Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Are you allergic to being Treated like a Lady?

Hey loves hope we are all being our best selves today!

I want to dive right in and talk to the ladies about things we complain about yet are never clear on so we walk around at times in frustration with our partners or possible future partners. I want to talk about the guy in your life being a true Gentle man. Pay attention to my words...the guy in your life being a True Gentle man.
I wrote a post some time ago called Teach your Son to be a Gentleman please that I thought was necessary to address because boys grow up to be men and if they aren't taught certain things at home, what they learn elsewhere doesn't serve them in building good relationships in life.

illustration by pinterest.com

Dating in our teen years can form a lot of habits that we carry around for life and it isn't until we grow into our true selves that we begin to make some needed corrections. We read books or watch television and hear music and have ideas about relationships so we act them out. Then we go to college or get full time jobs and continue to exhibit some of those habits and perhaps even add new ones because now we are older and "wiser".

By the time we reach our adult years we are pretty much set in our ways and though they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, I believe that if you want something bad enough you figure out a way to get it.

Dating today in my 40's as I have shared has been very interesting. I have posted some of my experiences here and will continue to do so as I see relevant but some I keep to myself just because.
One of the things I want to point out is how age and background has played a part in true Gentle man behavior.

illustration by pinterest.com

The first time my car door was held open for me was a total surprise, what they do this? The first time  I didn't have to bring in any of my grocery bags, wow that was special. The first time I was helped putting on my coat when getting ready to leave our dinner? Yes I have been in relationships in the past and I also dated many moons ago before having my daughter but the experiences were different. The expectations were different.

My x partners did treat me well, they cooked for me, helped me around the house, pulled their own weight, surprised me and gifted me with treats and lovely jesters but I never paid it any attention as it being the way things are suppose to be period. In my youth I saw it as sweet today I realize it is the way to have balance in a relationship.

Single women especially after some time become accustomed to doing everything on their own I know I myself have been guilty of this. We have our routines, we have our ways, we push on no matter what is in our way. When this strong independence becomes the norm and another person then enters our lives the shift in roles can be a tough one.
For men who believe their role is to take care of us women, it can be a challenge even a turn off if communication isn't right.

this made me laugh so I wanted to share 
illustration by quotesgram.com

So what can we do...how do we balance and welcome being treated like a Lady? How can we express that we truly do want a Gentle man? I suggest baby steps and lots of communication here are some things I have done and been doing to get better at this balance:

-ask for help
-slow down
-wait for assistance
-be clear on expectations
-let go of some control
-shift your ideas of what being a strong woman means
-shift your ideas of what being a strong man means

There is no weakness in working together, in allowing one another to play their role. There is strength in allowing someone to help you and having them treat you with kindness and respect. I am sharing some articles that were also the reasons why I put some thought into this. One in particular was about Jennifer Lopez and her partner. It commented on times he behaved more like her assistant than her man but to me the things he was doing is all the things my men past and present and future have done and will do for me. I even read a comment somewhere about the late David Bowie tying Iman's shoes, how sweet is that! And I am using celebrities as examples because it seems that most often than not society looks at them for guidance and examples where we may not have them closer to home.

This is why I feel it is so important that we as parents do our best to teach our children at home from an early age the proper treatment of others and how those tools will spill into intimate connections in their lives.
What are your thoughts? Did you grow up with a healthy balance or did you gain them as you got older? Women do you want a Gentle man and Men do you welcome that responsibility? Share your thoughts.

yahoo.com

mydomaine.com

cnn.com

Always stress free xo
Mari

4 comments:

  1. Hey Mari! I totally believe in chivalrous behavior, it so important and so necessary in order to build a srong bond between men and women. Not to mention it also means you have an extreme amount of respect and admiration for one another. Yes teach the youth early and often so they'll grown into wonderful respectful adults. Good piece of writing Mari.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, keep teaching our youth for sure!

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  2. I agree, it's all about showing kindness and respect, and it goes both ways. I do all of those things for my partner...and he does the same for me. I think there are lots of cases where this is lopsided for couples, because of the way we view chivalry and that can be a problem. It should be expected that we treat the ones we love with these actions, but it shouldn't be "expected" in the sense that we don't accept it with graciousness and reciprocation.

    Thank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!

    ReplyDelete

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