Fifty Shades of Gray

Today I thought of you and most of the memories were happy ones. All the firsts I had with you, all the plans shared, all the goofy moments, all the inside jokes, even the tears shared when we realized our commonalities about our family history. Happy memories indeed.

Then...then I thought of our differences and just how strong those differences were and just how strong you were in holding on to your beliefs, so strong that you just up and walked away.

Then...then I thought about our last meet, all the things I wanted to say how many times I rehearsed what I thought would help us get back on the road...together. How nervous I was, how my stomach was like a roller coaster, how I stood in front of that mirror looking at my "outfit". How I walked to my car taking deep breaths like the air was about to finish, how I drove on instinct and got there so early I had to park and just let the time pass till our set date. You had allocated just "an hour" because you had other things to do and I was so grateful.

Then...then I thought about when I saw you walk out that building, a building I had stood in front of so many times and then I looked at your face and the person looking back at me was different.

illustration by pixteller.com

Today I thought about you and the moment in which you said "things are either black or white". "You either are one way or the other, its that simple."

But they aren't. You were wrong and it took me learning how to have true empathy to see that.

At the core we set standards, guidelines and expectations but as we flow, learn and grow we can choose to make adjustments to that core. Choose to make adjustments so that our foundation can hold us both as we are growing into our best self. Choose to grow in a continued direction of love and support or choose to grow in distance and unfamiliarity.

Fifty Shades of Gray a wonderful and freeing path to walk on. A path I walk every day and a path I choose to walk on every time I connect with someone new. Every time I speak about my expectations, my guidelines and my standards. 

Today I thought of you, I smiled and I thanked you for putting me on this great path with all these beautiful shades of Gray.

And here's a little gift from me to you The Good news about Feeling Bad

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Measuring our lives in Moments

Measuring our lives in Moments, I love the sound of that statement. I wonder how many of us if we knew that our end was near would we be rushing through some of our lives moments.
Would we be speeding our way through dinner with a friend just to catch our favorite television show? Would we really invest time with someone we didn't like, just because we feel we have to? Would we think that Social Media was the best thing ever?

I can't say exactly where I ran across this statement but I haven't been able to shack the mark it left since I did. I find myself thinking about it every time I start to feel like I am rushing. I used it the other day while I was in the park meditating. I had to stop and ask myself what was the rush if this was my time, my moment. Why was I so concerned about heading back to the house to get my laundry done?

illustration by brainy quote.com

When my daughter comes in my room and throws herself on my bed while I am working sometimes I have to admit I get annoyed. She clearly sees I am in the middle of something, does she just not care? Is everything just about her? No. I have changed my perspective to be that she just wants to share her day and why not be present when there will come a day that moment will be gone. So now I gladly save my work and close my computer. Work can wait a few more minutes.

I spoke to my girlfriend's parents the other morning and her mom began to ramble on about our teenage years, did I have the time for it no. I was at work, had a desk full of papers and reports to complete I was just touching base but did I brush her off and hang up? No. I realized she was missing talking to her youngest daughter, who is no longer with us and I am the closest thing besides her eldest daughter that she has to talk to in that way. I enjoyed the moment because my girlfriend isn't here to do so.

my friend gave me the nickname Persephone, she's too cute

illustration by library.creativecow.net

Looking at myself in the mirror the other night as I was removing my makeup I took a long look at my hair. I leaned in and grabbed my streaks of gray/silver by my right temple and smiled. It is beautiful. I earned those gray hairs just by living. I don't think it was stress I think its from experience. Another chapter in my life. I see my grandmother and her hair is beautiful. A full head of gray, that will be me someday. I enjoyed that moment, my 44 year old self told my 20 something year old self yes we are still here!

There are just so many moments in our daily lives that can bring us comfort, joy, warmth and laughter. The fast pace we live in distracts us and makes us miss their importance. What can we do to slow this down? In my photography I implement a few things...

-walking slowly
-taking deep breaths
-looking in all directions
-disconnecting from any distractions

Taking these few steps helps me to capture something that normally would be missed.

How are you measuring your life? Is it by what you have acquired or by the time you volunteered to carpool your daughter's track team? Is it in the square footage of your home or that time you cuddled up in bed to watch scary movies with your son? Is it with the many likes on your pictures or with the time your friend cooked you a meal because you were too sick? Do you find yourself smiling because of the many moments or are you sad because you haven't had enough?

Always stress free xo,

Mari