Sexual Assault for Dummies

Hey loves so how many of you have ever used those yellow and black blah blah blah for Dummies books? You know which ones I'm talking about the one with the cartoon guy with glasses and black hair in the front, there is even a website Dummies.com.

If you haven't well just so you know if there is anything you want to learn about in a quick condensed lesson, there is a book out there for it and if you have used it you know how handy it came in with that test or issue you were having. Similar to Cliff notes back in the day.

My conversation with you today is on Sexual Assault. Everyone has been discussing it but I feel yet still many are taking it too lightly.
First the proper definition is as follows: RAINN.ORG Sexual assault is a crime of power and control. The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim.

illustration by wallpaperup

I reference this to say I feel we need one on the subject matter of Sexual Assault because it seems as serious as it is not everyone is clear on just what to consider Sexual Assault to be. I feel as a female and as a mom I am required to know exactly what falls under those terms so here is my "dummies" breakdown.

Sexual Assault:
-your Boss hovering over you and commenting on your clothes, makeup, hair, body or personal life
-the guy in the Super Market who touches you to say hello without your permission
-the guy or guys at the club that grab your hand or arm and say "let me talk to you for a minute". Well A**Hole you can totally talk to me but you were never suppose to touch me
-the teacher who insists on sitting too close or leaning too deep while explaining his lesson
-anyone exerting their sense of entitlement whether verbal or physical to intimidate your actions

In a nut shell, if you are invading my personal space and I feel uncomfortable you are Assaulting me in one way or another and that is wrong!

This is a universal issue but women especially suffer because we are groomed to go along and not rock the boat. We are taught to be polite, respect our teachers, clergymen and bosses. We are "encouraged" to play along with the team. BULLS***!

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I am not a go along with the program type of female never have so obviously I taught my daughter and any female around me the same. Open your mouth, question and speak up is what I always say.
Don't laugh at inappropriate jokes, don't shrink in size just because your Boss is in the room. Stand your ground and know your value. Again personal space is very important you have a right to it, use it.

The Donald Trump video I can go on forever breaking down but at the core it is his sense of Entitlement that led him to this point. Money, Power and the "connections" so many of us encourage our kids when they head off the college to make. F that!, there is no connection so valuable that you would stand around and be degraded for. There is no connection worth the blatant disrespect of any female in your life.

We have a responsibility as parents to teach our children both females and males that it is not ok to speak or conduct yourself in such manor and then on top of it all try to shrug it off as "boys being boys, men being men." Locker room talk has been thrown around a lot, is that suppose to make it acceptable. "Oh he didn't know he was being recorded", does that excuse it or make it even worse?

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It is time we speak up! Moms talk with sons and daughters. Sexual Assault is a must have conversation and not when you have "the talk" but from Birth! They must learn the value of themselves and that comes from home. They must learn the concept of personal space. Yes a four year old has the right to personal space.

Next time you find yourself in the middle of an exchange that makes you feel uncomfortable speak up. You don't have to make a production out of it a simple I am not comfortable with that or I am not comfortable right now will do just fine. If that isn't respected then you already know there is a bigger problem. The word NO is powerful and we must all learn to use it more often, embrace it, love it.

If you or someone you love believes they have been Sexually Assaulted look for help. Don't be or feel ashamed. You have the right to speak up without repercussions.

What do you think? Have you experienced a moment when someone crossed the line and you went along? Where you ever not clear on what constitutes Sexual Assault? Do you feel that this Donald Trump "incident" is really no big deal? Would love to hear your views.

Always stress free xo,
Mari

Life is simple, make better Choices

Good morning I'd like to begin my chat with you today acknowledging the events that took place over the weekend in Florida, again another senseless ending of lives just because someone else isn't happy with theirs. I'm not going to point a finger at one group or one thing or one belief or one anything. I am just going to say that as a parent of a young lady who is often out socializing with her friends and family that no one should be going through this ever!

Every life is precious and holding on to hate just because of differences is not a representation of any God.

Automatic weapons have no place in our neighborhoods. Your house or business, our schools or shopping centers or stadiums don't require that kind of weapon for our protection. We must rethink, review and revise our gun laws. The right to bare arms and protect what is yours can still be upheld but that type of weapon is not the answer. As parents as human beings we must figure out a way to join together and protect everyone's child.

Now, with that being said I want to dive right into this thought because again it is all relevant.

illustration by myquotesclub.com

I am not going to feel any type of way about you feeling I am to blame for your misfortune. Does that make any sense to you? Well let me explain.

Most people function with placing blame. I didn't get that job because the interviewer had it in for me, I didn't get that apartment because they don't want xyz people here, my partner cheated on me because so and so through themselves at them etc etc.
Whether or not any of these examples hold a drop of truth it is what we choose to do shortly after that really matters.

How can you continuously blame an outside source for your troubles and for how long is that "truth" going to help you live your life?

Of course when bad things happen our emotions are all over the place but when we honestly stop and look at ourselves in the mirror we usually can see the answers staring back at us. We are not what happens to us but instead what we do with those events.

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Your man didn't cheat on you for any other reason than his choice to do so. The apartment perhaps just wasn't for you, the job...maybe you were over qualified. Choose to change your perspective, choose to acknowledge the event and keep moving, choose a better life. When you go out to lunch and had a bad meal do you go back again and order the same dish? No. Choices, we all have them choose wisely.

illustration by pinterest.com

My daughter just resigned from her job not even three months in. She was very excited about this new adventure until the blinders were taken off. Until certain behaviors clashed with her authentic self. We had many long talks over these past few weeks and two of the questions I asked her were "What were you hired for? What is your job?"At first she was offended because she felt I was telling her to just go to work and shut up but what I was picking her brain about really was for her to speak out loud her expectations verses her actual job duties. She was doing too much, she was investing too much emotional energy in a situation that didn't require it. When she realized this she thanked me for the conversation and put in her two weeks. 

illustration by quoteaddicts.com

She calls me after work yesterday to run what had happened at the end of her day by me. Her supervisor had thanked her for the two weeks notice because it really was/is a courtesy on her behalf and said that after her being there for that week they saw no need to waste her time and that she didn't have to return again. My lil mama said "for a second there I felt like I got fired, but I didn't get fired right"? I said "no vieja (I call her old lady in Spanish too) you didn't get fired you had already quit but in their eyes they see no need to risk you perhaps tampering with their stuff or just dealing with the energy and saw it best to just say goodbye." She said "oh ok then, fine." I said "yes, fine go out and celebrate be grateful for the experience and btw if in the future you do ever get fired, its ok to feel what you may feel but don't dwell on it too long it just means you weren't a good fit for what they needed. It is never personal, business is business keep it moving." She said "thanks mama, always great to hear your side" and we hung up.

Choices, is your cup always going to be half empty or are you going to view it with a smile as half full? What are your thoughts? What was a recent let down and what choice did you make? Was someone else to blame or did you decide to focus on your next option? Let's chat.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

I am still Growing Up

Maturity is widening the gap between impulse and action

What a statement, hello my lovelies what do you think about that?
Does it ring any truth for you?
It does for me. As I recap 2015 and all the ups and downs I experienced I am focusing on my attitude and behavior and how I handled myself. Did I fly off the handle as I quickly did in my teens and twenties? Did I sulk or suck my teeth, did I take a breath and slow myself down?

In all honesty I must say I am proud of the strides I've made but I did have a few fails.

Like when my daughter fell short on an expectation I had of her and the conversation wasn't very calm. I found myself raising my voice and repeating myself instead of finding a solution I totally shut her off and nothing was gained. Shortly after I was very disappointed in myself for projecting my expectations on her and ended up having to refocus and regroup.
That's what we do sometimes as parents and that's why we have moments of failure. Our expectations are just that ours, and when we project them on our children and even on others most times things don't turn out so great. Those are moments when as we mature we learn to bow our heads and apologize for behaving like a clown.

illustration by rawforbeauty.com

Then there was the time when my friend offered to help install my Air Conditioner window brackets and I totally flipped out because certain things around the window were moved and I being the crazy control nut with self diagnosed OCD lost my temper instead of explaining myself better. I raised my voice about moving the curtains and pushing some of the furniture around instead of just taking a deep breath and explaining myself better. I should have let my friend know I just like things in order and if you move my stuff around I need a heads up. The flip side of that was and is that my friend should have had more patience with me and listened better. It wasn't a challenge to his help it was just  an opportunity to respect how others handle stuff. We both failed that day but learned the lesson of compassion. When someone close to you is going through something, don't rush them. Be supportive and slow down.

And how can I not mention all the tests baby #2, my grandma has put me through. I tell you I still have hair because I just don't want to pull mines out though at times I wish I could pull someone else. From her threats on hitting me with her cane to her acting up in the doctor's office to her outright refusal to cooperate on numerous occasions she truly has tested me the most but with many fails came many passes. I've learned to reign my need for control in when it comes to her special needs and just go with the flow. Ride the wave as I say. I have learned but still have a ways to go on how to adjust my role from one moment to the next when it comes to her. I am learning daily how to let her dictate what my day with her will be like. This truly is my biggest challenge, Alzheimers is no joke geez....

So I repeat again...Maturity is widening the gap between impulse and action

illustration by rebelgrain.com

If we get to a place where we use impulse less and actions more than we are growing steady. We are getting closer to the person we want to become. Maturity is a destination, a place we hope to reach at some point. It is not an easy journey but one I hope most agree is a worth while trip.

What about you, have you had any failures recently that got you closer to Maturity? What are your thoughts on Growing Up?

Always stress free xo

Mari

How Awesome is it to be the Original You?

Isn't it funny how you can hear something often but it only takes someone saying it in a different way to make you stop in your tracks? Words are so powerful and can do so much but its when you listen carefully that it can bring about changing moments.

"You are the original researcher of your own life"- Jon Kabat Zinn

illustration by ahealinglove.com

It has been a very long time since I looked at my life and wanted to be like someone else. Those days of being envious or jealous of another's journey have long left and I want to credit the past 10 years of my life and all the people who have come in and out during this time.

When we are young we are always wishing to be someone or something else for the most part I think its a universal experience. I think maturity, mistakes and experiences tweak this behavior as we grow. I think its just a process we must go through in order to arrive at our authentic self. To want to emulate someone we see as having a great life because of what they show from the outside only to as we mature and we begin to tear away their layers we arrive at the truth and realize they are not perfect or they don't have it as great as we thought.

It is then that we grow to appreciate our Original selves.

illustration by payalrai1303.wordpress.com

I'm the Original me! Think about that. Think about how awesome it is to be you. To be able to shape your life and yourself as you wish. Not having to use someone else's template to be who You want to be. Think about how freeing that revelation is! Think about the endless possibilities your journey can achieve.

I'm the Original me

No one sees that Rose like I do

No one will enjoy that breeze like I did

No one will capture that photo the way I did

My words are my own

My smile shines as it does because it is looking at you

No one laughs as I do

No one will see my scars and see the beauty I see

No one can dream my dreams

No one looks at that cloud the same way I do

My wardrobe fits Me

My home is cozy for Me

My body type is awesome to Me

My daughter loves me because I am Me

Today I encourage you to see how amazing it is to be You and to go out and share that Original beauty. Share with me what is your Original beauty!

Always stress free xo

Mari