Here's my response to him...
Dear Shawn James,
First I would like to say that though I am not on Face Book I am so grateful that social media pays so much attention to negativity and pot stirring shares that because I listen to the radio I heard about your article.
I want to acknowledge you because I respect that you have the right to share Your truth and that your truth doesn't speak for all. Yes a few but not all. I am also appreciative that you have the guts to spill your experiences with the world but unfortunately not enough guts to look at yourself first to see if some of those "issues" you so loudly pointed out don't stem from you and your own journey first?
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I am sadden that you have had such rough experiences with Single Mothers but let me share some things as well with you...
Above all else these issues you listed could very well be said about just anyone Period.
1-True at times any single parent runs into moments that we are not as available as the next person but it doesn't count us out. If anything, the person who wants to connect with us will be willing to compromise and respect our priorities.
2-You who ever you are will never be a Priority. I come first always then my kid(s) Period. I must care for me first before I can care for another and if you who ever you are has such low self esteem that me not fawning over your every move makes you feel less than...then I feel bad for you. Compromise is always a great friend, try finding one.
3-Yes I am yes we are Narcissists, the world does revolve around us as it should for you as well. No you shouldn't stop doing anything for me but you should stop and do things for Us. I am not selfish because again I take care of me. Yes you have needs and I will gladly take care of them for you...if you earn it and deserve it. I am not just going to give it to you.
4-I don't know what person you connected with but all Single Mothers being Emotionally Unavailable? What robot did you connect with? And why do you have such an issue with the closeness we have with our children? Did your mother/parents not connect with you? Were you not their priority? Don't be upset because that was not your experience, if anything why don't you turn it around and give to someone else what wasn't given to you?
Yes some of us still have a place in our hearts for our child's father and that can be open for discussion. If you care enough you will grow to know the back story and if you are comfortable in your own skin he will never pose a threat to you. Every one of us has a past some never look back and some take a glimpse back every now and then...Communication is another good friend, find him.
5-The other parent will Always be there period, that is a given. It is up to both of you to talk about setting boundaries. Yes you have a few good points, some ex's do linger, some games are and can be played but again this can be said about any Relationship.
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6-Again James you do have a valid point, some kids do work against you but we have to consider a few things here. Age, circumstances and introduction. Don't generalize and YES you will always have to as you so lovely stated "have to deal" with the kids. Hello! they were their before you. They aren't your competition James, learn to get along with others.
Seriously, so far you sound like a spoiled little kid. Maybe its us that should run away from You.
7-No the kids won't hate you, they will hate the Energy you are bringing into their space. Kids aren't as easily fooled as adults when it comes to who people really are. I think maybe your energy is the baggage you are talking about.
If indeed there are four billion women out here then I am glad that you will continue to have opportunities at your very own happy ending.
8-We are entitled to RESPECT period. If indeed we had our child out of wedlock which again you are assuming we are all the same then so what. Your first problem right there is you have no respect for women Period! You are a reflection of what is wrong with the world. You open your mouth and nothing but trash comes out. You yourself have had ugly experiences, perhaps even caused a few and you want to lump everyone in one boat. All women, all people in general deserve the best. Who wants to connect with a half *SS? And yes I am a Queen not just because I popped a baby out of my V*gina as you said but because I reign above all that spreads kindness and love.
Yes! of course any man that wants to connect with me needs to treat me well. Dinners, movies, gifts yes yes yes. And treat my child well as well? Of course! Don't you want to be treated well? Don't you want to be spoiled? Don't you want to feel special? This works both ways again I repeat...who did you connect with, a robot? And no I don't expect you to ignore poor behavior or reward it. That goes for anything or anyone in life.
9-I think you are the one with a distorted self image. Being a mother doesn't make us any less Sexy. Yes some of us wear things we shouldn't but again so do many other people in general. What's with the body shaming? Are you an Adonis? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, every look is not for every one and thank heavens for that.
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The words you use are very ugly and speak to how poorly you view yourself because guess what? You only attract what you are. Again look at yourself in the mirror. Oh and wait...you said that the only guys who want what we have to offer are "scavengers at the bottom of the social scene"? I imagine that this includes you as well even if just for a short time, since you wrote about your experience with Single Mothers.
10-Always the victim? No your the one playing victim here. What you could have done is sat alone in your experience and figured it out, instead you went on social media and blamed others for your short comings. Not all of us are looking for a hand out, not all of us are bitter and heartless. Yes yes of course you will always run into a few but as a whole we raise amazing children and add a lot of great things to our communities. Again stop attracting trash by not being trash yourself. James nothing wrong with looking for the handsome, rich man you should be looking for the gorgeous, rich woman.
11-Oh, so your such a prize you never have a mood swing? You never go from one emotion to another? Have you tried juggling more than one thing at a time? Women in general always have to play the balancing act. I think we bought this upon ourselves but hey its here and we have to learn to change it or figure it out. But Nut Job? No we aren't all nut jobs, we just don't want or need to deal with your crap.
And Yes!!! you are so right. You will see glimpse of what is to come if you pay close attention. So James, had you followed your own advice you wouldn't have gotten so far in with "the Nut Job".
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It's also sad to read that you were verbally abused. As I said earlier we all have a past and we all have baggage, its what we choose to do with that that counts. This goes for everyone and everything James. Again you are lumping us all together. That you connected with someone who belittled you and treated you as a worthless human being is unfortunate but take it up with her not with the rest of us.
12-Drama Queen? no this would be you.
Save a hoe? You can't even process the part you played in these ugly connections or connection so how can you save someone else? Manipulation doesn't happen unless you allow it so own up to fact it happened to you, make sure it doesn't happen again and move forward.
13-If you happen to hook up with a Single Mother just a few weeks into the breakup sure it could totally be to make the other person jealous, but can't the same be said for guys? Games are games no matter who is playing them.
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The sympathy card? Geez James you really hooked up with a winner. This female or these females were a hot mess! Where did you find them? Where have you been looking?
14-Dishonest? and we Lie? Dang James what world have you been living in? Don't you see that around you all day long? Not just in Single Mothers get out from under that rock and you will see life is full of all sorts of characters. Again you attract what you are so look in the mirror.
Anyway James, I want to wrap this up by thanking you. Thank you for proving that when people have been hurt and have no guts to start looking at themselves they pick on others. Thank you for proving that some males are jerks and extremely immature. Thanks for sharing some valid points but due to delivery they may have been lost. Thanks for putting on blast the females that are indeed ratchet period. But most of all I want to thank you for allowing me the opportunity to show the other side of your coin.
I wish you all the best, hope you have better luck in another pool and I really really hope you work on yourself moving forward so you have better results.
Always stress free xo
Mari
Very nice response. I once dated a woman after I got divorced and she said to me "It is sad that I will never be the No.1 woman in your life, your daughter will be." James sounds like her.
ReplyDeleteHey Patrick nice to see you here again. Seems you dodged a bullet with that one. Who says something like that geez.
DeleteYeah I acknowledge James had some points but his delivery as a whole was very poor and too general.
I had to go read the link after I read this and my goodness... there is SO much that is SO wrong about every single point this person makes. Too much to even go into... but I do have to say it takes a special person to be a parent, step parent, "like a parent", mentor, role model, etc. Sounds like he doesn't know the joy and with that attitude, he might not ever. Sad.
ReplyDeleteHey sweetie glad you stopped by for this one. Piece of work isn't he? Thanks for comments and visit xo
DeletePart of me wishes I had never gone and read the original...such hateful, vile nonsense! What frightens me is that there are women who are already feeling as though they will never find love because they are single mother's who will find this and feel as though this is the view of all men. This is outrageous. Love your response, there is certainly something wrong with this man.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing with us at #mommymeetupmondays!
Brandyn hey mama I know I was upset reading it too. They spoke so much about it on the radio station I listen to that I had to really read it for myself and I couldn't let that one go lol. Thanks for visiting and comments :)
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