe I'll start asking family/friends if I can share stories about me that have them in it. I could change the names.right?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jennice thanks for comment hey whatever works for your truth give it a try!

    ReplyDelete

I believe in freedom of speech but not at the expense of others. Please don’t confuse that with bashing, use of foul language or total disrespect of others.

Feel free to comment, post, share your own experience and ask questions all in a respectful manner. I welcome debates. Feel free to disagree and express it if you so wish but again always with respect to others. I am sure we can find ways to express our opinions without a shouting match or bullying.

I reserve the right to delete any content left on my blog that I deem not respectful to myself or others. Again we all have freedom of expression but this is my blog. By posting a comment on my blog you grant me the right to use, display, publish, reproduce, transmit and distribute your comment in any manner is see fit in the future i.e. books, video or presentation.

My goal is to host a caring, honest and respectful environment. A place where parents can have an interesting exchange with one another.