The Gift that no one talks about during Christmas

A few nights ago as I was on Grandma duty I look towards the television and had a thought. What on earth am I watching? As we prepare for the holidays all the commercials are selling us “good cheer.” Smiling faces, bright colors, pretty packages, nice catchy songs, lots of food and drinks. But one thing no one is talking about is how this time of year causes many to suffer from feelings of Depression.

Depression during the Holidays

Though feeling depressed can happen at any moment this particular time of year may be difficult for some because of the following:
-lack of social life
-poor family connection
-lack of friends
-job loss
-breakup in relationship
-loss of a loved one
-a higher sense of anxiety

Consumerism is at its highest level right now. Buy buy buy and that's how you show love. Spend spend spend and don't worry about anything else. But where is the value? Where is the connection?

illustration by beliefnet

Who stops to think about that family that is barely making ends meet? That is just surviving and though they wish they could buy their children something extra they just can't put together the cash. What about the man who may have lost his job? Should he be concerned about presents or about paying his bills?

Speaking for myself though I do not suffer from Depression I do have moments of sadness when I stop to think of how the real meaning of this holiday has been lost. You stress because you can't just Gift a little something or else people will think you are cheap or you can't not Gift that one because so and so will say something. What on earth!

I remember being grateful to receive one gift, now it's almost expected to receive at least five. I remember the struggles my family went through to just make it simple and nice for us. As a parent myself living on a fixed income I've always had to wait until I received my bonus at the end of the year to buy any gifts. That taught me and my own family to view gift giving differently. It's not about the tangible items it's about the people.

illustration by pinterest.com

For me it's about expressing my gratitude with love. Letting those dear to me know how much I love them and having them around me is a gift in and of itself. We don't concern ourselves with dollar amounts we focus on paying forward and sharing experiences.

I am not close with my family and this I've shared in the past. So this time of year for me as well as for others also brings thoughts of regret, disappointment, sadness, guilt, doubt and uncertainty just to name a few. I don't have to rush and buy my mother a gift I just wish we could actually have a phone conversation. I don't worry if my sister’s will like the cake I made I hope instead for a lunch date someday. I don't focus on sending out cards or picking out the perfect wrapping paper, I wish instead that we could all be a part of each other's lives in some way.

But what about those who have lost a loved one? Who could care less about decorating a tree or exchanging gifts or preparing a great feast. Who instead wish they could hug and kiss their son or daughter, their brother or sister, their mother or father, their best friend or their significant other?

illustration by ahealthiermichigan.com

Is depression and not feeling all giddy about the Holidays an acceptable topic to discuss? If it touches you and or your family, how have you dealt with it?


Always stress free xo,
Mari

The Elderly...our Discarded People

Hello my lovelies, happy Wednesday, today I would like to introduce you to my grandma who I affectionately call Viejita, which means "old" in Spanish but has been my term of endearment for her since I could speak. I want to share her with you because she is a very important part of my life. Well aren't all grandmas, you may think? No, not really is the cold honest answer.

this was on my 1st b'day

My Viejita's name is Juana some would translate her name in English to Joana. She came to this country from the Dominican Republic in 1971. She never learned English and she never really took the time to perhaps grasp the idea that coming to this country could be a new opportunity to have a new life, a different adventure, a whole new journey. Instead she chose to stay within her closed walls and not venture out further than several blocks within her neighborhood. It wasn't until I got older and could truly understand did I grasp the disservice that her children, my family had done to her.

these are random ones I make her pose for, she loves it

You see my grandma is almost 92 years old now, she has 5 children, 14 grandchild and several great grand children I am not sure of the number but my daughter is one of them. We are not a close knit family and haven't been for many years. She suffers from Alzheimer's disease and every day brings a different challenge. We are still in the early phase, meaning she still has chunks of some memories but many things day by day get lost. Many years are lost, many people have been forgotten.

alzfdn.org
webmd.com

I have spoken and shared some things in the past but today I wanted to make it all about her and the joy she brings me not the days I want to pull my hair out or scream at the top of my lungs or my eyes fill with tears because of things she says because trust me I have those too. I am the only grandchild she sees. My daughter is the only great grandchild she still at times can remember. I do everything for her with the help of 3 amazing Home Attendants I've managed to find. I am the only link to her past.

1st b'day, me as baby on her lap & with my mom & aunt

We have 43 years of history yet she remembers few, I remember them all. She has always been a part of my life. Baby sitting when I was born so my mom could go to work, watching me after school during my elementary years, lending me money when I decided to move out of my mother's house, watching her go from a regular apartment to senior housing, visiting with her and having someone else doing her cooking, I miss her cooking. Seeing her grow older and sadder, watching her lose neighbors and friends, forgetting a thing here a name there. Being told of her disease and what that meant long term. Seeing how the family couldn't deal with her temper and foul moods and slowly just staying away all together. This and so much more has filled my 43 years.

I had her put on my Shearling coat and pose we have similarities 

Today even in the rough spots I try to laugh. When she doesn't recognize me I make it a game there is a line in a Jay Z song "allow me to Reintroduce myself my name is" and I go from there. I comb her hair and I ask her questions, I teach her English words which she forgets shortly after but it is great to hear her laughter as she tries. I buy her candy, I sit on her lap, I take pictures and videos of her often. Her face when she sees herself is priceless! I imagine she can only recall how she use to look so to see this person staring back at her it must be like a stranger. Those are my teary moments but...then she says something like " I'm still pretty right"? and those tears go away.

great granddaughter moment with my lil mama

She is still very vain and meticulous about her appearance. She is also very strong and moves about pretty swiftly for her age which surprises us and brings roars of laughter when we make fun of her and she jumps up to chase us with her fists raise! What a treat. She is affectionate when she feels comfortable with you and loves to be hugged and kissed. She sticks her cheek out for a kiss when she knows you which is funny to see.

say cheese!, she couldn't get over herself in the camera!

I call her daily and visit weekly but sometimes my duties require I drop in more often during the week. On my daily calls we speak for about 10/15 minutes max and it is the same conversation over and over. She doesn't remember you already spoke on that. Same with the visits we talk about the same things but once I accepted my new role and made peace with my new Viejita I handle things differently.

I titled this post "Our Discarded People" because many of our elderly are. Aging is part of life but hard to deal with for some after a certain number and add to that medical issues and it can destroy even the strongest of the strong. Take this share as a nudge to pay more attention to your elders, to express how much they mean to you today while they still can understand it and appreciate it. Use this share as a jumping board to better planning for your own future.
I have no idea what she would like or what many of her wishes are. I wing it, I think about how I would want to be treated and act accordingly.

I'm always playing around with pics, this is our hands, on the left I was 2 and on the right is present day. I have on a black sweater, she is always holding my hand.

Make an effort to engage with an elderly person, watch them light up when you "Acknowledge" their existence, society has forgotten them and thrown them away. Be kind, be gentle, embrace them, they too want to be loved. Even if when you walk away...they have forgotten you.

Always stress free xo.

The importance of setting our Goals and Intentions

Happy Wednesday! I can't believe I am three months into a New Year and a whole season almost laid to rest. Wishful thinking perhaps on the side of Winter almost being gone. It seems like it just doesn't want to go away. I look at my closet everyday and say sorry to all the pieces that I just can't wear at the moment including some shoes and boots. I think the memo skipped New York that it is officially Spring.

Which brings me to this share, back in December I finally after years of thinking about purchasing a pair I bought some UGG boots?! I bought the tall Cardy style in black that has the belt instead of the buttons. I found them on sale at one of my favorite sites 6pm.com. Now I rarely buy on impulse, I have learned to wait a day or two even a week before I commit to a purchase. But I saw them for around $80.00 from $170.00 I thought oh I can do that. Mind you I was never about to spend over $100 for these boots. I get my boots and I'm all excited to wear them when I walk outside and almost bust my butt on sheet of ice. I was like what!

The soles were crap, they are not actual winter weather boots but more for show. I was not happy at all. Yes they are warm but no they are not practical. Turns out though that luck was on my side because shortly after I received my boots I got another sale email and my boots were on sale again I got on the phone in a flash and had customer service adjust my price and give me a refund. Moral of this story? Don't fall for the hype of a product and if you do look for a sale!

illustration by bisconfidencecoaching.com

Ok back to my 2015 intentions and goals.
Aside from the obvious above story to get the most bang for my buck I have several goals I want to meet. I want to write more about the growing pains we go through with our older kids. Seems not enough attention is paid some times to these older years. I want to touch on some of the things I am currently going through with my almost 20 year old daughter. I also want to share more of my photography with you guys.I am loving my online IPhone photography classes. I am all about comfort and since my schedule especially with the care of my grandma sometimes makes time difficult, to be at home on my pad learning then walking outside and practicing works really great at the moment. NYC is a great subject and I look forward to incorporating more travel in time as well.

Working on some options for financial security. Planning for that rainy day and that comfy retirement life that I know Social Security alone will not provide. Doing some research and talking with some people. Things I wish I would have done in my 20's but at that age we think we have forever...we don't so start early!!!

illustration by craftychicsblog

Expanding on my Yoga practice by lengthening my class times and how often I practice a week. Same for my Meditation. I follow a great site on Instagram yogaliving and the poses they share via pictures are very inspiring and keep me focused. Healthy and lite I don't want to force my heart to work so hard to keep me alive. No one really thinks about that. We all have the same size heart but if you are not healthy and carry some extra weight it is working harder at keeping the blood circulating properly. And I said "extra weight" I am not "fat shaming", healthy doesn't mean size 0 thru 3 necessarily, it just means making healthy life choices. Yes we are what we eat.

illustration by yogatraditional

My Locks of Love commitment is coming along, but I believe it will most likely be end of year for chop off time. For those who have no idea what I am referring to, I am growing my hair out once again to donate it for a second time to Locks of Love. Here is a little back story with pictures hair-hair-hair and I'll share few new pictures now for relevance.

bottom left before cut, top left mid cut, bottom right full cut, 

top right shoulder length new growth

All these things and several more add to my intentions of longevity and peace. My intent is to grow in positive direction and live life to its fullest while giving back and living with purpose. Being the best role model my daughter can have is a goal that keeps me focused.

What Goals and Intentions did you set out for in 2015? Have you started to work towards them or have you already forgotten them? Do you feel it's a good idea to start off year with such purpose or do you just work with things as they come along?
Share your thoughts, let me know what you have planned for your 2015.

Always stress free xo.

Policing our Parenting Methods, when does it cross the line?

Happy Sunday, I got so caught up in this NYC 50 degree weather that I've been out for most of the day and lost track of time. I hope everyone had an awesome weekend.

News stories...When I first heard this story as I do with most Parenting stories I said out loud "judgment at work again". Then I thought about the show Little House on the Prairie and about being in elementary school and taking the bus by myself. Then I thought about my own daughter staying at home alone and taking the bus alone as well.

First I will be clear, parenting choices are individual and are about what is best for each family. What works for one does not work for another. But they are choices non the less and the government sometimes just does a bit too much.

In this case a Maryland couple is under investigation for allowing their 10 and 6 year old children to walk home alone. In Silver Springs, Maryland that is considered neglect up until the age of 18 years old. Can this be, up until age 18? Does that sound logical to most of us?

I can understand and agree that maturity plays a huge roll in what could or even should fall under "free range". I believe that as parents it is our duty to teach and prepare our kids and if all parties involved demonstrate responsibility then a 10 year old should without a doubt be ok to walk home alone.
Neglect is sheltering our kids too much. Keeping them confined and in denial that they live in a big world and have a responsibility in it. Neglect is lack of preparation.

There is a misconception that we are "living" in worse times than when we were younger. No we are not. We just hear, see and know about it more because of access to media. When I was growing up kids still got abducted, there still was rape, bullying and so forth but since we were kids ourselves we didn't pay attention to the news. Our parents just told us to look out for strangers, look both ways when we crossed the street, get home before dark and keep it moving.

I made reference to the show Little House on the Prairie in the beginning of my post. I wasn't trying to be funny. One I love/loved that program and two the girls walked from their farm all the way into town alone. Three girls, how old do you think they were? No cellphones, no close neighbors, lights, stores, cars...nothing. Was that child endangerment? Different time but same premise. Age.
Was it neglect when my mom dropped me off at the bus and when I got on I either sat or stood next to the bus driver till I got to my stop when I was around 8 or 9?
Was it neglect when parents allowed their kids to play outside alone from sunrise to sunset? Ride their bikes to their friends houses a few blocks away or to the park?

These are all true stories. These things happened whether past or present and will continue to happen in the future. Why, well because parents will continue to decide what is best for their family and hopefully continue to provide their kids with the best tools.
Most of us have our own stories and we are still here to share them. Most of us grew up without cellphones to contact our parents and we did just fine. If anything today should be safer because of all the options.

illustration by littlepurplebarn.com

Instead of investigating parents who are teaching their kids independence perhaps the effort and time would best serve creating more programs and other options for child care if the issue is kids being alone. Perhaps restructure our social services program so they can investigate and keep better track of real neglect and endangerment cases.

You don't want a 10 year old boy to walk with his sister home alone. You find fault with his parents wanting to instill in him responsibility and independence at an early age yet by the time he reaches the age of 18 you are fine with him carrying a gun and serving his country, or driving, or voting. If you don't prepare them early why is 18 such a magic number?

What are your thoughts on "free range" parenting? Is teaching our kids independence early no matter what the label a good thing or are we hurting our kids by letting go so soon? Who sets up the guidelines in your home? Is the "law" correct in this case?
Please share your thoughts and experiences, let's start a conversation.

gma.yahoo.com/free-range-parents

huffingtonpost/free range

Always stress free xo.

Should parents set Rules early on or play it by ear?

We all struggle with this part in our parenting skills? Rules. How many to set, what to set and if to set? Do we play it by ear or do we have some set in place so that things are always clear?

When do we start and when do they finish? Do we follow our parents or do we go at it on our own?

Now that my daughter is almost twenty I am very glad we always had some sort of rules. It really has paid off ten fold!!! While visiting with a friend of a friend a few weeks ago I quietly observed her kids and household and this old post came to mind.

This is a post I shared over a year ago...

illustration by casandracampbell.com

Rules?

• Should be tested, broken and amended accordingly.
•  Nothing should be followed blindly or set in stone.

Parents, let’s make things easier on ourselves. Learn to amend the rules when needed and learn to change the rules as your children grow older.
These were some of my house rules:

• homework is always first, then playtime.
• must have breakfast every morning
• bedtime was 8 pm, after 6th grade it increased by an hour.
• sleepovers were only allowed if I knew the parent and had visited their home at some point, even if to drop off for a play date. this was amended as my daughter became a teen.
• no last minute request to stay over at friends house or to go visit a friends house, period. always required ample time to gather all information.
• no friends in the room with door closed. This rule was amended after 6th grade.

Do you really think same rules apply across the board at all ages and for all things?

Learn to be flexible, allow your children the right to question your rules and express their feelings on them. Learn that nothing is set in stone and each child is different.

Are there rules with no exceptions? What are some of your rules?

Today my daughter still lives at home while being a full time college student and holding down a job. The rules have been adjusted through out the years but we still have rules non the less.
It is still my house, our home and it must be respected.

• I must know location of where she will be
• I must have at least one other number to call in case of emergency
• she must use a cab if coming home past midnight
• phone must charged at all times
• advance notice if guests coming over, same for sleep overs
• no getting in car with someone who has been drinking
• you are not a minor so I can't save your butt if you get into certain types of trouble
• must save a portion of her salary
• must contribute to at least one house bill
• your room is in my house, keep it neat, clean and yes I respect your privacy but I still have the right if I feel necessary to go in and take a look (I never have felt the need, till this day).

These are some of our current rules. What are some of your rules for your at home college kids?
Share your thoughts.

Always stress free xo.

Routine is Boring, Spice is Key

How is everyone this Sunday? Here in NYC it is raining, slippery and cold. My lil mama fell while on her way to work earlier this morning and had to turn back and change her shoes. Then when she finally got to work she sends me a text to not go out unless necessary because the roads were very dangerous. So that was affirmation for me to just stay in bed lounging lol.

This weather got me thinking of a post a wrote some time back about keeping the Spark in your relationship Don't lose the Spark  and I thought I would update a post I wrote on one way you can do that...

Hope you guys consider this and share how things went but keep it PG lol.

Go on a date.

Long and late work days?
Too many commitments to keep this month?
Your significant other's schedule and yours don't seem to find a date that meets?
Well how about we schedule one? Every month without fail?

As parents sometimes we tend to forget we are also adults and need alone quality time with other adults or our partners. So just like we schedule their play dates why don't we begin to schedule ours?
These dates are very important. They keep us connected intimately to our partners, give us time to bond, regroup and reconnect in ways that have nothing to do with our kids but everything to do with our family unit.

Don’t forget you have a life outside of your children.
Go to the movies, a quiet dinner, go dancing. How about a night at a hotel with a spa treatment in the morning?
Now that Winter is here why not do things that require some cuddling? Scary movies are great for that, so are Football events and it is Football season. Why not sit and enjoy the game with your sweetie. What about laying in bed giving each other foot massages as you make plans for your next date.
How about a night out Skating!!! A great excuse to hold on tight. Loose yourself in the music have a great time.

Anything that is for you and not kid related go out and do. Remember to always have fun, just because you are a parent doesn't mean it’s not allowed.
It totally is.
Spice is Key!

Always stress free xo

Blogiversary!!! What is Parenting? A revisit to my 1st post.

Today is my Blogiversary

I can't believe how fast this year has gone and all that I have learned.
I continue to be amazed at all I run into in the Blogging world.
As I have stated before there is such a variety of tools and information out here for parents that you just have to catch that one that adds to your lifestyle and go with it.
The more tools, the more options for better results.

There is always more ways than 1 to do things.

As I reflected on this past year I wanted to go back and revisit my 1st post. I wanted to see if what I wrote then still rings true to me today. 
If my views had changed or if I had anything to add, remove and reflect on.
This is what I wrote in my 1st post:

What is Parenting?

Does anyone ever ask this question?

Do people really want to know the answer?

Eighteen years ago I came to this conclusion…

• Parenting doesn’t begin with the belly
• Parenting begins with you and your feelings about self-awareness and what you have to offer
• Parenting is attitude
• Parenting’s first emotion is Desire. Desire to be a mom, wanting to share your life, love and experiences
• Parenting is excitement, you will bring someone into this world who may look like you, who will make you laugh and cry at times yet it will all be worth it
• Parenting is being a Jack of all trades. Wearing many hats at one time and being able to handle the fact you won’t be able to control everything. Your rewards will consist of smiles, hugs, kisses, I love yous and a productive human being in society. Someone who you will be proud of and know they will make the world a better place because they are in it.

Are we as a society doing certain things to prepare ourselves to become good parents?

So, do I still agree with this post? How have I changed in this past year?

My answer is Yes I still agree whole heartily and the only change I've gone through is being even more grateful at the communication skills I have incorporated in my parenting journey.

I don't just want to be a good parent, I don't just want to do better than my parent's did, I want to have evolved! 
To just be good or do better means little tweaks here and there but to evolve means to genuinely revisit your own life as a whole and embrace that parenting is ever changing and that yes some old stuff does work but our children today are dealing with very different issues than we ever have or had before.

My daughter and I were at a dinner last night. A mini gathering to celebrate the achievements of my nephew. How well he did this year in school, how proud we are at how far he has come in his swimming and how happy we all are to continue to see what a great young man he is turning out to be. You see this is the son of my amazing friend Cynthia, who transitioned a few years back from issues with Cancer. 
This is my adopted family as I call them.

So during the gathering of course there is a lot of chatter, laughs, smiles and food but there is also sadness, tears and a sense of someone missing. We acknowledge it and move on.

Last night I took notice of the communication skills being displayed by the parents in the room and the "children".
I noticed the older parents conducted themselves as dictators and the younger ones "me lol" took a more balanced approach. 
There were no in between parents last night. 

My nephew is almost 17 years old and is being raised by his grandmother, who means well but...
She is not raising him as his mother would have approved and she is still behaving very old school.
Though we, her eldest daughter and myself talk to her often about how she needs to "evolve" she refuses to listen and try a different approach.
She treats him like a baby, literally and then is upset when he doesn't take initiative.
She speaks to him as if he was 5 and then says things like "you need to grow up".
Hummm, well can we say mixed messages?

Communication. We all must continue to make efforts on a daily to communicate properly.
To express to our children our expectations clearly and to find balance as they grow to cut the strings and allow them to find their own way.
To respect our children as individuals even at the age of 3, everyone deserves respect. To speak with love and kindness always, to earn on both parts the right to be listened too and trusted.

So now that my 1st year has arrived, I want to thank all those near and dear to me, all my new found blog friends and all those who have shown me support and given any attention to this dream I had and am currently sharing which is writing about my journey as a parent, as a mom and all the amazing rewards it has given me. 

Best lesson? Hands down again, Communication! 19 years later my daughter still sits with me and shares her day. I never have to pull teeth, hover or spy. It's an easy flow of conversation, mutual respect and love.
I want to thank my own mother for inspiring me to take a different rode to parenting.

Now let's continue to learn, share and grow together!!! Hope you stay on this ride with me much love
Always stress free xoxo

My Juggling Act

Hello everyone, this is the latest I have ever posted on a Wednesday but I am literally going along with the flow of what is presented to me.

On Sunday with my Role Play post I shared with you guys what I am currently dealing with as far as my mother and her medical issues.
In the past with posts like Elder care I shared what it's like to deal with my 90 year old grandmother who has Alzheimer's disease.

With those two ladies and with my own life I feel like I am starring in my own mini circus as the Juggler.

My grandma will be switiching over to 24 hour care which will be a possible life saver and should in the long run ease my mind to some degree but because this change means new changes and adjustments the transition won't be so smooth.
It means having to figure out a way to tell someone who won't really remember moments later why her long time home attendants will no longer be around, it will mean me learning about all her medications, it will mean having to train and adjust to someone new in her house and pray they get along and things work out.
For now it will mean I have to be more hands on today so I can be less hands on tomorrow.

My mother is coming along, she was sent home from the hospital yesterday afternoon. She was sent home with tons of medication, new oxygen equipments and new rules and regulations to follow.
While in the hospital on my visit Saturday she already was being a pain about what she was and was not going to adjust to. That attitude right there said a lot to me and let me know I must to keep my sanity be supportive from a distance.
Like I have commented in the past my family and I are not very close and my sisters and I as a unit are a bit combustible.
Distance, respect and space is the best tool I can use to be able to work with this current situation.

I am grateful my daughter is of an age where I no longer have to be hands on and I am blessed that I am so organized that nothing throws a wrench of chaos my way matter what changes come.
I have added more Meditation time to my day just so that I can clear my head when the calls start coming in and I have decided to make a mini calendar for myself so that I break my day and days properly so that I can live and help these two women come along as best as I can.

I am all about stress free I refuse to allow any of these additions to my life to disrupt the life I have made for myself.
Caring, helping, assisting others shouldn't mean that our own lives go in the back burner or become neglected.

We, especially parents must take care of ourselves so that we may be able to take care of others.

For now I will make the most of my Juggling act and see what lessons I come away with that will add to my growth.

Please lets take care of our health so as we age we may do so with as little issues as possible.
Lets enjoy the life we are given, lets embrace change and options that will bring forth healthier futures.

Always stress free xo

Stuck

It is fair to say that I prefer to surround myself in anything or with anyone that is drama free.

I don't care for lengthy negativity of any kind. I begin to feel drained and beaten. 

I prefer to laugh, smile and be care free as often as possible and will do my best to reduce the time I do invest on what I deem negative at all costs.

So when the idea for this post popped into my mind in the middle of listening to a song on the radio I had to laugh, because it would be a song that would definitely make me think of this subject.

For those who have visited with me before you already know I have no limits on subject I will touch and for those of you who are new....I have no limits on subject I will touch. This is a blog on all subject matters relating to motherhood and or parenting and the following is part of that.

Why do men of a certain age prefer younger women or vice verse for that matter?

Why when after perhaps our first connections fail or are starting to fail younger seems to be the better choice or option?

Well after years of hearing from men especially and after years of sitting around with other women I think I can safely say why.

The key word is...Younger. Now women don't get offended and men listen up.

Who wants to hang around a boring person? A whiner, a drag?

Who wants to do the same thing day in and day out?

Who wants to be reminded of pasts mistakes or so called failed dreams?

Who really just wants to grow old...period?

Remember being a kid and taking chances? Remember the excitement of trying something new? Remember your approach and intention when you first connected with your husband, wife or significant other? How it all began with putting your best foot forward?

Selling your best self?

We teach our children to always do their best, always try hard and always present themselves in the best light. So why do we as adults after a certain time or age stop doing that ourselves?

Let's not confuse the spirit of youthfulness with irresponsibility. I am not saying that to remain young you must be irresponsible or take things too lightly, but I am saying lighten up.

Women, don't get lost in your wife role or mother role remember you are a woman first. Continue to care for yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. Remember if you are happy everyone else will be too. Take time to nurture yourself whether its with a good book in a chair in a quiet room or going to a spa or taking a long walk. Stop focusing on the actual number of your age and just live a healthy life. Your partner connected with you for a reason keep that reason growing, don't get comfortable.

Hold your partner to certain standards too everyone's eyes light up when they see something pleasant.

Men, don't think your only role is provider. It is not. Contrary to what you have been brain washed to believe if you are not a good listener and a good friend your partner will find someone else who is. Women require a certain amount of talk time with their loved one. Friends and family can't always fill that void. Learn to be kind and listen for a little while, maybe set a timer a limit that you can both work with. Sensitivity is not a bad thing and the rewards you will reap are endless in so many ways, trust me. Also want to point out that you are not the only ones that are particular about your partners appearance, so stay in shape as well physically, mentally and spiritually.

So here it is so simple yet many neglect to do. Keep things simple always remember to have fun. Just because you so called "settled" down or are of a certain age don't "settle" live life.

Every day we are growing if we so choose. Every day is an opportunity to share something new with those we love and admire. Everyday can be a new play day.

Be adventurous always even if in just small ways. Again no one likes boring and same ole routines.

Let go of the baggage and stay young for life, no matter what number that birthday cake says!

Do you strive to be the Cool Parent?

I enjoy people watching.
I love to stop while in the mall, which I extremely dislike but go to on occasion and watch parent interactions.
I like to sit in the park and listen, (yes sometimes I do listen to others conversations,) to parents and their children.
I enjoy speaking to other parents and hearing them describe to me what makes a cool parent or why they feel they are a cool parent.

Turns out being the "cool" parent isn't what we may think it is. At least not in our children's eye.

Being cool isn’t...
-dressing like your teenager
-joining in on your kids conversation just because you want to be part of the crowd
-allowing your children to engage in activities that are not age appropriate simply because you don't want to be the so called "bad guy"
-encouraging your son to engage in sexual activities because you as the dad think he is old enough
-having no set of rules or boundaries
-allowing for poor behavior without consequences
- stating that you want to be your kids best friend

Being cool IS...
Always remembering to be a parent first. To Teach and expect Respect, that goes both ways.
To have Rules and Consequences and to include the word NO in your vocabulary.
To always Love them, Protect them, Guide them, Teach them.
Always remembering that we want them to be productive people in society.
That is a cool parent.

Do you have your own definition of "cool"? Do you strive to be the Cool Parent?