This is one of those topics I touch only because I am such a firm believer in communication, here we go...
-why is your child ignoring you in the first place?
-what is missing in your relationship that they would disrespect you that way?
-what message does that convey?
-did you not set house rules when you first handed it over?
-did your child not understand it was a privilege not a right to have one in the first place?
Enough of the suspense I am referring to a Cellphone.
I believe most kids by the age of 12 have one mine had a basic one at 9.
With all the after school activities, different schedules, family units etc...it has become a must have item for most of us.
But are we setting the proper rules and expectations before we cross this threshold?
Are we prepared for all that it brings and can we handle sticking to our guns without it causing major headaches?
As I commented above my daughter had a basic flip phone with text at the age of 9. No extra bells and whistles and not a major brand. It was a necessity, it was a means to communicate because she was riding the bus alone and in after school programs.
Rules were keep in book bag at all times, on vibrate and use to call only your parents or 911.
She could text and call but only when home with us.
As she got older the rules were adjusted, the phone and it's uses were upgraded.
We rarely had issues and I don't recall ever having to take it away. In H.S. I had to go to school twice because teachers took her phone away and odd enough she was texting me both times.
I always stress how blessed I have been to not have any trust issues with my daughter, never. When she says she is doing something or going somewhere that is what it is. I imagine the years of hearing me say how sorry she would be if she violated my trust and believing I meant and mean it were enough of a test.
So on the subject of Cellphone and its uses, same rules apply. Sexting, not answering my calls, ignoring my texts, inappropriate videos, unapproved downloads etc...have been non factors.
She has always been aware I can check up on her at any moment, I have chosen not to because I am not going to waste my time and she hasn't ever given me reason to. NOW, if ever I felt otherwise then that would be a different story.
I say all this to say that building trust is a priority with our children just like feeding them, potty training, reading and writing. It is a must requirement in order to have peace and order in your home and family.
illustration by shutter stock.com
This piece I saw on Good Morning America shed light on the question "where did things go wrong?"
It's about a mother who invented an app that cuts off your kids phone if they are ignoring your calls. What? Seriously?
Who would have thought?
Don't you think that if you have to begin to come up with these sort of things to somehow control your children that somewhere there is a hole in your connection? So much of today's energy is being invested into gadgets and apps to do the parenting for us and that is the biggest fail.
An app doesn't know your child, an app doesn't live in your house. Communication and Discipline that should be your tool. Actions have Consequences, that should be your go to.
Here's the link tell me what you think?
yahoo.com
Would you use this? Would you come up with something else or do you feel investing the time earlier on respect and trust will bring you great rewards later? Let's start a conversation.
Always stress free xo.
