Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Can we achieve Civility in Co-Parenting?

So you have reached the end of your rope.


You have either accepted things must end and you have to begin to wrap up this chapter or you have been surprised by this turn of events and are asking yourself why?

I never believe when I hear comments like "I never saw it coming".
If you sit in silence for a few minutes you will accept that there were indeed signs of "something" you just didn't want to see it.
Nothing just "ends", things lead up to it.

So now that the end is here how do you handle your hurt, your pain, your anger and your new roles with your children? How do you process these changes while still aiming at being the best parents you can be?

I've thought about this for a while and took into account my own separation. I also sat down and reviewed several separations I have witnessed over the years and think I came up with something to think about.

How about a little distance?

How about we give the grown ups some space and designate another party to handle the exchange of our kids. Meaning, we find someone we agree on be it friend or family. We agree to drop off and pick up in such place in the meantime while our emotions get in order.
We have no personal exchanges in front of the kids until we have sorted out our feelings.

Separation or Divorce is difficult enough without having to see this persons face more often than necessary so why not try working on not seeing one another and still allowing our kids to have both their parents?

I believe our emotions are the root to all the discord in ending any relationship but they become more of a weapon when it comes to the end in our intimate relationships.
We are dealing with not just emotional endings but a physical one as well.
This is indeed a very difficult time for both parties. To try and remain great parents and great human beings period is a tough pill to swallow.

illustration by lovingyourchild.com

Civility from the start I believe is a challenge but can be doable. We can continue to make our children our priority while still keeping some sanity at a time where nothing seems stable.
We can still have some sort of control where we feel all control has been lost.

In this time of chaos our loved ones can be a great source of support and strength. They can help us remain level headed and focused. They can provide us with a place of security so that our children can also feel safe and loved.

So what do you think? Is choosing distance over suffocation an option worth looking into? Is distance the answer to Civil Co-Parenting? Can there ever be a civil way to Co-Parent?

Always stress free xo.

7 comments:

  1. Awesome post, Mari! I definitely believe that their can be civil co-parenting. When my ex and I split so many years ago, we made a pact that we would never do to our child what had been done to us...the tug of war and putting the child in the middle, and we didn't. We knew how much it hurt and it had never been our fault. We now have a wonderful son who is 21, and we are both re-married to people that we respect as the step-parent. Thank you so much for sharing!

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    1. Stacey, thank you for stopping by and for comment share. How wonderful to hear such positive results. Congrats to you and your ex for keeping your priorities in the right place. :)

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  2. Great post Mari! I agree with you wholeheartedly - civil co-parenting can exist by putting your children first. That's really the key to it all. Thanks so much for sharing this post!

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  3. Natasha, I think it's the key for sure. We get so caught up with the adult feelings the kids get lost somehow. Thanks for visit.

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  4. This is a great post, I've never had to experience it but have heard so many horror stories. The kids should be be held captive or victimized because two grown adults can't be civil to one another.

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  5. Congrats! We have featured you on Wake Up Wednesday Linky Party. Here's the link- http://tanyaanurag.blogspot.com/2015/02/wake-up-wednesday-linky-party-55.html

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    1. Tanya thanks! Appreciate the support :)

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