Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Warning: Touch my Child & we Will have a Problem

Happy Hump day to all my dolls, hope everyone is doing great and getting the little ones ready for Halloween. I had intended to share a whole different post today with a whole different vibe but watching the news last night and this morning pushed me in this direction instead.

nydailynews Teacher duct tapes kids mouth
nbcnews Cop slams student on the floor

Teacher uses belt to whip the kids

abc7ny.com Teacher hits students with ruler

I am sure by now you have heard and or seen the video of a Police Officer dragging a young lady in a classroom and formed your own opinion. I am not going to pick apart the three sides to every story what I am going to do is speak as a mother who has seen just one too many of these cases.

I always taught my daughter to respect those that respect her. I never put an age limit to respect, never. I respected her at age three as I did age twelve as I do today. I always taught her that it was ok to question authority and that if any problems speak with respect, stand her ground and call me. I taught my daughter that no adult or teacher or anyone period had the right to abuse her in any shape or form and if she felt threatened to defend herself first and ask questions later, we had her back.

illustration by twominuteparenting.com

I am not saying that I taught my daughter to go to school and disrespect her teachers. I am also not saying that I taught my daughter to disrespect her elders but questioning your elders or disagreeing with them is not disrespect, especially if your communication is respectful.
With that being said...I don't care what the circumstances are no adult especially a non parent has the right to ever lift a finger to a child.

You are an adult, you should know better you should be trained better too if you are in an environment with children. If I treated my own child that way I would be put in jail for abuse. Adults in authority need to learn better methods to deal with disruptive behavior. A child talking back to you or disrupting the class with chatter does not warrant physical confrontation. I don't hold a license or certificate that says Mari is a teacher Mari is a law enforcer but I am a mother and if you touch my child we are going to have a problem. The fact that I am a mother trumps all those licenses and certificates period end of story.

This morning I saw the story about a teacher who duct taped a student (I shared the link above) and this is what I said to my daughter. First I couldn't understand how he got his hand on the child because my child would have run away and gotten help.
 -I taught my daughter never to just sit and wait to see what happens, if someone is coming towards you move away and prepare for action
No one should be a sitting duck, prepare your children to defend themselves. This is not to say everything is physical but at least teach them to be aware. Prepare them to remove themselves from harms way and contact you immediately. Again teach them its ok to question authority, it is never ok for anyone to touch them.

illustration by pinterest

As a parent today my perspective in many things have changed, gone are the days we sent our kids to school and the teacher took over, looking for our children's best interest. So many rules and regulations have changed, so many stresses that weren't there before. I commend those authority figures who are doing their jobs, who are working in the kids best interest, who use better methods to discipline but for those who don't fall in that line this is what I have to say to you...

I don't send my child to school for you to disrespect or abuse them. 
I don't send my child to school for you to yell, scream or demean them. 
I don't send my child to school so you can bully them. If you are stressed...stay home 
If you have a problem...get help
 I don't condone my child not following the rules and I will work with you to get order back in your classroom but don't touch my child
 I don't condone back talk and I will put a stop to that
 but don't touch my child 
I will be respectful if you had to remove my child from your class 
but don't touch my child
 I taught my child not to allow anyone to touch her 
and if they do she has the right to defend herself 
so don't touch my child 
because if you do...we Will have a problem.

This latest incident is disturbing in and of itself but the added fact that it was a Police Officer towering over a seated child touches again on poor police policies and training. Are we suppose to teach our children to fear the very same people that are suppose to protect them? How would this have played out if the roles were reversed? I don't even want to get into the race card that is a whole other post. But we saw the Police Officer and young lady in the bathing suit this summer now this...what next?

illustration by positivediscipline.com


-talk with you children
-teach them it is not ok for a teacher to touch them
-teach them police are not suppose to hurt them
-let them know you support them if they walk away from a teacher to get help
-talk with them about ways to handle not agreeing with their elders
-encourage them to share with you if they have been bullied by an adult

What do you think? Are there exceptions to an adult touching your child? Do you think any of these children in these events regardless of reason, deserved to be mistreated? Have you ever spoken to your children about questioning authority or do you think adults should never be questioned by children? Let's talk share start a conversation

Always stress free xo
Mari

10 comments:

  1. Yeah let's not play the race card this would be a book being that I'm African American instead I agree DO NOT TOUCH MY SON OR DAUGHTER especially in a non violent confrontation and these most recent cases the men slamming and dragging young girls around is atrocious. Keep posting Mari and I'll keep following.

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    1. John welcome back always a pleasure to have a male view join the fun:) Thanks for sharing and support.

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  2. Mari, you've touched on a subject that has had me bend out of shape for some time. Thank you for addressing it so eloquently.

    I agree that any and everyone given a position of authority over our children, and anyone given the sacred gift of educating our children, and or the privilege of becoming a part of a "village," MUST be held accountable.

    Children are not inanimate objects. As our children learn who they are and define who they want to be. There will be conflict. Especially during that pubescent, erratic hormonal stage. We must remember that their journey to independence, independent thinking and individuality requires pushing boundaries. How can we cultivate the leaders of tomorrow if we don't promote the questions, the rebellions, the going against the status quo, today?

    That doesn't mean I condone disrespectful behavior. I too taught my children to advocate for themselves, as soon as they were able to express themselves. I taught them the right to say NO and defend their personal space. I battled many a relative over trying to manhandle my infant child; when my baby clearly did not want to be held, kissed, or in any way engage with said relative. I've never promoted or supported the idea that little human beings have no rights or voice? Not happening, not on my watch. Not within my family, and definitely not happening amongst strangers. First and foremost I was and continue to be a Protector and Defender of all children, especially my own.

    For the most part and for survival infants, children, and adolescence tend to be selfish, self absorbed entities who want immediate gratification. They can't be held accountable if they aren't taught empathy, compassion, or the basic rules of engagement in polite society. The problem lays with people forgetting that lessons of respect, and common courtesy, must start from day one. NOT at 13 or 16 years of age.

    In my home, from day one in addition to lessons of empowerment;
    I drilled into my children the lesson that it was my responsibility to prepare them for life/society, and if the day ever dawned that they became a pariah - hell bend on destructive antisocial behavior; (which to me is vastly different from having an opinion or standing for a cause,) it would be my responsibility as their parent to correct the imbalance

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    1. Unknown, what a wonderful response thank you for sharing. This is just the sort of conversation I feel is missing in homes, in schools, in communities in general. I am so happy to your share on how you handled and spoke up for your little one. Everything starts at home and the more we talk about these issues the better we all can be. Thank you so much for stopping by hope to see you here again, I can't wait to share your response with my daughter. Be well :)

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  3. I am so glad that my husband retired when he did as he was on the verge of losing his pension. Parents need to make sure their children understand that attending school is their job and just as they demand respect, they should give respect. My husband was assaulted by 3 students in middle school before he retired and the parents blamed him...

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    1. Antionette, thanks for visit and share. It's unfortunate to hear about your families experience with the down side of our education system. I agree there are some rough kids out there. I imagine the only way to keep everyone safe is to open the lines of communication more and get all sides involved.

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  4. Thanks for linking up to Pin Worthy Wednesday, I have pinned your post to the Pin Worthy Wednesday Pinterest Board.

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  5. I don't have children. In this environment it's scary to think of having them. Times have changed from when I went to school. Of course I think more than one reason play a role in children being at a place where police are even in the schools let alone handling children. However, I also feel that as the environment changes, people need to learn how to deal with that. If we are going to have police govern our children then they need to be taught how to handle them as children. I never understood how you put someone in the schools that was taught how to deal with criminals and expect them to deal with our children like they're children. The system is broken.

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    1. Iris you hit nail on he head...system is broken. Thanks for stopping doll chat again soon xo:)

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