Condoms and Bananas

Happy Sunday here I go giving you something to think about...
I am obsessed with Sex Education, there I said it! Loud and proud bold and in your face. Sometimes I find myself questioning if I am the only one who talks to my kid about Sex. It surely can't be for through Sex is how we all got here.

illustration by jakeskinner.ca

Now I don't want to offend anyone so if you are a bit shy when it comes to this topic then thanks for stopping by see you again real soon now press trash or delete.

Ok so back to Sex Education. I had yet another very informative conversation with my daughter the other night. It started at 9pm when she was telling me about her training for her new job as Sales Associate at Alice and Olivia and ended at 1am when we were both yawning and had no idea how the time had flown by.

To give you some background I have been having the so called "talk" with my daughter since forever. I never waited till the right time or age we just talked throughout the years as things came up with appropriate language for her age. In my household we are not and never have been shy about nudity, sexuality, our bodies etc...If you look through some of my old posts you will see what I mean.

illustration by plannedparenthood.org

 If I have to pinpoint my earliest recollection of male female interaction I would have to say Spanish soap operas when I was perhaps 7 or 8 then watching shows like Dynasty, Dallas, Falcon Crest or Knots Landing. And the icing on the cake was I was watching these shows with my mom! I had no idea what was going on, they would show heavy kissing then pan out to clothes on the floor then up to the bed and movement under some sheets. I do know that by the age of 10 I was very uncomfortable watching these things with my mom so I stopped watching television with her all together and started using my own television in my room.

I started reading romance books that my neighbor who was a teenager would let me borrow, I wanted to get more information about what I was watching and hearing. I remember hearing Donna Summer songs and feeling funny again being around my mom. By the time I got my period there was no "talk" just a stupid comment about now I could get pregnant, what does that even mean?

Fast forward to me having a daughter I didn't want any of that awkwardness or lack of information. I didn't want my daughter to be ashamed or ignorant. So we talked and talked and talk and still talk some more. Twenty years later we are still talking and the other night our talk really surprised me. She told me that she never had Sex Education in school or a Hygiene class. That there were no condoms in the nurses office or in her gym class. That today in her college still the kids don't pick up the condoms because they are too embarrassed to have others see them get it.

I was blown away. No one is talking about Sex? Sexually transmitted diseases, Birth control, pregnancy? She said no, she said her gym teacher was assigned one lesson on Sex Education and he couldn't even get himself to say the word Penis. That he never finished the class. I remember Sex Ed in H.S. the diagrams, pamphlets. I remember Hygiene class and talking about STD's and wet dreams.

illustration by isabellasnow.huppages

Then my daughter hits me with if I thought a teacher in let's say Memphis was teaching their class about safe sex? I said why not and she said if your teacher goes to church with you and you have a small community and the idea is no sex before marriage, what is there to teach? If your neighbor runs the drugstore and goes to your family picnic how comfortable are you going to be going in to by "protection".

This is where I really feel the sadness of parents not talking to their children. My daughter enlightened me on her conversations back in H.S. where the boys didn't know that lady parts consisted of a variety of parts and that females do not urinate from the same place the penis enters. She painted a vivid picture of her friends little brother age 8 going on the computer searching the word Sex and having Porn sites and images pop up. So of course at that age are you going to read a book or look at pictures and videos? What Porn movie have you seen where the guy pulls out a condom before he engages in sex?

I had never taken the time to think of this subject matter in such a deep, broader sense. I perhaps had taken for granted where I grew up, how I grew up and how I've raised my daughter. So today I am here to plead to you parents one thing... Stop waiting for the right time and just start taking.

It will never be the right time or the right age. Never. It will never get easier or more comfortable. I still don't like to hear my daughter say the word Penis but I get over it. 

The kids at the shelter I volunteer at range in all ages and the conversations I hear make even me that I have a pretty open mind blush. The little boys talk about their penis like they are talking about a toy car and when you ask them why they say such and such the response is either they heard it from a family member, music, television or school. So again start talking stop waiting there is no better time than now. 

Did I teach my daughter how to put on a condom? No, but I provided her with the information that could. That information was her knowing she could come to me and ask that question if she needed. We keep forgetting that kids are curious and try and follow everything they see. Puberty hits at a variety of ages and why not prepare our children for the changes about to take place? Saying don't do this or don't try that doesn't work. Did it work on you? Did it stop you from testing the waters? What year was the movie Grease set in? Wasn't the character Rizzo having Sex in the back of a car? HELLO!

illustration by jezebel.com

No agenda, just search I did on the web under ban and sex education and these were some of the articles that came up. Inform yourselves, form your own opinions and communicate with your kids. Talk now!

theguardian.com
dailydot.com
deadstate.org
vice.com
nytimes.com

Just because you ignore the "talk" doesn't mean they aren't talking or doing. Do you know why I called my post Condoms and Bananas?

Always stress free xo.

Modern day Sex Talk...the Birds, the Bees & and All in between

Boy am I glad I've been having the "Sex talk" for close to 20 years.

Yes that long because in my home we have always been very open, honest and respectful about the topic of Sex.

illustration by familycircle.com

I've shared in the past teaching my daughter the correct names to male and female body parts since she was a Toddler.
I've talked about never a bad time to have a teaching moment. I've touched on always communicating with my daughter using age appropriate language.
Never missing an opportunity to make her feel like she could share Anything and always listening even when the subject matters were tough. Having my own opinion and she having hers but always talking with love, support and respect.

Today's Sex talk I would hope is much more informative and inclusive of the times that we are living.
I never heard the "Talk" in my home except for the blanket statement my mother made once I started to menstruate. She said that now I had to be careful with boys because I could get pregnant! What?
What did that even mean? What was I suppose to do with such an open end statement?
No dialogue, no history, no information.
I respect my mother for doing best she could but that was just plain dumb. That was just over 30 years ago which in a bigger picture is really not that long ago but things have changed some for sure.

My years of Sex talks have touched on such topics as:
-types of protection
-sexual preferences
-positions including the names
-places where people engage in sex
-size
-expectations
-STD's
-street slang
-the "idea" of age appropriate
-feelings and emotions
-multiple partners, monogamy etc...

With each of these topics and so much more you must have a level of comfort and respect to be able to truly express, teach and be clear.
If you have never spoken about Sex with your child or children, if you are not comfortable yourself touching this matter than as time goes by please don't believe it will get any easier or more comfortable. No Teenager wants to talk about Sex with his or her parents if Sex topics have never been touched upon at home to begin with.

illustration by itspronouncedmetrosexual.com

My daughter today sometimes says things or touches on subjects I find myself saying wow, we really talking about this.
Like the topic of the label Bisexuality.
I had my own thoughts, I still have my views but my daughter taught me something I never was open to before.
The concept of loving someone, of making a connection with a being first and then the gender coming second.
What? What does that mean? Are you for real, I would say.

As she explained it many of today's youth are more open, more accepting. They don't put extreme value on labels but instead on the individual connection. They don't exclude the possibility of having feelings for either gender. This is why today we can see a particular person or even a celebrity date between genders. It is not about being confused or being wild or experimenting (though of course there are cases of this as well) but about living life open to all possibilities, not excluding that love may come from where you least expect it.

Now me being clear of my heterosexual self I have found at times it tough to even digest that information. I have had and have friends who lived and live this truth and I found at times I was a bit skeptical but as a parent I want to be able to understand and accept the world my child lives in and to be supportive of any road my child or any child chooses to follow when it comes to relationships and love.
I don't want to judge or walk around in ignorance. I want to understand and respect and be truly happy for them. In the end all that matters is that the relationship you are in is healthy, happy and positive.

Are you ready for your Sex talk? What do you think your child will ask you? How much do you think they already know and do you think they have the correct information?
Communication is key!

check out this link huffingtonpost.com

Always stress free xo.

Sex Education

Look at the subject matter I chose to speak on of all days, a Sunday. To many this is the Lords day to me it’s another wonderful opportunity to talk with our children.

Sex is a touchy subject for many, just the word alone or sight of it written somewhere causes anxiety but for me it was and still is as easy as pie, why? Because Sex Education in my home began since my daughter was born.

When I make this statement, what do I mean? I mean I didn't wait to read a book or have an awkward sit down or have an age specific revelation about sex.

We are born sexual beings, we get aroused at different ages for different reasons and it should be ok to be comfortable with our bodies and what happens to them as we are growing and maturing.
This idea of "the talk" is very antiquated and if we as parents think our little ones are not aware of sex at a younger age year after year than we are fooling ourselves.

My daughter came home in sixth grade and told me what the different color bracelets meant. At the time girls were using bracelets as means to let boys know what sex acts they did or were willing to perform. She would share the goings on in the bathrooms or after school in the parks or friends’ houses. This was all during her junior High School years!!!
In her H.S. years my daughter was the one who taught me what “toss the salad” meant (relates to type of oral act in sex) feel free to look it up. This conversation was while we watched some music videos, any time any place.

These are just a few examples of the variety of things we have discussed in the past 18 years.
Since she could speak she knew the proper names of both her body parts and her fathers. From the time she began to ask questions or notice things we have had our talks. Not a specific designated time but surely age appropriate. If we were walking in the street she saw couple kissing we talked, if we watched a video and the girls were dancing on a pole we talked. A simulated sex act scene in a movie, we talked. Our drives to school, at the Laundromat any place any time; constant Communication, respect and honesty.

And if you are not comfortable then find a way to get comfortable quickly. Shows about Teen moms and videos and friends shouldn't be where our children get there information. It can be a tool of course but not a source.
Age does not matter but age appropriate language does. There is no room for shyness.

This is Your Sex Education.

What other tools and resources do you think are needed? As added incentive I have included some links that touch this same topic in a variety of ways and ages. See for yourself; let me know what you think. Happy Sunday!

Sex related topics

http://www.cafemom.com/group/advice/forums/read/19163965/Sex_talk_too_soon_Or_press_anyway
http://www.cafemom.com/group/advice/forums/read/18939084/How_to_Keep_Your_Kid_a_Virgin_Until_College
http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/12/kids-struggle-with-platonic-friendship-too.html?om_rid=AADYCs&om_mid=_BSoOlUB82zLtg6
http://www.cafemom.com/group/advice/forums/read/19151120/My_10_year_old_asked_me_what_humping_is_Help?ct=search_grouppost
http://www.cafemom.com/group/advice/forums/read/19398454/Teenage_sex
http://www.cafemom.com/group/33200/forums/read/19402641/WWYD_My_16yo_is_dating_a_40yo

Helpful resources

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/questions_sex.html
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/parents/talking-kids-about-sex-sexuality-37962.htm