Ladies and my gents ( I know I have a few of you that drop by too) have you heard of something called a "Free Pass"? It's when you give your partner the ok to engage in relations outside of your committed relationship. Whether it's the woman or the man be it one time, numerous times, one day or several days. Let's sit on this for a minute.
illustration by hubpages.com
Ok now that you have a clear mental picture, what do you think about that? Would it be something you might consider in your relationship? Would you have set rules or would that be a deal breaker?
Here's my perspective. Any confident, self loving, totally self caring responsible adult would not engage in such arrangement and here's why.
If your interested in a sexual connection with someone other than your committed partner than you shouldn't be committed to begin with. You should be single and free to engage in sex with whom ever you wish without having to get " permission" from anyone. Again I said adult.
Why do people feel they have to be in committed relationships? Why do people feel they have to follow what "society" has dictated in regards to connections?
Monogamy is not for everyone and it shouldn't be pushed as the norm. No one should feel they have to follow guidelines that just aren't made for them.
Committing to just one person, engaging in sex with just one person doesn't work for all. Many factors come into play:
-maturity
-preferences
-goals
-focus
illustration by nickandzuzu.com
I'm a firm believer in honesty up front. I'm gonna tell you what I'm interested in, what I'm looking for and if you agree great we can move forward and if you don't then great I'll keep moving because I don't want to waste my time.
As a single woman who is confident in her sexuality, clarity is very important and I have learned that certain things just come with time and experience and getting to know yourself.
Men and women are looking a different things, sometimes at different times when they get together. We women automatically assume that when a man says he loves us and commits to us in his own way that that is it. But sometimes it just isn't and the same could be said about some women. Something I have invested many chats on with my daughter. Our discussions have been mutually eye opening, young people today are more aware than we give them credit for.
So let's get back to the committed part. If you decided to get with me and build with me why would I turn around later and say it's ok for you to step outside of our connection? What are we lacking that you would feel that is something you need to do? And if we are lacking something how is you stepping outside of "us" going to help our union?
Giving your partner a "Free Pass" isn't going to bring you any closer, I don't care how many times it may be said otherwise. At some point someone's feelings are going to come into play.
illustration by pinterest.com
My perspective is simple...when your single anything goes when you link up rules change. Be clear and follow through. Don't drop labels just because, saying you are committed should not be taken lightly so discuss what committed means to you before hand.
nytimes.com
womenshealthmag.com
Now let's chat and share. Tell me what you think about "Free Pass" and if you have experienced this please let me know how it turned out. What did you learn, what do you think you can learn if you went this route?
Always stress free xo
Mari
I was just talking about this the other day. I don't believe in "free passes" and "three somes" or anything else that involves more than 2 people in a relationship. Every time I hear of it happening the couple starts having problems and someone takes that "free pass" farther than then should more times then they should. If you want to be with more than one person than there is no reason to commit. I could be wrong but I think people want the comfort and stability of a committed relationship but they want to also be free to be with other people and then come back home so to speak. I could talk about this all day lol Great post.
ReplyDeleteSamantha welcome and thanks for comments and stopping by. I agree they want the comfort but not all the other things that come with it. More than 2 people in the mix is bond to bring some trouble....hope to chat soon :)
DeleteGosh I love your posts Mari! This is an interesting topic indeed! I agree, you should be upfront and honest before getting into any type of relationship. Some people are not built for monogamy for one reason or another and I think problems often result from these folks feeling as though they have to force themselves into commitments they just cannot live up to. However, if you make a commitment, you must honor it. If two people get together and agree that they like spending time together and being intimate but do not want to be exclusive and both are okay with that, fine. Whatever floats your boat. But that's the key. If both parties are not 100% on board, it's wrong. If two people decide to be "together", then that's that. I would be devastated if my partner were to ask for a free pass and I certainly don't think I would ever have the desire to ask for one either. I don't know many people who could go back to "normal" after that.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the essay length comment, but I find things like this so fascinating!
Thank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!
Brandyn, please comment away! I love your response and appreciate your support and visits. I agree totally, being upfront is best route especially if you consider that as an adult you should be more clear on the things you want. Chat soon doll and thanks again :)
DeleteGood points! I don't think anything good can come from a "free pass" like you describe. I'm with you! Thanks for sharing at the #ManicMondays blog hop!
ReplyDeleteMeredith thanks for stopping by appreciate comments and visit
DeleteWow. Okay so I am a 100% monogamous person. I was built for monogamy. My husband and I were both built for monogamy. We have two deal-breakers in our marriage. Cheating and abuse. If one of us cheated, the other person would walk away no questions asked. This is an understanding we had before we were married so a "free pass" is a no-go. I don't know any couple that is in an open and functional relationship, but I do know couples who have dealt with infidelity and I have yet to see one work out. I agree with you that if you make a commitment, you honor that commitment. Thank you for being so open and sharing at #MommyMeetUpMondays. Sorry I'm so late commenting as usual, but I love your contribution.
ReplyDeleteJules I am so happy to hear you have established deal breakers and discussed boundaries. So many couples fail to be clear from the start and as time passes end up with issues that could have totally been avoided. Thanks for the comments and share :)
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