Sunday, September 21, 2014

Beat Down

Today our new poster child for Domestic Abuse is Ray Rice.

But the week before he was on the news how come the man that was doing the same thing to his lady in Connecticut or in Kansas or in California was not being talked about or called out?

How come we aren't speaking about the Stock Broker or Teacher or Bus Driver or Office Manager that is behaving in the same way?

Once again jumping on the band wagon of the latest news item when on a daily basis women all around the world young or old, rich or poor deal with this subject and pain.

Another example of lack of education. 
This is not a race thing it's a human thing and any and all types of men are capable of this behavior as are women.

Do I believe he should be punished? Of course. Would I ban him from Football or burn his jersey or return his jersey? No. 
How does that address and correct his anger issues?
How does that teach his wife self worth?

Societies answer to everything uncomfortable is always a band aid. Hurry up hurry up get that out of my sight but never ok let me stop and really take a close look. 

As a woman I have never been hit by another human being besides my mother and the one time my daughter's father tried to slap me at the age of 23/24 I had at the time the ole school cordless phones on my hand and I took it and hit him right across the forehead with it. It was an instinct, to raise my hand defend myself. I cut him enough for him to bleed and have a light scar a few days. His friends noticed and laughed at him he felt embarrassed and he learned to never try and never raise his hands at me or any other women ever again. We spoke on it at length and both learned that when in an argument or disagreement it was best to give each other space and time to calm down and come back to issues with different attitude.

So many relationships have issues because both parties don't know when to say ok let's stop a minute and come back to this later. People feel they must be heard immediately, that they must be right all the time or that they have to win.
But who ever really wins when you are either mentally or physically hurting someone you are suppose to love?

Education is the answer. We teach our sons to be tough, go out in the field win the game, go to War come back alive, be an officer everyone respects and admires, wrestle that guy to the ground, be aggressive in getting that job etc...
Did you teach them how to shut off that aggression? Did you teach them how to unwind after hours or days or months or even years of having a bully approach?

No we have not. We see the results with Soldiers that come home after serving in the Military, we see it with Athletes, we see it in our neighbor after he has come home from working at a detention center, we even see it when our kids come home from playing a game.
Aggression. They don't know what to do with all those emotions, why? Because we teach our males to repress and be strong. Anything covered with pressure is bound to explode.

I have been witness to so many times when my nephews came home from a game be it Basketball or Football or Wrestling and they were so hyped up that our interactions were very poor until they were able to calm down and remove the field mentality into regular life mentality.

The same way we have training for go get them tactics let's start training on how to deal with anger.
Let's start at a younger age with our little boys and girls. Let's stop laughing at playground rough housing and teach respect of each others space and bodies.
Let's stop accepting boys will be boys and girls are so sensitive statements.

Another thing we need to be more sensitive to is once a women is abused let's not continue to abuse her by showing her pictures or commenting on "what we would do". No one knows for sure until they are faced with this issue how they will react. Stop telling her "she should leave" she knows what she should do but until she is ready she won't be able to take the next step.
Let's provide her with the tools to make it easier to leave, safer to leave and lets protect her privacy. She is still deserving of that.

It is not a free for all to sit back and talk about these people like they are characters in a Reality show, these are real human beings.
This could be your son or your daughter, your brother or sister, your neighbor and his wife.
Communication and action is needed now.

I am including links that provide help and information if needed.
Women if you find yourself in this situation there is help. If you suspect a friend is in need, start a loving conversation, leave your judgment out the door.
thehotline teen violence & dating

illustration by

Always stress free xo


  1. What a great post Mari! And I totally agree with you that when someone is not ready to leave an abusive relationship, it's going to be hard to make her go. But we have to do our best to make them feel that they can count on us.

    1. Jhanis thanks for visit and comment! :) hope to see you here again soon!

  2. You covered this topic better than anything I have read to date! Your recommendations are exactly what is needed.

    1. Thanks Jovina for your comment and support. I always believe education can lead to progress and change :)

  3. Mari, I agree with your points and ideas. Anger management training could benefit anyone. Great post!

    1. Vicky thanks for visit. Yeah you would think that more would be said on tools to manage anger or at least express it differently. Hope to see you again soon :)

  4. Great post Mari and even better that you included the links! Women need to protect themselves and seek help when needed. xo ~ The Fashionista Momma

    1. Megan thank you, appreciate visit and comments :) it is always a plus to have information.

  5. I have seen abuse first hand. My mother was a battered wife at the hands of my biological father. I witnessed many beatings at a very young age, images that are still embedded in my brain. She took us out of that situation, moving several times to try to escape him. In the end she stopped running and stood tall. He stopped pursuing her & left her alone other than to try to see me. Living in that environment, I knew that I would never allow a man to strike me. I had one man get physical with me once. In anger he pushed me during a fight, he was gone the next day. Great post, Mari. It is true that no one seems to take notice of issues like this until it happens to a celebrity, but this kind of stuff happens everyday.

    1. Doll thanks for visit and share. I am glad your mom came out of that situation stronger and you guys are well. It does take courage and being ready to make the first step. It is a shame it takes fame to get notice. Be well chat again soon :)

  6. So wonderfully stated! We so most definitely need to comunicate and educate to keep these things from happening! Thank you so much for sharing on Meandering Mondays and have an amazing week!

    1. Stacey, thank you for visit and comment. Always great to visit MM have a great week yourself :)


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