Sunday, October 16, 2016

Sexual Assault for Dummies

Hey loves so how many of you have ever used those yellow and black blah blah blah for Dummies books? You know which ones I'm talking about the one with the cartoon guy with glasses and black hair in the front, there is even a website Dummies.com.

If you haven't well just so you know if there is anything you want to learn about in a quick condensed lesson, there is a book out there for it and if you have used it you know how handy it came in with that test or issue you were having. Similar to Cliff notes back in the day.

My conversation with you today is on Sexual Assault. Everyone has been discussing it but I feel yet still many are taking it too lightly.
First the proper definition is as follows: RAINN.ORG Sexual assault is a crime of power and control. The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim.


illustration by wallpaperup
    I reference this to say I feel we need one on the subject matter of Sexual Assault because it seems as serious as it is not everyone is clear on just what to consider Sexual Assault to be. I feel as a female and as a mom I am required to know exactly what falls under those terms so here is my "dummies" breakdown.

    Sexual Assault:
    -your Boss hovering over you and commenting on your clothes, makeup, hair, body or personal life
    -the guy in the Super Market who touches you to say hello without your permission
    -the guy or guys at the club that grab your hand or arm and say "let me talk to you for a minute". Well A**Hole you can totally talk to me but you were never suppose to touch me
    -the teacher who insists on sitting too close or leaning too deep while explaining his lesson
    -anyone exerting their sense of entitlement whether verbal or physical to intimidate your actions

    In a nut shell, if you are invading my personal space and I feel uncomfortable you are Assaulting me in one way or another and that is wrong!

    This is a universal issue but women especially suffer because we are groomed to go along and not rock the boat. We are taught to be polite, respect our teachers, clergymen and bosses. We are "encouraged" to play along with the team. BULLS***!

    illustration by funnygifs

    I am not a go along with the program type of female never have so obviously I taught my daughter and any female around me the same. Open your mouth, question and speak up is what I always say.
    Don't laugh at inappropriate jokes, don't shrink in size just because your Boss is in the room. Stand your ground and know your value. Again personal space is very important you have a right to it, use it.

    The Donald Trump video I can go on forever breaking down but at the core it is his sense of Entitlement that led him to this point. Money, Power and the "connections" so many of us encourage our kids when they head off the college to make. F that!, there is no connection so valuable that you would stand around and be degraded for. There is no connection worth the blatant disrespect of any female in your life.

    We have a responsibility as parents to teach our children both females and males that it is not ok to speak or conduct yourself in such manor and then on top of it all try to shrug it off as "boys being boys, men being men." Locker room talk has been thrown around a lot, is that suppose to make it acceptable. "Oh he didn't know he was being recorded", does that excuse it or make it even worse?

    illustration by giphy

    It is time we speak up! Moms talk with sons and daughters. Sexual Assault is a must have conversation and not when you have "the talk" but from Birth! They must learn the value of themselves and that comes from home. They must learn the concept of personal space. Yes a four year old has the right to personal space.

    Next time you find yourself in the middle of an exchange that makes you feel uncomfortable speak up. You don't have to make a production out of it a simple I am not comfortable with that or I am not comfortable right now will do just fine. If that isn't respected then you already know there is a bigger problem. The word NO is powerful and we must all learn to use it more often, embrace it, love it.

    If you or someone you love believes they have been Sexually Assaulted look for help. Don't be or feel ashamed. You have the right to speak up without repercussions.

    What do you think? Have you experienced a moment when someone crossed the line and you went along? Where you ever not clear on what constitutes Sexual Assault? Do you feel that this Donald Trump "incident" is really no big deal? Would love to hear your views.

    Always stress free xo,
    Mari

    10 comments:

    1. Really good read Mari!
      It is such a hard thing to teach. I love your "dummy" breakdown!
      I have a 9 year old girl.....never too early to teach!
      Thanks!
      Michelle

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      1. Michelle welcome and thanks for commenting. Yes please start having these talks with your daughter very important for her to be aware that her space is to be respected and that she has the right to speak up for herself, always! Hope to see you here again soon:)

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    2. This a damn good post, good on your putting it out there. I used to tell my son to 'give nanny a hug!' etc when we went to visit my family whom we don't see often. Then I read something about bodily autonomy and i realised it wasn't fair and was teaching the wrong lesson, so I've stopped doing that. He is almost 4 now and while I do expect him to have the courtesy to say hello/goodbye if he doesn't want to hug someone, I will not force him to and will tell them he's 'feeling shy' so as to stop them getting into his personal bubble. xx #smallvictoriessundaylinkup

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      1. Hey Claire welcome and excellent idea, personal bubble I love that! Appreciate your comments and I agree best way to handle children is to use the shy card it gives way to courtesy while keeping distance. Hope to see you here again again thanks for stopping by :)

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    3. I love this, Mari. When it comes down to it, it really is a simple issue and it terrifies me that so many people can't seem to grasp the concept. Don't touch people. Don't speak to people as of they exist only for your pleasure or amusement. Be respectful. Why is that so hard? Being the mother of a little girl, I am constantly worried about things like this. We absolutely need to teach both sexes about what is and isn't acceptable if we are ever going to see progress.

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      1. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your comments doll glad to see you back. It takes everyone doing their part for sure and teaching our little ones is never toooooo early!

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    4. Whew now I can exhale...let me tell you, I was holding my breath the entire read, absolutely fantastic post Mari!! I've been the male on the end of these types of assaults at the young age of 13 not knowing what it was and how to address or deal with it. As an adult and father I started teaching my children early just as you on what was and wasn't acceptable behavior as it pertains to personal space and touching. Thank you for you "Dummies" version nice twist on something so necessary and important,I respect that.

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      1. John thanks def a conversation that needs to always be had to some degree.

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