Some things in Hindsight aren't so Cute

Let me begin by expressing that I do respect the idea, the emotion and the right to engage in the following act, but that as a very private person and as a mom it is not one that I see necessary or that I would myself do.

Sharing pictures of my child or my children sitting in the potty.

illustration by randonwire.com

I have come across several of such pictures in the last few weeks and I had much to say each and every time.

There is nothing wrong with documenting this big step in our children's lives. There is much to be proud of in this journey. It is a big step indeed, but I don't need and the world doesn't need to see your child or mine with their undies down to their ankles sitting in front of the television or in the kitchen or any where else for that matter.

How would you like to be sitting on the toilet and someone take a picture of you?
How would you like to have your name googled and Potty pictures come up?

Potty training is private. Let me just say that the potty in the Living room or Kitchen is gross and I can't wrap my head around that!
Who wants to go to the bathroom in the middle of everything and everyone?
If I knew someone personally that was doing this I would think twice about going to their home and forget about eating there.
I don't care how clean you are or what you have going on in your life.
Potty training should take place in the BATHROOM.

Seriously, how much time and effort does it take to walk to the bathroom in your home?
If you don't have the time or energy to invest in Potty training then wait till you do.
There will be accidents, there will be bad days, there will be good days but they should all take place with the goal being your child using the BATHROOM.
Not the Living room, not the a Kitchen not any other room but the BATHROOM.

If your Potty training more than one child at a time, set it up accordingly and give yourself some extra time to give each one attention? Will they really be pooping or peering at the exact same time, minute, second? I don't think so.

If you want to share pictures, share them next to potty or holding up big kid undies or even in their undies but NOT on the Potty. Save those for yourself and your family if you must.
Yes they may be smiling for the camera, they may be excited and just as happy as you are TODAY but tomorrow and a few years down the line they may not.
They don't know any better they are following your lead but you do. You are the grown up.

I am embarrassed for them and they aren't even my kids but I know for sure I would never embarrass my daughter in that way nor have I ever till this day 19 years later. I still ask her permission out of respect when I share a picture or anything related to her on my blog. This is my journey, she didn't sign up for her privacy to be disrespected.
Toddlers are entitled to their privacy as well.

Next time you are ready to snap that picture stop and think...

Would I want a picture of me like that to be seen?
Will my son/daughter be proud to see themselves in this picture x years from now?

Something to think about? What do you have to say? So what snap the picture and share or hold up wait a minute?

Always stress free xo

Daddy I need to go Potty dilemma

I always love my conversations with my male BFF. He makes me think of things that either I have never really paid mind to or never thought of... period.

In one such conversation he bought up his touchy journey through Potty time with his little girl while out in public. He presented me with the question of what I thought would be best way to handle it. At which point I was really out of words because I had never even thought of that.
Mind you I am sure my ex went through it as have my brothers and any other male I have come across that has a little girl in his life.

I guess perhaps because l am a mother and automatically feel where I go my child can go I never imagined it would be any different for a dad but it clearly is. Especially bathroom time with small children.

So after a few laughs and sharing the types of ways he has handled it, I stopped and placed myself in his shoes and gave some thought to his dilemma.

Again clearly we females don't care what others in the bathroom will think and we will bring our sons in with us regardless. Especially if we are not accompanied by a male at the time.
But in my BFF bringing this to my attention I have come up with some sort of guideline that I think could be helpful. Let's see what you think.

While in public, Daddies if you are out with your little lady or ladies here is what I suggest:
1- from birth till about diaper run is close to over  (which should be no longer than Two) change them in the back seat of your car. Please make sure you have all the necessary tools to handle this swiftly and with care.
2- age two through five and this is one of the things my BFF said he has done, stop males at the door explain your daughter is using the bathroom and you need a few minutes. This in general shouldn't be a problem but as he also commented it would depend on how big a bathroom and venue. He said he usually tries to find a stall that is for single use. I say we work with what we have and communication will be our greatest tool.
After hearing a few of his choices I stayed with the one where I stand at the door and play guard. I chose this one only because when a girl has to go a girl has to go.
3- by age six (self wiping should be much better by now) you should have her go into women's bathroom and perhaps ask someone who looks helpful to just guide her in for you while you stand and wait outside the door. Every so often yelling in asking if all is ok.

Never, feel embarrassed or think twice about being vocal when it comes to your children. We as woman should understand and respect that you are standing by the doorway for a reason.

We commented on experiences where we have seen the dad take his little girl in the bathroom with him but concluded that because of the male set up it really just isn't the best choice. Granted sometimes there are little options but as I said I chose the one where I stand guard at the door and allow no one in till my little girl is done.

I want to hear your suggestions and I want you to share your experiences. Ask the males in your life what they have done or would do. And....I would love to hear from the daddies directly and see how they handled or would handle this daddy moment :)

Teenager's room, the Risk you take...

Oh how wonderful it is when our babies are just that...wonderful babies.

We do just about everything for them and then one day we wake up and they are Teenagers.

No longer do they need you to hold their hand to cross the street or for you to prepare their lunch.

You are no longer required to choose their outfits, their haircuts or even their social activities.

Their clothing attire my now require a bra, boxer briefs, boy short panties or any other undergarment to their liking that is no longer Fruit of the Loom brand with Spider-Man or Cinderella characters on them.

Among the many visible changes their will also be plenty other changes not so visible. Some of these will take place in their rooms. Their very own personal space, one they feel you should respect at all times. And indeed you should, here's why.

Upon entering such room, depending on the age you may find aside from school books on the floor, jackets on the bed, cups on the desk...

-crumbled up undergarments

-stained bedsheets

-racy reading materials

-contraceptives 

-toys that don't look like their other toys AND the big one to some...

-porn magazines

Yes, this is normal. 

This is all part of growing up and exploring our bodies and our sexuality. During these years we as parents should learn to...

-knock on doors

-let them clean up their own rooms

-respect the "locked doors" again by knocking

-have already established rules, regulations, expectations and open lines of communication

This is a very trying time all around, not one to make jokes about or to become a strict ruler for but instead to transition into a more respectful, more mature place, space and time. Communication. 

There is nothing wrong with exploration. We should not shame our kids for looking at a magazine or being curious about their bodies. They should not feel shame their bodies and minds are feeling certain things. As parents our responsibility is guidance, education and love. If we establish a strong line of communication when they are our babies by the time they are teenagers it will be smooth sailing. 

Certain risks are worth taking...some not so much. What do you think?