Sunday, March 23, 2014

Married or Single?

Another day in which I encounter someone who apparently lives in the fifties. Or maybe I shouldn't label it as that specific time in history but instead just say someone with a very old school mindset.

I am aware of course of the male and female differences. I am aware of the so called "idea'' of who is superior and the reasoning behind the why.
Any given day I can be totally open and respectful but that can turn to bare tolerance when it comes to certain use of words, especially in the topic of ways it is better to be married and / or to have a man in my life.

I try to keep in mind I am perhaps a bit more accepting of all the options life has to offer. That I am a child of the seventies and perhaps a bit rebellious when it has come to who I am, what I am suppose to do and what my role as woman is suppose to mean.
With that I say, don't push your life and your choices on me...please.

Where is it written is a poor choice of words because some would refer me to a Bible or other religious based book; that I am suppose to get married or be married to have a child? That a piece of paper will make my approach to motherhood or parenting any different then the woman who has one?
Really? Why?

It is offensive enough when I have heard this from men, but when I hear it from a woman it really tests my meditation practice.
I try to keep in perspective that we have lived very different lives.

I have been in both a loving, committed relationship and I know what its like to be single. I am the same mother today that I have always been.
One that is nurturing, protective, loving, teaching, helpful and kind. One that disciplines, supports, encourages and provides shelter.
One that cheers at games, helps with studies, slips a $20 here and there just in case and one that has "the talk" all the time, anytime.

Certain things may have to be adjusted but being a good mother (or father I am just focusing on my experience at the moment) does not change with the amount of people in your household.

I am sure that had certain things been more socially accepted in the past many lives today would have taken different roads.

Married or Single, Gay or Straight, Better or Worse...labels labels labels!

I have met some pretty messed up kids who've come out of a two (2) parent home and I have met some awesome kids who've come out of single parent homes and vice verse. Every life is different, every family is a choice, let's learn to respect one another.

Parenting is both a joy and a responsibility period, nothing else matters. Let us learn to be encouraging of that journey because its already tough enough.

14 comments:

  1. I agree that you can be a good parent regardless of your marital status. I was a much better parent when I was single than I was when married to my first husband. We were a disaster together and did not provide a good home for my daughter. We were both much better parents apart. I have to say I'm happiest in the situation I'm in today, with a supportive husband who helps me a great deal with the kids (and life in general). You certainly don't need someone to "complete" you, but finding the right partner has made my life easier.

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    1. Candace so glad you found something that works for you. It is always wonderful to see you here :)

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    1. Marie thank you for visit and comment :)

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  3. What a nice way to say it, "Tests my meditation practice!" Love it. This was so beautifully written. Now get back to being the best Mom you can be and have a great week! Thank you for sharing you insights.

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    1. Yes it sure was a test of my practice lol. Thanks for visit and comment Titanimom :)

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  4. I love reading this blog and I could not agree with you more with everything that you said. I too have been in your situation. This is my first time reading your blog but I plan to read many more. Thanks so much! :)

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    1. Jamilla! welcome and glad to have you here. Hope you find some good reads and we chat again soon ;)

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  5. I am a better father single than when I was married to my children's mother.

    I rather have the kiddos a home with one person who is happy with their life than a home with two people that are unhappy with life.

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    1. Patrick thanks for visit and comment. I hear that!!!

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  6. Amen!! No situation is better than another situation when it comes to raising your child. I must admit that I am a more engaged and attentive mother as a single mother, but honestly, I think I would have been the same way if I were in a relationship or married to his father or someone else. The judgement really has to stop, though. I hear it regularly - "When are you going to get married and give your child a daddy?" "Aren't you lonely?" "You would be a better mom if you were in a relationship." When my son was younger, it was highly irritating, especially when I heard it from strangers. You don't know me or my life, so don't judge me. Over time, I've gotten used to ignoring it. But I feel you on every point that you've made and I applaud you for saying it.

    Thanks so much for sharing on Turn It Up Tuesday! We love having you! :)

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    1. Natasha it is YOU and the other great ladies at TIUT that I thank for all the love and support honestly ;) Thanks for visit and comments. I don't know when people in general will just wish others well period and not pick one or the other as BETTER but until then, we just do what we do and be confident in the role at the moment!!!! :)

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  7. Yes I agree with you and some of the previous commenters. I am such a better mom now that I am single than I was before. What kids wants to grow up in a house where people argue (albeit surreptitiously) and are always stressed? Today at my son's birthday party, I got asked "but where's his father?" I just thought gosh there are so many different types of families, How do you know I didn't have a sperm donor or some other equally viable option??? I love doing it on my own!

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    1. SOSM welcome :) thanks for visit and comment. As you said there are so many different types of families and ways to BE a family, it would be sweet if more encouragement was encountered and not the rude remarks. Hope to see you here again :)

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