My daughter is the best teacher I have ever had, she ranks above most of my actual teachers in my academic life. She has been teaching me things since she was about three years old. From how to not like messes but accept that they happen anyway, to dealing with shopping for sneakers instead of cute shoes, from talking about Yu Gi Oh to why we should question 911, from Lil Wayne's lyrics to Ernest Hemingway's books, from global warming to Prada's latest clothing line. Our lessons are endless.
One thing that has been a running topic over the past several years is the legalization of Marijuana use. Like her mother when something interests her the research is extensive and thorough. My daughter doesn't come to the table unprepared.
Upon entering H.S. the many topics as parents I hope we touch aside from academics is social activities and expectations. The different challenges and obstacles they will face and how best to approach them when they arise. One of those subjects will be drug use. I don't care what neighborhood you live in, rich or poor, what race or income drugs are present and our kids have access to them. It is pure neglect and stupidity to think "your" child won't be touched by this.
illustration by funerallocation.com
So of course as her parents, both her father and I gave her the "speech" the pros and cons and shared our experiences. We didn't try to make lite of the matter but we didn't drill fear in her either. During her last years in H.S. I noticed that our conversations were touching more and more about parties and the things that were going on inside them. Drinking, smoking and sex where part of the scene though I am sure it had been for some earlier than that but it was for her the comfortable time to chat about it more often and with a larger vocabulary and points.
Long story short my position then was be careful what you partake in because you alone will pay the consequences. Respect yourself and your body and don't do anything you will be ashamed of later and have fun and explore within in reason and safety. Live your life. So with that smoking weed entered our lives.
I am not against or for , I am no rep for what should be going on in anyone's home but I am for communication and picking your battles.
Use to be that when you thought of drugs you lumped Marijuana in like an enemy. I know that it wasn't until my daughter educated me and I further educated myself about its origins and vast uses that I was more aware and could further parent best with more knowledge and information. I've commented in the past how to most drinking in college is a right of passage and no one thinks anything of it but more kids die from alcohol abuse than marijuana use. Again I am not advocating I am stating facts.
I don't like the smell, I could care less about its calming affects I just don't have any interest. But I am a parent I am her mom and I will be open to discussions because I want to be respectful of her life choices and I want to understand her views. I don't want to be negative and pick a battle on something that is not worth the while.
I have stated my views and she has stated hers. We have put rules into place where our boundaries aren't crossed and we continue to talk openly and honestly about our choices. She's a full time student and holds a full time job and has a wonderful grade point average so her current choices aren't affecting her long term goals.
illustration by boolino.com
My intention is peace and respect. My intention is to continue to nurture our twenty plus years of connection and communication. My intention is not to make a mountain out of a mole hill.
I am the mother of an almost twenty one year old who is in her third year of college. We didn't get here by fighting over silly things in elementary school like what shoes to wear or hairstyle to use or in high school whether or not to use makeup or go to a movie with her friends. We got here by talking. By respectful communication. By listening even when we didn't want to hear the words that were being said.
So, you find yourself at a cross road with your child(ren) about life choices what should you do? My perspective?
-pick your battles
-start great communication skills when they are young
-run your own house
-find a compromise
Only you know your child best and only you know what works in your home. Make those choices with that information first, not by what you see others do. There is no one template for good parenting but there is one no fail general rule...Communication.
What do you think? Are there subject matters that you are sure won't be affecting you? How do you think it is best to deal with subject matters you and your children don't agree with? Share your experiences here.
Always stress free xo