Take the Blinders Off!

Good Morning loves, hope everyone is living their best selves. I had a different post I wanted to share today but recent news events changed my mind. I want to touch on a few things without ranting but instead sparking a pause in your life and some rational thoughts. Mothers and Fathers we owe that to our children.

Let me begin with the circus that is Donald Trump.
I can't say enough that I am not a political person, never have been. I just believe in fairness however we achieve it. What ever "party" is going to be fair is fine with me, I am still confused as to how we are the "United States" and have such huge division in politics to begin with. How instead of finding a balance its all or nothing at the expense of many. That is not "United" to me. I became more mindful of debates and such when my daughter became really interested in the Obama run.

She would have us sit and watch and discuss them afterwards. It made me take my blinders off at this countries racists views and proud of it attitude. It may not be in your face per say but it was and is there. It's always the same sentence, "I'm not racist I have such and such friends." Just because you say you have a "friend" doesn't mean you view them as your equal.

illustration by pinterest.com

Respectful of the Republican Party, how can you in your right conscious vote for a man who is clearly spreading hate and fear? Who promotes division and smiles at you as he does it? Who says he will make this a better country but you may not be part of making it better because though you may also be a republican he is talking about your family or your country of origin. How do you stand by that? Are pride and ego more valuable than actual human lives? Does the end justify the means?
nytimes.com
What do you think? Would you rather follow just because that is what you associate with or would you instead try something new?

My next light the match is the story of the Stamford sexual assault case.
Assaulting anyone for any reason is unfortunate in itself but sexual assault for me has an extra sting. Anyone can recover from a punch in the face or a real bad beating but a violation of your body so personal lives on forever. No matter how much time passes you always carry it with you. I can't image how that must feel but I can empathize. So to read and hear this young man's father try to brush under the rug "20 minutes of actions" as if it was or is nothing is sickening. Her life has value just like he thinks his sons does. A sentence as light as what he received is an additional slap in the face to the victim.
cnn.com

Which brings me to my perspective that certain people can get away with some things and others can't. White privilege.
Some people can say whatever they like and its taken as a joke or behave in a certain way and a blind eye is turned. This link I'm sharing shows us a different outcome to a "sexual assault" I want you to share what you think cbsnews.com

illustration by inspirationboost.com

Lastly, I want to acknowledge the transition of Muhammed Ali. I never watched him fight or sat and watched an old fight but I have watched some of his interviews and what sticks with me is his strength. Not as a fighter, but as a man. A man who never wavered in his beliefs. A man who never went with what was popular but instead with what was right, at any cost. From his refusal to enlist to getting rid of his Olympic Gold Medal, his strength shined from within. Equality, respect, love and kindness those are the words that come to mind when I think of him. How can I be "good enough" in your eyes for one thing but not in another? That is the question he always made you think about.

Take the Blinders off, question your beliefs. Were they handed down to you from your family? Did you come to these conclusions on your own? Is there room for change, is there room for new questions? Start a conversation.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Do we know when to just...Shut Up?

I woke up this morning with the intention of not complaining. I am not a complainer on a regular but of course I have some moments in my day when I do suck my teeth.

As I am writing this my post yet has no title.

What I am about to write on is exactly the reason why I feel people are too busy with other people's business and not investing enough time on their own.
Society is filled more and more each day with people watchers and not enough doers.

How am I a good role model for my daughter if I invest my time not only observing the lives of others but also sitting down and commenting about them?
How do I live my best life when I am consumed with how another is living theirs?

I got to my office this morning, logged into my computer and one of the first things I see when my Yahoo news feed comes up is this headline "Angelina's wedding gown a gross display of parenting run amok".
I stop for a second was about to dismiss it but the use of the word gross caught my attention and I chose to continue to read.

Basically the article addresses someones non approval of Angelina Jolie's choice to use her children's art work on her Wedding gown.
Really? So not only did you not approve, but you felt as a fellow human being yes with the freedom to speak your mind, you chose to speak about this?

Not about the state of our education system, not about the state of nutrition in our schools, not about the senseless killings of our children by those who are suppose to be protecting us, not about tools on how to empower our youth, not about how to build a sense of community by teaching our kids to volunteer but instead about the choice a woman had about her special day.

I am shocked every day by the types of people I share my world with. Those that feel their opinion is the only opinion, that their truth is the only truth, that their idea of God is the only God or what God represents, that every thought they have should be spoken.

Today I am going to say please just shut up. Please take an extra second before you press send or open your mouth.
Mindfulness and Kindness. Treating others as we would like to be treated, what happened to that concept?

If on any given day of my life I choose to display anything that my child has done I will.
If I use it on my desk, on my fridge or on my personal item of clothing it is my choice to do so.
If I decide to get married tomorrow and have my daughter run the show for me...why do you care?
How is it hurting you? How have I lost control or over indulged my child because I chose to include them in this very personal process?

I can write about this for hours but I will stop here. I will include link to article and allow for your own observations and possible comments and shares here.
nypost.com

I am a woman, I am a mother, I am part of a bigger picture. My responsibility is to teach my daughter respect and love. To be independent and strong and compassionate. To lead, not follow but to also know when to be a team player. To have her own thoughts and choices and to be ok with having her wedding
day be whatever it will be for her if she so chooses to have one.

What are your thoughts? Lets have a chat?

Always stress free xo

This is a share of just a few of the pieces of artwork my Lil mama has left for me or given me over the years. They are proudly displayed all over my office and I dare anyone to tell me how and where I can use them.

How are You?

This is a mini I want to say what is on my mind moment....

A pet peeve I have developed for some time now.

All due to this question...How are you?

Simple enough, right? Well not so simple if you are asked but then are cut off just as you are about to respond to the question.

I mean really?

I understand that people think it is being polite to ask but I believe unless you really want to know, unless you are prepared to listen to the response...just don't ask. Come up with something else to say or comment. Save everyone the trouble. That will be so polite.

I am not saying that we should all go into a monologue about our lives. That we should be investing x amount of time with everyone on a daily sharing what we are up too. What I am saying is...if you ask or are being asked then allow for a few minutes of proper exchange.

What got me to feel this way? Well I had (yes, past tense) a "friend" who without fail every time she would ask me this question would not allow me the proper time to respond. I would say something like "well things are good or coming along" and then she would get right back into her life and her goings on.
Another example is I was on a call once at my office, invested over seven(7) minutes with this person chatting up about his wife, kids and so forth then he asks "so how are you?" and just as I was about to respond he says "oh can you put so and so on the phone?" I mean geez, really you couldn't play it off and wait till I at least said "doing well or doing ok?"

How are you is a great question in which we can practice listening.
This pet peeve resurfaces just in time for back to school and end of summer.
As parents communication with our kids and taking the time to actually listen to their day is very important. It is the time in which our bonds can grow stronger and we let our kids know, hey we are here for you we care.
So slow down, next time the question comes up either with you or someone else, take the time to really listen and focus on those few moments with that person.

Mindful behavior. Things I think about.
What do you have to say?

Always stress free xo

Bad Parenting

There I said it.

Most people think it, we all have seen it and now I will comment on it.

Granted there are endless methods of parenting and really who is to say which is best, what is right or wrong but I believe we can all agree that certain things are just not a good idea.

Nothing good can come from:
-over indulgence
-lack of stability
-no set of rules
-lack of consequences
-no sense of responsibility
-lack of compassion
-sense of entitlement
-not being taught how to give back
-lack of manners

These are my thoughts, what do you think? Are any of the things listed above actually positive and can be considered a benefit? Can they work in a Parenting sense? Will they allow for a stress free family life?

Always stress free xo

Soy Dominicana, I am Dominican

Everyone wants to be recognized for who they are.

Everyone wants to be understood and respected.

Sometimes being born in the United States of America it is almost expected of you not to acknowledge or embrace your family may come from some place else or that you could be more than one thing.

This idea of we accept all, we are a grand melting pot, can sometimes be a lie.

You come to realize that when you fill out forms for school, work or housing . You experience it when you take a survey or when you travel.

They say the more things change the more they stay the same. A lot has changed since I became aware that I was Dominican at the age of six in elementary school but some thing's are still the same.

Now what do I mean by becoming aware? I mean that in the seventies and early eighties no matter what country your parents came from or you came from everyone lumped you in as a Puerto Rican; And when you said "oh no I am such and such" some people would say "oh its all the same". Um HELLO!!! No it is not.
That was rude then and it is still rude now.

Could it be because of labels that can even confuse me at times? Latino, Hispanic, Spanish or Race, Ethnicity or Nationality? What ever the reason here is my post for today.

So I would like to share with you what Soy Dominicana means. I would like to point out that I was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. I rep Brooklyn all day every day as most people from Brooklyn do but I am first and foremost blessed to be Dominican.

-it means we speak a different language. It is Spanish but we tend to speak so fast we sometimes get asked to slow it down and repeat ourselves.
-we have our own slang that others try to copy but coming out of their mouths just sounds like a mess.
-we are proud people who come from a poor country but are rich in beauty, culture and life.
-we are Caribbean people, hot all the time. Many ways to translate that and we are a country, not a Commonwealth, for example like Puerto Rico.
-we party all the time. We have no special day to have a party. Our baby showers start at 6pm and end the next morning.
-our music I was once told by an Ecuadorian (person from Ecuador a South American country), makes even the dead dance. If I saw it I would believe it our music makes you just want to move. Hey we even have the artist Drake singing with one of our most beloved artist Anthony "Romeo" Santos.
-our food is heaven on earth. If you are lucky to find a Dominican restaurant in your community it is sure to become a staple in your life moving forward.
-We are who we are, we never try to assimilate to our surroundings, we are never confused about our identity. We know our history and are proud.There is never shame in being DOMINICAN.
-Dominican women love the beauty parlor. We will be in there for hours. We don't care about rain, snow, or if we don't have the cash to spare. Nothing stops our date at the salon. And best believe when we leave there we are fly as hell.
-we are conceited and arrogant, or so I've been told. Guess it just comes from pride. We like nice things, nice homes, nice clothes, nice cars, we aim for the best quality...Always. Now why would those words be chosen I don't know.
-Dominican men love women, no exclusions. They love to have an amazing looking women by their side.
-Dominican women, love their men to a fault. He can be a mess up but he is our mess up. We love to pamper them and take care of them no matter what.
-Dominican mothers...don't cross us. We are the template for protective mama bear. Now if our kids get out of line we have no problem spanking the crap out of them but if an outsider messes with our kid, you have a problem.
-we are raised to respect our parents. We don't leave the house without saying Bendicion, which loosely translated means form of asking for a blessing before we head out the house. Some other Spanish speaking countries also have this tradition.
-we have no problem eating Espaguetis con Arroz Blanco for lunch, which is Spaghetti with White Rice, yes starch overload. It tastes great we don't care.
-one of our staple drinks, which I would say is American version of a milkshake we call Morir Sonando. Translation...die dreaming, it taste that good. Its milk, orange juice, some sugar or even condensed milk for those of us with the crazy sweet tooth and some ice cubes. You must drink it right after it is made or as my mom would say se corta, it cuts. Which meant the mixture went bad.
-we have some of the worlds best baseball players, musicians, writers, artist and even designers.
-our country is so "in" that many celebrities have bought homes there.
-we have something called "Dominican time", we don't run by regular standards. We get there when we get there.
-our idea of measuring is "un chin, un chin chin or un poquito". They all mean 'a little" or "just a bit" but different levels of little or a bit AND...
-if you come to our house, we are always asking if you want something to eat. We don't like to take no for an answer.

There is so much more that I could say. Not to mention that if I took the label Dominican away I could be talking and sharing pride of just about any other place or person in the world. We all should rightly so be proud of who we are and where we come from.
We should all respect differences and perhaps learn something new from one another.

Life lessons.

latintimes.com

Juan Luis Guerra

Insight or Flight; Open for discussion Part I

Are we ever really ok with criticism? Is our mind ever ok with critique? Are we truly ever open to hear what someone else may have or want to say?

Now let's say we are? Does it change when we become parents and our children are the subject matter?

Under the suggestion of my dearest friend, and he is my dearest friend because he has no restraints. He is a straight shooter, he is smart, he makes you stop and question your actions and he is fairly new to parenting; I am embarking on a two (2) part post dedicated to just how open if ever we are to hear others comment on our children.

I want to touch on parents who do their children a disservice by being closed off to or defensive when receiving advise from other parents (as he so worded it) .

Then I want to turn the table and touch on how parents should approach the subject of giving advise and sharing ideas with other parents. He used the words astute and tactful so I will do my best to see if we can achieve that goal.

The main idea is that someone may be aware of or have insight to something we may be missing when it comes to our children and it would be a shame if we were not open to hearing this information and allowing it to serve a purpose.

So here goes...
I will start with the experiences I have come across when it has come to being closed off.

I had a girlfriend since 9th grade in H.S. so that was a very long time. She has three children, her second child, a son was a handful to put it nicely. He never sat still, played nice, was focused or respectful. He got distracted easily and thought that he was the blue Power Ranger or one of the Ninja Turtles. It was always a challenge to baby sit him or to plan activities where too may kids would be involved.
Early on I recall people always suggesting to her that he should be tested for ADD or ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). I would also have talks with her and all she would say is "no way" and "I am not putting my kid on drugs".

He was the middle child so she always blamed any outbursts or issues to that fact and how people ignored him for one reason or another. She would say that she just had to do a better job of managing her time with her kids and that all would be fine. That he would out grow it and that he just needed more activities to help with all his energy.

This went on for several more years by now he was in middle school. Doing poorly in his classes, having communication and connecting issues with his siblings and outsiders and becoming more and more aggressive in his means of expression. She would be called to school often and her home life was very unhappy.

For some time I kept trying to be supportive or research with her or for her any and all options available but at some point I just took a step back and said that he was not my child and she would have to figure this out on her own. I valued our friendship and I didn't want to have our connections always revolve around his behavior or end on negative words.

Finally it wasn't until his H.S. years that she accepted something had to change and be done. They had him tested, medications were prescribed but the change was a blessing. His medication wasn't so that it caused him to be a "zombie" as she feared. The opposite actually happened! His grades improved, he joined his school's Football Team and his social skills and life improved greatly. He was actually fun to be around at this point.
He graduated with decent grades, the family unit was much better than in the past, he excelled in sports and had a steady girlfriend.
He is twenty-one (21) years old now.

Too bad it took his mother over thirteen (13) years to figure that she just couldn't do it alone. Who knows how much better a quality of life the whole family would have had if only she had just been open slightly to critique and suggestions. I know it would have saved me many a running around in the parks and streets after him. Not to mention all the hiding places we had to come up with to keep objects that could have been used as weapons away from him.
Better late than never guess is how we should look at it.

Then I have the friend that any words suggesting you are questioning the parenting skills, knowledge or experience causes a complete shut down in communication to the point the conversation has to stop.
It is such an uncomfortable experience I have decided to listen more than I speak and really pick my words carefully before I let them out of my mouth.

Why are these reactions so strong? Are we (as the parents) the only ones who really know what is best for our children? Is there no room for assistance?

Let's start a conversation. Please share your journey on this road and let me know what you think.

Teenager's room, the Risk you take...

Oh how wonderful it is when our babies are just that...wonderful babies.

We do just about everything for them and then one day we wake up and they are Teenagers.

No longer do they need you to hold their hand to cross the street or for you to prepare their lunch.

You are no longer required to choose their outfits, their haircuts or even their social activities.

Their clothing attire my now require a bra, boxer briefs, boy short panties or any other undergarment to their liking that is no longer Fruit of the Loom brand with Spider-Man or Cinderella characters on them.

Among the many visible changes their will also be plenty other changes not so visible. Some of these will take place in their rooms. Their very own personal space, one they feel you should respect at all times. And indeed you should, here's why.

Upon entering such room, depending on the age you may find aside from school books on the floor, jackets on the bed, cups on the desk...

-crumbled up undergarments

-stained bedsheets

-racy reading materials

-contraceptives 

-toys that don't look like their other toys AND the big one to some...

-porn magazines

Yes, this is normal. 

This is all part of growing up and exploring our bodies and our sexuality. During these years we as parents should learn to...

-knock on doors

-let them clean up their own rooms

-respect the "locked doors" again by knocking

-have already established rules, regulations, expectations and open lines of communication

This is a very trying time all around, not one to make jokes about or to become a strict ruler for but instead to transition into a more respectful, more mature place, space and time. Communication. 

There is nothing wrong with exploration. We should not shame our kids for looking at a magazine or being curious about their bodies. They should not feel shame their bodies and minds are feeling certain things. As parents our responsibility is guidance, education and love. If we establish a strong line of communication when they are our babies by the time they are teenagers it will be smooth sailing. 

Certain risks are worth taking...some not so much. What do you think?

Stop pointing your finger

This is not an easy subject to tackle or even one that many like to touch upon or discuss.

As always I never shy away from real life or from any opportunity to have a teaching moment with my daughter.
She is close to turning nineteen (19) years old now and entering a new stage in her life. We have been blessed to have always been able to discuss any and all topics, nothing is off limits...nothing. As I have shared in the past I never set a specific age or time to discuss any particular matter. We just talked as things came up. That was something her father and I believed in strongly from day one.

This particular subject is nothing we haven't discussed in the past either because it came up in our lives through family or friends or because we or she saw or heard something in regards to it via television or other form of media.

The subject matter is Cheating.

I am going to start this by saying ...No one can wreck something that isn't already Broken.
No one comes in and wrecks anything that already didn't have cracks.
With that you can chose to continue to read or delete this post all together.

Ok so if you are still here and I have your attention, let us talk for a moment.
Some time ago while having breakfast, my daughter and I sat and watched a segment on Good Morning America that had women on discussing a website dedicated to so called exposing women who engage in cheating.

It's a site where wives blast the so called other women, who destroyed their home. Really?
So let me see, your house was running just fine. You and your significant other had this amazing connection. The kids are doing well, work and the house are in order, your sex life is for filling.You help one another be the best version of yourselves and instill that in your family. Your communication skills were on point, your goals were clear and being met and you were peaceful in your spirit.
You invested a significant amount of time with one another outside of the children, you led fulfilling lives outside of one another, you were supportive and respectful and so called best friends. Then one day your wonderful husband ran into this "other woman" and she just "took" him away? You don't know how, heck he doesn't even know but just like that she snatched your "prize" up.

Seriously, there is something very wrong with your story.

First things first, women need to stop blaming the other woman and hold their partners accountable.
Women need to stop being so catty.
Second, women need to have a little bit more self worth, respect and value.
Fighting for a man? Blaming someone else, taking him back and then blasting your business on a website?

This is not about making excuses or condoning poor behavior. This is about accountability. It is about more than just one thing or one person. Doing that would just be taking the easy way out. It would be hypocritical to assign ourselves judge and jury of someone else's personal life and home.

Relationships are very complicated and breakdowns begin to happen for many reasons. It would be a shame for me to teach my daughter to blame others when things go wrong. It would be poor of me to teach my daughter also to stick around when things are just not working.
Everyone deserves respect, support and love.

If in your relationship you are no longer connected, your goals are no longer the same and your emotions are more lows than highs...it is time for a conversation. Don't allow what began as a fairy tale (what some women dream of) to end in a horror show.

I have personal experience in knowing when it is time to let go. I can say I am grateful it was not connected to cheating but it was connected to being disconnected.
I ended my relationship with my daughter's father after eighteen (18) years. It was sad, it was surreal, it was an adjustment but it was what I knew was the right thing to do. I loved him enough not to ever disrespect our union, our family, our daughter. We ended peacefully and lovingly.
My daughter has amazing memories of a life lived with two (2) parents that truly loved and respected one another till the end.

That is what we discuss, that is what I have taught and continue to teach.

Build a strong relation, respectful, supportive, kind and full of communication. Be true to yourself at all times. Never engage in disrespectful behavior to get your so called point across. Be accountable at all cost.
When something no longer works its time to close that door and open a new one.

Let's start a conversation always three sides to every story his, hers and the truth.

“Stop pointing fingers and placing blame on others. Your life can only change to the degree that you accept responsibility for it.” Steve Maraboli

Back to school...Redefined

My Lilmama (my daughter) is in college now. On Tuesday she returned to school and began her second (2) semester.

This was our Monday night...
Me- Your all set for tomorrow?
LM- Yeah, I just need to get few pencils, a pen and some new notebooks packed in my bag.
Me- Oh ok, you need anything else? You looking forward to new classes?
LM- No mama, I don't need anything else thanks I'm good. Yeah I love my schedule can't wait to check out my classes. Plus I have a class with Sonny can't wait for that (her new friend in college).
Me- Great ok glad to hear. Don't forget to set your alarm clock tonight.
LM- Ok I won't.
A few hours later I tuck her into bed (yes I still do that), we chat for a few I wish her sweet dreams and kiss her goodnight.

Tuesday morning...
LM- Ok I'm leaving now.
Me- Did you have breakfast?
LM- Yes I did, I'm good to go
Me- Ok lilmama, have great day be safe have fun. Make sure your bundled up and say hi to Sonny for me.
LM- Ok I will
Kisses and hugs and she was off to school. I stayed behind and got ready for work.

Tuesday night...
I got home after five (5), lilmama was already home. I got settled and then started to prepare dinner.
In the kitchen...
LM- So how was your day?
Me- Good, the usual. The office was quiet, caught up on some stuff. How about you, how was your first day back?
LM- Oh ok, glad you got caught up. Well my day was great. Sonny is good, everyone is good. My classes are fab, my teachers are good. I have one quirky teacher but he is great.

The next hour was full of details on her classes, what subject matters they were going to be touching, what she hoped to take away from each class, what other activities she may get into. I listened enthusiastically, commented, questioned and laughed. I was happy that she was happy.

In the end I commented...
Lilmama you shared your whole day with me without me having to really ask, so many parents wish they had what we just had and she said...
Well perhaps if they didn't attack the kid at the door, as they walked in and made them feel comfortable to share, they too could have the same. No one likes a hoverer.

I sometimes think back to her younger back to school day experiences, the school supplies shopping, the clothes shopping, the new challenges, the increase in responsibilities, the getting her book bag ready, the setting of the alarm, the adjusting of our daily lives to accommodate one another and I say out loud...thank heavens we survived all that. Glad you don't need me to help you as much any more and we both laugh.

Happy back to school, lilmama xoxo

Then

Now

Too Strict

I am not a Warden or an officer at a Correctional facility.

I will not make time to look through my daughter’s text messages, emails or stand by her door and listen to her conversations. I will not look through her drawers, her closet or her pockets.

Several things bought me to this post.
-My daughter’s friend since H.S. who happens to be male and almost 19 years old, whose father still tells him he needs to be home by 10 pm and has a special winter curfew as well.
-My boss downloading apps to monitor his daughter’s calls and texts.
-Kelly Ripa making mention that she gets her daughters text messages on her phone and has to at times look things up to decipher what the message is saying.
-A post I read on Café Mom about a mother who looks at PG13 movies before she allows her son to watch them or reads the books first before he does to see if content is suitable. She sites that some topics are “just too heavy for his 12 year old brain”.

If you are resorting to these methods you already lost half the battle.

Trust, respect and communication start at conception. Boundaries, rules and cooperation start at birth.

If your three (3) year old laughs at you when you say no because you have said no ten (10) times before and didn't mean it, what makes you think he will listen at eleven (11) years old?

If your six (6) year old feels its ok to interject herself in your adult conversation, how is she going to realize that at fifteen (15) certain topics of conversation may not be appropriate?

If your ten (10) year old has grown up hearing “not in my house”, “as long as I”, or “because I make the rules” what makes you believe she is going to share with you any of her daily goings on that may not fall under your acceptable list?

Looking through our children’s things or setting unrealistic rules for them to follow will…
-Not make them safer.
-Not make them want to try things we have said no to.
-Not make them not keep secrets from us.
-Not stop them from engaging in sexual activities.
-Not stop them from lying.
-Not make them trust you easier or faster.
-Will not have any positive results…Period.

What do animals do when they see a cage? They run!

These over the top monitoring actions are just that, cages! Change your approach, start earlier and use your words and actions wisely. As I always say we were all young ourselves once and just because you may have been a bad ass kid doesn't mean yours will.

What’s your approach? Easy going or “as long as you live under my roof” frame of mind?

Your own worst Enemy

I found myself yelling at the television this morning as I was getting ready for work. My daughter and I just couldn't get the words out of our mouths fast enough. Yet another segment, depicting catty women and mothers on Good Morning America. This time the evil “mother” was Gisele Bundchen .

It always ignites something in me to see women be so hateful, bitter and mean to one another. Catty women, the one’s with the claws (their mouths) ready to tear into you every chance they can get. The ones that feel that expressing themselves in a negative fashion is the way to go and the words that come out of their mouths should be the rules that all women, all mother’s must follow.

We live in a World, let me repeat that again, we live in a World where we get paid less than our male counterparts, where freedom due to our gender sometimes is nonexistent, where our rights can be disregarded, where in certain places what we can do with our bodies is dictated, where we are told we are not complete without a man, where our lives at times have less value.

Being aware of all these obstacles, why on earth would we be so harsh amongst ourselves?

Self-esteem, as my daughter’s friend once commented in a discussion they were having, is esteem of the self, how is it that I am affecting yours?

How are the following women affecting me? Maria Yang, Lee-Ann Ellison, Caroline Berg Eriksen and Gisele Bundchen?

Why because you don’t look as they do, feel as they do and express yourself as they do you find it wrong or obnoxious? Why is it wrong of them to share as they wish what they feel is a grand accomplishment?

You want abs like these women, legs, hair or boobies? Then go and do what they do. Work your butt off and you will achieve the same. Have the life style they have and you will be just as happy and proud. If you are not willing to put in the time, effort or money…then please just try and retract your claws because that right there already makes you unattractive.

I am not a size Two, I don’t work out at a gym, I don’t diet and I eat a pint of ice cream any darn time I feel like it. What I do practice is Yoga, Pilates and Meditation. I also walk around my neighborhood park at least twice a week for about an hour and a half. I don’t eat red meat very often, I don’t eat take out or fast foods very often either. I believe in moderation and I am beautiful inside and out. How do I know that? Because I am confident in my own skin and I love who I am. I don’t strive to be anyone other than Mari Corona.

Women look within yourselves for a role model first. No one is going to make you feel anything you already don’t feel yourself. These women didn't wake up and say “oh let me hurt so and so today”, they woke up and said “wow I look good, period”. Work on why you felt such negativity when you saw those women because trust me when I say the problem isn't them, it’s You.

Teach your son to be a Gentleman, please.

I am including a link to a Yahoo question I ran into a while back on my late night Google searches that allow me to stay current and help me with ideas.

So I read this article and said to myself, “Man are you serious?” I am always still amazed at how our society somehow works yet lacks certain key factors.
For instance, should teaching your son to be a Gentleman or your daughter to be a Lady not a given?

Are we not aware that our children will be grownups someday? Do we not want our children to be great partners to their significant others and great people in general?
Should we not teach our sons to open a door for a lady or hold it open till she goes through? Is that sexiest or courtesy? Would it be wrong to teach our sons to pull the chair so their date can sit? How about to open a car door? Should we not teach our sons to pay for a date and that dutch is really not the way to go on all occasions? Why would we not be teaching our sons to treat all women with the grandest respect, Always? To speak to them kindly and expect the same in return? Are we not as mothers their first role models?
In the same line of questions should we not be teaching our daughters how to accept and expect the above treatment?

Whether we label it being a Gentleman or a Lady, I label it manners and courtesy. If being a Gentleman or a Lady is out of style today, not required or expected then the society that our youngsters are building is really full of flaws.

What do you have to say? Antiquated labels? Expecting too much or too little? Teach this at home or let them figure it out on their own?

I am really glad I ran into this article, added fuel to my manners fire and I really am interested in knowing what others think.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20130901130844AA5tlLN

Elder care

My grandmother turned 90 years old in August. I made an attempt to make it festive and cheerful. Honor the milestone and give her something she never had, a party of some sorts.
I got her balloons, decorations, gifts, cupcakes the works.
I will wrap up this portion of the story by saying none of her children came, she has five, none of them called and she was a pain in the butt grumpy, nothing is good enough, old lady as she almost always is. I was almost in tears but I made the best of it. She has early signs of Alzheimer's mixed with old age, she was never one to be very sweet with her words or actions as most of us think grandmothers should be. So I should not expect her to be any different now and neither should her children. I mean we don't change as we age we only become more intense in who we are.

Aside from her home attendants, I am the only grandchild and only person who really visits with her, calls her does all the things needed to be done. In January I had to make the necessary arrangements with her bank to take over her account because it was getting to be too much for her to go with her attendant. She was forgetting how to sign her name and she was not able to tell the difference between certain bill amounts. It was heart breaking to see her trying to remember the letters in her name. We were blessed to have such an amazing woman at the bank help us. She was loving and patient and funny and dealt with my grandmother’s rudeness with kindness in return. Two hours later we were successful in making the transition.

My visits with her for the most part are draining and sad. On some occasions they are downright brutal. I leave there feeling like I just went a few rounds with Mike Tyson. It takes me several hours sometimes even over a day to get back to my old self. I tend not to really talk much afterwards and I become very somber in mood and spirit. I turn to Meditation and Yoga for help.

I have seen, read and observed so many ways people deal with the elderly. I never gave it much thought myself till I had to be so heavily involved with my grandmother. It takes a lot of energy, patients, strength, time, effort and love. It takes empathy.

In her case it's her attitude most of all and her outlook on life that makes it even more difficult. I am sure there are others like her, ones the kids can't handle. Ones that make it hard for you to look past their treatment of you and just stick it out. But for the most part grandparents are supposed to bring to mind fond memories of baking, sewing, arts and crafts, camping trips and holiday dinners.
I have come to understand that a lot of little things come into play on why our elderly’s treatment of us can become so difficult. Aside from their basic personalities we also have to take into consideration their medical issues and loneliness. Some of them spend a lot of time alone thinking, worrying, remembering and if in good mind, planning. Loneliness can be a slow killer.

In most cultures and in other countries for the most part, the elderly are revered as the wise. They are taken in, respected and cared for.  They are cherished and looked upon as those who paved the way for their families. They are the ones who kept it all together and when they no longer are able to do that they are still respected and made comfortable.

I find that in the US things are not as such. We rely on senior facilities, nursing homes, home attendants and so forth to do those jobs for us. We tend to treat our seniors poorly at times and show a lack of respect totally unwarranted. We almost discard them and treat them as a nuisance.

My grandmother’s attitude has always been an issue but perhaps if her children had been more involved over the years her quality of life today would be better. I am sure if we found more positive ways to handle our elderly their lives and their contributions would also have value.

We all age; we will all be that old women or old man at the store or crossing the street.
Let's start to change our attitudes and start working now while we are still young to insure that our loved ones will be able to care for us, tolerate us and even still love us.

Let's start now preparing and building a better quality of life.