Wednesday, September 28, 2016

When Good Intentions are Not so Good

Hey dolls seems like we haven't chatted in a long time let me bring you up to date.
First Mommywood turned 3 in August and I don't know where the time has gone. I really am grateful to have a place to share my Life Experiences and perhaps help one person see there is another way. Second I just had a Birth Day the lovely 45 came around and I am soooooo loving it! Nothing like being in a good place in your life where all you are is grateful and see so many possibilities. Living mindfully will help you achieve that and just plain ole living, making mistakes and getting right back up.

Which brings me to the only damper I had on my Birth Day month. A meeting with a friend that turned into a sour event but I walked away with huge clarity none the less.
I don't want to get into a play by play and I don't want to sit in that experience for too long but I will share some highlights said friend feels the following...

  • My priorities are wrong
  • I am not enough of a Go Getter
  • I am basically settling in Life
  • I am filled with excuses
  • I'll be in the same spot 5 years from now at rate I am going
  • I am not aiming high enough
  • I am not doing everything possible to be a Success


illustration by pinterest.com

Now to be fair I will say I am dealing with an extremely driven man. One I have known since we were 19 years old. One that I share things in my life with as most friends do. One who has overcome adversity and risen to the occasion and with that I say good for YOU.

Agreed that there are things I set out to do in my life that I have fallen short on. Agreed that there are just certain sacrifices I am just not willing to make and Agreed that we do have some things in common when it comes to how we grew up but we have had different life experiences and you can't judge people for those experiences. You can't paint with one broad brush how you will handle the things that come your way. Without getting into too many details I felt extremely judged.

illustration by quotefancy.com

How as my friend can you view where I stand today in life as a total failure? Sure you sprinkled in a few props and btw thanks but how as my friend knowing my history would you choose to speak in a less than emphatic form? Opinion and Advice and Suggestions are awesome but not at the expense of belittling the choices of others. How I feel and felt about our exchange is not his responsibility. Only we can control our emotions but it is important to express them as best we can in a respectful manner so you can get your point across. Perhaps the intent was to inspire by sharing his Life Experiences. Perhaps the intent was to encourage in his own way. I ended our conversation by saying "because I love you I will pay very close attention to all you have said." And I did and I have and this is what I came up with.

My measure of success is determined by me. My measure of happiness is determined by me. My measure of worth is determined by me.

illustration by quotefancy.com


  • I learned that some people only see you as a success if they can see tangible evidence.
  • I learned that for some picking your battles is not trying hard enough 
  • I learned that everyone defines success by their own measure.
  • I learned that I don't have to prove my success to anyone 
I was saddened I am saddened that a friend would view me as "less than" a success and perhaps to some it really isn't a big deal after all we were just two friends talking and he was just commenting on things we had shared in the past which is fine I get it I got it. But regardless of what your friend shares with you present or past kindness should never be spared. Mindfulness should never be an option it should always be a given.

illustration by hippoquotes.com

It takes courage, self love and respect to stand in your truth to shine in your own bright light. So if you find yourself surrounded by those who feel you haven't done enough, achieved enough, explored enough even sacrificed enough don't waiver in the knowledge that you have done enough as long as you are proud of that person who is looking back at you in the mirror. Share your thoughts and experience,

Always stress free xo,
Mari

8 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks Jovina appreciate you being here 3 years in xo

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  2. This is true. One my greatest realizations in life is that we cannot please everybody, no matter how hard we try. And that's okay. We do not live for other people, and we are not under any obligation to meet their standards. As long as we do not hurt anyone, we can do whatever makes us happy as individuals.

    By the way, this post reminds me of something I wrote. You may check it out if you're interested: https://rathervicariously.wordpress.com/2016/08/11/you-define-your-own-success/

    Cheers!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Once we free ourselves of others expectations that extra energy instead can add fuel to our ever growing fire :)!

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  3. Happy (belated) Birthday (we share a birthday month) & Happy Blogversary!! :)

    Now, as for your friend... YIKES!
    I'm so sorry that things went down like that. I think if your friend was trying to "inspire" you his words could have been more loving... empathetic.
    If you're happy where you stand, if you heart is happy, and your days are full, what does it matter that you don't add up to this person's measure of success. Some people, amiright?
    BIG HUGS
    XOXO
    www.mrsaokaworkinprogress.com

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    Replies
    1. Hey doll thanks for visit and comments. Yikes indeed! I agree end of day all about you and how happy and satisfied you fell inside. Chat again soon:)

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  4. Happy Anniversary and Happy Birthday! Only you can measure your success and your failures. Your life is your life, and if you're happy where you are and what you've accomplished that's all that matters. We all have an opinion, but sometimes we need to keep them to ourselves. Hugs!

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    1. Rhonda darling nice to hear from you again long time no chat. Hope all is well on your end. Thanks for visit and comments appreciate. I agree sometimes best thing to do is indeed keep opinions to ourselves, especially when empathy is no where in sight.

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