Remember the Vagina Monologues?

By now many have laughed, cried, screamed and have even remained speechless by our President Elect's "Grab Them by the P****"comment caught on audio tape. Personally I can't not laugh every time I hear it. It's a nervous laughter indicating I am still in shock over what I have heard.

Back in 1996 a writer named Eve Ensler wrote a play about Vaginas. It was what they call an episodic play because it had several monologues touching on different issues but all related to the Vagina. It ran Off Broadway in New York City and at the time it was very controversial. So many mixed feelings were expressed about this little body part that holds so much power.

I remember just being a new mom thinking who talks about this in public. I don't even like to use that word lol how times have changed. Now I wish we used that word instead of P**** but I guess its a free for all now.

illustration by spectrumtheatre

I bring this up because of the things that are happening around us in relation to the 2016 Election and women's issues. Today we are still dealing with the same subject matter Ms. Ensler talked about in connection with the female experience. It seems everyone has an opinion on my Vagina. Today the subjects of birth control and abortions are hot topics as are what constitutes rape and how it should be punishable to economic justice and sexual orientation rights. Back in 1996 Ms. Ensler touched on menstruation, orgasms, rape, love, sex, masturbation, birth and the use of the word "Cunt" just to name a few.

The Vagina is a powerful tool viewed as a  symbol of women's empowerment. It was so in 1996 and it is so now but if that is the case, why then is such a small body part being controlled by men and being the bases for such terrible abuse on the person who has one? Why do men continue to want to tell me what to do with my P****? I can't buy birth control because its against blah blah blah but I can't get an abortion because its against blah blah blah. If I'm married its not "really" rape because its my husband and you somehow see it as my duty and give me the side eye because you feel I shouldn't have the right to say no. I can't pleasure myself because its against blah blah blah when I have my menstruation its funny to you that I may have to call in sick.

Because I have a P**** men want to pay me less, men want me to work harder than my co-workers just so I can show them I'm a team player. Men in position feel I shouldn't get paid family leave. Men want to tell me who I should sleep with and what gender they should identify as. These are some of the same issues also addressed in the Vagina Monologues. Some criticism was about touching issues that didn't effect women in the United States such as genital mutilation. Some also felt it was a poor depiction of male and female relationships. All these issues are front and center relevant today.

illustration by zazzle

My P**** should not be up for discussion nor should it be acceptable for anyone to feel they have the right to "grab" it. My P**** is not here just to pleasure you it is the passage that gave way to my daughter's life. That was my choice then it should still be my choice now. My P**** should not be the gauge in which a bathroom is assigned or a marriage license awarded. You would think that subjects touched upon so long ago would have been resolved by now. There are lessons to be learned from past experiences. Sadly women must continue to fight for our rights and continue to protect one another from that dude walking around "grabbing the P****".

Stay informed and be mindful of respecting everyones right to live their life as they see fit. What works for one doesn't work for all. Let us not lump religious beliefs and politics together. Equality shouldn't be a privilege.

What are your thoughts? Does religion have a place in politics? Should women's rights be an issue ever? Are there limits to women's rights? Share with me, let's start a conversation.

Always stress free xo,
Mari

Taking a Break doesn't mean you Failed

Hey loves I've been a bit distant and not in the right spirit to share but some time away to refocus, regroup and repurpose has made me feel a lot better about the path that I have chosen and the steps that I am taking to get to a particular destination.

Sometimes life has a way of making you stop even when you are on the express line and think you are taking the necessary steps to reach a goal. For the past month I've been neck deep into researching all things related to growing my blog and reaching a broader audience.

So much well intended information is available mixed in with the get rich quick crap that you must sort through but do you want to know what my most valuable lesson was in the end? Information is nothing if it isn’t sinking in and if your heart isn’t into receiving it.

illustration by miraclesinthemundane

I literally spent an hour one night at my computer and in the end told my Lil Mama, “I have no idea what I just read or heard.” I knew right then and there that my energy was low and my heart wasn’t in it. I took the next three days to figure out what I wanted to do which is why I am here.

I want to connect with you. I want to be honest and I want us to grow...together.

My life is not full of a lot of fluff but it can have some suspense every now and then. I am extremely private but with you I want to be an open book because I want you to help me keep growing and keep testing my limits. I want you to hold me accountable for my shares and my goals.

So back to my month of research what did I learn?

illustration by carefulcents

-Everything you learn won’t work for you. We are individuals let's be grateful for that and with that comes the fact that what works for one doesn't work for another. It's ok, keep trying things out until you find what feels good. This applies for all things in life.

-What is your intention? If you want to make more money you can't just say “I want to make more money.” You have to set a plan to make that happen. You set an intention now take steps to reach your goal.

-A lot of people have a lot to say. And they have no problem saying it. Learn to shut things down and turn things off when you are feeling over whelmed. Wanting to grow your business or make changes in your life is strictly your decision. How you want to go about it, how fast or slow you want things to happen and to what extent you are willing to push yourself is your call. Do Not let anyone tell you you aren't doing enough.

-Don’t loose the love. If at any point you begin to loose the spark that bought you to that choice in the first place stop. Nothing good can grow if not done with love.

illustration by crosscards.com

I don't regret the semi month of torture that I put my poor mind, body and spirit through. I am grateful that it happened now and not later but I know now to never push something that doesn't want to move.

I'm in a different head space now and it all started because I stopped.

What are you struggling with currently that you know you should take a break from and just don't know how to go about doing so? If you experienced this what tips can you share with us about how you handled things? Share with me.


Always street free xo,
Mari

We can't Build anything Alone

Something to think about...

compliments of Brainspark   

Hey dolls! I wanted to talk about Independence. You know how we are all at some point in our lives striving for Independence? Whether its from our parents as we are growing up or in our relationships, especially us women when we want our partners to "respect" we can handle our own? Well today I want to share that I still strongly believe in the need for us to find our own way but that I have grown to embrace the helping hand of others.

I'm going to share a silly example but the change it has bought to my life and my home is actually huge! It is giving up doing the laundry, yes you read correctly doing the laundry.

For many years I've had a certain routine and I have never allowed anyone in my household to handle the laundry but me. That is the taking to laundromat and actual washing. Sure the sorting is easy darks and lights who can mess that up but the wash? So many things can go wrong.
-prewash routine
-not enough detergent
-which detergent to use in what compartment
-when to add the Fabric Softner
-bleach no bleach
-cold or hot water
You get the picture and lets not get into the dryer part, that is another routine in itself.

I really don't know why I just didn't show my family how I liked things to be done and allow them to try it and tweak to suit them. It really wasn't such a big deal yet it was. It was the whole "I can handle it all" attitude. But reality was that after my responsibilities with my Grandmother evolved I just didn't have the time or energy to micro manage. Something had to give if I wanted time to do all the things that I really loved. So goodbye laundry duties it was.
I did a whole demonstration and let go of the reins and haven't looked back since and can I confess something? They do an even better job than I did but shush we can't say that out loud lol.

Point is we can't build anything alone. No business, no buildings, no relationships, no families. Yes we can come up with the idea we can have the vision but we need others to help us bring these things to life. We need support we need cooperation we need period.

illustration by amazinganimalstories.com

How can we become more comfortable giving up the reins? Here is my suggestion:
-start small pick one thing and hand it over to someone else
-allow a certain amount of time to pass before you "check" on things
-invest that time on something new like exercising, going for walks or new hobbies and passions
-accept that no one can do things like you do but that it's totally ok

Before you know it you may start delegating other house duties and getting the whole family involved. Imagine how much time you are freeing up to enjoy life together and individually. In the end the whole purpose is again to build. To be able to accomplish something faster than perhaps originally possible alone.

This small change has afforded me time to invest in my workshops, networking events, photography opportunities, writing classes, Yoga meetups and several other things that I just wasn't able to get into. I am grateful for the change indeed.

What are you struggling with that if you allowed others to pitch in would make a huge difference? What was one thing you did change and what was your experience? Share your stories!

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Unfiltered Moments in Life

Hey dolls happy Wednesday! Hope we have been enjoying our Summer to the fullest I know the chic in these pics sure has. That's me! Unfiltered, unedited smiley ole me! I don't make it a habit to post pics of myself too much I just don't care to be so exposed I love my privacy but as a mom and an advocate for all things empowering women I felt in order to be clear on this issue I had to show my authentic self. These pictures were taken a few weeks ago at the beach in NYC. I love the beach but I never go in the water last time I was in the water was when lil mama was a toddler. I prefer to lay on my blanket reading a good book or eating and listening to some great music.

I have a routine for my tanning sessions. I use a top that I'll be happy with the tan lines till next summer, a pair of boy shorts and my cutoff shorts on top. I get to the beach remove my cutoff shorts, lather on Coco Butter or Shea Butter and lay on each side for forty-five minutes. I barely walk around too much because I tend to feel too naked. Can you believe that, too naked...at the beach!?

This year has been so different for me. It's like what?! You can't tell me nothing, I'll be forty-five in September and I have earned the right to do whatever the heck I want. This body is mine, its the one who bought my daughter into this world, the one that takes me through my Yoga practice, the one that allows me to care for my grandma, the one I get to look at every single day until my days are done. I've never had body shaming issues but of course we look at something and say there is always room for improvement. But look at that smile, jumping in that water, letting go of all those fears of exposure and doubts made me soooo happy. I didn't even care that my hair got all wet and that Seaweed was all around me and my skin. I felt like kids do when they have no concept of "others" looking at them.

So what other females there were slimmer or taller. So what some had string bikinis or cutout one pieces, we were all there enjoying the moment having tons of fun. Some of us were size 6 some size 3 some size 14 but we were and are all Beautiful! Unfiltered moments in Life, that's what its all about. Owning who we are and making changes only when we feel like it not because someone else says so.

That streak of gray hair I've earned on my journey is ok too. It's a sign of the wisdom I continue to gain in this life. I am always changing I will always be growing older that is part of Life and I am embracing it. At some point that hair will be cut shorter and donated to a child who has lost theirs. It will make someone else as happy as it has made me. Letting go the first time was very empowering and this time around will be just as sweet. Unfiltered moments in Life.

illustration by pinterest.com

So moms and dads too go out their and embrace your authentic self! Go out and forget about the "others" and just do for you. Baby steps are fine but try doing one thing unfiltered and see how it makes you feel. No makeup, no hair products, no nail polish something! I'm walking around right now with my Diana Ross hair in full effect and its been fun for sure.

What are your thoughts? Are you fearful of being too naked, unfiltered and exposed? Are you still trying to work your way towards your authentic self? If you are already there please share some of your journey. Let's start a conversation.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Pettiness serves no purpose

Hey Dolls, when someone does something to you whether in person or online or in passing or through gossip I know it can be extremely difficult not to react but try it... Don't react.

We can not right another person's wrong. We can speculate as to why they behave as they do but what would be the point? It would be like a hamster going around his wheel.

illustration by pinterest

I use to tell my daughter all the time to just try to understand that not everyone was going to be happy with her accomplishments in Martial Arts. Plenty of those dads were gonna be bitter that she beat their sons. That they would perhaps even go as far as to say the calls were unfair or that she "just got lucky". The truth is people who are down on themselves find it easier to attack others. I still tell her today, don't diminish your light because someone else wants to remain in the dark. 

illustration by pinterest.com

Don't fall into their negative trap breathe, focus and keep pressing on. We must all find our own purpose.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

I see my Value is still Less than Yours

"If you have a problem, please feel free to come to me. We can discuss anything and come to a reasonable solution."

How many times have women heard that before? Either at work or in school? How many times have you been told you are encouraged to speak up, only to be labeled difficult, uncooperative or bitchy once you have? I want to discuss two things and get you really thinking about their impact on your life, your daughter's life, your wife's, your mother's or your sister's.

nc-skinny-jeans-ban-proposed

illustration by the sweetestthingblog.com

The countless articles and discussions on dress codes and how Women must cover up in order not to distract their male counter parts. I'm suppose to walk around in a sack because some dude can't stop looking at me as a sexual object. I'm suppose to hide my shape because it may arouse my co-worker. My daughter can't wear her workout clothes after class because her classmate might feel he has the right to comment inappropriately. I have to pick up a store flyer that shows me a variety of swimsuit looks for "your body type" and the models are six through eight year olds! 

You are going to sit and read this and say "it doesn't affect me?" You aren't finding a problem with this? How males react to my body is my fault? It's not the fault of continued allowed mindset of male righteousness? Females can't wear a piece of clothing because males can't control themselves. That sounds so ridiculous. How about instead of banning teaching respect for women's bodies?

Yes yes I hear the chatter now "oh but women dress to get our attention, they reveal what they have so we can admire it and approach them." That may be true and it is part of the male female interaction  but it still doesn't give a male the right to tell me how I should dress. Men wear whatever they want and women aren't disrespecting them or degrading them at every turn. Let's think about that, tell me what you feel about banning clothing items. Will it really solve the deeper issues?

illustration by hub pages.com

presidential-proclamation-national-equal-pay-day-2016

illustration by engagemichigan.org

Equal pay...
For every dollar a male makes a female makes seventy nine cents. Think about that for a minute.
You have a son and a daughter both working hard both striving for similar achievements in life but your son will reach his end game faster. You have two friends both single both saving the same amount of money a week but one can't even afford to join you on that vacation you are so ready to book. You have two single parents that are now starting over but one has to down size their home because they can't afford the payments. The examples are endless I am an example myself.

When my daughter's father and I split up the only one who had a full blown lifestyle change was me. He still had his hobbies and his extras. While my friends were taking vacations and going out every weekend I was wondering how I was going to now stretch my paycheck to cover my bills. While they commented on what a great job I had  and the fact I only had one child none thought to think "she doesn't make the same amount of me as I do."

illustration by cdelf.org

Twenty one cents, that's the difference between you going away with your family and me staying in with mine. Twenty one cents is the difference between your kids going to summer camp and mine having to just stay at home. Twenty one cents is the difference between you building a nest egg and me barely surviving. Honestly think about that. Think about the many households run by women who  have to stretch what they have just to stay afloat. Also think about some have an additional strike of being a women of color.

Think about how hard the women in your life work, think about your little girl and all her dreams. Imagine how they are being taken advantage of or will be taken advantage of at some point in their lives. Will you continue to stand for that?

I see my Value is still Less than Yours. Start a conversation.

Always stress free xo
Mari

Another Hair Chat

No statement can ring more true than unless something affects you you really do walk around unaware.
There has been huge chatter for some time now about Hair, more specifically the racists views on hair, African American Hair. Such words as unkept, intimidating, aggressive, ugly, crazy, smells funny have often been used in the same sentence in talks about African American Hair. Things that boggle my mind as is but let's keep talking.

I've talked about hair in the past, someone-just-like-me my own struggles as a kid and teenager with a head full of hair that didn't "behave" like other people's. The comments I'd get in the Salon about all the hair I had and how it trickled over to my own daughter when she came along.

Something so simple as Hair is bringing tears to so many eyes and finally after years of silence the words can no longer be held back.

doing what she does lil mama selfies

How easy must it be to go anywhere and be catered to your every need? How easy must it be to walk down a store aisle and have your pick of the large litter? Now stop for a second and imagine all those choices being taken away? How about not having a choice at all?

As a minority or woman of color because minority to me at this point even sounds incorrect to say (but that's a convo for another day) for so many years I've heard so many of these things but just shrugged it off or just bought something else to try and "tame" my hair that it really has been such an eye opener as of late to hear my own daughter speak about her recent experiences especially now in her working field. It's one thing for you to experience things as an adult, but when you see it through your child's eyes it's a whole different matter.

My daughter has chosen the field of Fashion as a career. How products are sold and marketed, the designs, the thoughts behind fabrics, textures and colors. Styling...what pieces of clothing should you put together to best show your body type without following the "size chart" that has been rammed down our throats for so many years. Accessories...adding to your look either with jewelry or your "hairstyle". So it pist me off to hear from her the other day that her dress code at work requires her to keep her "hair" in an acceptable style. What on earth is an "acceptable style"? She has curly hair by nature, she can wear it curly or endure two hours under the dryer so it lays flat but those are her choices to make not ours. What for you said job is not acceptable in those options that she has?

lil mama in work state of mind

How can my 21 year old daughter's curly hair intimidate or come across as aggressive to you? You want her to change a natural part of what makes her who she is because it's not something you have or even know about? Yet, you spend hundreds of dollars at your own Beauty parlor to get your flat hair like hers!?
Your establishment is so narrow minded and antiquated that you have a template for only one group of people?

That my daughter would even have to be a party in this type of conversation is testing me enough but that you would then turn around and say that you have never really thought of that issue and would have to get back to her says to me again, how crazy our society and how racist people still continue to be.

It's just freaking Hair!

So to illustrate my point I'm going to share a few pictures and I want you to honestly ask yourself what is the difference?

illustration by celebbuzz.com

illustration by juice salon.com

illustration by celebbuzz.com

illustration by ana.rs

illustration by pop sugar

illustration by haveagoodhairday.com

illustration by hairstyles weekly.com

illustration by snakkle.com

illustration by pinterest.com

illustration by short haircut.com

Did you look carefully? Did you see the difference? Let me spell it out COLOR. It is much easier for some to accept certain things in some groups as trendy when funny that in other groups its just the way of life. All these women are beautiful, just different.

I truly believe that women can make a difference in any field or topic that we touch. That once we set our minds on something and get the conversations going CHANGE can take place. So I am asking you...next time you see a women's hair and it doesn't look like yours don't judge instead embrace.
Consider the possibility of respecting the differences in each other. Consider how you would feel if your daughter or son were to be judged by their Hair.

What are your thoughts? Would love to start a conversation?

Always stress free xo
Mari 

Maturity & Timing are Everything

Happy Sunday! Had a great chat with my lil mama this morning before we both went off on errand runs and I wanted to share my walk away. She was sharing how her evening out with friends had gone and the things they had come across.

She recently turned 21 but I laugh because she refers to her 17 year old self as if it was a life time ago. I guess if your perspective is always expanding it could somehow feel that way. She was talking about men and how they were approached last night and how in her age group the males have been falling short on what they are bring to the plate and have to offer. She shared their pick up lines and their over all appearance etc...

I was laughing the whole time because she reminded me of my friends and I at her age though I was already in a committed relationship with her father at that time. I remembered the list of must haves and the "look" we were aiming for and the what we would and would not accept chatter. I know times  have changed when my daughter says that parents are doing a poor job of raising their boys to be strong men and not wimps.

illustration by quotegrams.com

She pointed out that guys have forgotten how to pay attention to the small stuff and that timing is everything. That sarcasm isn't cute and goofy lines aren't funny. That contrary to what society wants to paint women want men to actually approach them with something deep and thought provoking so that a great conversation can evolve. 

Times are changing indeed so parents of boys if you haven't started yet start so now because the females are coming up stronger and wiser than ever! They have plenty to say and aren't afraid to say it and they aren't looking for someone to tell them what they already know about themselves...that they are beautiful. What they would like to hear instead is "hey, I saw you and automatically thought what can I do to add to your greatness."

My takeaway was how proud I am to bare witness to such an intelligent young woman who knows what she wants and knows her value without tearing down another. Who surrounds herself with people who want to make a difference in their lives and in society and aren't wrapped up in the shine being sold on social media. Confidence is a great thing to encourage I feel as parents we need to focus more on that and less on trying to fit in with everyone. I always say it is best to show your best self than the worst imitation. 

illustration by quotes gram.com

What do you think? In the list of things to teach our boys what are your priorities? 

Always stress free xo

Mari

Taking the Bitter with the Sweet

Hey Dolls happy Wednesday! Hope we are all doing well and getting ready for our weekend. I am super excited for my lil mama's big 21 on Saturday. Have all the food items bought and ready to go and I got her custom made balloons at Party City can't wait to share the pics with you soon.

Today as I sit in my office looking at the beautiful sunshine coming through my window I find my thoughts wondering to how in life certain occasions can be full of happiness but have a mini trail of sadness.

illustration by popsugar.com.au

How can it be the love of my life will be turning 21 years old and have no immediate relatives but myself to share in this moment? No over joyed grandparents, no excited aunts & uncles, no fun loving cousins, no beaming with pride Father? How can it be that what most of us grow to take for granted which is family my daughter and I really don't have?
We have no control over the families we are born into that is just fate. We can only control the roll we play in that family we do land in.

illustration by pinterest

I am grateful for the small circle I have built that is truly our family. Full of love, support and acceptance. Full of positive energy, lots of hugs and smiles. Ready to always shine a mirror on us to remind us of our amazing beauty and self worth. Always there to remind us of how far we have come and all we have over come.

Family is what you make it and if the one you were born into doesn't know your worth, takes away more than they add, hurts your spirit more than they help you shine then don't be afraid to let them go. It is ok to value yourself more than the blood running through your veins. Poor behavior is never ok to stick around with even if it is family. We are conditioned to think "yeah but that's my family" instead of "yeah that is my family, and because it is such I shouldn't be treated that way" that we never stop to question things until we know better until we know our worth.

illustration by thequotepedia.com

I will continue to take the Bitter with the Sweet, its an awesome alternative to wanting to pull my hair out or scream at the top of my lungs. Sharing some quotes that have helped me through the years heal what was once broken perhaps they can help you as well.
Now back to happy thoughts about my lil sunshine!!!

illustration by sarahdeanna.com

What do you think? Is it ever ok to sacrifice your sanity and well being just because of sense of duty? Are there ever lines you shouldn't cross or is all fair game when it comes to family? Share your experiences and comments with me.

Always stress free xo

Mari 

Love Thyself

TRUTH HURTS

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!

While most will be posting cute hearts and candies I want to address what everyone is talking about and share my perspective as a mother to my own Beyonce but first lets talk about the original.

Facts:

-Her estimated net worth is $250 Million dollars

-Business woman, Wife, Mother, Song writer, Singer, Dancer oh and...Actress

-Destiny's Child was one of the world's Best Selling Girl Groups of All times

-She has earned twenty Grammy Awards

-She has sold over 118 Million records Solo and 60 Million with Destiny's Child

-Her songs touch on all subject matters from bubble gum anthems to raw reality and passionate love

I'm going to stop here because I think the message is clear. She is a woman of Power and Influence. She has earned everything she has received and she deserves respect for her hustle. I loved her Super Bowl performance as I have always loved all her performances. She gives you 100% each and every time. No excuses.

So why was White America shocked at her latest performance? Were they not aware she is and has always been an African American Woman? She's been on this earth for over 30 plus years it didn't just happen over night. Because she is light skin that fact is over looked? Or is it because her appearance doesn't scare them like Venus and Serena apparently do? Wait...is it because she made songs like Single Ladies or Run the World and their kids and they themselves too felt it was catchy tune and "safe"?

Was she not in some sort of "Formation" then?

Super Bowl Sunday she spoke one very important aspect of her journey and Truth. She told you her history in one entire song, things she has always talked about in one way or another but because it was slapping White America in the face all at once she was totally out of line. Why? Super Bowl Sunday is sacred to only one race? Was her Truth so offensive that it shouldn't be heard or displayed so the whole world can see?

The response to her Truth speaks volumes of how far we haven't come. 

illustration by picture quotes.com

Pride in who you are should never be a bad thing! When Garth Brooks or Dolly Parton speak of their Truths who's offended? How about Johnny Cash or Jerry Lee Lewis? Let's bring it closer how about Aerosmith or Bruce Springsteen? I am extremely open minded when it comes to music. Music is Universal I love all types of music including these aforementioned artists. I love how they shared their Truths, their experiences in life as seen through Their eyes. I am not offended by songs addressing their love of horses or ranch life or cheating spouse or their love affair with drugs and alcohol. The songs depict the Truth of the Artist.

She pointed out the injustices that have occurred and continue to occur to her people. The killings, the discrimination, the labels, the less than attitude...she laid it all out. Was she lying? What part of her song was a lie? Is it a lie because it is not the White America version? Minorities, again a label given to certain people by others who feel Superior are just plain and simply Tired. 

Myself included. I am tired of White America deflecting their low self esteem on me and those who look like me. I am tired of the labels and constant need to "try" to somehow justify all the in your face wrongs that occur daily. I am tired of having to have conversations about "the color" of someone's skin. 

Don't tell me or anyone else who has been treated poorly to "just move on". Don't disrespect the long hard journey my ancestors had by saying things like "it wasn't me". Yes it may very well not be you per say but it was your grandfather and those before him. The Civil Rights movement was in the late 50's early 60's. This is my mother's time this is not that long ago and where are we now? 

I began with a statement I have my own lil Beyonce. Why should my daughter in the year 2016 be stopped by the police because her and a group of her friends are walking down the street and "look" suspicious? Why should my daughter be told she should straighten her hair because it "will look" better? Better to who? Why did my daughter have to hear comments about her features at the age of 6? How cruel and self righteous can White America be? 

Love Thyself!!!

Love Thyself! Focus on yourself, better yourself change your history and Truths. Stop trying to change people that are not like you. We don't want to be you. We are proud of who we are. 

Love Thyself! Encourage differences and own up to past mistakes. It will really be appreciated. 

We can never move forward if the past is ignored, lied about and not acknowledged. Life just doesn't work that way the Planet never forgets.

Now let me be very clear. This is my Truth. I am writing to speak to that man or woman who just doesn't respect and get the magnitude of what took place Super Bowl Sunday. I am speaking to those that feel they were "disrespected". I am speaking to those I and the rest of my people "offend". I am speaking to those that were happy to sing "who run the world, Girls" but just don't want it to be again a Minority Girl. If what I have addressed isn't who you are than the labels don't apply and this should be a conversation starter. If what I have addressed rubs you the wrong way then again its a conversation starter and should start with you looking in the mirror asking "why does a non white person loving themselves effect and offend me?"

Thanks Beyonce for the following line because my daughter will do exactly that...

"Always stay Gracious best Revenge is your Paper" 

What are your thoughts? Are you tired of all the race talks and feel its time to get "over it" or do you think the talks haven't been wide and long enough and more needs to be done? Start a conversation, share your thoughts and experiences.

Always stress free xo

Mari

No Time for It!

Happy Hump day my lovelies! Some of us are still working around mounds of snow others enjoying the sun. However we are dealing with our day I wanted to ask you some questions.

illustration by amazon.uk.co

Are you doing everything in your power daily to live your life to its full potential? Are you focused on you and not on someone else? Have you been looking at yourself in the mirror and tearing away at the layers of junk you have accumulated? 

I am finding that more and more of us are not living up to our full potential because we waste our time on things that just don't concern us. Things that when all is said and done won't have helped us get to our destination.

I had a very unpleasant experience recently I'd like to share. I find that when I talk through certain things I gain more clarity. Women I want to say that our reputation for being catty will only continue to be our downfall. There is nothing attractive in projecting our short comings on someone else. I wish we wouldn't prove people right with some of the things we so happen to engage in. Case in point gossip and spiteful behavior.

I've commented in the past that I don't allow very many people in my close circle and deal even less with women because of the tearing down one to bring up the other actions. Yes not all women are like this I know but sadly more are than not. I've experienced many things in my years but being blamed for breakup of relationships hasn't been one. Until recently when I've become the scapegoat for someone else's personal issues. As if my existence on this planet altered their circumstances, their choices and the outcomes.To give me such power is disturbing to say the least.

my daily reminder that TIME is precious so I make sure I NEVER waste it

I will only say this as I say it each and every time...You and only you are responsible for your life. Every action you take brings about the next outcome. Every word that comes out of your mouth brings forth numerous reactions. Your choices have consequences. Look in the mirror first before you start looking around and pointing the finger.

As a parent my responsibility has been to teach my daughter to be careful with her actions and own up to her choices. To set an example of mindful living and respectful communication. To use her Time wisely. Talking about people and spreading rumors, causing drama and chaos are a waste of time and energy. I've taught her to be supportive of her friends but not to get involved in the he said she said and that in every story there are three sides two the accounts of those involved and one the truth.

illustration by elynenoir.deviantart.com

As a woman I follow the same path. Tend to yours and don't involve anyone else. No one makes anyone do anything they don't want to do. Take responsibility for what you have bought to the table and focus on your plate. Its unfortunate anyone would place blame on another for their situations let alone sole blame. Its also unfortunate that adults would stoop to childish actions to somehow resolve the matter. I am only interested in dealing with my journey and reaping the rewards of its outcome. So I hope everyone else feels the same about themselves as well.

Music as always came to the rescue! I heard this song on the same day that my scapegoat drama blossomed and after processing and looking for clarity one thing is for sure. I am not wasting one moment on someone else's journey of discovery. I am not interested in engaging in blame games when I have my own life to manage. Do you boo.

Thank you Fantasia for this great Anthem at a time when other people's energy is invading my space

No Time for It!

"you feel some type of way

 she got s*** to say

 they gon' say some things that don't do nothing

 but remind me and if they're bringing up problems

 there's no time for it

 I don't care for gossip what they gonna say? "

What do you think, is it ever ok to place blame on someone else when things go wrong in your life? Do you feel that what someone else does needs to affect your life's outcome? Is it not up to us as individuals to access our own lives and make the choices that will bring about our own happiness? Does it make you weaker or stronger to give another power over your own journey?  Hummm so much to think about but what a great conversation to have with ourselves.

Always stress free xo

Mari

Are you allergic to being Treated like a Lady?

Hey loves hope we are all being our best selves today!

I want to dive right in and talk to the ladies about things we complain about yet are never clear on so we walk around at times in frustration with our partners or possible future partners. I want to talk about the guy in your life being a true Gentle man. Pay attention to my words...the guy in your life being a True Gentle man.
I wrote a post some time ago called Teach your Son to be a Gentleman please that I thought was necessary to address because boys grow up to be men and if they aren't taught certain things at home, what they learn elsewhere doesn't serve them in building good relationships in life.

illustration by pinterest.com

Dating in our teen years can form a lot of habits that we carry around for life and it isn't until we grow into our true selves that we begin to make some needed corrections. We read books or watch television and hear music and have ideas about relationships so we act them out. Then we go to college or get full time jobs and continue to exhibit some of those habits and perhaps even add new ones because now we are older and "wiser".

By the time we reach our adult years we are pretty much set in our ways and though they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, I believe that if you want something bad enough you figure out a way to get it.

Dating today in my 40's as I have shared has been very interesting. I have posted some of my experiences here and will continue to do so as I see relevant but some I keep to myself just because.
One of the things I want to point out is how age and background has played a part in true Gentle man behavior.

illustration by pinterest.com

The first time my car door was held open for me was a total surprise, what they do this? The first time  I didn't have to bring in any of my grocery bags, wow that was special. The first time I was helped putting on my coat when getting ready to leave our dinner? Yes I have been in relationships in the past and I also dated many moons ago before having my daughter but the experiences were different. The expectations were different.

My x partners did treat me well, they cooked for me, helped me around the house, pulled their own weight, surprised me and gifted me with treats and lovely jesters but I never paid it any attention as it being the way things are suppose to be period. In my youth I saw it as sweet today I realize it is the way to have balance in a relationship.

Single women especially after some time become accustomed to doing everything on their own I know I myself have been guilty of this. We have our routines, we have our ways, we push on no matter what is in our way. When this strong independence becomes the norm and another person then enters our lives the shift in roles can be a tough one.
For men who believe their role is to take care of us women, it can be a challenge even a turn off if communication isn't right.

this made me laugh so I wanted to share 

illustration by quotesgram.com

So what can we do...how do we balance and welcome being treated like a Lady? How can we express that we truly do want a Gentle man? I suggest baby steps and lots of communication here are some things I have done and been doing to get better at this balance:

-ask for help
-slow down
-wait for assistance
-be clear on expectations
-let go of some control
-shift your ideas of what being a strong woman means
-shift your ideas of what being a strong man means

There is no weakness in working together, in allowing one another to play their role. There is strength in allowing someone to help you and having them treat you with kindness and respect. I am sharing some articles that were also the reasons why I put some thought into this. One in particular was about Jennifer Lopez and her partner. It commented on times he behaved more like her assistant than her man but to me the things he was doing is all the things my men past and present and future have done and will do for me. I even read a comment somewhere about the late David Bowie tying Iman's shoes, how sweet is that! And I am using celebrities as examples because it seems that most often than not society looks at them for guidance and examples where we may not have them closer to home.

This is why I feel it is so important that we as parents do our best to teach our children at home from an early age the proper treatment of others and how those tools will spill into intimate connections in their lives.
What are your thoughts? Did you grow up with a healthy balance or did you gain them as you got older? Women do you want a Gentle man and Men do you welcome that responsibility? Share your thoughts.

yahoo.com

mydomaine.com

cnn.com

Always stress free xo

Mari

Brand New Me

Happy Thursday! Well I didn't even come close to winning the Power Ball, how about you? I will say it was fun picturing all the things I would do if I won. I was inspired to get my butt moving just a little bit faster.

Today I want to bring music back into Mommywood with a great Alicia Keys song...Brand New Me.

When I first heard this track back in 2012 it personally touched me because of things that were happening in my life at the time. I have often mentioned how much I love music and the roll its played in my life. It brings me such joy and peace no matter how loud or slow the song I can always find a message to take away.

The year of its release I cut off over 10 inches of hair for donation, I broke up with who I thought at the time was my partner for life, I began my Yoga and Meditation practices, I began to teach myself French and I began my full time journey into Volunteer work. One was to keep a promise and gain a fresh start (cutting my hair) the others were coping tools for the pain I was feeling at the time but turned into lifetime treasures. No pain lasts forever, in time it just becomes less and you learn to put your focus on the now and not the then.

if I talk a little louder

if I speak up when you you're wrong

if I walk a little taller

I've been under you too long

if you noticed that I'm different

don't take it personally

don't be mad, it's just the Brand New kind of Me

it took a long long road to get here

it took a Brave Brave girl to try

I've taken one too many excuses one too many lies

don't be surprised, oh see you look surprised

hey, if you were a friend, you want to get to know me again

if you were worth a while

you'd be Happy to see Me smile

I'm not expecting sorry

I'm too busy finding myself

I got this

I found me, I Found me!

lyrics by Alicia Keys & Emeli Sande

 I heard this song today on my drive to work and I smiled. It no longer reminded me of the pain I felt back then or the changes I was going through but instead it made me smile because I made it. I am here and I am a Brand New Me.

Don't allow life's obstacles to get in the way of you living and growing. Take it one day at a time but keep going. There is a big bright smile just around the corner. Intimate relationships test us, they allow us to figure out if we can join with another and grow. I say this goes for all relationships. So the next time something in your life ends...make sure you come out the other said a Brand New You.

What do you think?

Always stress free xo

Mari

Am I just supposed to be Seen and Not Heard?

When as the story is told God took a rib from Adam to make Eve did he have in mind that "Eve" would walk around in total silence? Was it intended for her only purpose to be pleasing in all ways to just "Adam'?

As a woman with confidence it is always sad for me to come across over and over again any references to the template that another has set for what "womenhood' is suppose to be, look like or represent. What I'm suppose to be able to say, to wear or to even do with my mind and body.

I am particularly disturbed by the recent comments I came across when it came to Serena Williams as Sports person of the Year. I am not even going to touch on the horse debate I am only going to point out that if the search is for a person, then a horse no matter what it's accomplishments were does not allow for qualification.

illustration by forbes.com

To put it plainly I am sick and tired of 'old white men" or any "white man" for that matter talking about women of color or any women that may not fit their agenda. Somehow it just always goes back to race and acceptability. Then in turn it spills over to other women and our society and the blatant disrespect is a free for all.

I have here two pictures of two equally beautiful women in their own right. Each with their own accomplishments and their own focus and goals. One was and is deemed sexy, beautiful, appealing and not offensive the other manly, aggressive, setting women back and looking like a hooker. Can you guess which one is which?

Sports Illustrated has a specific issue dedicated to women and swimsuits. I am all for it, if you are a confident woman in your own skin and want to show it I am right there with you. What I wear, how my hair looks and the makeup I use shouldn't give anyone the right to label me. But if we are going to be dropping labels wouldn't a women pulling her panties down to just above her Vagina be more of a hooker than the woman sitting down in a chair clearly wearing pantyhose and her legs slightly more closed?

I love sexy tops. I love soft materials against my skin. I enjoy a see through blouse on any given day. I love dressing to fit my body, I have curves and I am not ashamed or afraid to show them. It doesn't give anyone the right to assume I am anything other than a respectable woman. Everything has its time and place yes that is true but again why can't we respect one another? Men want to tell me I need to cover up, why? I have to do something to my appearance to make you comfortable? Get the **** out of here! And if my skin color is not to your liking then I get judged twice as hard as the female next to me? Not to mention the dumb crap that comes out of your mouth directed at women in general?

illustration by eonline.com

And ladies...again why are we so harsh on one another? Isn't it bad enough that some men still want to keep us down period?

If you like to cover up great, if you like to put it all out there then hey and if you take the in between route more power to you but put your mouth to better use and stop adding fuel to the flames that are already burning against us.

These two ladies pictured here work very hard at keeping their bodies looking as they do. Genetics and hard work!!! If you don't have the genetics, like me then we have to put in the hard work! From my perspective and what I have tried to teach my own daughter is that my body is just that...my body. I am here to please myself first. Don't judge yourself on someone else's looks or build for we are all different and have different things to offer.

I am not not here for you to just look at, I have a mind of my own and I will use it. I will not change myself to fit your template but instead I will mold my own template and you can learn to accept that.
I will not tear another woman down to build myself up and I will not teach my daughter that her value comes through any man. I will not laugh or giggle at your degrading comments just because I don't want to stir up any trouble. I am a woman and I will not only be Seen I will also be Heard.

What's your perspective? Do you believe women have a specific role they are suppose to play and fall under? Do you believe women are judged more harshly today than in the past? As a parent what do you think can be done to continue to raise strong, confident, independent beautiful, loving women? Share your comments please.

Always stress free xo
Mari

washingtonpost.com
si.com/swimsuit

Bag Lady

Music can heal the deepest of wounds if you just take the time to listen. Be it Rock, Country, R&B, Instrumental, Salsa or Pop. I am a lover of all music. While in my office I am blessed to be able to spend my time there with my music playing. No one dictates what genre I can listen to. It's just me in my space.

I use a variety of options to move me through what I may be feeling at that moment. If I think about for example, my journey with my feelings and interactions with my family over the years I log into my Spotify and listen to Frank Sinatra's "My Way". If I am feeling nostalgic about my H.S. years I go on You Tube and play Freestyle music and say hello to Judy Torres and TKA. If I am thinking about how in life we put undo pressure on ourselves that bring us pain and discomfort I visit my girl Erykah Badu's "Bag Lady". My musical ride is a blast for sure.

Today I am going to ride with "Bag Lady". If you aren't familiar, no worries I will include video so you can take a listen. On this song Erykah Badu is speaking to a "Bag Lady" but listen carefully to her word play. With lines like "one day all them bags gon' get in your way" or "pack light" or "you can't hurry up 'cause you got too much stuff". For years I would rock to that song, I loved it so and I enjoy her music in general but it wasn't until a few years ago that I listened to what she was saying.

As we grow older we carry some history. We hope that some parts of that history don't hinder us or stain us in some ways but unfortunately at times it can and it does. We meet people that add to our history that at times don't leave good things behind when they are gone and we walk away carrying that load. We go in and out of a variety of relationships with bags that can totally be dumped. Sometimes our own attitude and views can add to that load.

Healing from any lose or from years of negative chatter is a process. It's part of the road to reaching freedom from those "bags" You can't rush through it, you can't push it aside, you have to sit with it and sort through the bad to get to the good "pack light".

Today, when you approach a situation that may bring you discomfort, try changing the way you handle it. Sometimes our old ways get in the way. Tweak your approach, "pack light". Lighten your load so you can move about with more ease and a bigger smile.

What do you think? Have you ever experienced being the "Bag Lady"?

Always stress free xo.

You are what You Will!

illustration by 12ozprophet.com

Women listen up!
Pay attention be Inspired!
Don't Hate, Appreciate.!
Don't say yeah But, instead say oh Wow!
Endless Possibilities... You are what you Will!

I ran into this wonderful segment some time back on Good Morning America. An uplifting piece Robin Roberts did with Gisele Budchen and Lindsey Vonn.

Now I don't care that they are celebrities and I will not focus on you thinking "of course they have money things are easy for them" no!
I want to keep the focus on their Message!

This is what more women need to listen to, need to gravitate their attention to and on.
This is what should be heard about more and celebrated often.

These ladies are part of an empowering campaign that address all is possible if you believe in yourself, focus, work hard and are your biggest cheerleader.

Nothing is easy. No diet, no surgery, no makeup, no outfit, no shoes, will make you feel powerful and truly be powerful if your spirit, heart and mind are not in tune with such belief.

I'm not trying to be corny or simplistic but it really is simple. You must first start with a belief in yourself and build from there.

Moms stop looking in the mirror and wishing to be different, go do it and encourage your daughter to do the same. Encourage her and support her to be the best she can be no matter what others say or what may come her way.

I have nothing against entertainment but what is so entertaining about watching women degrade one another, demean their partners and themselves on some of these shows out there today?
How is screaming, throwing, yelling, crying and breaking stuff entertaining?
What is the lesson in watching men talk poorly about there women or to their women?
What power are you getting from that?
You are putting money in someone else's pocket for acting like a fool? That's empowering?
You have your kids watching you watch this crap and that is uplifting?

Perhaps we need to better utilize our so called relaxing or down time.

Here are some links for a kick start...

This is the Robin Roberts interview
abcnews.go.com

and here is a great anthem!

Always stress free xo.

I Chose to Not have Children, why is that such a touchy issue?

Happy cold Sunday here in NYC!
Geez, it's really been something these last few days for sure. Though I am aware some other states are having it a bit rougher than myself I'm just going to be a little self absorbed and ask Mother Nature to just please chill out just a bit.

Today's subject is a bit touchy to some.
Yesterday my daughter and I had a bit of a clash and for a few moments I was not too happy in mommy land. I had to pull the card of "I'm your mother, watch how you speak to me".
But for the most part more times than not she is my Sunshine. She will be 20 years old in April.
From the day she was born I have said that one of my purposes in life was to be her mother and that if that has been my only purpose then I have been blessed and I am content.

I wanted and planned for my daughter. I didn't plan for her at 10 years old but I did consciously think about children and a family once I entered my late teenage years.
That was a choice I had available to me, that was the road I wanted.

But what about those that don't want children? What about those who choose not to go down that road, choose that life?
Are they wrong? Are we right?
Is there a right or wrong period?

Here is an article I ran into. Tell me what you think?
Childless can be a choice

I have an amazing friend. She is kind, smart, giving, loving, generous plus so much more.
We met several years ago and she's been like a sister to me ever since.
When we first met of course the getting to know you stage one of the questions is about children.
She is married and has been for many years but her answer was "No, we have no children".
Her answer was along the lines of that was not something we really wanted to do.

illustration by printfection.com

I loved that answer! Kids are not for everyone and no one should feel forced, especially women to go that route.
It is not a mandate to femininity or for relationships.

She said she got tired of people asking why so she began to say she couldn't have any. Can you believe that? People aren't comfortable with the idea of choosing not to have children but are ok with the notion of not being able to have children? SMH!
She says she has plenty of nieces and nephews in her life to give all her love to and isn't missing anything.
Good for her. She is clear on her path and what they wanted.

Freedom of choice!!!
Do you boo, I ain't mad at you.

Always stress free xo.