Discover who You really are

Discover who You are, not what Others want you to be.

illustrations by wisdomquotes&stories

 It is never easy regardless of your age to start over again. Fear is fear no matter the form in which it presents itself and anxiety doesn't stay too far behind either. If we are lucky though in our life time we will go through many amazing changes.

Such was the case for me the time I decided to go to dinner alone. I'm not talking about grabbing a pizza and soda. I'm talking about walking into a fairly nice restaurant and asking for a table for one. Waiting to be seated, being walked over, settling down and when your all cozy asking the waiter/waitress to bring over your favorite drink along with the menu. "Will you be dining alone? Yes. Ok, I'll be back in a moment, thank you."

At first I must admit I was self conscious of others looking at me and wondering why I was alone but then I thought "who cares?" I began to relax and really enjoy my drink. I looked at the menu carefully and ordered something semi new within reason of course I mean who the heck wants a tummy ache for crying out loud. As the waitress took my order we smiled and exchanged lite conversation and as she walked away I kept smiling in gratitude. I am here, this is fun, I am alone but I am not lonely.

While I waited for my dinner to arrive I read a magazine something I hadn't done in a while because I was always rushing. I turned the pages slowly, took in every picture and every word and still that smile stayed on my face. The music played softly in the background, families laughed, kids were being fed by their moms, couples held hands and chatted. My dinner finally arrived.

illustrations by quoteaddicts.com

I had pan seared Salmon. It had a few other things with it but it's been four years can't recall whole plate but I can tell you that it was one of the best dates I've ever had. No stress about the conversation topics, not rushing through my food but instead savoring every forkful and really being in the moment. Looking at every bite, taking in every scent of what was presented to me on that plate. Grateful. To top things off I ordered Raspberry Cheesecake! Amazing so soft and fluffy and thick and rich and creamy all in one.

Once I was ready to leave and asked for my check, I took a long look around my surroundings and thought...Alone time is priceless.

I discovered that:
-fear is not always your enemy but just a cautious friend
-loss is never easy but sometimes totally neccesary and even freeing
-who You woke up being doesn't have to be the same person you put to bed
-if your so called loved ones don't see your potential then they are not really seeing you
-time moves, wounds heal and authentic love is forever
-every moment is truly filled with a chance to move in another direction
-forever is only as long as you want it to be

illustration by quotes

Four years and tons of alone time later I still look back on that day and smile a grand smile. I believe it should be a requirement of us all to invest in some time alone with ourselves. Time to do and be only for and about us. What we want, what we like, what we think and what we feel. Time to Discover who we really are.

Especially parents, we are almost expected to believe we are suppose to sacrifice ourselves for our families, for our children but No! There is no need to sacrifice just a desire to find a workable balance. It isn't about having it all it is about working with what you currently have and aiming towards something better if that is indeed your goal.

Discover who you really are you are your greatest investment.

What has been your greatest discovery about yourself?

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Personal Inventory

Hey loves what's new and exciting in your world?

Today's share comes from my daughter, with her permission of course. I try to respect her privacy as much as possible so when ever I share something specific in connection with her I always ask first.

The other day I'm home eating dinner alone before I headed out for my walk. Lil mama was in school it was her late night. It was after six when she calls me to chat about her day and I just listened as I ate. It was as usual another enlightening convo hearing my daughters views on the world. Listening to her share her day and classroom experiences. Towards the end of the convo she asks me if I read her email, I said no. I told her "your mama only checks her emails three times a day. After 10am, at 3:30 and between 6/7pm" She responded "ok great I like that, I don't want you consumed with checking in." I said "no, I'm totally not."

She said "ok well I sent you an email today I want you to read. I wanted to share it especially with you." I said "ok when I hang up I will open and read." We said our I love u's and see you laters and hung up. I took a sip of my lemon water and proceeded to open her email this is what I read...

So I was given an assignment at school that said to write a page about how you want people to see you. I decided to share this with you guys because I think an important part of becoming the person you want to be seen as, has alot to do with the people close to you holding you accountable for the things you say. This is kind of like, if I ever stop being the person I talk about in this paper, use this and remind me lol. Also thank you for supporting me, and mami specifically, for being the biggest thing to shape my life. I only had one page so I tried to just focus on myself and your role is 4 pages minimum of writing. My existence and accomplishments will ALWAYS be owed to you firstly and you are ALWAYS my biggest source of inspiration and motivation. Please don't text me an emotional response because I don't want to start crying in class lol. Love you guys

illustration by sourceofincome.com

As I dabbled lightly on my tears I opened the attached doc and this is what I read...

Erica xxxxxx

Prof D

MGT 3120 FTA​​​​​​​​​​9/5/16

Personal Inventory

​I think we cannot speak about the type of person we want others to see us as if we do not consider our parents, and which parts of them we have tried to emulate growing up. I grew up in a family that was not close, with 2 parents who were extremely independent individuals. They never treated me as a child who wasn’t capable of understanding the outside world and all its complications, but rather found ways to explain things within the scope of my lived experience up to that point. More importantly, they fostered my own independence. While this independence truthfully gave way to some issues with authoritative figures, it also helped me have a clear understanding of which rules in life are valid and which are based in fear, ignorance, or control. My parents never placed themselves or any adults around me to be seen as “all-knowing” figures to be blindly respected, and so I have not viewed adults that way and have in many ways forced them to see me as an equal.

As my mother was the more cautious of the two, I strove to be more like my father, thrill seeking and seemingly fearless. Exuding this confident energy and a street smarts that would save you from virtually any circumstances. My parents were unapologetically themselves and rose me to be the same way. I want people to see me as someone genuine, who is secure in my identity and in my individual path. Growing with this independence, as I entered the work force at 16 years old, it was time to apply what I had seen, and to begin shaping what position I wanted to have relative to our economic world. I began working in fashion, and developed a passion for every aspect of the industry. This developed my taste for more expensive things naturally, and a desire for a far more luxurious lifestyle than either of my parents could ever afford me. So once again this became another facet of my independence, pushing to escape the economic status I’d been born into. I want to be seen as someone who works hard and takes great pride in everything they do.

I realized a big part of growing in this industry was investing in yourself. Being so aesthetic based, this became another crucial part of my identity. I want people to see me, aesthetically, as someone who takes risks. I believe the way we present ourselves in any setting allow people to make many judgements of us, and with that being said, the way we dress should be an extension of our personalities. I have worked as a personal stylist for the last 2 years and so much of my work with my clients is psychological; it is about finding pieces that speak to their energy and lifestyle and not about what any magazine says we should wear. I strive for people to see me as someone not afraid to be alone in my opinions. In this industry, there is so much sameness as many brands make the crossover to corporations and I want to enter it as someone who truly believes fashion is art, and deserves to be seen as such, not diluted into varying uniforms. I want people to see me as an artist. Art in all aspects is my passion, and defining myself as an artist, has completely changed the way I view the world. This brings me to my entrepreneurial venture as a designer, building an independent label, and defining myself as an entrepreneur. I believe ultimately being a successful entrepreneur is about forging your own path, your own rules, and proving things can always be done in so many different ways. I want people to see me ultimately as someone who set goals for themselves and was fearless enough to actually accomplish them.

illustration by fearlessmotivation.com

I chose to share this with you so you can get a better picture of the beautiful young woman I am blessed to call, my daughter and to affirm that anything is possible if we build strong respectful connections with our children and always keep communications going. Think we can all benefit from Personal Inventory? Share your thoughts. 

Always stress free xo, 

Mari

What your Dreams can Reveil

I dreamt of Spiders and a veil was lifted.

For the past two months I've been having some really disturbing dreams. They include people I haven't spoken to in quite some time now and upon waking I find myself sending them love and best wishes. Though I do this on a regular whether in prayer form or quiet meditation those who are no longer a part of my daily life are not gone from my thoughts.

illustration by mactoons.com

These dreams included old friends, my little sister, my mom and my daughter's father. The latter was the only one I made an effort to reach out to. I want to say it was simply because I had the means to but that wouldn't be the whole truth, the whole truth is he would be the least to bring me anxiety and open old wounds. The first, old friends I honestly just feel whatever and if its meant to be we will cross paths again but my little sister and my mother...

Then I dreamt of Spiders two nights in a row and had to find out why? My research suggested the following:

-your future

-fear

-entrapment

-time

-forces sucking the life out of you

-tackling obstacles

Light bulb moment! 

illustration by shutterstock.com

I have been thinking heavy about my future, I have been sitting in fear, I have been feeling trapped, I am always mindful of my time, I have come across some life suckers, and I am learning how to tackle obstacles. How can Spiders represent all that? Well not to get into too much symbolism etc...if you think of Spiders just one thing I will focus on is Time. They do not rush to make their web to catch their pray but they do so carefully and with intent. They move swiftly but with purpose and remain focused till the end. 

My lil mama is reaching the end of her College journey which means even more freedom for me but also more independence for her. New things like her moving out or even moving away. Closer to the day we no longer wake up under the same roof. Mixed feelings but we are getting ready and have been for the past 21 years.

I'm in my forties, single, dating and sooooo not feeling it at this moment. I would like to be doing something totally different at this stage in my life. Learning to accept the road I am on and working towards getting on the road I want to be in. Even my half a** dating is not cutting it any more. I dreamt of Spiders and they called me out on the goals I had set for myself in my last breakup. To remain true to what I want, to always put my desires out in the universe and not live in fear to face my truths and not turn a blind eye to what is right in front of me. 

illustration by mroutsource.com

I was starting to revert back into a Bystander but checked myself shortly after these dreams and now I am back Front and Center! I started by joining Meet Up. com. A sight with tons of groups you can join with like minded people. I have gone to Yoga classes and Meditation classes outside in the park. I went to Wanderlust event in Prospect park over the weekend with Lil Mama it was amazing.  I'm heading to a Holistic Networking event over the weekend where they will be teaching how to perfect your Elevator Pitch and Networking skills. I even stepped out of my comfort zone and went to a Sister Circle event a fellow blogger friend of mine was holding up in Brooklyn.

This Sister Circle was amazing, so many beautiful women inside and out. No cattiness, no negativity just love! I am not one to hang with many females but these strong, powerful women. Secure in who they are, where they are going and what they have to offer and give to the universe...I'll proudly hang with any time. It was hosted by the beautiful Brittany Josephina whom I've spoken of in the past. In this event I also had the opportunity to take part in a Reiki session. This is an ancient Japanese healing technique used for stress relief and uses your own energy. It is not affiliated in any way with religion. I would highly recommend at least reading up on it before judging it. We had a beautiful practitioner by the name of Liana Naima go check her out.

I am hoping to join many more fun filled meet up events and par take in many more fellow blogger socializing. If you are like me and hate to do things alone continue to hate it but do it anyway. I am never lonely I enjoy my Mari time but as like with anything else moderation is key and you don't want to seclude yourself from living just because those around you don't share the same interest. Go out and meet new people that do, make a new friend.

illustration by yanavcsl.org

Having these dreams wasn't a fluke it was me telling me I needed to change my direction. It was me showing myself self care by acknowledging a problem, sitting with it and finding a solution. Not by beating myself up, not by talking down to myself but by going out and looking for tools I could use to change my life's journey. I Dreamt of Spiders and began to heal myself. We always know what we need just sometimes we refuse to listen.

Share your thoughts. Ever have a dream or series of dreams that lead you in a certain direction? Ever felt afraid of something, done it anyway come to find out it was the best thing for you? Did it turn out instead to be the worst? Let's start a conversation.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Dream Chasing

Hey Dolls today is my baby #2 (viejita/grandma) 93rd Birth Day! I'm off today so going to lay in the sun for a bit then head out to Brooklyn! to give her a mini celebration. Though I know she is clueless to the importance of this day or any day I just want to acknowledge it. I'll share some pics on my twitter later. As I think of her 93 years and all her possible unfulfilled dreams I want to leave you with these thoughts.

I am always looking for ways to connect to like minded souls who enjoy writing as much as I do and I found a great group of people one of them being the lovely Ashley Coleman over at writelaughdream.com. I just did a great Webinar with her and she shared some great overall tips on ways to get closer to bringing your dreams to life.

She also has a great section on her page that has thought provoking writing prompts that I've decided I want to use in addition to my Brainspark and of course daily life and the news.

I find pleasure in many little things as well as some big things but I am in special bliss in my Photography. While everyone is busy in motion, I am still in observation. While everyone is focused on the main attraction, I am zoomed in on the little details. I've shared in the past my youthful dream to be a National Geographic Photographer. Though that dream for a very long time was stored away in the back of my mind and my life took me on a different road, I am grateful that in this stage of my life I can once again revisit it and see how far I want to go if I still want to go at all.

If you too are in a place where you are reconsidering an old dream maybe you can ask yourself these questions:

-Are you doing something everyday to work towards your dream? For me, the answer is yes. Mobile devices today afford us the luxury of always having a camera handy. I have no excuse not to take a picture or hundreds of pictures. I take photos everyday of many things. Sometimes I'll take fifty to keep four but that's part of the fun. Every day I get closer to where I am meant to be. For you it can be rearranging your work schedule to allow time for you to research or hold meetings.

-What does that look like? For me again, its just constantly taking pictures. Constantly looking around at my surroundings constantly researching information and implementing tips I have learned. For you it can be buying a new sewing machine or new drawing pencils.

-Getting up early, working late? When you have a passion for what you are doing there never seems to be enough time. Getting up early may mean you beat rush hour and get to the gym just in time for that great spinning class that gets your juices flowing or perhaps if your like me, working late so you have no noise around and you are alone in your thoughts. For me night time is so rejuvenating. I research, jot down notes, edit my pictures and go online and look for new places to visit and photograph.

-Are you making certain to make time for your dreams? As parents we make sure our families needs are met always but as mothers sometimes we forget that our own needs must be met as well. Dads somehow find time to do the things that make them happy, it should be no different for us as well. Moms should at least invest half an hour a day minimum on doing something that brings them closer to that forgotten dream. Even if its just something as simple as organizing their weekly planner to include shopping at their favorite craft store. For me its scheduling camera dates and going to photography classes both online and at workshops.

Dream chasing is never a waste of time if you love what you are chasing enough to make it come true. Everyones dreams are different there is no dream to big or to small. There is no right or wrong outcome only your outcome. I may never work for National Geographic I may never get a photograph published but that won't stop me from sharing my work in other ways and from picking up my camera every time I spot something that interests me. That certainly won't stop me from adding to my camera collection. Live your best life, go chase your dreams.

Always stress free xo,
Mari

Unfiltered Moments in Life

Hey dolls happy Wednesday! Hope we have been enjoying our Summer to the fullest I know the chic in these pics sure has. That's me! Unfiltered, unedited smiley ole me! I don't make it a habit to post pics of myself too much I just don't care to be so exposed I love my privacy but as a mom and an advocate for all things empowering women I felt in order to be clear on this issue I had to show my authentic self. These pictures were taken a few weeks ago at the beach in NYC. I love the beach but I never go in the water last time I was in the water was when lil mama was a toddler. I prefer to lay on my blanket reading a good book or eating and listening to some great music.

I have a routine for my tanning sessions. I use a top that I'll be happy with the tan lines till next summer, a pair of boy shorts and my cutoff shorts on top. I get to the beach remove my cutoff shorts, lather on Coco Butter or Shea Butter and lay on each side for forty-five minutes. I barely walk around too much because I tend to feel too naked. Can you believe that, too naked...at the beach!?

This year has been so different for me. It's like what?! You can't tell me nothing, I'll be forty-five in September and I have earned the right to do whatever the heck I want. This body is mine, its the one who bought my daughter into this world, the one that takes me through my Yoga practice, the one that allows me to care for my grandma, the one I get to look at every single day until my days are done. I've never had body shaming issues but of course we look at something and say there is always room for improvement. But look at that smile, jumping in that water, letting go of all those fears of exposure and doubts made me soooo happy. I didn't even care that my hair got all wet and that Seaweed was all around me and my skin. I felt like kids do when they have no concept of "others" looking at them.

So what other females there were slimmer or taller. So what some had string bikinis or cutout one pieces, we were all there enjoying the moment having tons of fun. Some of us were size 6 some size 3 some size 14 but we were and are all Beautiful! Unfiltered moments in Life, that's what its all about. Owning who we are and making changes only when we feel like it not because someone else says so.

That streak of gray hair I've earned on my journey is ok too. It's a sign of the wisdom I continue to gain in this life. I am always changing I will always be growing older that is part of Life and I am embracing it. At some point that hair will be cut shorter and donated to a child who has lost theirs. It will make someone else as happy as it has made me. Letting go the first time was very empowering and this time around will be just as sweet. Unfiltered moments in Life.

illustration by pinterest.com

So moms and dads too go out their and embrace your authentic self! Go out and forget about the "others" and just do for you. Baby steps are fine but try doing one thing unfiltered and see how it makes you feel. No makeup, no hair products, no nail polish something! I'm walking around right now with my Diana Ross hair in full effect and its been fun for sure.

What are your thoughts? Are you fearful of being too naked, unfiltered and exposed? Are you still trying to work your way towards your authentic self? If you are already there please share some of your journey. Let's start a conversation.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

How Awesome is it to be the Original You?

Isn't it funny how you can hear something often but it only takes someone saying it in a different way to make you stop in your tracks? Words are so powerful and can do so much but its when you listen carefully that it can bring about changing moments.

"You are the original researcher of your own life"- Jon Kabat Zinn

illustration by ahealinglove.com

It has been a very long time since I looked at my life and wanted to be like someone else. Those days of being envious or jealous of another's journey have long left and I want to credit the past 10 years of my life and all the people who have come in and out during this time.

When we are young we are always wishing to be someone or something else for the most part I think its a universal experience. I think maturity, mistakes and experiences tweak this behavior as we grow. I think its just a process we must go through in order to arrive at our authentic self. To want to emulate someone we see as having a great life because of what they show from the outside only to as we mature and we begin to tear away their layers we arrive at the truth and realize they are not perfect or they don't have it as great as we thought.

It is then that we grow to appreciate our Original selves.

illustration by payalrai1303.wordpress.com

I'm the Original me! Think about that. Think about how awesome it is to be you. To be able to shape your life and yourself as you wish. Not having to use someone else's template to be who You want to be. Think about how freeing that revelation is! Think about the endless possibilities your journey can achieve.

I'm the Original me

No one sees that Rose like I do

No one will enjoy that breeze like I did

No one will capture that photo the way I did

My words are my own

My smile shines as it does because it is looking at you

No one laughs as I do

No one will see my scars and see the beauty I see

No one can dream my dreams

No one looks at that cloud the same way I do

My wardrobe fits Me

My home is cozy for Me

My body type is awesome to Me

My daughter loves me because I am Me

Today I encourage you to see how amazing it is to be You and to go out and share that Original beauty. Share with me what is your Original beauty!

Always stress free xo

Mari

Want to play a Game?

I am always attracted by questions. If you are standing at a bus stop and just want to start a conversation, ask a question and see what door you open. If you want to step out of your shell, go to a coffee shop, sit at a table, lean over and ask a question.

Questioning is growth, knowledge, awareness. It can evoke all sorts of emotions and facial expressions. Sometimes we even think we want to know the answers but once we do it turns out that wasn't the case at all. Hummm questioning, who would have thought?

illustration by psychcentral.com

In one of the many blogs I follow and read I found this silly game, the What If game.
Of course at first I just shrugged it off, had silly quick responses but then I took an extra second and stopped to really answer.
I realized I was dismissive because I was afraid. I was afraid to ask myself those questions and find out what the answers might really be.

Being afraid doesn't allow growth, knowledge or awareness and that is not how I want to live my life so here I am answering these questions honestly, still a bit scared but jumping in to see what I find out about myself.

1~ What or Who would you be if you knew you couldn't fail?
I would be National Geographic Photographer. It combines my love of animals, nature, travel and photography all into one.

2~ What is your 90 second personal speech?
Hi my name is Mari and I am a lover of all things simple and carefree. I love reading, writing and lots of laughter. I enjoy safe exploration and testing my limits within reason. My self care comes first and all else then follows where anything is possible.

3~ What are your core personal values?
Treat everyone with respect till they show you otherwise. Respect is earned not given. Everyone deserves to be loved. Yelling solves nothing. Privileged isn't always a good thing.
Free will is a blessing. Nothing is worth stressing over, tomorrow is another day.
Everything has A solution. I'm not obligated to be unhappy to please another.
Communication is key, learn to do it correctly. Sarcasm is a waste of time.
Time is valuable

illustration by ink361.com

4~ What makes you genuinely happy?
A good conversation, a good movie and a great dinner. A walk in the park, lots of hugs and kisses.
Holding hands,hearing my daughter laugh, a thoughtful gift. Smiling,listening to music and reading a book.

5~ If money were no object, how would you live life differently?
I would travel the world with no sense of time. I would study a variety of subjects just for the sake of learning. I would set up a foundation for neglected children and teens. The setting would resemble a huge home and not look like an institution like so many of the places I volunteer at look like.
I would set up a fund so no child who wants an education would be denied one. Education should be a right not a Privilege.

illustration by thewhatifconference.com

Question #2 took me a while but I did it. Once I started I wasn't as afraid. Thoughts? If you played the game, what are you worried you might learn about yourself? Would it change how you live moving forward? Share here.

Always stress free xo
Mari