The Gift that no one talks about during Christmas

A few nights ago as I was on Grandma duty I look towards the television and had a thought. What on earth am I watching? As we prepare for the holidays all the commercials are selling us “good cheer.” Smiling faces, bright colors, pretty packages, nice catchy songs, lots of food and drinks. But one thing no one is talking about is how this time of year causes many to suffer from feelings of Depression.

Depression during the Holidays

Though feeling depressed can happen at any moment this particular time of year may be difficult for some because of the following:
-lack of social life
-poor family connection
-lack of friends
-job loss
-breakup in relationship
-loss of a loved one
-a higher sense of anxiety

Consumerism is at its highest level right now. Buy buy buy and that's how you show love. Spend spend spend and don't worry about anything else. But where is the value? Where is the connection?

illustration by beliefnet

Who stops to think about that family that is barely making ends meet? That is just surviving and though they wish they could buy their children something extra they just can't put together the cash. What about the man who may have lost his job? Should he be concerned about presents or about paying his bills?

Speaking for myself though I do not suffer from Depression I do have moments of sadness when I stop to think of how the real meaning of this holiday has been lost. You stress because you can't just Gift a little something or else people will think you are cheap or you can't not Gift that one because so and so will say something. What on earth!

I remember being grateful to receive one gift, now it's almost expected to receive at least five. I remember the struggles my family went through to just make it simple and nice for us. As a parent myself living on a fixed income I've always had to wait until I received my bonus at the end of the year to buy any gifts. That taught me and my own family to view gift giving differently. It's not about the tangible items it's about the people.

illustration by pinterest.com

For me it's about expressing my gratitude with love. Letting those dear to me know how much I love them and having them around me is a gift in and of itself. We don't concern ourselves with dollar amounts we focus on paying forward and sharing experiences.

I am not close with my family and this I've shared in the past. So this time of year for me as well as for others also brings thoughts of regret, disappointment, sadness, guilt, doubt and uncertainty just to name a few. I don't have to rush and buy my mother a gift I just wish we could actually have a phone conversation. I don't worry if my sister’s will like the cake I made I hope instead for a lunch date someday. I don't focus on sending out cards or picking out the perfect wrapping paper, I wish instead that we could all be a part of each other's lives in some way.

But what about those who have lost a loved one? Who could care less about decorating a tree or exchanging gifts or preparing a great feast. Who instead wish they could hug and kiss their son or daughter, their brother or sister, their mother or father, their best friend or their significant other?

illustration by ahealthiermichigan.com

Is depression and not feeling all giddy about the Holidays an acceptable topic to discuss? If it touches you and or your family, how have you dealt with it?


Always stress free xo,
Mari

Taking care of our Mental Health

Hey loves happy Sunday!

Something my daughter said a few days ago got me thinking. She said she needed a mental health day and went to visit her girlfriend up in New Paltz .
The use of the words Mental Health touched me because that is so important. So often we get distracted by events and daily life we neglect signs our mind and body are shutting down.

It could be something as simple as forgetting an appointment or as serious as having a panic attack.

Our minds and our bodies are always giving us signs. They are always shouting "hey take care of me." The problem arises when we turn up the noise and continue to ignore. Dealing with these issues is crucial to our mental health and proper function of daily life.

illustration by pinterest.com

As my daughter has gotten older I've noticed that she doesn't do well with juggling school full time as well as a full time job. It wasn't until over a year ago when during final exams and her crazy work schedule that I noticed a change in her behavior and her health began to decline. She was short tempered and always tired and sleepy. She would come home and talk very little before retreating to her room. Being that we have always been heavy talkers I found it very strange but waited till after her exams to have a sit down.

It was in this lengthy conversation that she revealed her issues with Anxiety. She shared how the work load had gotten to her mentally and physically and how she felt like she could barely keep up. She was experiencing rashes/hives and her skin was breaking out. Her eating was poor and depression was setting in. As her mom I was sad to hear all this because as parents we don't want our kids to feel and carry heavy loads but my lesson was I can't do everything for my child.

I shared with my daughter that I felt she needed to find tools to manage these things in her life because sadly as she got older life would only have her juggle more balls up on the air. We discussed simple things like drinking Tea during the day and taking walks on her lunch break. But the biggest revelation and admission to herself was that she could no longer work full time and attend school full time. She didn't want to give up the money but realized that it wasn't worth the damage to her mental health. In the long run having a nice bank account wasn't and isn't worth a mental breakdown and full body exhaustion.

illustration by  madechos.com

Kids believe it or not carry a lot of stress and very often say very little about it. Sometimes as parents we give the wrong cues by the words we tend to use. We may say things that come across like some of these feelings are part of the package but regardless of the responsibilities life throws our way we must stop and take care of our physical and emotional state.

Depression and Anxiety can show themselves in many ways such as the ones I mentioned my daughter displayed but there are many others we can look for too such as...
-sleeping too much
-bing eating
-excessive drinking
-lack of interest in friends
-secrecy increase
-crying out of the blue
-arguments for no reason
-doing poorly in school

This time of year is also a sensitive time for many because Holidays bring up many mixed feelings. Most people assume everyone has a family they share these times with but that is not the case for some and over the years I have learned that more people deal with loneliness during the Holidays than at any other time during the year. While most are planning big dinners or setting up travel plans some are thinking of connections lost or broken.

illustration by quotesgram.com

I'd like to suggest that in addition to watching for signs of Mental Health issues with our children that we keep an open mind about people's experiences during the Holidays. Invite conversations so that feelings can be discussed and solutions can be found. Open your hearts and home to someone who may be in need of some kindness.
Some coping techniques can be...
-going for walks
-volunteering
-journaling
-counseling or therapy
-a spa date
-a movie night
-Mediation
-Yoga or other type of exercise
-reading

What are your thoughts? Have you dealt with Mental Health issues? Have you experienced Depression or Anxiety? Do you feel ashamed to share these feelings? Is it even anything to feel ashamed of? Share your experience with me.

Always stress free xo
Mari