Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Is it Worth a Revisit?

illustration by quotesgram.com

Mother's Day is fast approaching and as most are scrambling to get the perfect gift or plan the perfect meal there are some who only have memories. Some whose mom is no longer with them and this day reminds them of all those great times and years shared. They wish they could have more time with her and bring her up to date on their latest life events and then there may be a few like me...

The ones who have a mom that is still living but they have no connection to. The mom that with time they just have lost touch with and have grown in separate directions. The mom that even though you can recall some good times the bad times seem to overshadow even those fond memories.

I am at an age where I can recall my life and look at things from a different perspective. Being a mother now myself and being as close as I am with my own daughter there are just certain things I can't understand even when I continue to try. No amount of time can clear up for me the disconnect between a parent and a child.

illustration by pinterest.com

I try to remember my mother as the woman she was before she remarried. The music blasting, party going, always smiling mom. The awesome dresser, the commanding look at me when I walk in the room, the life is beautiful and I am happy to be here mom. The hard working we gonna make it mom. The confident all is possible mom. I never like to sit too long thinking about the other mom. The one who got her spark sucked out of her during an over a decade marriage. The one who stopped making Lemonade at of lemons.

My mom raised me as a single parent till I was in middle school and then she remarried. I thought if she was happy I was cool but after a while what I realized was that unhappy people like to drag happy people down. They don't think half full to them everything is half empty. They don't see any up side to them everything is down hill. They don't see possibilities they only see obstacles. Even a saint in these circumstances can loose some of its faith. Two kids later and finally a divorce she was and hasn't been the same ole mom ever again.

Here we are so many years later she is now in her early 60's and suffering from Emphysema. I would say the last ten years have been filled with many ups and downs. Long stretches of time gone without exchanging a word followed by an emergency that brings us together only to then slowly walk away again. After a while you just learn to respect the path that those around you have chosen and if it doesn't have enough room for you, you learn to walk away. Difficult people stuck in misery and stubborn habits don't do well with those who present options.

illustration by pinterest.com

So here I am close to another Mother's day thinking "should I reach out to her? should I try to open the lines of communication again? should I put aside all past attempts and approach them with a new set of eyes?" My daughter and I went to a Prince memorial gathering in Harlem, NYC a few days ago. We had a wonderful time and ended the evening with great conversation and a lovely dinner. On our drive back I thanked her for joining me and she said "of course mom, I don't understand kids and parents not investing time with one another it's not like you will always be around so I have to make the most of our time while you are still here."

Make the most of our time while you are still here, wow what a statement. Guess I have a few days to think about this.

What do you think? Is there someone in your life that you have had to walk away from for whatever reason and you feel it is time to try and revisit? How many attempts should be made to repair a damaged relationship? Should only one person make all the effort? What if the people you are dealing with only see things as winning or loosing, I am right and you are wrong? Share your thoughts, experiences and or comments.

Always stress free xo.
Mari

5 comments:

  1. Very well thought out and written.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Mari. Just a "hello" and "I've been thinking of you" would be nice, esp for mother's day. You could make her day, week, month. It doesn't have to mean more than that, but if it does that's a plus. Maybe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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