When Love is Just around the Corner

I am always happy to chat about Love and Relationships guess it's because regardless of my experiences I believe in romance and remain abundantly optimistic. When a group of people gather together so many views come to play because of their own experiences. You hear so many opinions about Finding Love.
-you have to be open to it
-your time will come
-your expectations are too high
-you're sending out mixed signals
-you're not looking in the right places
-God has other plans for you

Which one can you relate to and which one did you totally roll your eyes at?

If I know one thing and that's for sure is nothing is guaranteed. You can follow all the rules, prepare all you want and pray all you want but nothing you do will rush the process of Finding Love.

illustration by pinterest.com

I stepped out my door and there you were smiling that beautiful smile.
We said Good Morning and kept walking to our individual destinations.
Every so often our paths would cross again and that smile would continue to appear.
Months later late one afternoon our paths crossed again and finally you gathered up the nerve to ask for my name. I don't know whose smile was wider but as I said my name your eyes lit up like a star in the sky. I asked what was your name and I was surprised at its simplicity yet as you said it all I felt was strength. Again we walked to our individual destinations.

Soon came several other moments of casual interactions and always that same smile appeared. Then as quickly as it began it ended. No more crossing paths in the morning or late afternoons. You were gone, a work trip you said. Couldn't wait to get out of the city. All I thought was what will happen now? Wasn't this as interesting for you as it has been for me?

Some time passed and I had given up hope of running into you again.
One Sunny morning on my way to work I turned the corner and there you were!
That smile was still there accompanied by such warmth and a pleasant sense of connection. You walked me to my car and we exchanged numbers. “Let's keep in touch” we said. But how many times have you said that line and really meant it? Not even an hour had past before you had called.

illustration by jarofquotes

Small talk that grew longer and longer with each conversation and each revelation about our lives. Several similarities but also many differences.
Every exchange seemed effortless like we had known each other for a very long time
Conversations that have only grown with time and aided in Finding Love just around the corner.

What do you think the ending of this story will be? Does it sound like how you met your significant other? Is it how you hope you will find love? Is it real or is it fantasy? Share your thoughts on “Finding Love.”

Always stress free xo,
Mari

In Relationships, what matters most Stability or Potential?

The topic of Love and building relationships keeps coming up lately in a lot of my social groups. Most recently last night at a Divine Release Party I attend. More on that at another time. But things were bought up in reference to what is being looked for, accepted of and expected of. This pushed me into tackling the all important question...in building a long term relationship do we focus on Stability or Potential?

I recently took part in a great conversation with two beautiful women in two different age groups I made three. We were catching up on our latest goings on and dating came up. One just recently started talking to an old college friend. The other is dating two people everything is out in the open and I'm low key dating here and there but nothing serious.

The talking to first date went well she shared. Lots of conversation and clarity and the focus is on getting to know one another and sex is off the table because one party is practicing celibacy until right person comes along. Things look promising but doesn't want to rush and get her hopes too high. This person is a little scattered , knows what he wants but just hasn't grabbed hold of it yet. Talking to is willing to see how things play out.

illustration by refe99.com

Dating two people is feeling uneasy. Things are starting to develope and more feelings are getting involved. She's starting to see it's time to make a decision. Her decision is does she go with the person who is stable, has things going for them already and isn't too emotional or does she go with the one who shows great potential, is kind, loving and considerate?

Me...talking to/dating lots of potential. Mostly clear and going in the right direction great chemistry, lots of fun very loving but the timing might be off.

So put all those things together and the discussion was bound to be eye opening and educational.

We all agreed that clarity was a most. We also agreed that communication from the start was and would be crucial to any positive outcome and we also agreed that no one has the energy to invest their time only to feel like it had been wasted later on.

What we disagreed on was the level of Potential we were willing to invest our time and energy on. Seeing potential, showing potential and working with the potential presented to us.

Oddly enough the youngest in the group said she had no more time to waste on potential, she couldn't build or bank on something that wasn't tangible any time soon. The second oldest said she wasn't to keen on this whole potential thing playing out for too long either and I was more easy going on it.

illustration by jimmymccarty

I played devil's advocate and pleaded a case on behalf of Potential. How great it could be to watch someone grow into their greatness and be part of that journey. How sometimes we have to give great things time to develope, they weren't having it. I shared my relationship experiences with them and they reminded me that because that was my experience in the past at this stage in my life Potential would be a total waste of time.

I hate to admit it but I sort of agree with them. I'm totally against even connecting with a someone who is trying to figure themselves out but more and more I'm also not to interested in investing much of my time on Potential. I feel because I am so clear on the path I want to walk on that building with a person on their Potential path might slow me down.

I'm thinking there is an age limit on this Stability vs Potential relationship building? What do you think? Would you consider implementing a time limit if you did choose Potential or is Stability the only way to go? Share your thoughts. I'd love to know what you think and for you to share examples of how to deal with this issue in my dating journey.

illustration by picturequotes.com

Always stress free xo,
Mari

The Gift that no one talks about during Christmas

A few nights ago as I was on Grandma duty I look towards the television and had a thought. What on earth am I watching? As we prepare for the holidays all the commercials are selling us “good cheer.” Smiling faces, bright colors, pretty packages, nice catchy songs, lots of food and drinks. But one thing no one is talking about is how this time of year causes many to suffer from feelings of Depression.

Depression during the Holidays

Though feeling depressed can happen at any moment this particular time of year may be difficult for some because of the following:
-lack of social life
-poor family connection
-lack of friends
-job loss
-breakup in relationship
-loss of a loved one
-a higher sense of anxiety

Consumerism is at its highest level right now. Buy buy buy and that's how you show love. Spend spend spend and don't worry about anything else. But where is the value? Where is the connection?

illustration by beliefnet

Who stops to think about that family that is barely making ends meet? That is just surviving and though they wish they could buy their children something extra they just can't put together the cash. What about the man who may have lost his job? Should he be concerned about presents or about paying his bills?

Speaking for myself though I do not suffer from Depression I do have moments of sadness when I stop to think of how the real meaning of this holiday has been lost. You stress because you can't just Gift a little something or else people will think you are cheap or you can't not Gift that one because so and so will say something. What on earth!

I remember being grateful to receive one gift, now it's almost expected to receive at least five. I remember the struggles my family went through to just make it simple and nice for us. As a parent myself living on a fixed income I've always had to wait until I received my bonus at the end of the year to buy any gifts. That taught me and my own family to view gift giving differently. It's not about the tangible items it's about the people.

illustration by pinterest.com

For me it's about expressing my gratitude with love. Letting those dear to me know how much I love them and having them around me is a gift in and of itself. We don't concern ourselves with dollar amounts we focus on paying forward and sharing experiences.

I am not close with my family and this I've shared in the past. So this time of year for me as well as for others also brings thoughts of regret, disappointment, sadness, guilt, doubt and uncertainty just to name a few. I don't have to rush and buy my mother a gift I just wish we could actually have a phone conversation. I don't worry if my sister’s will like the cake I made I hope instead for a lunch date someday. I don't focus on sending out cards or picking out the perfect wrapping paper, I wish instead that we could all be a part of each other's lives in some way.

But what about those who have lost a loved one? Who could care less about decorating a tree or exchanging gifts or preparing a great feast. Who instead wish they could hug and kiss their son or daughter, their brother or sister, their mother or father, their best friend or their significant other?

illustration by ahealthiermichigan.com

Is depression and not feeling all giddy about the Holidays an acceptable topic to discuss? If it touches you and or your family, how have you dealt with it?


Always stress free xo,
Mari

Is there room for a But when we say I Love you?

One Holiday down and one more to go. Happy Sunday my dolls how did we survive the Turkey dinner and out of town guests? Was it pleasant and peaceful or did it bring up old wounds? Family gatherings can be a mixed bowl for sure.

I had a great no fuss no muse time, everyone chipped in and cooked something, lots of laughs and awesome company. A variety of topics were touched throughout the night but one in particular seemed to be the theme amongst the "older" peeps. Relationships. I love this topic of course because there are just so many views. No one is right or wrong it is just about perspective and the place you are currently in life.

Sweetheart that dress looks great on you but I think you would look better in this dress.

Has that ever happened to you? Your significant other "loves" your choice but "suggests" something else? I use to take that as a slight on my choice or to myself personally. It wasn't until I matured and learned to engage better in relationships that I realized it wasn't a reflection specifically on or about me at all but instead just a preference.

Now objects are certainly different than traits or behavior and one must always keep that in mind when dealing with the phrase "I love you as you are" because if we don't then we can find ourselves in conflict. Where am I going with? Well let me explain.

illustration by yourtango

As a mom I love my daughter regardless but it would be a lie to say that if her behavior was poor, disrespectful and perhaps even dangerous I could say without hesitation I Love you as you are. Surely I would love her none the less but I would take measures to correct those things that were distasteful. Same is to be said for a partner.

Of course when we first fall in love little things don't seem to matter and we just brush them off. As you continue to build though there comes a time when a check list should be made.
-Can I live with this?
-Can I tolerate that?
-Will she change this?
-Will he stop doing that?

From my pasts relationships I've learned a few things one being that the outside is easy to fix, adjust or even change but its the inside that is complicated. My daughter's father was great at compromises when it came to semi insignificant things but when it came to life decisions, maturity and responsibility we were on two totally different pages. We swore we loved each other but as the years passed certain behaviors never changed. That I Love you just the way you are became harder and harder to work with.

In my second relationship all those past issues were non factors, no need to even think about those things that once caused me such disappointment. This time around the frame was much stronger and the commonalities were much more visible. A few minor adjustments here and there but the I Love you as you are seemed to be in full effect until it wasn't. Again the outside is easier to fix than the inside.

illustration by askteekay

I am a believer of Romance and Love. I know there is someone out there for everyone. I am not a believer of Fairytales. The notion of Loving someone as they are with no exceptions from my perspective is unrealistic and perhaps even a burden to all parties involved.

So is there room for a But when you say I love you? Should we accept that our future husband or life partner is short tempered when deprived of sleep? Should it become the norm that your wife won't allow your friends over the house? Will it be acceptable that your partner speaks loudly on his phone conversations in the street? Will you not have a problem with the house being kept in certain order?

Whatever the issues may be big or small clarity is a must. This doesn't just pertain to intimate relationships. If you have a friend whose behavior changes after a second drink, do you not make a comment? If your Girlfriend is too quick to hand out her number, do you not pull her aside and say something? If your son always breaks his promises, do you continue to let him not be a man of his word?

illustration by ariherstandbandcamp

Compromises... yes totally for it! I Love you as you are But... yes can totally understand and work with, I Love you as you are PERIOD...my perspective is I don't believe in it.
I love Billy Joel! Do you love Billy Joel? His career is full of great lyrics and songs but one of my favorites since I was about five years old is "Just the Way You Are". The lyrics suggest that he will accept you just as you are PERIOD. Imagine how wonderful that must have sounded to five year old Mari and to twelve year old Mari but to twenty something year old Mari? Nahhhhh. Ok let me perhaps rethink this again?

What do you think? Am I just jaded in my experiences? Have you found someone that you love just as they are? Does someone love you just as you are? Is I Love you as you are But a legitimate thing?

The romantic in me wants to share my fav Billy Joel song, enjoy!

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Change Direction

I care too much to stay the same.

You care too little you just want to place blame.

Going around in circles repeating the same things.

Nothing ever changes, do you think talking makes things happen faster? 

Do you feel the need to say things to keep our hopes up?

Tick Tock Tick Tock the clock keeps ticking.

Reminding me of what is passing me by, reminding me not to let my dreams die.

Tick Tock Tick Tock the clock keeps ticking.

Hey! are you done waiting yet? What are you even waiting for?

Do you think your special? Do you think words just make things happen?

Don't you ever feel the need to scream

I WANT TO BE FREE!

I care too much to stay the same.

Live life till you Die 

illustration by pinterst.com

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Listen to Your Intuition

In our heart of hearts we always have the answer

illustration by picturequotes.com

illustration by quotesgram.com

Don't be afraid to hurt someone's feelings and don't ignore your caution lights.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

When Good Intentions are Not so Good

Hey dolls seems like we haven't chatted in a long time let me bring you up to date.
First Mommywood turned 3 in August and I don't know where the time has gone. I really am grateful to have a place to share my Life Experiences and perhaps help one person see there is another way. Second I just had a Birth Day the lovely 45 came around and I am soooooo loving it! Nothing like being in a good place in your life where all you are is grateful and see so many possibilities. Living mindfully will help you achieve that and just plain ole living, making mistakes and getting right back up.

Which brings me to the only damper I had on my Birth Day month. A meeting with a friend that turned into a sour event but I walked away with huge clarity none the less.
I don't want to get into a play by play and I don't want to sit in that experience for too long but I will share some highlights said friend feels the following...

• My priorities are wrong
• I am not enough of a Go Getter
• I am basically settling in Life
• I am filled with excuses
• I'll be in the same spot 5 years from now at rate I am going
• I am not aiming high enough
• I am not doing everything possible to be a Success

illustration by pinterest.com

Now to be fair I will say I am dealing with an extremely driven man. One I have known since we were 19 years old. One that I share things in my life with as most friends do. One who has overcome adversity and risen to the occasion and with that I say good for YOU.

Agreed that there are things I set out to do in my life that I have fallen short on. Agreed that there are just certain sacrifices I am just not willing to make and Agreed that we do have some things in common when it comes to how we grew up but we have had different life experiences and you can't judge people for those experiences. You can't paint with one broad brush how you will handle the things that come your way. Without getting into too many details I felt extremely judged.

illustration by quotefancy.com

How as my friend can you view where I stand today in life as a total failure? Sure you sprinkled in a few props and btw thanks but how as my friend knowing my history would you choose to speak in a less than emphatic form? Opinion and Advice and Suggestions are awesome but not at the expense of belittling the choices of others. How I feel and felt about our exchange is not his responsibility. Only we can control our emotions but it is important to express them as best we can in a respectful manner so you can get your point across. Perhaps the intent was to inspire by sharing his Life Experiences. Perhaps the intent was to encourage in his own way. I ended our conversation by saying "because I love you I will pay very close attention to all you have said." And I did and I have and this is what I came up with.

My measure of success is determined by me. My measure of happiness is determined by me. My measure of worth is determined by me.

illustration by quotefancy.com

• I learned that some people only see you as a success if they can see tangible evidence.
• I learned that for some picking your battles is not trying hard enough 
• I learned that everyone defines success by their own measure.
• I learned that I don't have to prove my success to anyone 

I was saddened I am saddened that a friend would view me as "less than" a success and perhaps to some it really isn't a big deal after all we were just two friends talking and he was just commenting on things we had shared in the past which is fine I get it I got it. But regardless of what your friend shares with you present or past kindness should never be spared. Mindfulness should never be an option it should always be a given.

illustration by hippoquotes.com

It takes courage, self love and respect to stand in your truth to shine in your own bright light. So if you find yourself surrounded by those who feel you haven't done enough, achieved enough, explored enough even sacrificed enough don't waiver in the knowledge that you have done enough as long as you are proud of that person who is looking back at you in the mirror. Share your thoughts and experience,

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Taking the Time to Review our Progress

illustration complements of the lovely Brittany Josephina 

check her out on twitter @brittanyphina 

This is right up my ally. Every year I do just that, review how far I've come along in the goals I set out for myself at the start of the New Year. In a blink of an eye we now find ourselves in July! What's the first half of 2016 looking like? Are you where you thought you would be? Did you fall behind or get ahead of yourself? Did something get in the way and it is taking you some time to refocus?

I use a few tools to stay grounded, grateful and focused. These really work for me, especially when I look at my To Do list and see I have yet to cross anything off. As you guys well know my baby #2, my grandma who has Alzheimers always keeps me busy. My down time is actually the time I use to catch up on my own personal things or even just to breathe and do nothing. My visits to Brooklyn are increasing and my responsibilities are also increasing. She now has totally forgotten who I am it's not like before where she had good moments with me and remembered my face now I am a total stranger. I catch her asking the home attendant "who is that lady in the living room?" when I am sitting at her dining table preparing her medication. I smile to myself, walk over and introduce myself then give her a big hug and kiss and thank the universe for giving me the strength to be there for her. 

illustration by en.paperblog.com

Because I have to focus on her needs quite a bit my own goals have been pushed back some but that is ok too. Question #3 is what do I need to release right now? My answer is my wish to control how soon the projects I am working on can take off and really come to life. I have decided to delay my parenting ebook until I can dedicate more time to getting my thoughts together and in the meantime just be happy chatting it up here with you and I am holding off on my photography coffee table book till end of the year. 

Making plans, setting goals and being driven is great nothing wrong with setting things up for ourselves. It only becomes a problem when we begin to beat ourselves up for not getting to a certain place by a certain time. I use the following to stay on track:

-a pencil, as funny as that sounds it allows me to erase the date I have put on myself to reach a goal. It gives me room to adjust and not feel like I have failed.

-daily recap, it's a great way to end your evening. Once you have settled down just before you close your eyes think of all the good you did in your day not what you left to do for tomorrow.

-walk, even if its to grab the kids from school. Use that time to slow down and breathe and take in your surroundings. There are miracles everywhere.

-talking, we do some much of this during our day but what are we saying? Are we talking with people who encourage us to continue to work towards our goals? Are we talking to people who instead see obstacles instead of possibilities?

-laughter and some sweets, when all else fails find something that makes you laugh and enjoy a cup of Ice Cream or candy bar. Tomorrow is a new day and we still have six more months to make things happen! 

illustration by quotesgram.net

What do you think? Did Brittany's questions help you refocus? Did my tips help ease your stress? We are all more alike than different, share your thoughts.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Embracing our "Strong Willed" children

Back to school wow can't accept that Summer is officially over. With a new school year just starting I wanted to touch on something that may come up for some of you.
Ever hear a word and to your ears it feels like a dentist's drill or the eerie chalk board noise that made you cringe? Perhaps if you're like me there are several words. Today I want to chat about the words Strong Willed.

I've been coming across lately more and more posts referring to this trait. How to correct it, how to avoid it, how not to encourage it, how plain ole terrible a child with this trait is or can become. Being a personal blogger who touches on my life's journey as a mom and focuses on Empowering Motivating and Inspiring others I dislike these words together because from their definition just about every one of us, my child and myself included have been or are to some degree...Strong Willed.

For years women especially have had to deal with so many labels. Labels that society and men especially have directed at us in moments when they have felt threatened by dare I say us possibly being their equal. So it pains me to see posts by moms who feel they need help in changing their child.

This is my perspective, your child doesn't need to be changed he or she needs to be disciplined, needs set boundaries, needs to learn how to communicate better and needs to learn respect. As a good parent what we all need to do is find a balance that doesn't diminish our child(rens) independence and curiosity and eagerness for exploration. That is what children do. They test the waters, they question, they want to fend for themselves. We the parents set the limits on the length of that cord.

illustration by mactoons.com

If it were up to my daughter she would have never attended "regular" school. I say regular because now more than ever parents have great options on how to best educate their children. We have home schooling and even un-schooling just to give you some examples. I remember all the chatter about home schooling mostly negative but that is what usually happens when people are not educated about something or even willing to do some research. What works for one doesn't work for all I wish people would get that already.

My daughter has always had strong opinions about classroom education. Even as a child she felt she could learn best by engaging in daily life. It never failed to have her teachers make mention of how she always questioned the "norm" and how she was always the only student in class who didn't just "go along". Well hello thank the heavens above that she has her own thoughts and opinions. Thank the heavens above she is not a follower and thank the heavens above that I am so not ripping into you for disrespecting my daughter...I would be thinking to myself. Instead I just would smile and say "yes we taught her to respect others but never be afraid to speak her peace and for that we are very proud of her". That would shut them down quickly.

My lil mama was and still is a wonderful student, she enjoys learning but she doesn't want to be feed one sided views she wants to explore the whole picture and for that some may say she is Strong Willed I say she is wise and has a healthy approach to life. I wouldn't want to kill the curiosity in her. I wouldn't want to dim her light. Life already does a great job of that on its own. As her mom I continue 21years later to emphasize the importance of respecting others but also to require others to respect her.

illustration by pinterest

If you are a parent of a child who embraces life without a sense of limits be proud and cultivate that spirit. Provide the tools that will help them safely navigate through life. If you have a child who exhibits these same traits but doesn't grasp a sense of balance than perhaps set some ground rules. Teach that certain behaviors have consequences and that we can still be free thinkers without being hurtful or disrespectful to others.

Cheers to being Strong Willed!!!

What are your thoughts? Share your experience and/or tips.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Learning to Accept everyones Reality

Where ever you are planted...Bloom

Happy Sunday hope that our transition back to school and cooler weather hasn't been and won't be too difficult. Today I wanted to share with you a few walk away thoughts I've had on recent events on the news. I wanted to share my perspective and hopefully hear what you guys had to say as well. I was talking to my bestie last week over FaceTime and it was great to see his beautiful smile shining back at me after several months of missed calls and busy schedules. We were catching up on life's events and one of the things we touched on was Friendships. He commented that what he notices from me and I am not quoting just summarizing is that basically I am just to rigid in my expectations of people and more so my friends. That basically everyone has stuff going on and that I should try to have empathy, more understanding and more or less meet them where they are at. And for the most part I really get where he was coming from But at the same time my perspective from my life's experience goes back to value. I don't have a problem meeting you where you are, I don't have a problem having empathy but I do have a problem with you not showing me the same value as I show you. I have a huge problem with people who behave as if their life activities are more important than yours. This is why I have adopted the mindset of loving you from a distance. I am learning to Accept every ones Reality.  

Then I run into the Colin Kaepernick controversy and this is my take away thought...I am proud to have been born in the United States because this is all I ever have known. I am grateful my family came to this country and sacrificed so much so we can have a better life and I am grateful that I have so many freedoms that some may not be afforded But how then can you give me a Freedom and want to tell me how to use it? How can some in society be upset with this man when you told him you have freedom of speech? Many Americans want to lump all things together. Many Americans want all Americans to have the same views But if one persons reality is not the same as another how can they all have the same views? If I come from a reality of oppression, de-valued and dehumanized over years and years and still today see the same injustices why would I stand for your reality and deny mine? Freedom is a beautiful thing and all human beings should have it. If we live in such greatness as the United States then let me use it as it was given. Learning to Accept every ones Reality.

nfl.com

illustration by thequotepedia.com

This next one was shocking but not really because I always say unfortunately women are very catty and can be brutal critics of their own gender instead of lifting one another up. Blue Ivy / huffingtonpost article I came across which talks about the harsh comments posted about this four year old little girl four!

Grown women calling her ugly, what on earth? She is a child, what are you thinking when you are sitting at home or walking around just typing any crap that comes to mind then pressing send? Are you even really thinking? Are you even mindful of something called feelings? Do you ever remove yourself from your bubble and think about how you would feel hearing or reading these types of comments about your mother, sister or even child? Your reality may not be being thrusted into the spotlight she did not ask for cameras to follow her every move but you did choose to see her and comment. You made a choice and that choice from my perspective is unkind and lacks humanity. Societies emphasis on looks as a whole is F***ed up but when your own gender jumps on the band wagon...where do you go from there? My perspective is these comments come from a place of envy. What she was born into can afford her things some of us may never experience but if we were more mindful of gratitude of the things in our own lives we would not devalue hers. Learning to Accept every ones Reality. 

illustration by milliontalks.com

This last thought ties into my Blue Ivy share because it relates again to...women and the harsh judgment nature. Why all the fuse about who is not wearing makeup? What is the big deal about going outside makeup free? And why does it bother you if I am making that choice for myself and you wouldn't for you?

Two articles caught my eye allure.com  which shares a story about my daughter's favorite artist Alicia Keys and her choice to go makeup free. She is a beautiful woman inside and out. She uses her platform to uplift everyone never a harsh word used to exploit any opportunity so why are so many people more so women upset about her choice? Were we born with makeup on? No. It was a product made to enhance what was/is already beautiful or to add a little something to help with an issue we may feel can use a little work. It is society that has pushed this idea that women are not whole unless we put our face on. What! My natural face isn't good enough? Get the F out of here with that noise. Choices...again Freedom to use or not use makeup yet you want to tell me what to do and you want me to feel bad for choosing another road. I am choosing for me yet you want to lump my choice into your life. 

I will turn forty- five in a few weeks and its just in the last two years that I have embraced lipstick yes lipstick! I finally have the interest in applying it to my lips because of all the great colors and textures I can choose. I started to wear eyeliner in my teens and mascara in my late twenties but that is it. I hate yes I said it I hate anything else on my face. Foundation, concealers, blush whatever I don't want any part of it BUT if one day I wake up and have a dang pimple I want to cover up I can choose to do so however I wish! Forty something years of practically no makeup for me has afforded extra sleep time, no dirty collars, no midday apply, no restrictions on kissing or "playtime" on a whim and plenty of extra cash for things I really love like sweets! This other article about barely no makeup makeup is ridiculous to me but again its a choice gma.yahoo.com do what you wish with your dang own face. Learning to Accept every ones Reality. Do and be what works best for you. Live your life by your definition. Encourage individuality in your loved ones, especially your children. Allow them the choice to define themselves by their own standards. What makes them proud of themselves whether in front of a mirror or outside in the world.

illustration by lotfortyeightblog.com

So these are my thoughts today. Share your comments and experiences choose to be free today and let me know how you will go about doing so. Think big! think empowering, motivating and inspiring by living your best life.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Getting to the Root of the Problem?

illustration by ngsuyasa.wordpress.com

I really sometimes think I may have missed my calling because boy do I love to ask questions. 

Nothing ever happens just because. Deep down inside there is always a reason its just we as humans find it easier to cover up than to peel away the layers.

Today I want us to chat about short tempers and anxiety.

So I go out the other night with a friend and we meet up with a few more friends. Everyone is having a nice time lots of laughs, great food, nice drinks and cool music until...things begin to get a little uncomfortable. I love to have a good time but I am not one to call unnecessary attention on myself and if you act like a buffoon around me I will most definitely walk away and leave you standing there. Not to leave out that things began to get a little chaotic in our surroundings and I felt it was my cue to go. As most independent women do I am always prepared to pick up and go without having to feel trapped in my surroundings or by the people I am with. So I discreetly lean over and say "I think its time for me to go." My friend on the other hand feels its no big deal they have things covered, we are safe and we should keep lounging as we have. I sit tight for a little longer but then something else catches my eye and I am totally done. I lean in again and say "ok seriously its my time to go."

Said friend sort of reluctantly says ok and we proceed to leave. As we are walking out I ask the question, "What happened to your attitude, one minute your cool the next your defensive and a bit snappy?" I hear things like "I don't like to be questioned. I know what I am doing. I am grown. I have things under control." All the while in my mind I'm going "what on earth?" To be clear the conversation wasn't running smoothly I had to take several deep breaths but as it progressed the root of the problem was revealed.

illustration by smartbear.com

Turns out said friend has issues with authority which causes a short temper which spills into anxiety for all involved. 

How did we get to that conclusion? Because I asked "how did you feel when you heard such and such?" When you ask the right questions you will get a better answer. Such friend felt that I was questioning their judgment therefore questioning their ability to take care of any situation. And because they had already had a long day exhaustion was creeping in and their tolerance was short. This Q&A was so revealing. I suggested that moving forward being tired caused poor attitude which caused a bad mix for socializing. And I also shared my perspective that "One can only control oneself. Everyone has the right to question anything they feel like when it pertains to their person."

Getting to the root of the problem is so healing. Not just in day to day relationships but also as parents. We tend to be so busy at times that when our kids give us short responses like "I was too tired or it really isn't such a big deal or I don't want to talk about it" we shrug things off and let it go. Sometimes it really isn't a big deal but it doesn't hurt to perhaps revisit with a better question. It also doesn't hurt when you really know your kid and can tell from their behavior if something is really up.

illustration by pinterst.com

Back to the beginning...nothing ever happens just because. Ask questions, peel the layers. Sometimes the truth hurts but shortly after the healing can work wonders. Getting to the root of the problem can change your life. 

What do you think? Share your thoughts and experience.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Eliminate the Limits

If we are lucky enough to be close with our children as they enter adulthood then we have access to a whole new way of thinking and a whole new way of approaching life.

Seldom is credit given to the youth and young adults of today. Some adults tend to cast aside their opinions and choices as unrealistic dreams or over confidence even going as far as to say just stick with the program and don't rock the boat. Projecting their fears or disappointments and dropping words such as cockiness or sense of entitlement.

illustration by outrageousgrace.org.

I perceive that there could be some truth to those statements but only if the subject in question has shown you less than. It would be a shame to entertain these thoughts if our children have shown us otherwise. And so what if some of our kids at times have cocky ways at approaching life issues? So what if they at times feel certain things are due to them, isn't that what we want for them to begin with? For our children to feel they can be and do anything?

I never walk away from a conversation with my lil mama without saying "wow, that is my kid. she really said that and meant it." I never leave with a sense of worrisome that she won't be ok in life no matter what path she chooses. By eliminating the limits by never introducing limited thinking we, her parents gave her a freedom that most of us adults have forgotten or just simply set aside as unacceptable.

Oprah once commented on how liberating turning forty was and I remember thinking wow that really is something! We go through so many stages in life and some come with a sense of restriction but being forty-four myself now I can totally understand that freedom. And what I respect the most from that freedom is nurturing my daughters wild and adventurous spirit. I don't want her to have to turn a certain age and feel free. I want her to continue to remain free like she's always been.

illustrated by quoteaddicts.com

I realize the limits my mother set on me and then me on myself. Today I find myself affirming my right to do whatever the heck I want! Yes I can go to a nice dinner...alone, yes I can say no to an invitation, yes I can just sit on my butt all Saturday afternoon and watch repeats of Friends, yes I can shut my phone off and not talk to anyone, yes I can...do whatever I want.

In my awesome conversations with my lil mama I realize that I can still revisit some old ideas and try some things I had set aside during my years of focusing on her. She helps me to see that in supporting her I am supporting myself and that young woman I sheltered so much because of my limited beliefs. I encourage every parent out there to start talking with their kids more often and if you already have awesome talks to continue to nourish them. These great conversations will flourish into great lives and wonderful memories.

Eliminate the Limits!

What are your thoughts? Has adult life closed you into a limited life? Have you started to do the same to your kids?

Always stress free xo,

Mari

What is it that you are Seeking?

illustration by brainspark

My daughter recently quit what many would consider an amazing job at the age of 21. An old friend of mine refused to get a "regular" job because he believed so much in his own brand that "regular" work would have taken away from that creativity. I am so adamant about my peace of mind that I refuse to return to any type of corporate job.

Sometimes we think we really want something until we get it and it turns out to be not what we wanted at all. 

My daughter wanted to work in a well known, high end store, great commission with great benefits and an amazing salary. What she got in return was stress filled days, sleepless nights, racism and anxiety attacks. My friend with the no "regular" job has had to deal with no health insurance and weeks of sleeping on friends couches. I deal with no insurance and no benefits plan. 

We all sought different things at different times but came up with one unexpected truth...you can't find joy if you don't know what you are seeking.

My daughter has been working since she was 16 years old and these past few weeks without a "regular" job, just working on her paintings and fashion designs she is the happiest I have seen her in a really long time. My old friend is now reaping the rewards of years of part time jobs and couch hoping and I smile all the way to my Yoga mat daily. 

illustration by quoteaddicts.com

Your riches and your peace of mind just may not come from that six figure job or that five bedroom house. It may come from selling books at a local bookstore or a ranch house in Virginia. It may even show up as a happy stay at home mom raising her three kids and gardening on the weekends. 

We are all seeking greatness in some way in some form but we all won't get it in the way we planned it and it isn't until we are willing to accept what we do receive as a blessing just the same that our lives will seem for filled. 

Make your vision a reality not the vision society or your friends or even family have presented to you but what you see for yourself. Unexpected can be a great blessing indeed, go out and find yourself.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

How Motherhood may change Us

-You will never get your figure back

-You will always need more sleep

-You may develop bladder problems

-Your house will be a mess

-You will not be interested in sex

-Your boobs will sag

-You will always feel tired and in a bad mood

-You will never have time for yourself

This is only a short list of the few things we women here or have already heard in reference to the changes we will go through upon having a baby. Just on our Social Media alone we see share after share on body expectations, nursing expectations, beauty expectations so much pressure that it seems the joy is lost. Seems like to some degree women continue to focus on the negatives and not the positives once the baby is home from the hospital.

illustration by corcell.com

Women let's join together to change our perspective and the perspective of this sometimes unbalanced society we live in after all we did just bring another Human Being into this world.
Let's try instead to prepare for these possible changes in the following way:

• Once we are able to walk around, let’s go for walks with the baby. This will help with weight loss in a healthy manner, it will help you get out the house and even meet other new moms.
• If sleep issues arise, nap when baby naps.
• For sagging breast prevention purchase the proper support.
• Recruit friends and family to help with home care if needed. Learn time management. Babies don't need to be held all day long so break down your chores accordingly. Organization and time management are critical to smooth parenting.
• If you need to schedule time with your partner, do it. Once you have recuperated and doctor says all is fine, begin to share intimate moments with your partner at a pace you feel comfortable with. But don't begin to neglect your relation. It is not healthy for either one of you, and intimacy is more than just sex.
• When the baby is sleeping, napping or just relaxing take some time for yourself to just relax as well. Don’t always use this time to catch up on other things or to complete tasks. Even twenty minutes of just sitting can refresh you.
• YOU ARE NOT A BAD PARENT IF YOU NEED TIME FOR YOURSELF.  Again recruit trusted people in your life to come in and relieve you of the baby for half hour or an hour and go out and do things alone. You will both be better off for it.

illustration by momjunction.com

Can you think of other ways we can remove the negative energy and embrace the changes in a positive light? How did you deal with your changes or how do you think you will deal with the changes when the time comes? Share your views.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Unfiltered Moments in Life

Hey dolls happy Wednesday! Hope we have been enjoying our Summer to the fullest I know the chic in these pics sure has. That's me! Unfiltered, unedited smiley ole me! I don't make it a habit to post pics of myself too much I just don't care to be so exposed I love my privacy but as a mom and an advocate for all things empowering women I felt in order to be clear on this issue I had to show my authentic self. These pictures were taken a few weeks ago at the beach in NYC. I love the beach but I never go in the water last time I was in the water was when lil mama was a toddler. I prefer to lay on my blanket reading a good book or eating and listening to some great music.

I have a routine for my tanning sessions. I use a top that I'll be happy with the tan lines till next summer, a pair of boy shorts and my cutoff shorts on top. I get to the beach remove my cutoff shorts, lather on Coco Butter or Shea Butter and lay on each side for forty-five minutes. I barely walk around too much because I tend to feel too naked. Can you believe that, too naked...at the beach!?

This year has been so different for me. It's like what?! You can't tell me nothing, I'll be forty-five in September and I have earned the right to do whatever the heck I want. This body is mine, its the one who bought my daughter into this world, the one that takes me through my Yoga practice, the one that allows me to care for my grandma, the one I get to look at every single day until my days are done. I've never had body shaming issues but of course we look at something and say there is always room for improvement. But look at that smile, jumping in that water, letting go of all those fears of exposure and doubts made me soooo happy. I didn't even care that my hair got all wet and that Seaweed was all around me and my skin. I felt like kids do when they have no concept of "others" looking at them.

So what other females there were slimmer or taller. So what some had string bikinis or cutout one pieces, we were all there enjoying the moment having tons of fun. Some of us were size 6 some size 3 some size 14 but we were and are all Beautiful! Unfiltered moments in Life, that's what its all about. Owning who we are and making changes only when we feel like it not because someone else says so.

That streak of gray hair I've earned on my journey is ok too. It's a sign of the wisdom I continue to gain in this life. I am always changing I will always be growing older that is part of Life and I am embracing it. At some point that hair will be cut shorter and donated to a child who has lost theirs. It will make someone else as happy as it has made me. Letting go the first time was very empowering and this time around will be just as sweet. Unfiltered moments in Life.

illustration by pinterest.com

So moms and dads too go out their and embrace your authentic self! Go out and forget about the "others" and just do for you. Baby steps are fine but try doing one thing unfiltered and see how it makes you feel. No makeup, no hair products, no nail polish something! I'm walking around right now with my Diana Ross hair in full effect and its been fun for sure.

What are your thoughts? Are you fearful of being too naked, unfiltered and exposed? Are you still trying to work your way towards your authentic self? If you are already there please share some of your journey. Let's start a conversation.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

I'll get to that Later

illustration by amberdugger.com

I can't really say I remember ever being the type of person to put something off in hopes that it will

 a) get better

 b) figure itself out

 c) go away entirely

Even as a young kid I'd rush home and get my homework done just to get it out of the way. In the summer time I would get my assignments done right after school finished just so I wouldn't waste my vacation time. In H.S. I'd hand in my work ahead of time so I wouldn't get in trouble if and when I cut class. As an adult I always finish things before the deadline and I never let anything pile up at home.

illustration by klwightman.com

I just can't function well with clutter in my mind or in my space. So when I see someone who knows that pushing something aside will only make things worse I cringe. I turn my nose up, I roll my eyes, I shake my head in judgment. I know I know not cool Mari, not cool. On the bright side though as I am doing these things I am also asking questions that could change everyone's perspective. As parents especially with all we have going on we can't afford clutter of any kind. Not to mention our kids pick up on our habits as well and last thing we need is two or three procrastinators in the same house.

-shut off social media

-make a list

-research

-face the facts

-breathe

illustration by pritibha.guru.com

Once you tackle the issue you will see it wasn't so bad after all if in the end it will bring your life peace, happiness and plenty of free time.

What are your thoughts, is it best to put things off or to get to them now? Have you ever had a problem that corrected itself on its own and if so care to share? 

Always stress free xo,

Mari

The Look of Success

When I...I will have achieved success.

Filling in those blanks has so many possibilities. As we mature we realize that the Look of Success is not the same for all. That you and five of your friends started with one vision and all six of you ended up on totally different roads.

Seeing others around you accomplishing their goals should never make you feel less than. Watching them continue to succeed should inspire you to test your skills and your talents and find your own success. But what does success look like to you? Did you know from an early age or did it find you after years of struggles?

My view of success seems to change every few years. Today what I deem as success I would have viewed as a failure in my youth. What makes me feel successful today can look to some as just being regular. I wonder, is being regular a bad thing? Just what is being regular? Hummm something to think about anyway back to success.

illustration by iheartinspiration.com

I use to think that in order for me to be successful aside from the obvious financial factors I would have had to acquire certain material things. The big house, the big yard, the latest car, lots of travel and an awesome social life. Those things sound and I am sure can be nice but they aren't success to me, not anymore. I have known people who have this and more and are miserable. The house no matter how big and how full of "things" it is is still not a home still not good enough and still doesn't bring them joy.

summer stroll in Brooklyn

I live in a city many people dream of visiting or living in, New York City. I was born and raised in a borough with a colorful reputation, Brooklyn. Having my mom and her family choose this place was a success. I didn't go to college but the jobs I've held have allowed me the freedom to invest quality time with the things I love the most. I've turned every apartment I've lived in into my "homes". They have been filled not with knick knacks but with treasures. Every little thins has meaning and value. This has been success to me.

Diving into a good book, going to work, taking a Saturday afternoon nap, living mindfully, going sightseeing with my daughter, volunteering with kids or at the food pantry, learning from my failures and still walking tall, my writing, my photography, putting my daughter through college, assisting my grandma on her life's journey success success success.

illustration by pepper gang.com

How do you define your success? What has changed for you and what has remained the same? Do you currently see yourself as successful and if so how did you arrive there? Start a conversation, would love to her your thoughts.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Pettiness serves no purpose

Hey Dolls, when someone does something to you whether in person or online or in passing or through gossip I know it can be extremely difficult not to react but try it... Don't react.

We can not right another person's wrong. We can speculate as to why they behave as they do but what would be the point? It would be like a hamster going around his wheel.

illustration by pinterest

I use to tell my daughter all the time to just try to understand that not everyone was going to be happy with her accomplishments in Martial Arts. Plenty of those dads were gonna be bitter that she beat their sons. That they would perhaps even go as far as to say the calls were unfair or that she "just got lucky". The truth is people who are down on themselves find it easier to attack others. I still tell her today, don't diminish your light because someone else wants to remain in the dark. 

illustration by pinterest.com

Don't fall into their negative trap breathe, focus and keep pressing on. We must all find our own purpose.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

What does your Peace look like?

Happy Sunday! As I watered my plants this morning and smiled as I walked about a memory came to mind I wanted to share. Enjoy this glorious day dolls :)

On my walk the other night I stopped and sat on a bench and observed these two little girls, twin sisters playing on the grass. Their parents sat some distance away which allowed them some independence but still close enough to offer protection. They had the same outfits on which were cute but I don't like the identical look thing personally so I had to take a moment to refocus on why I had stopped in the first place. They sat on the grass pulling handfuls out and placing it inside their baskets. They got up and rolled round barefoot than sat again and started again. No rush, no cares just their buckets, their hands and each other. I made sure I told the parents how happy watching their daughter's play made me and they smiled from ear to ear. When they walked away I began to think...

What does my Peace look like? I feel most peaceful when I'm on my walks or on my Yoga mat. Those are the moments when my mind is free of clutter and every breath brings clarity. I feel like a bird must feel in flight.

How are you maximizing that moment? I've learned to maximize those moments by letting go and just being.

What do you need to let go of, or add more of to obtain peace? I'd like to let go more of those moments when I look back at past events and wonder about a different outcome but I realize it's part of the process of growth. We should acknowledge those feelings and work through them then move on.

What does your Peace look like? Is it a specific place or thing? Is it a memory or is it something you are having difficulty reaching? Share and let's talk.

Always stress free xo,

Mari