Wednesday, November 16, 2016

The Importance of Honesty in any Relationship

Hey loves sorry my visit is a bit late today but had long day and just sat down to gather my thoughts. The circus is over it's been a week, reality is settling in but I keep thinking about deflection. I keep thinking what is the Importance of Honesty in any relationship?

Questions get asked we get lots and lots of words tons of accusations but no clear answers. Most of the time I find myself feeling like I've just gotten off a hamster wheel, "what was the question again?  I forgot oh yeah but what was the answer?"
Intelligence would dictate that we are being taken for fools but ego keeps us stuck and like puppets we continue to just go along.

Same goes for most relationships where things are clear from the start but we chose to see otherwise.

If we handled our relationships the same way we handle let's say, the details of buying a new car or planning our life long dream vacation we would be experts at cutting out what is not necessary. We would pay more attention to the details, we would be more in tuned with our hearts desire. But instead our eyes get clouded by the package. The wrapping is nice, the box is huge clearly what's inside must be awesome! Everything is shiny it's what everyone is scrambling for and you have it. Why would anyone see a problem?

illustration by quoteaddicts.com

Ok then so let's start paying attention to the details. How many deep conversations have you had? What has been revealed since your first hello? Did anything turn you off immediately, did you have a follow up question when it happened? Do the conversations flow or are there constant stop signs? Are you tense or are you loving? Do you feel empathy, are you really listening? When you walked away what did you remember?

So many questions I know. We, especially women have been told for so long "don't ask so many questions" but why not? I'm not talking about conducting an interview but to some degree we are. How will I know what I like or don't like? How will I make decisions I can live with if I don't ask the questions and not just questions but the right questions because yes there are right and wrong questions. Cutting out what is not necessary.
illustration by quotesgram.com

-I don't need to know exactly what it is you do right off the bat, I need to know how long you have been doing it. That establishes reliability and commitment. If you can't be still in a job how can you be still in a relationship?
-What is your fondest memory? If it entails going to the club then you already know two things. Maturity and Value. The lack of maturity will become an issue long term and giving value to people and meaningful moments in life hasn't been given enough thought to.
-What was the best thing your mother ever said to you? Response will let you know if any mommy issues. Same applies if you switch to dad.
-What does your best day look like? Establishes if person is superficial or down to earth.
-Last book read? Willingness to continue to learn and grow
-What's your x year plan? It could be from 1-3. It allows you to gauge if this person is a semi planner or just fly by the seat of their pants. If they can be both then awesome. If too rigid one way or the other CAUTION.

These are some good conversation suggestions that could easily cut out what is not necessary. Time is valuable. No one wants to be around that person who just talks and has no substance.

illustration by pinterest.com

I have been told that it is never appropriate to mention the x or x's on the first date but I say depending on the subject matter why not? I don't mean a whole history lesson but a brief comment can totally let you know what baggage might be still lingering around.
Just a thought...what do you think?

So how honest should you be in any Relationship from the start? What questions would you or do you ask of a potential mate? Even a potential friend? Do you oppose certain questions or open to all depending on how it is presented? Share your thoughts.

Always stress free xo,
Mari

4 comments:

  1. This, Mari! The details matter and the questions are vital. You are so right about women being pushed toward NOT asking questions. It's a sign of disloyalty or some sh*t--naah, son! I love that you made it a point to share this. More discussion around honesty in relationships is needed. I say that honesty is important, but we can also decide on the right time to share. We get to own our stories, and some relationships won't even last long enough for our stories to take root. So, being present and honest, and I guess discerning--that's what helps relationships stay healthy.

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    1. My beautiful Akilah an honor to have you visiting and commenting xo! Talking talking talking that's what I want us as women especially to do. Conversations are so valuable and the more comfortable we get with asking the more we will receive. Thank you again don't be a stranger hope we can chat again soon :)

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  2. I feel like being open from the beginning is the best way to go. You don't want to find something out down the line that would've been a deal breaker in the beginning. I really enjoyed this post, it definitely is essential to ask certain questions in the beginning of any relationship!

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    1. Courtney thanks for stopping by and commenting :)

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