Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Mom, Am I Ugly?

Hello lovelies, I have a question, how many times today did you look at yourself in the mirror? What did you see? Did it make you happy or sad?

illustration by thedailyquotes.com

I recently glimpsed at an article that stated Kourtney Kardashian was upset at her mother's use of the word fat in front of her daughter. It may not be a big deal to some but if we are mindful of our words then we would see how children mimic us and how negative words can make a huge impact. We can easily dismiss this but we can all look back at a moment when someone said something about our hair, our clothes, our legs, our nose that made us question ourselves if even for a millisecond.

Years ago I ran into an article on Cafe Mom about a four year old who had broken her arm and perhaps someone made a comment and she told her mother that she was ugly because of it. The mom wanted to know how she could convince her daughter she was pretty or beautiful. At such a young age what is a parent to do?

I am not sure how 4 yr. olds form the idea of what is ugly or pretty or fat or skinny. My experience is that some of those views come from examples they have grown up seeing, hearing or living in their own short lives. I believe that at such a young age they connect things from what they observe around them. Even the other day I read a post from a mom whose son called her fat and commented on her belly. I think feeling comfortable in our skin is a lot more than a lesson; it is an environment, a lifestyle, a belief.

illustration by quotesgram.com

When our children are born it is part of our responsibility to show love, kindness and praise.
To show value in what they do, not just in their appearance.We must always be aware we are the first source of ALL information and emotions our little ones see and feel, therefore we should be mindful of the words we use and the value we put on objects such as a dress, a pair of shoes, a hair ribbon, a hat, a doll and so forth that can label things as pretty or ugly, fat or skinny.

Being more aware of the words we use can not only help our children but also help us as well to better engage with others and our society. Sometimes the smallest change or rephrase can make a big difference.
For example:
- Those shoes are too ugly – Those shoes are not the right style for your outfit
- That dress is to tight, makes you look fat  -  Oh sweetie, look at that you growing so fast you outgrew the dress
- Boys don’t wear that – I think that color may not suit you best
- Your too old to wear that style - Maybe we can find you a different style, this one isn't as flattering to your shape.

illustration by searchquotes.com

There are endless examples, hope you get the idea. Moms let’s be kinder to ourselves when we look in the mirror and Dads let’s take it a little easy out there on the playing fields. Our children are always watching us and listening.

What types of tools can we use to raise happy, confident and Label free, children? What are some ways you have had to deal with this issue in your home? Let's start a discussion here.

Always stress free xo,
Mari

7 comments:

  1. WOW! What a thought provoking post. I agree that it is so important for us to choose our words wisely. It certainly makes all the difference in the world in terms of how our children perceive the world and the people, places, things and experiences in it.

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  2. Hey Pink candy:) thanks for visit and comments. I am always glad to start a conversation and wheels in our heads turning lol.

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  3. I checked out the link you provided and read the responses to the author's question, what a good topic to talk on, its a topic that I have fallen to with my own kids. Reading your post and the author's question reminded me very much of growing up under the watchful critical eye of my mother. She criticized every part of me and who I was as a child and as an adult, I remember promising myself as a child to be a different mother. I was never good enough, not pretty, not smart you name it my mother called it. She compared me to everyone she thought was better. I raised my children saying your smart, your pretty, handsome, strong etc to make sure they had strength within. As I grew in wisdom the prettiness turn into what was the beauty of a person and not what they look like, the individual and who they are. I think the author missed the point on some of the comments to her question, maybe they were a little harsh with the response but I got the point they were trying to make. Its extremely important as parents how we raise our kids by the words we speak, sometimes we don't think how it affects the child long term but like all parents its a learning tool, we too continue to grow.

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    1. Camii! welcome back missed you. Thank you for sharing your experience. I find that most parents from our time didn't know how to communicate properly with their kids. The words they used and how the behaved was very poor. Thankfully we have better tools today and if we choose to we can do better xo

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  4. I'm a 33-year-old woman, and I still remember the day my Mother called me obese, it changed the entire course of my life, my self-esteem, my self-worth, how I viewed myself and how I thought others perceived me. To this day I'm still sensitive about my weight, and it all stems from a comment my Mother made when I was 13. As adults we have to be careful of the things we say to children, they are sponges, and we can shape them into productive, happy little people or sad and depressed beings Great post :)

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    1. Mary welcome and thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry you have had to deal with the baggage your mother dropped on your lap so long ago but I hope that with time you have learned to embrace the beauty that is unique to you. Words are indeed hurtful and can remain with us forever but my perspective is when you know better you do better. You can't change that event from so long ago but you can change and love and accept you. As long as you are healthy and happy that is all that matters. Stay blessed and hope to have you visit again :)

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