Sunday, June 7, 2015

Condoms and Bananas

Happy Sunday here I go giving you something to think about...
I am obsessed with Sex Education, there I said it! Loud and proud bold and in your face. Sometimes I find myself questioning if I am the only one who talks to my kid about Sex. It surely can't be for through Sex is how we all got here.

illustration by jakeskinner.ca

Now I don't want to offend anyone so if you are a bit shy when it comes to this topic then thanks for stopping by see you again real soon now press trash or delete.

Ok so back to Sex Education. I had yet another very informative conversation with my daughter the other night. It started at 9pm when she was telling me about her training for her new job as Sales Associate at Alice and Olivia and ended at 1am when we were both yawning and had no idea how the time had flown by.

To give you some background I have been having the so called "talk" with my daughter since forever. I never waited till the right time or age we just talked throughout the years as things came up with appropriate language for her age. In my household we are not and never have been shy about nudity, sexuality, our bodies etc...If you look through some of my old posts you will see what I mean.

illustration by plannedparenthood.org

 If I have to pinpoint my earliest recollection of male female interaction I would have to say Spanish soap operas when I was perhaps 7 or 8 then watching shows like Dynasty, Dallas, Falcon Crest or Knots Landing. And the icing on the cake was I was watching these shows with my mom! I had no idea what was going on, they would show heavy kissing then pan out to clothes on the floor then up to the bed and movement under some sheets. I do know that by the age of 10 I was very uncomfortable watching these things with my mom so I stopped watching television with her all together and started using my own television in my room.

I started reading romance books that my neighbor who was a teenager would let me borrow, I wanted to get more information about what I was watching and hearing. I remember hearing Donna Summer songs and feeling funny again being around my mom. By the time I got my period there was no "talk" just a stupid comment about now I could get pregnant, what does that even mean?


Fast forward to me having a daughter I didn't want any of that awkwardness or lack of information. I didn't want my daughter to be ashamed or ignorant. So we talked and talked and talk and still talk some more. Twenty years later we are still talking and the other night our talk really surprised me. She told me that she never had Sex Education in school or a Hygiene class. That there were no condoms in the nurses office or in her gym class. That today in her college still the kids don't pick up the condoms because they are too embarrassed to have others see them get it.

I was blown away. No one is talking about Sex? Sexually transmitted diseases, Birth control, pregnancy? She said no, she said her gym teacher was assigned one lesson on Sex Education and he couldn't even get himself to say the word Penis. That he never finished the class. I remember Sex Ed in H.S. the diagrams, pamphlets. I remember Hygiene class and talking about STD's and wet dreams.

illustration by isabellasnow.huppages

Then my daughter hits me with if I thought a teacher in let's say Memphis was teaching their class about safe sex? I said why not and she said if your teacher goes to church with you and you have a small community and the idea is no sex before marriage, what is there to teach? If your neighbor runs the drugstore and goes to your family picnic how comfortable are you going to be going in to by "protection".

This is where I really feel the sadness of parents not talking to their children. My daughter enlightened me on her conversations back in H.S. where the boys didn't know that lady parts consisted of a variety of parts and that females do not urinate from the same place the penis enters. She painted a vivid picture of her friends little brother age 8 going on the computer searching the word Sex and having Porn sites and images pop up. So of course at that age are you going to read a book or look at pictures and videos? What Porn movie have you seen where the guy pulls out a condom before he engages in sex?

I had never taken the time to think of this subject matter in such a deep, broader sense. I perhaps had taken for granted where I grew up, how I grew up and how I've raised my daughter. So today I am here to plead to you parents one thing... Stop waiting for the right time and just start taking.

It will never be the right time or the right age. Never. It will never get easier or more comfortable. I still don't like to hear my daughter say the word Penis but I get over it. 
The kids at the shelter I volunteer at range in all ages and the conversations I hear make even me that I have a pretty open mind blush. The little boys talk about their penis like they are talking about a toy car and when you ask them why they say such and such the response is either they heard it from a family member, music, television or school. So again start talking stop waiting there is no better time than now. 

Did I teach my daughter how to put on a condom? No, but I provided her with the information that could. That information was her knowing she could come to me and ask that question if she needed. We keep forgetting that kids are curious and try and follow everything they see. Puberty hits at a variety of ages and why not prepare our children for the changes about to take place? Saying don't do this or don't try that doesn't work. Did it work on you? Did it stop you from testing the waters? What year was the movie Grease set in? Wasn't the character Rizzo having Sex in the back of a car? HELLO!

illustration by jezebel.com

No agenda, just search I did on the web under ban and sex education and these were some of the articles that came up. Inform yourselves, form your own opinions and communicate with your kids. Talk now!

theguardian.com
dailydot.com
deadstate.org
vice.com
nytimes.com

Just because you ignore the "talk" doesn't mean they aren't talking or doing. Do you know why I called my post Condoms and Bananas?

Always stress free xo.

14 comments:

  1. The earliest conversation I remember having with my great aunt was about "good touches" and "bad touches". The earliest conversation I had with my daughter was about hygiene and she was two. That happened because at that age she was starting to get musty. I was floored but did my duty as her mom to start having this conversation with her. She's seven now and she has already sprouted pubic hair. Once again, I'm stunned but we've talked about it and every week during her bath I ask her if there's anything regarding her body that she wants to talk about. We don not cutesy words for her vagina. We use 'vagina' and butt. She knows all about the menstrual cycle and I've even showed her how to change a pad and a tampon. I remember I had to suggest to my biological mother to have that talk with my youngest brother after his aunt caught him watching internet porn. I explained to her that he needed to get the correct representation of sex and internet porn although accurate in how the act goes, does NOT show how to keep yourself and your partner safe. Sh actually refused and I, his big sister, had to talk to him about it. For my Health class I had to pick an STD and do a newspaper style column about it. I used that as a teaching tool for him. I agree that more parents need to get over the uncomfortability of the subject and give their children the tools they need to engage in sex safely. Great post!

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    1. Hey Jennice I am glad you at least did what you could. He was lucky to have you. Start talking is what parents have to get comfortable with for sure, any moment can be a lesson. Thanks for stopping by :)

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  2. My first conversation about safe and responsible sex was this my son on his 15th birthday, that was 17 years ago! Then I had the same (a little) different conversation with my 2 daughters. I'm very up front and honest with my kids (now adults), in them knowing they can discuss anything and everything with me! Some times I wish I hadn't been that way :) not really, but boy do we get into some down and to the point talking! Now my oldest grandchild (I have 7) is coming to Grammie with questions and talking about girls! Here I go again :)

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    1. Tina thanks for visit and comments, hey at least you already prepared:) best of luck hope you visit again soon

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  3. You must have the "talk" with your children. If they don't have it with you, they'll have it with someone else, who may not give them the best advice. Great post, Mari.

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    1. Tameka thanks for stopping by, they will hear it from someone else for sure! So go yap away lol:)

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  4. Sex was always & STILL is a subject we don't discuss with my parents. Even now that my sister and I are in our 30's we still don't! It is so bizarre and I have always said I would never be that way with my girls. We had sex ed in middle school but those awkward videos & pamphlets were the extent. I think it's great you are so open with your daughter, if they aren't having these talks with you, who knows who they will turn to for advice!! Great post, Mari - so happy to have come across it!!

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    1. Amanda thanks for visit glad you liked share. I am right there with you my mother's old ideas were so over the top I was like no way I am going that route for sure. Hope to chat soon :)

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  5. These are some good points. My mom started the talk early too, and I always felt pretty educated in this area. I'm not that excited to eventually talk to my daughter about sex, but I guess it's not that far off. Now that we're potty training her brother, she's learned all about body parts and that boys pee differently than girls. It's a start! Thanks for linking up at the Manic Mondays blog hop!

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    1. Meredith thanks for the comments and visit. I think having more than one child is great advantage to talking about sex early and with age appropriate language. Kids natural curiosity opens up tons of conversations! Best of luck and thanks for having me over:)!

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  6. I completely agree!! Sex Education is unbelievably important! Teens are crazy; parents need to educate. Good for you for spreading the word!

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    1. Thanks Jessie hope to see you here again soon :)

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  7. As someone who grew up in a Catholic home, I think I also had very progressive parents. We spoke openly about sex, and not just about preventing pregnancy, but about preventing death, in terms of HIV awareness. Thank you for linking it up this week at Merry Monday's!

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    1. Misty heres to parents that communicate! Thanks for visit :)

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