Oh how wonderful it is when our babies are just that...wonderful babies.
We do just about everything for them and then one day we wake up and they are Teenagers.
No longer do they need you to hold their hand to cross the street or for you to prepare their lunch.
You are no longer required to choose their outfits, their haircuts or even their social activities.
Their clothing attire my now require a bra, boxer briefs, boy short panties or any other undergarment to their liking that is no longer Fruit of the Loom brand with Spider-Man or Cinderella characters on them.
Among the many visible changes their will also be plenty other changes not so visible. Some of these will take place in their rooms. Their very own personal space, one they feel you should respect at all times. And indeed you should, here's why.
Upon entering such room, depending on the age you may find aside from school books on the floor, jackets on the bed, cups on the desk...
-crumbled up undergarments
-stained bedsheets
-racy reading materials
-contraceptives
-porn magazines
Yes, this is normal.
This is all part of growing up and exploring our bodies and our sexuality. During these years we as parents should learn to...
-knock on doors
-let them clean up their own rooms
-respect the "locked doors" again by knocking
-have already established rules, regulations, expectations and open lines of communication
This is a very trying time all around, not one to make jokes about or to become a strict ruler for but instead to transition into a more respectful, more mature place, space and time. Communication.
There is nothing wrong with exploration. We should not shame our kids for looking at a magazine or being curious about their bodies. They should not feel shame their bodies and minds are feeling certain things. As parents our responsibility is guidance, education and love. If we establish a strong line of communication when they are our babies by the time they are teenagers it will be smooth sailing.
Certain risks are worth taking...some not so much. What do you think?
I have always tried to balance exploring with guidance from me. I let them have their personal space and have always knocked.
ReplyDeleteAs unlike in my day, they now have the internet and all that is on there. Plus, things are really more out in the open these days.
For example, we have a new law in California that states locker rooms, bathrooms, etc are not to be based on body but on gender identity. Being an educator in the state, I knew I had to start a conversation with my two (a senior and junior in high school) about this. Thank goodness, I did because a transgender (male to female) decided to put her P.E. locker right next to my daughters. My talks and a friend who gave her "The genderbread person" chart really helped her.
I know that it an extreme example but I feel that is the trust I have gained with my two on this subject.
It is a trying time in life. We just need to be there to guide them.
Patrick, thanks for comments. My daughter was sharing with me something similar about her friends school up in New Paltz, where bathrooms are not gender specific etc...Communication is the way to go always. Glad our kids talk to us openly and are accepting of what we say as well :). Always glad to see you drop in!
DeleteThat video! I probably wouldn't do it..but whoa!
ReplyDeleteI have one boy and one girl and I'm in for a whole new world when they're teenagers. I don't know how parents do it, but my parents had five at once so maybe I learned from the best.
Tamara thanks for visit. Wow five big family lol I am sure you will have great lessons you picked up from your parents for sure :)
DeleteI rarely go into my teens' rooms. They are expected to clean up and I knock before entering but yeah, I agree they need their space.
ReplyDeleteJoanne, thanks for visit and comment :)
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