Fifty Shades of Gray

Today I thought of you and most of the memories were happy ones. All the firsts I had with you, all the plans shared, all the goofy moments, all the inside jokes, even the tears shared when we realized our commonalities about our family history. Happy memories indeed.

Then...then I thought of our differences and just how strong those differences were and just how strong you were in holding on to your beliefs, so strong that you just up and walked away.

Then...then I thought about our last meet, all the things I wanted to say how many times I rehearsed what I thought would help us get back on the road...together. How nervous I was, how my stomach was like a roller coaster, how I stood in front of that mirror looking at my "outfit". How I walked to my car taking deep breaths like the air was about to finish, how I drove on instinct and got there so early I had to park and just let the time pass till our set date. You had allocated just "an hour" because you had other things to do and I was so grateful.

Then...then I thought about when I saw you walk out that building, a building I had stood in front of so many times and then I looked at your face and the person looking back at me was different.

illustration by pixteller.com

Today I thought about you and the moment in which you said "things are either black or white". "You either are one way or the other, its that simple."

But they aren't. You were wrong and it took me learning how to have true empathy to see that.

At the core we set standards, guidelines and expectations but as we flow, learn and grow we can choose to make adjustments to that core. Choose to make adjustments so that our foundation can hold us both as we are growing into our best self. Choose to grow in a continued direction of love and support or choose to grow in distance and unfamiliarity.

Fifty Shades of Gray a wonderful and freeing path to walk on. A path I walk every day and a path I choose to walk on every time I connect with someone new. Every time I speak about my expectations, my guidelines and my standards. 

Today I thought of you, I smiled and I thanked you for putting me on this great path with all these beautiful shades of Gray.

And here's a little gift from me to you The Good news about Feeling Bad

Always stress free xo,

Mari