Sunday, October 26, 2014

Who needs a Cut Off Switch?

Good Morning, happy Sunday!

This is one of those topics I touch only because I am such a firm believer in communication, here we go...
-why is your child ignoring you in the first place?
-what is missing in your relationship that they would disrespect you that way?
-what message does that convey?
-did you not set house rules when you first handed it over?
-did your child not understand it was a privilege not a right to have one in the first place?

Enough of the suspense I am referring to a Cellphone.

I believe most kids by the age of 12 have one mine had a basic one at 9.

With all the after school activities, different schedules, family units etc...it has become a must have item for most of us.
But are we setting the proper rules and expectations before we cross this threshold?
Are we prepared for all that it brings and can we handle sticking to our guns without it causing major headaches?

As I commented above my daughter had a basic flip phone with text at the age of 9. No extra bells and whistles and not a major brand. It was a necessity, it was a means to communicate because she was riding the bus alone and in after school programs.
Rules were keep in book bag at all times, on vibrate and use to call only your parents or 911.
She could text and call but only when home with us.

As she got older the rules were adjusted, the phone and it's uses were upgraded.
We rarely had issues and I don't recall ever having to take it away. In H.S. I had to go to school twice because teachers took her phone away and odd enough she was texting me both times.

I always stress how blessed I have been to not have any trust issues with my daughter, never. When she says she is doing something or going somewhere that is what it is. I imagine the years of hearing me say how sorry she would be if she violated my trust and believing I meant and mean it were enough of a test.

So on the subject of Cellphone and its uses, same rules apply. Sexting, not answering my calls, ignoring my texts, inappropriate videos, unapproved downloads etc...have been non factors.
She has always been aware I can check up on her at any moment, I have chosen not to because I am not going to waste my time and she hasn't ever given me reason to. NOW, if ever I felt otherwise then that would be a different story.

I say all this to say that building trust is a priority with our children just like feeding them, potty training, reading and writing. It is a must requirement in order to have peace and order in your home and family.

illustration by shutter stock.com

This piece I saw on Good Morning America shed light on the question "where did things go wrong?"
It's about a mother who invented an app that cuts off your kids phone if they are ignoring your calls. What? Seriously?
Who would have thought?

Don't you think that if you have to begin to come up with these sort of things to somehow control your children that somewhere there is a hole in your connection? So much of today's energy is being invested into gadgets and apps to do the parenting for us and that is the biggest fail.
An app doesn't know your child, an app doesn't live in your house. Communication and Discipline that should be your tool. Actions have Consequences, that should be your go to.

Here's the link tell me what you think?
yahoo.com

Would you use this? Would you come up with something else or do you feel investing the time earlier on respect and trust will bring you great rewards later? Let's start a conversation.

Always stress free xo.

10 comments:

  1. Interesting post, and I disagree with your perspective. Parenting can be a difficult task, and no matter how great we think we're doing or how hard we try we can't control our kids 24/7. I didn't have many issues with my daughter while raising her, but there were a few times that she did break the rules in high school. Peer pressure can be tough, and it knows no boundaries. I think this app is a great tool, and I would use if necessary. I don't believe there were issues of disrespect or mistrust with my daughter, she was just being a teen.. If we can raise children without experiencing some type of discipline issues in the teen years, we are the exception not the rule. It certainly doesn't mean that the relationship is broken or we're not parenting properly, we're raising imperfect human beings. She went on to earn a Master's degree, marry a wonder man and have 2 beautiful children. She can look back at those years now and brace herself for a little challenge raising her 2.The chances of children not running off the rails at some point are slim.

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  2. Rhonda thanks for comments and visit. I am always happy when something I touch on provokes thought. Though I disagree with you in regards to controlling our children I do get that parenting has its difficult moments. I don't believe in control I don't believe in imperfect. I do believe kids will be kids and no matter what means we think may help us control our children at the end of the day they will make their own choices. Yes they may make mistakes but it's part of growing up, end of day talking with and not just at our children as with adults is always a great option. Congrats on raising an awesome women and having such a great family base. Also thanks again for sharing your views :)

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  3. My kids are still too young to have cell phones but my son did mention to me today that some kids at his Elementary school have cell phones. I told him we will consider getting him one when he's in middle school. He has no desire to have one now, thankfully. I agree with building respect and trust, too. Since I do not have to deal with this situation yet, I don't know if I would use an app like this or not. Thanks for sharing this, I think that's interesting to know about all the options. I do still think that no matter what type of parenting apps and tools are there to aid us, there's no substitute for having great communication and a strong relationship with your kids. #ibabloggers

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    1. Bernadyn, great point indeed. Thanks for visit and comments. Options are always such a relief you can choose what's best for your family and not follow the pack every family is different and has different needs. Great that your son is fine with no cellphone and that you are willing to consider it down the line, great communication is key. Hope we chat again soon :)

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  4. I have three children that have cell phones. They've always been pretty good at responding to messages. I think that they're people too, just like us, and sometimes can't get to a message right away. If it's been urgent and I knew they weren't in school, I would sometimes use the find my iPhone app to play a sound to get their attention. :) Not sure if I'd use the cut off their phone app unless I found the situation to be dire. Good to think about though! #turnituptuesday

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    1. Hey Normal lol thanks for visit and comments TIUT!!! Love all these great responses!

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  5. As you know my sons are "adults", but I remember when I first purchased a mobile phone for each of them and I didn't have a trust issue. I do however, remember punishing Malik and he made me so mad that I grabbed and threw his phone at him...missed his head but shattered the phone - stupid because I paid for it. But anywho, the one thing that never ceases to amaze me that kids/teens prefer to text/sext instead of having a face to face conversation.

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    1. Yes mama your replies are coming through xo.
      Sheesh Malik sure got lucky on that one not so much can be said about the phone. We tend to end up paying twice when we get upset, we throw something or slam something down just to end up having to replace it smh lol.
      Thanks for comments :)

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  6. Have a 17 and 12 y/o, they have had cell phones since they were in 6th grade and involved in extra activities and needed to call me to come pick them up after practice. Rules and contracts were signed and stayed on the fridge. That way if there was a dispute, it could be confirmed by the contract. They 17 y/o is without hers right now as she broke it and has to save her monies to fix it. She still has to check in and does so at others houses or with a friends phone.

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    1. Hey British mum welcome and thanks for visit. So glad this topic caught your eye and appreciate the share on your method used with your kids. Hope to see you here again soon :)

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