Courage to Rise Up after we Stumble

Hey! Can I just share that I've really been giving some heavy thought to a recent acknowledgment that I made to myself? I guess I have been making note of some changes but just didn't want to bring it to light. 

Recent events have taken my attitude of Mindfulness to full blown Anger. Some of my thoughts haven't been very kind and my words have reflected that. It's been tough for me because I have really been on this Mindfulness journey for the past four years and I thought I had come a long way. 

It's been challenging on several levels.

My parenting skills have really had to kick in extra extra hard. You know, the one that pops up when someone does something to your child you don't like and you'd love to punch the heck out of that person but know that as an adult that is just not the way to go? The skill you grab on to when you know that loosing your cool will bring more harm than good? The skill you remind yourself you have when you want to revert to the fifteen year old inside of you? Well I've been not just holding but down right red knuckles grabbing on that sucker for dear life.

illustration by pinterest.com

Last night was a tough one in which I had a conversation with one of my baby #2 home attendants and I really had to breathe for dear life. This woman was testing me in every way. As I have shared in the past I am responsible for most of the care of my 92 year old grandmother. Last night some things came to light that her care has some cracks in it and I was livid. I have been kept in the dark to some activities and this person felt that because I may react poorly or perhaps not like she wanted me to it was best to keep things from me. Who would react nicely to that? But I stayed in my respectful lane and did my best. I breathed a lot and paced a lot and decided to handle things on Monday.

Not to mention that prior to last night I also in a span of two weeks I had several events and conversations take place that were exhausting. I was totally depleted of all energy and rational. I just wanted the noise to stop and for me to walk away. One good thing even in the storm I was proud that though the words were uncomfortable I held on to the lesson...this too shall pass. I had learned to sit in the discomfort and work things out. To take some breaths and some time to let the waves calm down. That just because your buttons are pushed you don't have to push back.

Parenthood continues to remind me how much further I have to go in my Mindfulness journey. How I must always keep in the forefront of my mind that people everyday have things going on that no one else sees. That we are all individuals and that we must all learn for ourselves our loved ones can't protect us from everything. That as our children grow they are really teaching us how to let go of those safety nets we have been casting out over the years.

Its ok to stumble its not uncommon it is actually normal. We are not robots we are beings trying to find the best place in life for ourselves. Some days are really good and some days not as much but we must remain focused that nothing last forever.

I hit a rough patch in my practice but now I see it will be fine. It will only make me more aware and better equipped to handle the next time I stumble and there will be a next time. I am still learning how to Rise Up.

Funny how life drops some goodies on your lap when you eyes are closed. I came across this artist just as I was feeling down about some of my choices. Enjoy!

You're broken down and tired

Of living life on a merry-go-round
And you can't find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains

And I'll rise up

I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousand times again
And I'll rise up
High like the waves
I'll rise up
In spite of the ache
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousands times again

When the silence isn't quiet

And it feels like it's getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we'll take the world to it's feet
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains

~Andra Day~

illustration by riseupgallery.com

What are your thoughts? Have you fallen short on a practice you thought you had a handle on only to be tested and fail? How do you handle your shortcomings? As a parent, what are the lessons that have helped you to be easier on yourself on those bad days? Share your tips here.

Always stress free xo

Mari