I will not make time to look through my daughter’s text messages, emails or stand by her door and listen to her conversations. I will not look through her drawers, her closet or her pockets.
Several things bought me to this post.
-My daughter’s friend since H.S. who happens to be male and almost 19 years old, whose father still tells him he needs to be home by 10 pm and has a special winter curfew as well.
-My boss downloading apps to monitor his daughter’s calls and texts.
-Kelly Ripa making mention that she gets her daughters text messages on her phone and has to at times look things up to decipher what the message is saying.
-A post I read on Café Mom about a mother who looks at PG13 movies before she allows her son to watch them or reads the books first before he does to see if content is suitable. She sites that some topics are “just too heavy for his 12 year old brain”.
If you are resorting to these methods you already lost half the battle.
Trust, respect and communication start at conception. Boundaries, rules and cooperation start at birth.
If your three (3) year old laughs at you when you say no because you have said no ten (10) times before and didn't mean it, what makes you think he will listen at eleven (11) years old?
If your six (6) year old feels its ok to interject herself in your adult conversation, how is she going to realize that at fifteen (15) certain topics of conversation may not be appropriate?
If your ten (10) year old has grown up hearing “not in my house”, “as long as I”, or “because I make the rules” what makes you believe she is going to share with you any of her daily goings on that may not fall under your acceptable list?
Looking through our children’s things or setting unrealistic rules for them to follow will…
-Not make them safer.
-Not make them want to try things we have said no to.
-Not make them not keep secrets from us.
-Not stop them from engaging in sexual activities.
-Not stop them from lying.
-Not make them trust you easier or faster.
-Will not have any positive results…Period.
What do animals do when they see a cage? They run!
These over the top monitoring actions are just that, cages! Change your approach, start earlier and use your words and actions wisely. As I always say we were all young ourselves once and just because you may have been a bad ass kid doesn't mean yours will.
What’s your approach? Easy going or “as long as you live under my roof” frame of mind?
I agree with your post completely, toddlerhood to teenagers can be a challenge :)
ReplyDeleteDebbie thanks for visit. All ages have there own challenge but how we deal with them can make a world of difference :) Thanks for comment!
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DeleteMy approach is pretty middle of the road. I set rules but also try to establish a level of trust. I definitely don't read their texts, but can't say I never would if there was a huge concern of a dangerous situation going on. I totally agree with you about the dangers of unrealistic rules. I think that can cause rebellion. Love the picture!
ReplyDeleteCandace thanks for sharing, I totally agree on if there is potential for danger. Our first duty is to keep our children safe.
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