Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Raising Honest children

Seems every where we turn now someone is being caught in a lie. Maybe you want to call it half truth or just disclosing what was necessary at the time? Choosing to omit in order to keep the peace? I can go on with all the reasons but in the end it certainly wasn't the truth.
As parents how do we address these issues? How do we start a conversation or address a question bought to us by our child(ren)? For instance, recent events such as Melania Trump taking snippets from Michelle Obama's 2008 speech. It's not an if or maybe it is clear. How do we talk about honesty and lies?

When I first started my blog I wrote on this subject, I am re-posting it again with few updates:

Have you experienced a time when you found out your child has lied to you? Have you noticed a pattern of fibs your son has been telling? Does your daughter try to cover her tracks by lying?

illustration by pinterest.com

What are we to do when we are faced with the possibility that our children are liars, that they do it often and like to do it because it keeps them out of so called trouble or worse yet allows them to manipulate others? Do we yell, punish, scream, resort to use of physical means to stop this behavior? Do we sit, talk and maybe get outside sources to help us?

My perspective is let's try talking first. Yelling and screaming only distracts from the real issues and makes the child loose interest and focus. They will not grasp the information you are trying to get across. The message gets lost in the delivery. Our goal is raising honest children.

-sit him or her down, explain in language suitable for their age what the problem is.
-explain what lying is, maybe they really have no real idea.
-give examples don't just say because it is wrong or I don't like it. An example can be lying about where they were.Let them know it's not that you are tracking them or you don't trust them but instead make it clear it's for safety if something were to happen you want to be able to trace their steps.You want to be able to have peace of mind they are in safe places.

illustration by wisieforkids.com

If your child lies to manipulate one person over the other, share that trust is very valuable. That they will want you to trust them so they can do the things they enjoy like visit with friends, stay out later, start to date, join school teams etc...And when they lie, those privileges must be taken away.

If they are younger you should find cartoons or books that can assist with teaching them what lies are. When they see a character they love explain or behave in ways we are trying to teach it makes things a little clearer. 
You may also try to say things like, what if mommy told you we were going to the park but instead we went  grocery shopping. You wouldn't like that, it is a lie and it would make you feel sad.

Language is important. The goal is to get better results and remove poor habits. And let's not forget to acknowledge when the truth has been told. We encourage by acknowledgment and we encourage even when we don't like what we hear the goal again is the truth. What are your thoughts? Have you dealt with these issues already? What tips or tricks can you share with us?

Always stress free xo,
Mari

10 comments:

  1. Communication is KEY! before I forget I wrote a comment on the prior post but didn't see the normal message. Hope it went through. I love my kids lol what mom don't right and you always want your kids to tell the truth do what is right and make mama proud. I have three kids and they were all funny growing up except the middle child she had her moments she was always soooooo serious. But from babies one rule was tell no lies but there were times when they were trying to escape punishment and the little white lies make it to their tongues, didn't happen often but when it did, a strong talk of the good and bad of lies came. My ex husband smh I think he should have been a preacher but when he starts talking there is no stopping him, poor kids would fall asleep listening to him making a point. I think maybe that's what may have been the remedy lol

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    1. Camii, thanks for visit. Communication is a savior if you know how to use it that is for sure. Thanks for comments :)

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  2. I think you have to reiterate the fact that if they lie they are going to get caught so it's best to just tell the truth.

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    1. Antionette hello again :) yes true comment. We must always refresh their memory on consequences of not being truthful. This is not a one time thing. It requires repetition and reinforcement especially when they are younger. Thanks for visit and comment.

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  3. I completely agree with you and Camii that communication is SO important. Unfortunately, there was a lot of screaming going on when my daughter was a teenager and it did not do anything but escalate more issues. We do have a strict rule in our house about lying. Our kids get in so much less trouble for something if they just confess rather than lie about it!

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    1. Candace thanks for comments. It is so true that if you just come clean things will go much smoother. Not to mention if you figure way to avoid all together, even better

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  4. Every time I find that my son lies (which he's a TERRIBLE liar, so he always gets caught), I tell him that I trust him less. And when particular situations come up, I tell him that because he's eroded the trust, he can't do x or z. He didn't "get it" before, but he's starting to get it now. So, he tells me the truth with his head down.

    Thanks for sharing with Turn it Up Tuesday!

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    1. April, lol he puts his head down? Too cute. Communication is wonderful at least the message got through :)

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  5. If I haven’t done so, I would love to invite you over at Blogger Spotlight Link and Pin-it Party! It runs every Thursdays, 7pm PST until Tuesdays, 7pm. It is still live! You are also invited to join our collaborative group board on Pinterest. Hope to see you there!

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    1. Thank you Cristina for stopping by and invite. I'll be sure to drop by for a visit

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