What You think of me doesn't Cloud what I think of me

She's fat, she's too skinny, she's lazy, she's disorganized, she's a whore, she's a prude, she's a gold digger, she's boring, she's a bitch, she's a pushover, she's a control freak, she lets people walk all over her. You got a small glimpse of me and now you think you know me.

 The same list of assumptions could be tweaked and directed at a man in the end daily there are people walking around looking at us and making up their own stories about who we are. Are you going to allow their version of your story to be your truth? Are you going to cower down or stand tall and keep doing you?

Investing time and energy into trying to correct someone's thoughts of who we are only starts to slow us down and becomes a burden of unnecessary weight to carry. On most days its just a deflection on the part of those people and what they have going on in their own lives.

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When I began to Meditate and began to hold myself accountable for how I was communicating with others the words I heard most often were "think you better than". I would have to stop myself and ask where that was coming from I was simply changing some of my old behaviors and making better choices for me. I had to in time accept that not everyone wants you to succeed and if they are down they want you down right next to them. I had to begin to cut those ties that were clipping my wings.

How can we walk proud in who we are when others say or think something different?

Well first we must begin by looking in the mirror. Is that person staring back at you ashamed of their actions, of who they currently are? If you live long enough, and our elders do tell us, that you will have made some mistakes but those mistakes don't have to make you. On any given day we can start again, do something different to get on the right track.
Once we do that our next thought should be about perception. We all see things differently, experience things in a variety of ways. Go to a movie with a few friends and you will see exactly that come into play.

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What you think of me doesn't cloud what I think of me. Be comfortable in your own skin, look within and present your best self.

Perception is individual and derives from our current emotions. Feeling positive than your eyes see only beauty, feeling like crap then your eyes only see gloom.

What you think of me doesn't cloud what I think of me. Focus on constant evolution and block out the unnecessary noise.

What are your thoughts? Does what others think of you matter more or less? Does it help you become better or does it keep you focused on the negative? Leave your comments, lets chat.

illustrations by quotes.com

Always stress free xo, 

Mari

Life is simple, make better Choices

Good morning I'd like to begin my chat with you today acknowledging the events that took place over the weekend in Florida, again another senseless ending of lives just because someone else isn't happy with theirs. I'm not going to point a finger at one group or one thing or one belief or one anything. I am just going to say that as a parent of a young lady who is often out socializing with her friends and family that no one should be going through this ever!

Every life is precious and holding on to hate just because of differences is not a representation of any God.

Automatic weapons have no place in our neighborhoods. Your house or business, our schools or shopping centers or stadiums don't require that kind of weapon for our protection. We must rethink, review and revise our gun laws. The right to bare arms and protect what is yours can still be upheld but that type of weapon is not the answer. As parents as human beings we must figure out a way to join together and protect everyone's child.

Now, with that being said I want to dive right into this thought because again it is all relevant.

illustration by myquotesclub.com

I am not going to feel any type of way about you feeling I am to blame for your misfortune. Does that make any sense to you? Well let me explain.

Most people function with placing blame. I didn't get that job because the interviewer had it in for me, I didn't get that apartment because they don't want xyz people here, my partner cheated on me because so and so through themselves at them etc etc.
Whether or not any of these examples hold a drop of truth it is what we choose to do shortly after that really matters.

How can you continuously blame an outside source for your troubles and for how long is that "truth" going to help you live your life?

Of course when bad things happen our emotions are all over the place but when we honestly stop and look at ourselves in the mirror we usually can see the answers staring back at us. We are not what happens to us but instead what we do with those events.

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Your man didn't cheat on you for any other reason than his choice to do so. The apartment perhaps just wasn't for you, the job...maybe you were over qualified. Choose to change your perspective, choose to acknowledge the event and keep moving, choose a better life. When you go out to lunch and had a bad meal do you go back again and order the same dish? No. Choices, we all have them choose wisely.

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My daughter just resigned from her job not even three months in. She was very excited about this new adventure until the blinders were taken off. Until certain behaviors clashed with her authentic self. We had many long talks over these past few weeks and two of the questions I asked her were "What were you hired for? What is your job?"At first she was offended because she felt I was telling her to just go to work and shut up but what I was picking her brain about really was for her to speak out loud her expectations verses her actual job duties. She was doing too much, she was investing too much emotional energy in a situation that didn't require it. When she realized this she thanked me for the conversation and put in her two weeks. 

illustration by quoteaddicts.com

She calls me after work yesterday to run what had happened at the end of her day by me. Her supervisor had thanked her for the two weeks notice because it really was/is a courtesy on her behalf and said that after her being there for that week they saw no need to waste her time and that she didn't have to return again. My lil mama said "for a second there I felt like I got fired, but I didn't get fired right"? I said "no vieja (I call her old lady in Spanish too) you didn't get fired you had already quit but in their eyes they see no need to risk you perhaps tampering with their stuff or just dealing with the energy and saw it best to just say goodbye." She said "oh ok then, fine." I said "yes, fine go out and celebrate be grateful for the experience and btw if in the future you do ever get fired, its ok to feel what you may feel but don't dwell on it too long it just means you weren't a good fit for what they needed. It is never personal, business is business keep it moving." She said "thanks mama, always great to hear your side" and we hung up.

Choices, is your cup always going to be half empty or are you going to view it with a smile as half full? What are your thoughts? What was a recent let down and what choice did you make? Was someone else to blame or did you decide to focus on your next option? Let's chat.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Dear Jerk that likes to bash Single Mothers

Hey lovelies this is not a plug for FB but I just had to share my perspective on this share someone  posted Don't date Single Mothers & Don't waste your time with them

Here's my response to him...

Dear Shawn James,
First I would like to say that though I am not on Face Book I am so grateful that social media pays so much attention to negativity and pot stirring shares that because I listen to the radio I heard about your article.

I want to acknowledge you because I respect that you have the right to share Your truth and that your truth doesn't speak for all. Yes a few but not all. I am also appreciative that you have the guts to spill your experiences with the world but unfortunately not enough guts to look at yourself first to see if some of those "issues" you so loudly pointed out don't stem from you and your own journey first?

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I am sadden that you have had such rough experiences with Single Mothers but let me share some things as well with you...

Above all else these issues you listed could very well be said about just anyone Period.

1-True at times any single parent runs into moments that we are not as available as the next person but it doesn't count us out. If anything, the person who wants to connect with us will be willing to compromise and respect our priorities.

2-You who ever you are will never be a Priority. I come first always then my kid(s) Period. I must care for me first before I can care for another and if you who ever you are has such low self esteem that me not fawning over your every move makes you feel less than...then I feel bad for you. Compromise is always a great friend, try finding one.

3-Yes I am yes we are Narcissists, the world does revolve around us as it should for you as well. No you shouldn't stop doing anything for me but you should stop and do things for Us. I am not selfish because again I take care of me. Yes you have needs and I will gladly take care of them for you...if you earn it and deserve it. I am not just going to give it to you.

4-I don't know what person you connected with but all Single Mothers being Emotionally Unavailable? What robot did you connect with? And why do you have such an issue with the closeness we have with our children? Did your mother/parents not connect with you? Were you not their priority? Don't be upset because that was not your experience, if anything why don't you turn it around and give to someone else what wasn't given to you?

Yes some of us still have a place in our hearts for our child's father and that can be open for discussion. If you care enough you will grow to know the back story and if you are comfortable in your own skin he will never pose a threat to you. Every one of us has a past some never look back and some take a glimpse back every now and then...Communication is another good friend, find him.

5-The other parent will Always be there period, that is a given. It is up to both of you to talk about setting boundaries. Yes you have a few good points, some ex's do linger, some games are and can be played but again this can be said about any Relationship.

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6-Again James you do have a valid point, some kids do work against you but we have to consider a few things here. Age, circumstances and introduction. Don't generalize and YES you will always have to as you so lovely stated "have to deal" with the kids. Hello! they were their before you. They aren't your competition James, learn to get along with others.

Seriously, so far you sound like a spoiled little kid. Maybe its us that should run away from You.

7-No the kids won't hate you, they will hate the Energy you are bringing into their space. Kids aren't as easily fooled as adults when it comes to who people really are. I think maybe your energy is the baggage you are talking about.
If indeed there are four billion women out here then I am glad that you will continue to have opportunities at your very own happy ending.

8-We are entitled to RESPECT period. If indeed we had our child out of wedlock which again you are assuming we are all the same then so what. Your first problem right there is you have no respect for women Period! You are a reflection of what is wrong with the world. You open your mouth and nothing but trash comes out. You yourself have had ugly experiences, perhaps even caused a few and you want to lump everyone in one boat. All women, all people in general deserve the best. Who wants to connect with a half *SS? And yes I am a Queen not just because I popped a baby out of my V*gina as you said but because I reign above all that spreads kindness and love.

Yes! of course any man that wants to connect with me needs to treat me well. Dinners, movies, gifts yes yes yes. And treat my child well as well? Of course! Don't you want to be treated well? Don't you want to be spoiled? Don't you want to feel special? This works both ways again I repeat...who did you connect with, a robot? And no I don't expect you to ignore poor behavior or reward it. That goes for anything or anyone in life.

9-I think you are the one with a distorted self image. Being a mother doesn't make us any less Sexy. Yes some of us wear things we shouldn't but again so do many other people in general. What's with the body shaming? Are you an Adonis? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, every look is not for every one and thank heavens for that.

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The words you use are very ugly and speak to how poorly you view yourself because guess what? You only attract what you are. Again look at yourself in the mirror. Oh and wait...you said that the only guys who want what we have to offer are "scavengers at the bottom of the social scene"? I imagine that this includes you as well even if just for a short time, since you wrote about your experience with Single Mothers.

10-Always the victim? No your the one playing victim here. What you could have done is sat alone in your experience and figured it out, instead you went on social media and blamed others for your short comings. Not all of us are looking for a hand out, not all of us are bitter and heartless. Yes yes of course you will always run into a few but as a whole we raise amazing children and add a lot of great things to our communities. Again stop attracting trash by not being trash yourself. James nothing wrong with looking for the handsome, rich man you should be looking for the gorgeous, rich woman.

11-Oh, so your such a prize you never have a mood swing? You never go from one emotion to another? Have you tried juggling more than one thing at a time? Women in general always have to play the balancing act. I think we bought this upon ourselves but hey its here and we have to learn to change it or figure it out. But Nut Job? No we aren't all nut jobs, we just don't want or need to deal with your crap.
And Yes!!! you are so right. You will see glimpse of what is to come if you pay close attention. So James, had you followed your own advice you wouldn't have gotten so far in with "the Nut Job".

illustration by freedatingsitesreview.com

It's also sad to read that you were verbally abused. As I said earlier we all have a past and we all have baggage, its what we choose to do with that that counts. This goes for everyone and everything James. Again you are lumping us all together. That you connected with someone who belittled you and treated you as a worthless human being is unfortunate but take it up with her not with the rest of us.

12-Drama Queen? no this would be you.

Save a hoe? You can't even process the part you played in these ugly connections or connection so how can you save someone else? Manipulation doesn't happen unless you allow it so own up to fact it happened to you, make sure it doesn't happen again and move forward.

13-If you happen to hook up with a Single Mother just a few weeks into the breakup sure it could totally be to make the other person jealous, but can't the same be said for guys? Games are games no matter who is playing them.

illustration by your tango.com

The sympathy card? Geez James you really hooked up with a winner. This female or these females were a hot mess! Where did you find them? Where have you been looking?

14-Dishonest? and we Lie? Dang James what world have you been living in? Don't you see that around you all day long? Not just in Single Mothers get out from under that rock and you will see life is full of all sorts of characters. Again you attract what you are so look in the mirror.

Anyway James, I want to wrap this up by thanking you. Thank you for proving that when people have been hurt and have no guts to start looking at themselves they pick on others. Thank you for proving that some males are jerks and extremely immature. Thanks for sharing some valid points but due to delivery they may have been lost. Thanks for putting on blast the females that are indeed ratchet period. But most of all I want to thank you for allowing me the opportunity to show the other side of your coin.

I wish you all the best, hope you have better luck in another pool and I really really hope you work on  yourself moving forward so you have better results.

Always stress free xo
Mari

Love Thyself

TRUTH HURTS

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!

While most will be posting cute hearts and candies I want to address what everyone is talking about and share my perspective as a mother to my own Beyonce but first lets talk about the original.

Facts:

-Her estimated net worth is $250 Million dollars

-Business woman, Wife, Mother, Song writer, Singer, Dancer oh and...Actress

-Destiny's Child was one of the world's Best Selling Girl Groups of All times

-She has earned twenty Grammy Awards

-She has sold over 118 Million records Solo and 60 Million with Destiny's Child

-Her songs touch on all subject matters from bubble gum anthems to raw reality and passionate love

I'm going to stop here because I think the message is clear. She is a woman of Power and Influence. She has earned everything she has received and she deserves respect for her hustle. I loved her Super Bowl performance as I have always loved all her performances. She gives you 100% each and every time. No excuses.

So why was White America shocked at her latest performance? Were they not aware she is and has always been an African American Woman? She's been on this earth for over 30 plus years it didn't just happen over night. Because she is light skin that fact is over looked? Or is it because her appearance doesn't scare them like Venus and Serena apparently do? Wait...is it because she made songs like Single Ladies or Run the World and their kids and they themselves too felt it was catchy tune and "safe"?

Was she not in some sort of "Formation" then?

Super Bowl Sunday she spoke one very important aspect of her journey and Truth. She told you her history in one entire song, things she has always talked about in one way or another but because it was slapping White America in the face all at once she was totally out of line. Why? Super Bowl Sunday is sacred to only one race? Was her Truth so offensive that it shouldn't be heard or displayed so the whole world can see?

The response to her Truth speaks volumes of how far we haven't come. 

illustration by picture quotes.com

Pride in who you are should never be a bad thing! When Garth Brooks or Dolly Parton speak of their Truths who's offended? How about Johnny Cash or Jerry Lee Lewis? Let's bring it closer how about Aerosmith or Bruce Springsteen? I am extremely open minded when it comes to music. Music is Universal I love all types of music including these aforementioned artists. I love how they shared their Truths, their experiences in life as seen through Their eyes. I am not offended by songs addressing their love of horses or ranch life or cheating spouse or their love affair with drugs and alcohol. The songs depict the Truth of the Artist.

She pointed out the injustices that have occurred and continue to occur to her people. The killings, the discrimination, the labels, the less than attitude...she laid it all out. Was she lying? What part of her song was a lie? Is it a lie because it is not the White America version? Minorities, again a label given to certain people by others who feel Superior are just plain and simply Tired. 

Myself included. I am tired of White America deflecting their low self esteem on me and those who look like me. I am tired of the labels and constant need to "try" to somehow justify all the in your face wrongs that occur daily. I am tired of having to have conversations about "the color" of someone's skin. 

Don't tell me or anyone else who has been treated poorly to "just move on". Don't disrespect the long hard journey my ancestors had by saying things like "it wasn't me". Yes it may very well not be you per say but it was your grandfather and those before him. The Civil Rights movement was in the late 50's early 60's. This is my mother's time this is not that long ago and where are we now? 

I began with a statement I have my own lil Beyonce. Why should my daughter in the year 2016 be stopped by the police because her and a group of her friends are walking down the street and "look" suspicious? Why should my daughter be told she should straighten her hair because it "will look" better? Better to who? Why did my daughter have to hear comments about her features at the age of 6? How cruel and self righteous can White America be? 

Love Thyself!!!

Love Thyself! Focus on yourself, better yourself change your history and Truths. Stop trying to change people that are not like you. We don't want to be you. We are proud of who we are. 

Love Thyself! Encourage differences and own up to past mistakes. It will really be appreciated. 

We can never move forward if the past is ignored, lied about and not acknowledged. Life just doesn't work that way the Planet never forgets.

Now let me be very clear. This is my Truth. I am writing to speak to that man or woman who just doesn't respect and get the magnitude of what took place Super Bowl Sunday. I am speaking to those that feel they were "disrespected". I am speaking to those I and the rest of my people "offend". I am speaking to those that were happy to sing "who run the world, Girls" but just don't want it to be again a Minority Girl. If what I have addressed isn't who you are than the labels don't apply and this should be a conversation starter. If what I have addressed rubs you the wrong way then again its a conversation starter and should start with you looking in the mirror asking "why does a non white person loving themselves effect and offend me?"

Thanks Beyonce for the following line because my daughter will do exactly that...

"Always stay Gracious best Revenge is your Paper" 

What are your thoughts? Are you tired of all the race talks and feel its time to get "over it" or do you think the talks haven't been wide and long enough and more needs to be done? Start a conversation, share your thoughts and experiences.

Always stress free xo

Mari

Are you allergic to being Treated like a Lady?

Hey loves hope we are all being our best selves today!

I want to dive right in and talk to the ladies about things we complain about yet are never clear on so we walk around at times in frustration with our partners or possible future partners. I want to talk about the guy in your life being a true Gentle man. Pay attention to my words...the guy in your life being a True Gentle man.
I wrote a post some time ago called Teach your Son to be a Gentleman please that I thought was necessary to address because boys grow up to be men and if they aren't taught certain things at home, what they learn elsewhere doesn't serve them in building good relationships in life.

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Dating in our teen years can form a lot of habits that we carry around for life and it isn't until we grow into our true selves that we begin to make some needed corrections. We read books or watch television and hear music and have ideas about relationships so we act them out. Then we go to college or get full time jobs and continue to exhibit some of those habits and perhaps even add new ones because now we are older and "wiser".

By the time we reach our adult years we are pretty much set in our ways and though they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, I believe that if you want something bad enough you figure out a way to get it.

Dating today in my 40's as I have shared has been very interesting. I have posted some of my experiences here and will continue to do so as I see relevant but some I keep to myself just because.
One of the things I want to point out is how age and background has played a part in true Gentle man behavior.

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The first time my car door was held open for me was a total surprise, what they do this? The first time  I didn't have to bring in any of my grocery bags, wow that was special. The first time I was helped putting on my coat when getting ready to leave our dinner? Yes I have been in relationships in the past and I also dated many moons ago before having my daughter but the experiences were different. The expectations were different.

My x partners did treat me well, they cooked for me, helped me around the house, pulled their own weight, surprised me and gifted me with treats and lovely jesters but I never paid it any attention as it being the way things are suppose to be period. In my youth I saw it as sweet today I realize it is the way to have balance in a relationship.

Single women especially after some time become accustomed to doing everything on their own I know I myself have been guilty of this. We have our routines, we have our ways, we push on no matter what is in our way. When this strong independence becomes the norm and another person then enters our lives the shift in roles can be a tough one.
For men who believe their role is to take care of us women, it can be a challenge even a turn off if communication isn't right.

this made me laugh so I wanted to share 

illustration by quotesgram.com

So what can we do...how do we balance and welcome being treated like a Lady? How can we express that we truly do want a Gentle man? I suggest baby steps and lots of communication here are some things I have done and been doing to get better at this balance:

-ask for help
-slow down
-wait for assistance
-be clear on expectations
-let go of some control
-shift your ideas of what being a strong woman means
-shift your ideas of what being a strong man means

There is no weakness in working together, in allowing one another to play their role. There is strength in allowing someone to help you and having them treat you with kindness and respect. I am sharing some articles that were also the reasons why I put some thought into this. One in particular was about Jennifer Lopez and her partner. It commented on times he behaved more like her assistant than her man but to me the things he was doing is all the things my men past and present and future have done and will do for me. I even read a comment somewhere about the late David Bowie tying Iman's shoes, how sweet is that! And I am using celebrities as examples because it seems that most often than not society looks at them for guidance and examples where we may not have them closer to home.

This is why I feel it is so important that we as parents do our best to teach our children at home from an early age the proper treatment of others and how those tools will spill into intimate connections in their lives.
What are your thoughts? Did you grow up with a healthy balance or did you gain them as you got older? Women do you want a Gentle man and Men do you welcome that responsibility? Share your thoughts.

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mydomaine.com

cnn.com

Always stress free xo

Mari

The Free Pass that leads to an Exit Pass?

Hello my dolls today I would like to chat it up about something I've been coming across online regarding relationships. I'm going to dive in and be raw so if your on the conservative side this may be too colorful for you. I'm going to be speaking among friends so anything goes.

Ladies and my gents ( I know I have a few of you that drop by too) have you heard of something called a "Free Pass"? It's when you give your partner the ok to engage in relations outside of your committed relationship. Whether it's the woman or the man be it one time, numerous times, one day or several days. Let's sit on this for a minute.

illustration by hubpages.com

Ok now that you have a clear mental picture, what do you think about that? Would it be something you might consider in your relationship? Would you have set rules or would that be a deal breaker?

Here's my perspective. Any confident, self loving, totally self caring responsible adult would not engage in such arrangement and here's why.
If your interested in a sexual connection with someone other than your committed partner than you shouldn't be committed to begin with. You should be single and free to engage in sex with whom ever you wish without having to get " permission" from anyone. Again I said adult.

Why do people feel they have to be in committed relationships? Why do people feel they have to follow what "society" has dictated in regards to connections?
Monogamy is not for everyone and it shouldn't be pushed as the norm. No one should feel they have to follow guidelines that just aren't made for them.

Committing to just one person, engaging in sex with just one person doesn't work for all. Many factors come into play:
-maturity
-preferences
-goals
-focus

illustration by nickandzuzu.com

I'm a firm believer in honesty up front. I'm gonna tell you what I'm interested in, what I'm looking for and if you agree great we can move forward and if you don't then great I'll keep moving because I don't want to waste my time.
As a single woman who is confident in her sexuality, clarity is very important and I have learned that certain things just come with time and experience and getting to know yourself.

Men and women are looking a different things, sometimes at different times when they get together. We women automatically assume that when a man says he loves us and commits to us in his own way that that is it. But sometimes it just isn't and the same could be said about some women. Something I have invested many chats on with my daughter. Our discussions have been mutually eye opening, young people today are more aware than we give them credit for.

So let's get back to the committed part. If you decided to get with me and build with me why would I turn around later and say it's ok for you to step outside of our connection? What are we lacking that you would feel that is something you need to do? And if we are lacking something how is you stepping outside of "us" going to help our union?
Giving your partner a "Free Pass" isn't going to bring you any closer, I don't care how many times it may be said otherwise. At some point someone's feelings are going to come into play.

illustration by pinterest.com

My perspective is simple...when your single anything goes when you link up rules change. Be clear and follow through. Don't drop labels just because, saying you are committed should not be taken lightly so discuss what committed means to you before hand. 

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Now let's chat and share. Tell me what you think about "Free Pass" and if you have experienced this please let me know how it turned out. What did you learn, what do you think you can learn if you went this route?

Always stress free xo
Mari

Never Settle

Mari? I hear my name as I close my car door and press the lock, I turn around and smile as I begin to recognize the face. Hey! Girl omg so happy to see you, how long has it been I say as we hug each other tight.
Oh it's been a minute, what about five years? Yeah I think so I say. Wow you look about the same which is good, how's the family? Oh their doing great, kids getting bigger, taller than me. Two in college you know how that goes, yes I do I say. Mom and my siblings are good families expanding but we are still living in the same place. Oh that's great, glad to hear everyone is doing so well. I know family is everything to you guys.

Yeah that's true she says. So how about you? What have you been up to? You look great so different than when I saw you last, did you loose weight? You're actually looking younger. I laugh out loud and say well since we last saw each other I was in and got out of another relationship, started practicing Yoga and Meditation, grew and cut and now regrowing my hair, started a Blog and got back into my photography. Lil mama is in her third year of college and doing wonderfully, I'm blessed. Family is as they always have been and I'm more involved with my grandma's care now.

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Oh wow she says, that's a lot of changes. Yes they are and have been but that's life right, growth and development? We're getting older we can't stay the same forever not to mention it gets boring. Yeah I guess she says. So are you seeing anyone, dating? Well I've been dating on and off for a bit, took some reflection time after last relationship and doing it a little bit again now. Dealing with my grandma requires a lot of energy and time so investing in a deep social life at this time is just not possible, how about you?

Oh I'm still seeing that guy from before. Oh you mean so and so I say? Yeah that's the one. It's going on six years now on and off. It's ok, he's alright, we'll see. We'll see, he's alright, it's ok? I repeat and she just stares at me. I raise my eyebrows and in my Mari way say geez that doesn't sound great to me. That's a long time to invest for such low key excitement. Good luck with that yeah thanks she says and continues with Girl you know all men are the same I don't want to start all over again at least with him I know what I'm getting. They all start great in the beginning, then get comfy and show their true colors I'm just getting too old for the bulls**t.

Well mama that's not true all men aren't the same, they just do and behave as you allow them to and how you accept them. You set the tone, you put out what you want to get back, that's what I have learned and that's what I have proven. Life's to short to settle. Life's not meant to be shared in misery. If you aren't satisfied with what you have keep it moving there is nothing wrong with being single. Yeah I hear ya but hello we not twenty anymore yeah hello exactly I say. That's why we should know better, we have more experience. Yeah I'll see but anyway oh my God it's been great seeing you and catching up. Gonna meet up with kids in a bit was just grabbing some quick groceries for the weekend. Yeah same hear glad to see you, send my best to fam and kisses to the kids. We hug and walk our separate ways.

illustration by amazon

All along I'm thinking what a shame you think so little of your self worth that you would make up half of such a poor unit. How sad that you are in the same place where I left you and how unfortunate that life is just passing you by...Never Settle.

Have you come across someone in your past that seems to be in the same place you left them? Do you think she's just comfortable or did she settle? Am I being too judgmental?

Always stress free xo

Mari

Which Door will you Choose?

For any women who still doesn't see the beauty in their own individuality and skin this is for you. For that women who doubts her beauty just as she is this is for her and for the mom who is projecting her lack of self esteem on her own children / daughter this is for you.

I get that we can have a day where we just feel like crap. Your hair is just not cooperating, you feel bloated, you don't like anything in your closet and in my case today you may have a blemish or two. I have been getting a few breakouts recently in my jawline / chin area and from what I read it's related to hormones so I have to do better with my food choices and tweak my workout routine for sure. All this being said I have never looked at myself or thought of myself as anything less than beautiful on a great day and cute or pretty on a regular day.

That confidence comes from me working with what I have. I have great teeth so I smile a lot but when I frown I look old like my grandma. I have expressive eyes so I try to always make eye contact but my nose to some may be a bit big. My hair is thick and curly a lot to manage especially when I was a kid but now I appreciate it and as a treat invest a few hours at the Salon under the dryer. I dislike makeup I don't want to waste my time but mascara and something on my lips once in a blue is fine. The point I am making is....I focus on the up side.

illustration by express.co.uk

Dove lately has come up with some great campaigns focusing on accepting yourself just for you and taking care of the skin we are in. So when I first heard about the "door" campaign I was excited to see what it was about. When I saw it I had tears in my eyes.
I watched it in my office and had to quickly grab a tissue in case someone came past my door.

To see some women and young ladies struggle with which door to choose was sad.

I want to say this to you...stop looking at someone else to reflect Your beauty. They are not you, you are unique you are one. If you don't love what you see, if you don't love you no one else will either.
Don't confuse making a simple style change which is perfectly normal to trying to look like someone else by any means necessary which is not normal. There is only one Angelina Jolie only one Faith Hill only one Kerry Washington only one Beyoncé only one Jennifer Lopez...ONE.

You don't like the little belly your wonderful child gifted you? Then go on You Tube find a five minute video to help you out. You don't like the marks your little sunshine left behind? Get some darn Coconut oil and rub them every night to lighten them. I side lighten I didn't say disappear. You don't like the wrinkles in your forehead? Stop frowning smile more and be grateful for the parentheses around your mouth I am! But all these things still shouldn't stop you from choosing the amazing "Beautiful" door.

illustration by mirror.co.uk

Today is the day you begin to embrace yourself! The day you say "so and so" your a real bad ass! The day you look in the mirror and smile at that women you see in front of you. The day you say "F" the magazines, the commercials, your neighbor and those in society who say you could look better if only blah blah blah.

Check out the link I included, tell me what you think. Ask yourself "what door would you like your daughter to choose?" How would you feel if she thought she was just Average?
dove.us

Always stress free xo.

How often do You think about how Beautiful you are?

I have a Big Question for you, actually two.

How many minutes in a day do you invest thinking of how Beautiful you are?
How many minutes in a day do you invest thinking of all the things that are wrong with you?
Now that I provided you with a hummmm moment, sit with these thoughts some more.
Did it take you longer to calculate the beautiful thoughts or the negative thoughts?
Were you comfortable with the questions? Does your own beauty even enter your mind?

Not everyone is comfortable with the subject of beauty and if you are some may call you vain, full of yourself or not humble enough.
Depending on your history and life's journey answering these questions could be very painful.
Especially as women we are taught to put others before ourselves and that in itself may impact our thoughts on beauty in some ways.

I always find it fascinating when people can't see the beauty in others and comment on it. When women see other women and point out the negative before a positive or when they themselves are complimented and they in turn say "oh no please I need to loose some weight or I need to put on some make up".

illustration by screensavergift.com

As I have matured I have come to realize the truth in two things:
-Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
-true Beauty comes from the inside first

Have you ever seen someone who you thought of as beautiful till they opened their mouth and you were turned off?
Have you ever found someone attractive that your friends thought looked ordinary?
Have you ever met someone who was ordinary and after a conversation their Beauty out shined their space?

After sitting on the questions I posed in the beginning I have my own answers.
I think about how Beautiful I am, often. Every time I pass a mirror, Every time I see my daughter, Every time I make my 91 year old feisty, Alzheimer's suffering grandma smile.
I think about how beautiful I am when I look up the sky, when I take a deep breath or when I say hello to a stranger.
I think about how Beautiful I am Every moment I am alive on this planet.

I have negative thoughts about myself, rarely. I am not a Super Model, nor do I wear a size 3. I barely
wear make up and I eat what I like. I am currently not married and I don't own my own home.
I haven't for filled all my childhood dreams and my savings is humble. I haven't traveled the world and I don't hold a College degree but...I am healthy, happy and peaceful.
I smile daily, I laugh often and I am grateful for Life.

Beautiful - having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind
-excellent of its kind
-wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying
This is the dictionary's definition of Beautiful. Do you see yourself when you read those lines?

What are your thoughts on Beauty?

Always stress free xo.

Boys go through this too

What to expect puberty pamphlets, websites that offer guidance, countless places to turn to when looking for help, automatically assumed this is part of the package. All this is catering to our girls self esteem issues but what about our boys?

It is expected that at some point in time all females regardless of age will go through some sort of slump when it comes to self esteem issues. Magazines tell us so, talk shows cater to it, pediatricians comment on the matter, females talk among themselves.

What we hardly hear about to same degree is the male experience and what is available for them to use to cope and help along this same difficult path. Is it that society does not feel or is accepting that males suffer from this as well?

Right around the sixth or seventh grade when during gym class the words body mass index begin to be used it is not only the girls who start to panic but the boys do as well.
No one likes to be sized up or told what is the ideal this or that...no one.

Just like girls, boys are equally concerned with their appearance. Their hair, their skin, their height and yes their weight.
No one wants to deal with pimples, no one wants to be the shortest on the team, no one wants to be told they are cute because they are "chubby" and remind them of a lovable Teddy Bear.

Males should never be labeled too sensitive because they are going through an emotional stage in their growth. There will be plenty of moments in their lives to so call "man up". If the older males in their lives are not being helpful then it is up to the females to step in and offer suggestions and advise.

It doesn't make you any less of a male to show concern for your looks and appearance. It doesn't make you any less of a male to doubt that you are good enough to date that girl. It doesn't make you any less of a male to be comfortable with emotions and sensitivity.

I'd think I would much prefer to raise a well adjusted man. Someone who is strong in character and in principles and who has empathy for other's short comings. Someone who can change a light bulb and make me dinner. Someone who can provide for any and all needs when it comes to his family.

The way we make this happen is to address any and all issues as they come up, with the same love and kindness we do with our daughters. Anything less and we will have raised a potential jerk.
Don't take self esteem issues in your boys lightly. Communication. Respect. Empathy.

Listen and guide them to the best solutions you can provide just as you would your girls.

Below are some links with great information specific to our boys.
kidshealth.org
scarsdaleschools.k12.ny.us
loveourchildrenusa.org
commonsensemedia.org

Your own worst Enemy

I found myself yelling at the television this morning as I was getting ready for work. My daughter and I just couldn't get the words out of our mouths fast enough. Yet another segment, depicting catty women and mothers on Good Morning America. This time the evil “mother” was Gisele Bundchen .

It always ignites something in me to see women be so hateful, bitter and mean to one another. Catty women, the one’s with the claws (their mouths) ready to tear into you every chance they can get. The ones that feel that expressing themselves in a negative fashion is the way to go and the words that come out of their mouths should be the rules that all women, all mother’s must follow.

We live in a World, let me repeat that again, we live in a World where we get paid less than our male counterparts, where freedom due to our gender sometimes is nonexistent, where our rights can be disregarded, where in certain places what we can do with our bodies is dictated, where we are told we are not complete without a man, where our lives at times have less value.

Being aware of all these obstacles, why on earth would we be so harsh amongst ourselves?

Self-esteem, as my daughter’s friend once commented in a discussion they were having, is esteem of the self, how is it that I am affecting yours?

How are the following women affecting me? Maria Yang, Lee-Ann Ellison, Caroline Berg Eriksen and Gisele Bundchen?

Why because you don’t look as they do, feel as they do and express yourself as they do you find it wrong or obnoxious? Why is it wrong of them to share as they wish what they feel is a grand accomplishment?

You want abs like these women, legs, hair or boobies? Then go and do what they do. Work your butt off and you will achieve the same. Have the life style they have and you will be just as happy and proud. If you are not willing to put in the time, effort or money…then please just try and retract your claws because that right there already makes you unattractive.

I am not a size Two, I don’t work out at a gym, I don’t diet and I eat a pint of ice cream any darn time I feel like it. What I do practice is Yoga, Pilates and Meditation. I also walk around my neighborhood park at least twice a week for about an hour and a half. I don’t eat red meat very often, I don’t eat take out or fast foods very often either. I believe in moderation and I am beautiful inside and out. How do I know that? Because I am confident in my own skin and I love who I am. I don’t strive to be anyone other than Mari Corona.

Women look within yourselves for a role model first. No one is going to make you feel anything you already don’t feel yourself. These women didn't wake up and say “oh let me hurt so and so today”, they woke up and said “wow I look good, period”. Work on why you felt such negativity when you saw those women because trust me when I say the problem isn't them, it’s You.