Raising Honest children

Seems every where we turn now someone is being caught in a lie. Maybe you want to call it half truth or just disclosing what was necessary at the time? Choosing to omit in order to keep the peace? I can go on with all the reasons but in the end it certainly wasn't the truth.
As parents how do we address these issues? How do we start a conversation or address a question bought to us by our child(ren)? For instance, recent events such as Melania Trump taking snippets from Michelle Obama's 2008 speech. It's not an if or maybe it is clear. How do we talk about honesty and lies?

When I first started my blog I wrote on this subject, I am re-posting it again with few updates:

Have you experienced a time when you found out your child has lied to you? Have you noticed a pattern of fibs your son has been telling? Does your daughter try to cover her tracks by lying?

illustration by pinterest.com

What are we to do when we are faced with the possibility that our children are liars, that they do it often and like to do it because it keeps them out of so called trouble or worse yet allows them to manipulate others? Do we yell, punish, scream, resort to use of physical means to stop this behavior? Do we sit, talk and maybe get outside sources to help us?

My perspective is let's try talking first. Yelling and screaming only distracts from the real issues and makes the child loose interest and focus. They will not grasp the information you are trying to get across. The message gets lost in the delivery. Our goal is raising honest children.

-sit him or her down, explain in language suitable for their age what the problem is.
-explain what lying is, maybe they really have no real idea.
-give examples don't just say because it is wrong or I don't like it. An example can be lying about where they were.Let them know it's not that you are tracking them or you don't trust them but instead make it clear it's for safety if something were to happen you want to be able to trace their steps.You want to be able to have peace of mind they are in safe places.

illustration by wisieforkids.com

If your child lies to manipulate one person over the other, share that trust is very valuable. That they will want you to trust them so they can do the things they enjoy like visit with friends, stay out later, start to date, join school teams etc...And when they lie, those privileges must be taken away.

If they are younger you should find cartoons or books that can assist with teaching them what lies are. When they see a character they love explain or behave in ways we are trying to teach it makes things a little clearer. 

You may also try to say things like, what if mommy told you we were going to the park but instead we went  grocery shopping. You wouldn't like that, it is a lie and it would make you feel sad.

Language is important. The goal is to get better results and remove poor habits. And let's not forget to acknowledge when the truth has been told. We encourage by acknowledgment and we encourage even when we don't like what we hear the goal again is the truth. What are your thoughts? Have you dealt with these issues already? What tips or tricks can you share with us?

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Can you keep a Secret?

This post idea came from conversations and shares with my daughter, Erica whom I love and respect immensely and value her opinion and thoughts..

Has anyone ever approached you with those words and right away your mind starts to go all sorts of places?
Do you think it is easier to keep a secret when you’re younger or older?
Do you believe in different degrees of secrecy?

My daughter and I were engaged in one of our many nights of lengthy conversation when the subject of secrets came up.
We exchanged our views and bought up some topics and discussed in depth the difference in view among children and their parents and friends and family.

She shared with me that over her eighteen years she has held on to a few secrets her friends have shared over the years, some going back as far as sixth grade. Can you imagine that, sixth grade?
She informed me that she believes unless someone is being harmed or they are harming themselves no one should break the trust given to you of a secret.

To her that includes if a friend cheated on her boyfriend, smoked a cigarette, cut class, engaged in sexual activity, cheated on a test or lied to a parent.
She shared that the level of secrets kids keep from their parents are and can be endless but that for the most part are things that with time solve themselves.

I came away with the thought that we as parents must do the best job possible so that our children know right from wrong as early as possible and that we always maintain the lines of communication open so when these times of "secret revelations" come up in their lives they know how to deal with the information properly. They are able to judge accordingly and be a true good friend.

I am proud of my daughter I know she is a very loving and giving human being. I also know she is smart and responsible, so because I know these things I am not bothered at all that she has secrets. I respect that she shared her thoughts with me.
I think it is healthy and normal and I appreciate that I can keep the ones I have of my own :)

So with that being said. Do you feel your children should share other people's secrets with you? Do you think children have no right to keep a secret from their parent? Do you feel secrets are a bad thing?