Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Do all parents have Moments of Regret?

As my daughter prepares to go to work today I find myself in a moment of reflection. I'm sitting here in my room writing, editing etc...she's moving about and we are yapping away.
I guess it would serve everyone well if they would sit and reflect more often on their lives choices and begin to act less hastily.

Moments of regret. What do you regret the most in your life, up until this point?
Wow loaded question but for some reason as I watch her getting dressed and we are chatting away, that was the question that came to mind. I see my little girl all grown up and I wonder if at some point some how I have failed her?

I can say that I have a few regrets in my life's journey. Things I could have done differently that would have altered certain results. But then I stop and rethink that because I feel any tweaking of the choices I've made in the past might have affected my approach to parenting and this is one place I feel very little if any regrets.

illustration by leo0816.blogspot

The very fact that my little mama is yapping away on the subject matter that is the topic at the moment says I did pretty good. Here she is running around talking with me about Fashion week in NYC, the shows and latest trends and the business side of all the choices made in the presentations, how she's going to revamp my closet with some great new Fall pieces. Seriously, I couldn't care less about Fashion week and she knows it yet we have built such a respectful, loving connection that she knows I am listening and supportive of her shares. I didn't have to barge into her room, into her space she actually came and barged in on me lol.

Moments of regret as a parent...lets see
-I didn't let her climb into bed with me when she was little and afraid of the dark....nah instead I walked her back to her room, turned on a night light and taught her how to sooth herself.
-I didn't let her have a My Space page when all her friends had one...nah instead I invested time showing other ways to socialize
-I didn't reward her good grades with money...nah instead I taught her that earning those good grades was the reward.
-I didn't take her to a Disney movie premier after she behaved poorly even though I had already gotten us the tickets...nah I suffered the loss and she learned that actions have consequences.
- I didn't pull her teeth out as a youngster...nah her doing it herself taught her pride and that her mother is very squeamish.
-I didn't help her much with home...nah I instead just sat near by and did my own things as I supported from a distance and suggested other ways she could build better study habits.
-I didn't get upset and berate the system when she didn't get into the first college of her choice...nah I instead gave her a big hug, said better things were ahead told her these were all part of life's lessons we don't always get what we want (she ended up going to her current school where she now says was the best thing to happen to her).

illustration by happyviews.com

You see? I wasn't and I am not here to make her life's ride easy. I am here to help her learn the tools to allow her to make her own ride easy. We can't always pick them up when they fall. We can't always make things better, we can't always make every right choice. Sometimes we mess up. Sometimes we drop the ball but as long as what we are doing is our best how can you have a regret?
Things in life beat all of us up rich or poor, male or female so why invest our energy on long periods of self abuse? Why not instead use it to further teach our children that we all have things to deal with, even their own mom and dad?

-a billion hugs and kisses
-a trillion I love yous
-countless bedtime stories
-amazing just mommy and me dates
-loads of laughter while watching movies together
-infinite memories of joy, security and love

That is Parenting with No Regrets.

illustraion by pinterest.com

What do you think? Have you ever graded your parenting journey thus far? Are you days filled with more "I wish I had" thoughts than "I am glad I did"? Share your views and moments of achievements or regret.

Always stress free xo
Mari

12 comments:

  1. Of course and think about well...maybe I could have done that ...this way! Experience and living do that to you.

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    1. Jovina thanks for visit and comments xo:)

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  2. Oh, yes, plenty of regrets (yelling seems to be a common theme). But also many moments I cherish, with many yet to look forward to. And if I can ask my tween and teen daughters if they think we are a happy family ( as I did a few months ago), and they can say, "Yes. Why would you even ask?" that is a definite NON-regret! :) Stopping by from Small Victories Sunday!

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    1. Elizabeth seems a lot of parents can work on yelling less for sure but baby steps right? :) I love your daughter's answer that was priceless great job mom:) hope to chat again soon.

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  3. I always love your posts so much...and this is no exception! It sounds like you and your daughter have the kind of relationship I have with my mother, and that I hope to have with my own daughter. I agree, there are times when tough love is the way to go, coupled with an open, honest line of communication and mutual respect.

    Thank you for sharing with us at #mommymeetupmondays!

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    1. Thank you Brandyn for your support, always. I wish more parents would try the honest line of communication instead of the ways most of us grew up. It would truly be a game changer. Glad you had a role model to steer you in better direction :)

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    2. I have many regrets in parenting. But I look at my kids and they are doing the three things I set out for to do: Be somewhat responsible for themselves, be accountable for their actions and use their resources that they have available. That is what I set out to do.

      To be honest, I didn't have any role models for parental units (I basically raised myself) and the kiddos didn't come with a set of instructions. So, I had to wing it as I went along.

      I feel that in today's society, a lot of parents feel that throwing money in sponsored activities and such is the way to go. I have a lot of friends that do that. I didn't. My daughter wrote a paper in college about how on Saturday's when she was like seven or eight we walk down to the Marina Park, walk on the shoreline, they would play, start walking back by the driving range and try to find golf balls that rolled under the fence, stop at the library that was on the way home. She noted that it was free.

      That made me happy.

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    3. Hey Patrick, always nice to chat with you. I love your share about your daughter. You are so right, some parents think throwing money at something is the solution but most kids remember the simple stuff the free things! Glad you accomplished what you set out to do for your family that is the best gift EVER :)!

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  4. This is an excellent post! Even in my darkest moments as a father looking back I have very little regrets when it comes to my relationship with my oldest son the proof is in our on going adult relationship which couldn't be any better! Good stuff Mari keep sharing.

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    1. Welcome back John, thanks for stopping by and sharing. So glad to hear about you and your son. So many stories about the negatives its nice to read and hear when something turned out nicely!

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  5. I am working to find that tough love balance right now. I try not to regret any parenting decisions that I make, but it's hard. I am constantly grading myself. This has given me a lot to think about. Thank you for sharing at #mommymeetupmondays!

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    1. Jules hello again and thanks for comments. I think the grades we get come from what our kids show us. If they are happy and healthy and striving we have done well. If they enjoy being around us we have done awesome! Thanks for having me over at MMM!

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