Sunday, August 21, 2016

Talk to Learn not to Win

Happy Sunday!

I got up this morn bright and early excited to go lay out in the sun but the clouds got in my way. I walked back home and as I was walking back from the park I had a thought...
How often do we talk to learn and not to win? What do I mean by that? I mean, how often do we engage in conversations about any topic that may turn serious in which we are willing to learn instead of saying "ok you win"?

Its hard to recall when you have lived a long life all the things that have come out of your mouth but if you know yourself well enough you know the language you are use to using. For me and my journey and my life experiences the words "you win" in a discussion are foreign. Of course when you are passionate about that which you speak of you want others to at least understand if not respect where you are coming from but to feel a sense of winning the question is just what did you win?

illustration by

When you know better you do better when I was younger I spoke because I wanted to be heard. I had strong opinions and always had to have my say. I became a mother and I was still the same way but then I gradually tweaked it to include a balance with my child. No longer was my view "the view" it was just "a view". No longer was my opinion "the opinion" it was now about let me hear what you have to say so we can work at this "together".

Today my daughter is 21years old and we still talk a lot and about some very serious topics. We both have some very strong views but our love for one another and respect always brings us back to learning. We will never "win" if we are hurting one another. As parents it can be tough for us to see our children grow and have their own sense of self and opinions but that is what we strive for. That is why we put the long hours, late nights and endless energy towards. We want them to grow into healthy productive human beings.

illustration by pinterest

Next time you are caught up in your feelings about a subject matter that you feel strongly about instead of thinking win or lose think learn learn learn and it will blossom into win win win in the long run. Look at the bigger picture.

What are some ways we can practice this?
-slow down and breathe
-look at each other while you speak, it doesn't have to be long but just long enough to acknowledge each other's presence and value
-be aware its a conversation, not a game
-practice being in the other person's shoes
-ask yourself "is this really that important?" at the end of the day
-be mindful of your words, carelessness never is pretty

What are your thoughts? Do you feel you have to "win" everytime you engage in deep conversation about a passionate topic or any topic in general? Do you talk to learn or are you just rushing through? Are you willing to make some changes if you yourself are guilty of this train of thought? Share your experience.

Always stress free xo,


  1. This is such a great topic. We do get caught up in own feelings and don't choose wise words.
    A technique a therapist helped us work on was to allow the person you're talking with completely finish their thought (I had problems with this because I'm psychic & already know what my spouse is gonna say, lol), think/reflect on it for a minute, then reiterate it.
    Not verbatim, because that doesn't mean you were hearing, just that you were listening. But in a way that shows you actually understood; and if you didn't, say that.

    It works for me and my spouse when we work at it, but it gets hard sometimes. The closer someone is to you, the harder it seems.

    1. Hey Doll nice to hear from you always. Trust you aren't the only psychic I am terrible at being silent until person is done speaking. I am always interrupting but I try my best daily to do better some days are better than always but all is good as long as we never stop trying right! Take care chat soon xo


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