Sunday, November 9, 2014

The Dilemma in Transparency

When something is transparent it is clear all around, so in transparency we have clarity through and through.

This is a wonderful goal to strive for in any relationship but let's focus on relationships between men and women.

Are we mature enough even if we consider ourselves adults to be able to handle transparency?

Do we say we want to know everything, we want all the cards on the table then crumble under all the truth?

My first relationship had no transparency, or at least not by the dictionary version.
We were two kids really both just leaving our parents homes and embarking on a life together where we really hadn't built lives of our own.
How can you be clear with someone else when you are not even clear with yourself?
Eighteen year olds in my group were partying, traveling, working and going to college.
They weren't looking for apartments, fixing up their resumes, budgeting their money to pay bills and rent.
That was the boat I jumped on with my daughter's father and we were so not ready. We had no clue.
We thought love and sex would carry us through anything. You know what I mean, at that age sex is always a priority and we all think it means love.
Eighteen years together we sure learned a lot and loved a lot but not enough for me to continue to want to travel that road.

My second relationship was all about transparency. So much so I really had to look up the word in the dictionary to see just what it meant as a whole.
Seriously, our first in depth phone conversation lasted 4hrs and he told me everything!
I was like "omg this is way too much information, is he for real?".
What he said on the phone that day and every day after for the next almost two years was true to form.
He never veered from the path he laid out, he never said something or behaved in I way in which I said I never knew that. He was every bit who and what he presented. Transparency. But this great quality in him didn't leave much space for my imperfections so he opted to go.

Today I am reaping the rewards of two wonderful, life teaching, tool filled relationships. At first of course you are filled with sadness and other emotions of a relationship lost. But when and if we are lucky to know better and be open to the gifts they left behind, then it was not a loss at all.
I love these two men, they gave me so much. I thank them often if not daily for bringing me to this place today.

I no longer suffer from the Dilemma in Transparency. I no longer fear it, run from it or push it away.
I welcome it, I practice it, I live it, I preach it and I expect it.

How I got clear was by sitting with myself. By cleaning up house for lack of a better word. By embracing change and by being open to new opportunities.
This is the life my daughter sees, these are the lessons she is taking away. At nineteen years old my daughter is clear no pun intended on Transparency. She is prepared to offer and receive exactly what she requires in her life to form a strong fighting chance, a great Union.

I am not affiliated nor do I belong to any specific religion or church etc...
I do though love Oprah and the many people she has introduced me to over the many years. Bishop TD Jakes is one of those people and when I came across his Junk in Trunk presentation I thought it held great light hearted insight.
I am sharing for inspiration in Transparency. Junk in Trunk

What do you think about Transparency and Intimacy? Is it possible?
What role do you think it plays, if any in building a long term commitment?

When you know better, do better
Always stress free xo.


  1. I think it's very important to be transparent with your partner before you enter a serious relationship. It can prevent future problems. At the same time, too much too soon can be overwhelming.

    1. Melissa thanks for visit and comment. Lol too much to soon you may run for the hills!

  2. Well...this is very well written. I think transparency is important, but it's not something that has to be met head on. By that, I mean, upon first meeting you I don't need to know any and everything about you. I can say that I'm a very transparent person, but that means that I'm open. I share what I feel is needed and I answer any questions you have with honesty. I don't overshare. I feel like the only thing we need to worry about (in a relationship) is building a relationship upon trust and moving forward together. I don't like to dwell on things in the I move forward, having learned lessons from my past and sharing what I think is important...but we're still moving forward nonetheless!

    1. Hey Mi! Thanks for visit and share. I agree on the over share I've been on both ends. It can be a bit much for sure lol. Chat again soon :)

  3. Hello cute lady! Great post. Pinned and tweeted. We really appreciate you taking the time to stop by our party. It wouldn’t be a party without you. Please join us on Monday at 7 pm. Happy Monday! Lou Lou Girls


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