Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Insight or Flight; Open for discussion Part II

So here it is Part II of...Are we ever really ok with criticism? Is our mind ever ok with critique? Are we truly ever open to hear what someone else may have or want to say?

Now let's say we are? Does it change when we become parents and our children are the subject matter?

As I stated in Part I this topic came under the suggestion of my dearest friend, my male BFF .
The first part touched on the side of being closed off to others suggestions, comments or advise when it concerns our children. How we may receive the information and the negative impact it can have on our children's growth.

In this segment I want to visit the different techniques we should try to use in approaching the subject of giving advise and sharing ideas with other parents. My friend used the words astute and tactful.
The goal is to be able to hear the information given, listen with open mind and use the information to better benefit our children.

So here goes...
As I shared in Part I it took a very long time for my friend to accept that indeed her son had some issues that needed addressing. Time that perhaps could have been reduced if just a different approach would have been taken. If different choice of words were used and if attitude in delivery would have been truly more loving and kind.

More often than not it is as simple as that. Choice of words and approach.

I mean let's be honest, what happens when someone comes at us with an attitude? When they begin a sentence in a negative tone? When the conversation seems to be filled with judgment?
Immediately our defenses rise and walls begin to build.
I believe that is what happened with my friend. Many came at her with the annoyed stance because her son was such a handful. Many came with judgment because how can she as a mother not be able to control her child?

Communication, Root of everything.

So what do we do when we notice something or think that there may be a possible issue that needs attention? This is the astute moment.
When is the best time to start a conversation? How do we start it and with what intent? This part is the being tactful.

I suggest the following:
-Observation. Don't jump to any conclusion without having seen the same issue arise on numerous occasions. I am not suggesting a year or even six (6) months but a few months would perhaps be reasonable time span.
-Gathering. Have details and examples to back up your concerns once you do sit down for the "talk"
-Time & Place. Yes this is extremely important. Do not pick a phone call or text as venue of communication. Perhaps pick a lunch date or dinner. A visit to their home so they are in more familiar environment and feel more comfortable to discuss personal matter.
-Compassion. Be aware that you will be discussing a child and a child that you both love at that. Be aware you will be bringing to light perhaps something your friend or a loved  one may not have wanted to admit.
-Pause. Know when to stop talking. It shouldn't be a barrage of information.
-Options. Come equipped with helpful information. Agency info, Doctor's names and so forth. Things that can be looked into even as you sit together.
-Love. Self explanatory. The objective should be helping your friend or a loved one, making life easier not making things worse.

This would be my approach. Stress free, simple, kind and quick.
The internet world I am sure can provide tons of others.
Let us use all tools to build better lives.

What do you think?


4 comments:

  1. Excellent advice, it's not what you say, but how you say it and with what motive.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's seldom tat I see posts like this where you can learn something meaningful and you'll get to think about things in life that are way more worthy than tangible things

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wynet, thanks for visit and comment :)

      Delete

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