Fifty Shades of Gray

Today I thought of you and most of the memories were happy ones. All the firsts I had with you, all the plans shared, all the goofy moments, all the inside jokes, even the tears shared when we realized our commonalities about our family history. Happy memories indeed.

Then...then I thought of our differences and just how strong those differences were and just how strong you were in holding on to your beliefs, so strong that you just up and walked away.

Then...then I thought about our last meet, all the things I wanted to say how many times I rehearsed what I thought would help us get back on the road...together. How nervous I was, how my stomach was like a roller coaster, how I stood in front of that mirror looking at my "outfit". How I walked to my car taking deep breaths like the air was about to finish, how I drove on instinct and got there so early I had to park and just let the time pass till our set date. You had allocated just "an hour" because you had other things to do and I was so grateful.

Then...then I thought about when I saw you walk out that building, a building I had stood in front of so many times and then I looked at your face and the person looking back at me was different.

illustration by pixteller.com

Today I thought about you and the moment in which you said "things are either black or white". "You either are one way or the other, its that simple."

But they aren't. You were wrong and it took me learning how to have true empathy to see that.

At the core we set standards, guidelines and expectations but as we flow, learn and grow we can choose to make adjustments to that core. Choose to make adjustments so that our foundation can hold us both as we are growing into our best self. Choose to grow in a continued direction of love and support or choose to grow in distance and unfamiliarity.

Fifty Shades of Gray a wonderful and freeing path to walk on. A path I walk every day and a path I choose to walk on every time I connect with someone new. Every time I speak about my expectations, my guidelines and my standards. 

Today I thought of you, I smiled and I thanked you for putting me on this great path with all these beautiful shades of Gray.

And here's a little gift from me to you The Good news about Feeling Bad

Always stress free xo,

Mari

What You think of me doesn't Cloud what I think of me

She's fat, she's too skinny, she's lazy, she's disorganized, she's a whore, she's a prude, she's a gold digger, she's boring, she's a bitch, she's a pushover, she's a control freak, she lets people walk all over her. You got a small glimpse of me and now you think you know me.

 The same list of assumptions could be tweaked and directed at a man in the end daily there are people walking around looking at us and making up their own stories about who we are. Are you going to allow their version of your story to be your truth? Are you going to cower down or stand tall and keep doing you?

Investing time and energy into trying to correct someone's thoughts of who we are only starts to slow us down and becomes a burden of unnecessary weight to carry. On most days its just a deflection on the part of those people and what they have going on in their own lives.

illustration by plus.google.com

When I began to Meditate and began to hold myself accountable for how I was communicating with others the words I heard most often were "think you better than". I would have to stop myself and ask where that was coming from I was simply changing some of my old behaviors and making better choices for me. I had to in time accept that not everyone wants you to succeed and if they are down they want you down right next to them. I had to begin to cut those ties that were clipping my wings.

How can we walk proud in who we are when others say or think something different?

Well first we must begin by looking in the mirror. Is that person staring back at you ashamed of their actions, of who they currently are? If you live long enough, and our elders do tell us, that you will have made some mistakes but those mistakes don't have to make you. On any given day we can start again, do something different to get on the right track.
Once we do that our next thought should be about perception. We all see things differently, experience things in a variety of ways. Go to a movie with a few friends and you will see exactly that come into play.

illustration by pinterest.com

What you think of me doesn't cloud what I think of me. Be comfortable in your own skin, look within and present your best self.

Perception is individual and derives from our current emotions. Feeling positive than your eyes see only beauty, feeling like crap then your eyes only see gloom.

What you think of me doesn't cloud what I think of me. Focus on constant evolution and block out the unnecessary noise.

What are your thoughts? Does what others think of you matter more or less? Does it help you become better or does it keep you focused on the negative? Leave your comments, lets chat.

illustrations by quotes.com

Always stress free xo, 

Mari