In Relationships, what matters most Stability or Potential?

The topic of Love and building relationships keeps coming up lately in a lot of my social groups. Most recently last night at a Divine Release Party I attend. More on that at another time. But things were bought up in reference to what is being looked for, accepted of and expected of. This pushed me into tackling the all important question...in building a long term relationship do we focus on Stability or Potential?

I recently took part in a great conversation with two beautiful women in two different age groups I made three. We were catching up on our latest goings on and dating came up. One just recently started talking to an old college friend. The other is dating two people everything is out in the open and I'm low key dating here and there but nothing serious.

The talking to first date went well she shared. Lots of conversation and clarity and the focus is on getting to know one another and sex is off the table because one party is practicing celibacy until right person comes along. Things look promising but doesn't want to rush and get her hopes too high. This person is a little scattered , knows what he wants but just hasn't grabbed hold of it yet. Talking to is willing to see how things play out.

illustration by refe99.com

Dating two people is feeling uneasy. Things are starting to develope and more feelings are getting involved. She's starting to see it's time to make a decision. Her decision is does she go with the person who is stable, has things going for them already and isn't too emotional or does she go with the one who shows great potential, is kind, loving and considerate?

Me...talking to/dating lots of potential. Mostly clear and going in the right direction great chemistry, lots of fun very loving but the timing might be off.

So put all those things together and the discussion was bound to be eye opening and educational.

We all agreed that clarity was a most. We also agreed that communication from the start was and would be crucial to any positive outcome and we also agreed that no one has the energy to invest their time only to feel like it had been wasted later on.

What we disagreed on was the level of Potential we were willing to invest our time and energy on. Seeing potential, showing potential and working with the potential presented to us.

Oddly enough the youngest in the group said she had no more time to waste on potential, she couldn't build or bank on something that wasn't tangible any time soon. The second oldest said she wasn't to keen on this whole potential thing playing out for too long either and I was more easy going on it.

illustration by jimmymccarty

I played devil's advocate and pleaded a case on behalf of Potential. How great it could be to watch someone grow into their greatness and be part of that journey. How sometimes we have to give great things time to develope, they weren't having it. I shared my relationship experiences with them and they reminded me that because that was my experience in the past at this stage in my life Potential would be a total waste of time.

I hate to admit it but I sort of agree with them. I'm totally against even connecting with a someone who is trying to figure themselves out but more and more I'm also not to interested in investing much of my time on Potential. I feel because I am so clear on the path I want to walk on that building with a person on their Potential path might slow me down.

I'm thinking there is an age limit on this Stability vs Potential relationship building? What do you think? Would you consider implementing a time limit if you did choose Potential or is Stability the only way to go? Share your thoughts. I'd love to know what you think and for you to share examples of how to deal with this issue in my dating journey.

illustration by picturequotes.com

Always stress free xo,
Mari

The Importance of Honesty in any Relationship

Hey loves sorry my visit is a bit late today but had long day and just sat down to gather my thoughts. The circus is over it's been a week, reality is settling in but I keep thinking about deflection. I keep thinking what is the Importance of Honesty in any relationship?

Questions get asked we get lots and lots of words tons of accusations but no clear answers. Most of the time I find myself feeling like I've just gotten off a hamster wheel, "what was the question again?  I forgot oh yeah but what was the answer?"
Intelligence would dictate that we are being taken for fools but ego keeps us stuck and like puppets we continue to just go along.

Same goes for most relationships where things are clear from the start but we chose to see otherwise.

If we handled our relationships the same way we handle let's say, the details of buying a new car or planning our life long dream vacation we would be experts at cutting out what is not necessary. We would pay more attention to the details, we would be more in tuned with our hearts desire. But instead our eyes get clouded by the package. The wrapping is nice, the box is huge clearly what's inside must be awesome! Everything is shiny it's what everyone is scrambling for and you have it. Why would anyone see a problem?

Ok then so let's start paying attention to the details. How many deep conversations have you had? What has been revealed since your first hello? Did anything turn you off immediately, did you have a follow up question when it happened? Do the conversations flow or are there constant stop signs? Are you tense or are you loving? Do you feel empathy, are you really listening? When you walked away what did you remember?

So many questions I know. We, especially women have been told for so long "don't ask so many questions" but why not? I'm not talking about conducting an interview but to some degree we are. How will I know what I like or don't like? How will I make decisions I can live with if I don't ask the questions and not just questions but the right questions because yes there are right and wrong questions. Cutting out what is not necessary.

-I don't need to know exactly what it is you do right off the bat, I need to know how long you have been doing it. That establishes reliability and commitment. If you can't be still in a job how can you be still in a relationship?
-What is your fondest memory? If it entails going to the club then you already know two things. Maturity and Value. The lack of maturity will become an issue long term and giving value to people and meaningful moments in life hasn't been given enough thought to.
-What was the best thing your mother ever said to you? Response will let you know if any mommy issues. Same applies if you switch to dad.
-What does your best day look like? Establishes if person is superficial or down to earth.
-Last book read? Willingness to continue to learn and grow
-What's your x year plan? It could be from 1-3. It allows you to gauge if this person is a semi planner or just fly by the seat of their pants. If they can be both then awesome. If too rigid one way or the other CAUTION.

These are some good conversation suggestions that could easily cut out what is not necessary. Time is valuable. No one wants to be around that person who just talks and has no substance.

illustration by pinterest.com

I have been told that it is never appropriate to mention the x or x's on the first date but I say depending on the subject matter why not? I don't mean a whole history lesson but a brief comment can totally let you know what baggage might be still lingering around.
Just a thought...what do you think?

So how honest should you be in any Relationship from the start? What questions would you or do you ask of a potential mate? Even a potential friend? Do you oppose certain questions or open to all depending on how it is presented? Share your thoughts.

Always stress free xo,

Mari