For the past two months I've been having some really disturbing dreams. They include people I haven't spoken to in quite some time now and upon waking I find myself sending them love and best wishes. Though I do this on a regular whether in prayer form or quiet meditation those who are no longer a part of my daily life are not gone from my thoughts.
illustration by mactoons.com
These dreams included old friends, my little sister, my mom and my daughter's father. The latter was the only one I made an effort to reach out to. I want to say it was simply because I had the means to but that wouldn't be the whole truth, the whole truth is he would be the least to bring me anxiety and open old wounds. The first, old friends I honestly just feel whatever and if its meant to be we will cross paths again but my little sister and my mother...
Then I dreamt of Spiders two nights in a row and had to find out why? My research suggested the following:
-forces sucking the life out of you
illustration by shutterstock.com
I have been thinking heavy about my future, I have been sitting in fear, I have been feeling trapped, I am always mindful of my time, I have come across some life suckers, and I am learning how to tackle obstacles. How can Spiders represent all that? Well not to get into too much symbolism etc...if you think of Spiders just one thing I will focus on is Time. They do not rush to make their web to catch their pray but they do so carefully and with intent. They move swiftly but with purpose and remain focused till the end.
My lil mama is reaching the end of her College journey which means even more freedom for me but also more independence for her. New things like her moving out or even moving away. Closer to the day we no longer wake up under the same roof. Mixed feelings but we are getting ready and have been for the past 21 years.
I'm in my forties, single, dating and sooooo not feeling it at this moment. I would like to be doing something totally different at this stage in my life. Learning to accept the road I am on and working towards getting on the road I want to be in. Even my half a** dating is not cutting it any more. I dreamt of Spiders and they called me out on the goals I had set for myself in my last breakup. To remain true to what I want, to always put my desires out in the universe and not live in fear to face my truths and not turn a blind eye to what is right in front of me.
illustration by mroutsource.com
I was starting to revert back into a Bystander but checked myself shortly after these dreams and now I am back Front and Center! I started by joining Meet Up. com. A sight with tons of groups you can join with like minded people. I have gone to Yoga classes and Meditation classes outside in the park. I went to Wanderlust event in Prospect park over the weekend with Lil Mama it was amazing. I'm heading to a Holistic Networking event over the weekend where they will be teaching how to perfect your Elevator Pitch and Networking skills. I even stepped out of my comfort zone and went to a Sister Circle event a fellow blogger friend of mine was holding up in Brooklyn.
This Sister Circle was amazing, so many beautiful women inside and out. No cattiness, no negativity just love! I am not one to hang with many females but these strong, powerful women. Secure in who they are, where they are going and what they have to offer and give to the universe...I'll proudly hang with any time. It was hosted by the beautiful Brittany Josephina whom I've spoken of in the past. In this event I also had the opportunity to take part in a Reiki session. This is an ancient Japanese healing technique used for stress relief and uses your own energy. It is not affiliated in any way with religion. I would highly recommend at least reading up on it before judging it. We had a beautiful practitioner by the name of Liana Naima go check her out.
I am hoping to join many more fun filled meet up events and par take in many more fellow blogger socializing. If you are like me and hate to do things alone continue to hate it but do it anyway. I am never lonely I enjoy my Mari time but as like with anything else moderation is key and you don't want to seclude yourself from living just because those around you don't share the same interest. Go out and meet new people that do, make a new friend.
illustration by yanavcsl.org
Having these dreams wasn't a fluke it was me telling me I needed to change my direction. It was me showing myself self care by acknowledging a problem, sitting with it and finding a solution. Not by beating myself up, not by talking down to myself but by going out and looking for tools I could use to change my life's journey. I Dreamt of Spiders and began to heal myself. We always know what we need just sometimes we refuse to listen.
Share your thoughts. Ever have a dream or series of dreams that lead you in a certain direction? Ever felt afraid of something, done it anyway come to find out it was the best thing for you? Did it turn out instead to be the worst? Let's start a conversation.
Always stress free xo,