The Text that led to No Where

Here's an update! Hey loves so you know that all things serve as a lesson right? Some are great ones and some not so much well this one is a continuation of a three month class.

Do you recall when I shared with you how a dear friend of mine had tried to be supportive and somehow motivate me with his words and the intentions I understood but the delivery was terrible? If you're new here read this so you can catch up insert smile and wink faces.

Well since that September evening I've heard from him about two or three times none of which I responded to until almost two weeks ago. Just right after Thanksgiving I received a lengthy text from him which I read and put away until the next morning. I prefer to soak things in before I react especially things I deem worthy of my fullest attention.

illustration by pinterest.com

I am going to summarize the exchange hopefully doing it proper justice and with total respect.
The text was semi lengthy in it he touched how he had not heard from me in a while and that he hoped that an evening of conversation had not ruined our years of friendship and that he apologized if I was upset over the exchange it was not his intent. That he loves my daughter and I very much and that he has the utmost respect for me. That he hoped for some sort of resolution.

My response was that I love him and his family very much too and that because I did grasp what his intent was, because of all the years we have known on another I was able to understand and respect his stance. That I felt what clouded our friendship was his poor delivery and that if he truly knew me he would understand that my standards are not guided by others instead solely by me. That being respectful of peoples experiences is a must and that I was and am totally open to a conversation with him because of our history together but again never at the expense of my value. I ended my text by again expressing my love and openness to another conversation. I pressed send...here we are today no response.

My perspective is this...I took away that at the time that text was sent the emotions were genuine. The interest and intent were clear and there was a real sense of “let's find a way to mend things." When I responded my energy was equally the same. The non response to my response says it really wasn't that important after all.
If you reach out to someone and ask for a resolution to something that clearly needs mending then when they respond you stay silent doesn't that throw out the window the resolution request? If you are in the wrong and are given an opportunity to make things right would you not jump at the chance?

illustration by pinterest.com

The Text that led to No Where has really strengthened my views on value. Words are just words if your actions continue to show you don't value that person or persons you say you love. Again a Season a Reason or a Life Time in the end they all have a take away.

I'm still cool with how things have played out. I have no emotional attachment to the exchange or any bitterness towards the outcome. Respect and love is what I feel.
I continue to be grateful and open to all possibilities. Life is meant to be lived with the intent that once we know better we do better. Our journeys don't end when some people in our lives don't stay on the ride with us if anything it makes for a much more interesting adventure. It forces us to break away from security and push forward into the unknown.

I'd love to hear what you think about this new turn of events? Would you be more upset after the non response or would you just close the chapter? Would it make you rethink your stance on relationship dos and don'ts or would you still deal with your connections the same way? Love to chat!

Always stress free xo,
Mari

Mom, Am I Ugly?

Hello lovelies, I have a question, how many times today did you look at yourself in the mirror? What did you see? Did it make you happy or sad?

illustration by thedailyquotes.com

I recently glimpsed at an article that stated Kourtney Kardashian was upset at her mother's use of the word fat in front of her daughter. It may not be a big deal to some but if we are mindful of our words then we would see how children mimic us and how negative words can make a huge impact. We can easily dismiss this but we can all look back at a moment when someone said something about our hair, our clothes, our legs, our nose that made us question ourselves if even for a millisecond.

Years ago I ran into an article on Cafe Mom about a four year old who had broken her arm and perhaps someone made a comment and she told her mother that she was ugly because of it. The mom wanted to know how she could convince her daughter she was pretty or beautiful. At such a young age what is a parent to do?

I am not sure how 4 yr. olds form the idea of what is ugly or pretty or fat or skinny. My experience is that some of those views come from examples they have grown up seeing, hearing or living in their own short lives. I believe that at such a young age they connect things from what they observe around them. Even the other day I read a post from a mom whose son called her fat and commented on her belly. I think feeling comfortable in our skin is a lot more than a lesson; it is an environment, a lifestyle, a belief.

illustration by quotesgram.com

When our children are born it is part of our responsibility to show love, kindness and praise.
To show value in what they do, not just in their appearance.We must always be aware we are the first source of ALL information and emotions our little ones see and feel, therefore we should be mindful of the words we use and the value we put on objects such as a dress, a pair of shoes, a hair ribbon, a hat, a doll and so forth that can label things as pretty or ugly, fat or skinny.

Being more aware of the words we use can not only help our children but also help us as well to better engage with others and our society. Sometimes the smallest change or rephrase can make a big difference.
For example:
- Those shoes are too ugly – Those shoes are not the right style for your outfit
- That dress is to tight, makes you look fat  -  Oh sweetie, look at that you growing so fast you outgrew the dress
- Boys don’t wear that – I think that color may not suit you best
- Your too old to wear that style - Maybe we can find you a different style, this one isn't as flattering to your shape.

illustration by searchquotes.com

There are endless examples, hope you get the idea. Moms let’s be kinder to ourselves when we look in the mirror and Dads let’s take it a little easy out there on the playing fields. Our children are always watching us and listening.

What types of tools can we use to raise happy, confident and Label free, children? What are some ways you have had to deal with this issue in your home? Let's start a discussion here.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Talk to Learn not to Win

Happy Sunday!

I got up this morn bright and early excited to go lay out in the sun but the clouds got in my way. I walked back home and as I was walking back from the park I had a thought...
How often do we talk to learn and not to win? What do I mean by that? I mean, how often do we engage in conversations about any topic that may turn serious in which we are willing to learn instead of saying "ok you win"?

Its hard to recall when you have lived a long life all the things that have come out of your mouth but if you know yourself well enough you know the language you are use to using. For me and my journey and my life experiences the words "you win" in a discussion are foreign. Of course when you are passionate about that which you speak of you want others to at least understand if not respect where you are coming from but to feel a sense of winning the question is just what did you win?

illustration by quotesgram.com

When you know better you do better when I was younger I spoke because I wanted to be heard. I had strong opinions and always had to have my say. I became a mother and I was still the same way but then I gradually tweaked it to include a balance with my child. No longer was my view "the view" it was just "a view". No longer was my opinion "the opinion" it was now about let me hear what you have to say so we can work at this "together".

Today my daughter is 21years old and we still talk a lot and about some very serious topics. We both have some very strong views but our love for one another and respect always brings us back to learning. We will never "win" if we are hurting one another. As parents it can be tough for us to see our children grow and have their own sense of self and opinions but that is what we strive for. That is why we put the long hours, late nights and endless energy towards. We want them to grow into healthy productive human beings.

illustration by pinterest

Next time you are caught up in your feelings about a subject matter that you feel strongly about instead of thinking win or lose think learn learn learn and it will blossom into win win win in the long run. Look at the bigger picture.

What are some ways we can practice this?
-slow down and breathe
-look at each other while you speak, it doesn't have to be long but just long enough to acknowledge each other's presence and value
-be aware its a conversation, not a game
-practice being in the other person's shoes
-ask yourself "is this really that important?" at the end of the day
-be mindful of your words, carelessness never is pretty

What are your thoughts? Do you feel you have to "win" everytime you engage in deep conversation about a passionate topic or any topic in general? Do you talk to learn or are you just rushing through? Are you willing to make some changes if you yourself are guilty of this train of thought? Share your experience.

Always stress free xo,
Mari

I Hate you and I don't even Know you

Having access and opportunities to engage with a large variety of people and cultures sometimes can be a bit over whelming. All the sights, sounds and smells can become unnerving and paralyzing.

Perhaps you come from a certain background where you are groomed to certain thoughts and behaviors that just don't allow your mind to be open to things unlike yourself.

Too light, too dark, too loud, too quiet, too cheery, too somber, too mean, too positive, too skinny, too fat, too religious, not religious enough. The differences are vast. Clothing choices, foods that are consumed, musical interest, languages. All things that can build beauty but also can build hate.

How do we tackle these issues with our children? Are things worse or better now? Is our parenting today better than our own parents or are we still following the old play books?

-When we don't get a certain job position are we blaming others because we feel we were not the "right" puzzle piece they were looking for or do we just think we weren't qualified?
-When we are dating and certain people don't address us, do we feel slated and lash out with certain comments or do we brush it off as they are just not into you?
-When our child is not picked for the team, do we automatically assume the coach had it in for them, or do we say perhaps they just weren't ready enough?
-Do we tend to be open to try something new or do we say no before we even try it?
-Do we follow what we have heard in the past or do we listen as we move forward and make our own connections?

I was born and raised in New York City. Talk about variety! I grew up in Brooklyn, went to school in Manhattan, moved to Queens. So I have seen many different faces, heard many different sounds and smelled an infinite amount of scents. Some I added to my life and some I didn't but all were options I was blessed to have and grateful to be aware of.

Options I made sure I passed down to my daughter so that she can have an even wider range of possibilities.
I've never wanted to just eat a certain type of food, or listen to just a certain style of music or live in just one specific neighborhood.
We always made sure that she tried or experienced before she could comment.

We want her to eat what she wants, date who she likes, dress as she wishes. We want her to be respectful and learn from others.
We all have a story to tell and things we can share and learn from one another. If you are open and willing you will see that we are more alike than different.

Yes yes we will still run into some who just are who they are and like what they like and believe what they believe, regardless of education, the time that has passed or the knowledge available to them. It is fine to be who you want to be but it is not fine to push it on to another just because.

Parents we have a responsibility to teach our children to respect others and to learn from past mistakes. They are individuals, not clones of us. Communication and respect, who knows maybe they can teach us something. I always enjoy those moments when the tables are turned in my house, how about you?

What do you think?