Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Getting to the Root of the Problem?

illustration by ngsuyasa.wordpress.com

I really sometimes think I may have missed my calling because boy do I love to ask questions. 

Nothing ever happens just because. Deep down inside there is always a reason its just we as humans find it easier to cover up than to peel away the layers.

Today I want us to chat about short tempers and anxiety.

So I go out the other night with a friend and we meet up with a few more friends. Everyone is having a nice time lots of laughs, great food, nice drinks and cool music until...things begin to get a little uncomfortable. I love to have a good time but I am not one to call unnecessary attention on myself and if you act like a buffoon around me I will most definitely walk away and leave you standing there. Not to leave out that things began to get a little chaotic in our surroundings and I felt it was my cue to go. As most independent women do I am always prepared to pick up and go without having to feel trapped in my surroundings or by the people I am with. So I discreetly lean over and say "I think its time for me to go." My friend on the other hand feels its no big deal they have things covered, we are safe and we should keep lounging as we have. I sit tight for a little longer but then something else catches my eye and I am totally done. I lean in again and say "ok seriously its my time to go."

Said friend sort of reluctantly says ok and we proceed to leave. As we are walking out I ask the question, "What happened to your attitude, one minute your cool the next your defensive and a bit snappy?" I hear things like "I don't like to be questioned. I know what I am doing. I am grown. I have things under control." All the while in my mind I'm going "what on earth?" To be clear the conversation wasn't running smoothly I had to take several deep breaths but as it progressed the root of the problem was revealed.

illustration by smartbear.com

Turns out said friend has issues with authority which causes a short temper which spills into anxiety for all involved. 

How did we get to that conclusion? Because I asked "how did you feel when you heard such and such?" When you ask the right questions you will get a better answer. Such friend felt that I was questioning their judgment therefore questioning their ability to take care of any situation. And because they had already had a long day exhaustion was creeping in and their tolerance was short. This Q&A was so revealing. I suggested that moving forward being tired caused poor attitude which caused a bad mix for socializing. And I also shared my perspective that "One can only control oneself. Everyone has the right to question anything they feel like when it pertains to their person."

Getting to the root of the problem is so healing. Not just in day to day relationships but also as parents. We tend to be so busy at times that when our kids give us short responses like "I was too tired or it really isn't such a big deal or I don't want to talk about it" we shrug things off and let it go. Sometimes it really isn't a big deal but it doesn't hurt to perhaps revisit with a better question. It also doesn't hurt when you really know your kid and can tell from their behavior if something is really up.

illustration by pinterst.com

Back to the beginning...nothing ever happens just because. Ask questions, peel the layers. Sometimes the truth hurts but shortly after the healing can work wonders. Getting to the root of the problem can change your life. 

What do you think? Share your thoughts and experience.

Always stress free xo,
Mari

4 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks Jovina always appreciate the support xo:)

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  2. It's been a minute but as always you deliver.."pow" right in the proverbial kisser! Fact of the matter is true, ask as many questions as needed to get to the root of any and every issue, we're supposed to be intelligent adults capable of an mature conversation that leads to a solution or resolution. You're a great writer of perspective Mari, thank you.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks John I'm truly a believer that with proper conversations that's to say not speaking with agenda to win but to resolve anything is possible and when you care about the people you engage with this should always be the path taken 👍🏽😉😀😏

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