Today my thoughts fell on Friendships and the frailty of such bonds. As I watch these women chatter and smile and laugh I wonder how many of them truly have an investment in one another?
It bought me back to the time I ended what I thought were three great friendships. I won't get specific in names, everyone deserves their privacy and everyone has their side of the story. They say there are three...yours, theirs and the truth. Today I thought about my side.
illustration by quotesinfinite.com
I find that in describing myself one adjective would be Loyal. I don't take relationships lightly. I trust from go until you prove otherwise and then we have a problem. My circle of friends is small has always been small and has gotten smaller over the years.
These three friends I said goodbye to I have known since my teenage years. Those years where you are really starting to develop a sense of self and direction or at least we hope. It isn't until we are clear about things that we notice when things are wrong and for how long they have been off balance.
In these relationships I saw many things, shared many years, experienced many changes but it wasn't until I needed love, support and more personal exchanges that I saw the one sided aspect of things. It wasn't until my chips were down, when I found myself in need of a hug, a shoulder, an ear, a kind word, a lets grab a coffee or I'm coming over that all I heard was silence and saw emptiness.
These "friends" were quick to send invites to their activities or to use up 45 minutes of an hour conversation on themselves then allow me the courtesy of the last 15 if that. They were quick to say come over, join me here, I need this, support me on that but when tables were turned they were "busy" somehow. Yes some of our years where filled with loads of laughter I am not going to deny that but I know now what I didn't know then and that is that at the end of the day those connections were all about them. Not us as a unit, not us growing, adding or building but them and their immediate needs.
illustration by pinterest.com
Valuing someone you love never stops. Investing in relationships brings great rewards but if you don't there is no growth. When I finally decided to "talk" about things the responses I got were shocking. They revealed that as valuable as they were to me I had little to no value to them.
I learned the following:
Balance- every thing requires balance. It isn't a competition of who did more but if there is no balance there is no peace. There is no growth,
Respect- if you take people's company for granted, if you assume they will always be around you are not showing them respect. Cherishing those you love, showing it and honoring their existence that is respect.
Time- it doesn't take a lot of time to let someone know you are thinking of them, miss them etc...Today we have many many ways to stay in touch and have had these options for quiet some time now so if you can't seem to find one...you really aren't trying. Everyone's time is valuable, don't waste yours on someone who doesn't value you.
Energy- life is energy. Every action we take requires energy and the type of energy you put in is what you will get out. If a friendship is only good sometimes, seasonal or once a year, what energy is that requiring? Do you not tend to your garden? Do your other relationships not require you to be present? Why is a Friendship any different?
I still have love for these people, I hold no grudges. I respect our memories and we had some great times but I also made peace that our seasons together came to an end. I am grateful that through those losses I gained a greater respect, love and bond with those that truly see value in me and I in them.
Balance- every thing requires balance. It isn't a competition of who did more but if there is no balance there is no peace. There is no growth,
Respect- if you take people's company for granted, if you assume they will always be around you are not showing them respect. Cherishing those you love, showing it and honoring their existence that is respect.
Time- it doesn't take a lot of time to let someone know you are thinking of them, miss them etc...Today we have many many ways to stay in touch and have had these options for quiet some time now so if you can't seem to find one...you really aren't trying. Everyone's time is valuable, don't waste yours on someone who doesn't value you.
Energy- life is energy. Every action we take requires energy and the type of energy you put in is what you will get out. If a friendship is only good sometimes, seasonal or once a year, what energy is that requiring? Do you not tend to your garden? Do your other relationships not require you to be present? Why is a Friendship any different?
I still have love for these people, I hold no grudges. I respect our memories and we had some great times but I also made peace that our seasons together came to an end. I am grateful that through those losses I gained a greater respect, love and bond with those that truly see value in me and I in them.
illustration by stylopics.com
So really I guess as my hair is just about dried that I really didn't lose anything after all. When you learn from something there really is no loss. What say you? Do you have people in your life its time to let go of? Have you been the one to take a friend for granted? Are you the one in need of a shoulder and your "friends" can't seem to find the time? Let's chat!
Always stress free xo.
That 5th paragraph Mari... sums it all up. At church yesterday the message was about the hills and valleys we go through in life - of course it was about our Father being there in the midst of it all. But true friendship is much the same, at least it should be. Right now...TODAY... I am struggling with thoughts of the same. Sometimes our "run" with a person has just come to it's end and sometimes that's by design and WE just don't know it.
ReplyDelete"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." Oprah Winfrey
Nikki! You got it. Sometimes endings are really just great new beginnings and we just have to have faith and clarity as we move through it. Always glad to have you drop by xo
DeletePhew. This is a brutally honest post and I admire you for putting yourself out there like that. Yes, I've been where you are--the person who feels stuck on the other end. If I'm not accessible for whatever reason, there is usually some sort of guilt. But, after countless plans being canceled on me, I'm supposed to just grin and bear it. Not exactly a two way street. All you can do is keep on keeping on! Thanks for the amazing post and for sharing so deeply!
ReplyDeleteMarie, thanks for visit and comments. It took some time for me to get here but once I was clear that connections must be respected and taken care off all worries went away and peace came shining through. Hope to see you here again :)
DeleteThis was beautiful!
ReplyDeleteDiane thank you and thanks for dropping by, hope to see you here again :)
DeleteIt can be so hard to cut out friendships, but sometimes it is necessary. I agree with you, things have to be equal in any relationship.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!
Brandyn thanks for stopping by :)!
DeleteEnding friendships is always a sad moment, but like you said - we learn from every experience and sometimes we just need to move on.
ReplyDeleteJulie thanks for the visit. It is indeed sad but I feel even sadder when you are being taken for granted. Let us always know our self worth! Hope you come visit again :)
DeleteHi Mari,
ReplyDeleteLike many of us, I navigate the slippery slope of making and keeping old and new friendships, and it is very challenging so thank you for sharing "Friendships Do End and It's Totally Ok" with us at the Healthy, Happy, Green and Natural Party Blog Hop! I’m pinning and sharing!
Hey Deborah welcome back. It is indeed a slippery slope but I feel once you are aware of where you stand you can make better decision on how to move forward. Thanks for stopping by and pinning xo!
DeleteThanks for posting this. Such an important lesson and finding balance is key!
ReplyDeleteKatie thanks for stopping by and comments :)
DeleteI recently let go of someone close to me in life and I honestly, feel great about it. I feel like I should have mourned their absence or something, but all I have is relief. Some people really aren't only meant to be in a part of your story and that IS okay. Thank you for sharing this at #MommyMeetUpMondays.
ReplyDeleteJules thanks for stopping by. Love MUM! and I agree some people are meant to only be in part of your story and not the whole run :)
DeleteStopping by from Turn It Up Tuesday. Love this post on this journey called life. It involves many twists, turns and people. I agree, there must be a balance. When it tilts and one is consistently giving more than the other. it's time to let go. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteRhonda thanks for comments and stopping by. I think knowing when to walk away and being ok with it is part of continued growth and can only benefit all involved in the long run :)
DeleteI'm afraid this post struck a nerve with me! Sometimes I take friendships too lightly because I get busy with my life. In the end, though, there is no good excuse. Thank you for the reminder! Stopping by from Urban Naturale.
ReplyDeleteHeaven thanks for stopping by and commenting. I am glad I was able through my share remind you of valuing your connections xo :)
DeleteGreat post. Pinned and tweeted. Please join us on Monday at 7 pm and party with us! It is so super fun to see what you have been working on! Lou Lou Girls
ReplyDelete